Well, now! Have I made y'all wait long enough or what? Lol. I apologize for how long it took me to finish this story, but never fear! It's here! *cue laugh track*. Well, it's almost here; still one more to go.

I had said – actually, promised – that this would be an epilogue. Well… heh, heh, what do ya know? *sheepish smile* There was yet another change of plans, just like always. Turns out, I had to split this up again because I talk way too darn much… *rubs temples* lol. Sorry, guys! I just knew that if I put everything together, it would be way too long. You know me and my complicated, long-arse descriptions (pardon my French, hehe). From now on, I think I'll stop trying to "predict" how many more chapters will be in my stories.

Anyways, this chapter and the conclusion are dedicated to a very special friend of mine, Skillet-Writer, who has expressed her love for this story to me so wonderfully. Skilly, I hope you like the rest of this story! Thanks to her and to all of you for being so patient and supportive. Enjoy!

Side note: the title of this chapter comes directly from the episode, "No Weenies Allowed".

Disclaimer: I do not own SpongeBob SquarePants or any of its characters.

Unified Hearts

Carrying out various duties at the Krusty Krab was never something that SpongeBob grew weary of, became bored or sick of doing (unless there was a devastating occurrence – like stubbing his toe or dealing with the aftereffects of a sleepless night filled with Gary's nagging meows, like the time he wouldn't shut up about those snail bites).

And on this crisp and crystal-clear day, when the ocean outside was still sparkling from the sun's rays, and with the "just good enough" warmth coming from the air vent to surround SpongeBob and comfort his cold flesh (it would've been better if Krabs wasn't such a cheapskate with that thermostat), he found that being at his job was squeezing his insides with grin-inducing joy like it always did. However, it was sinking into him deeper than he'd experienced in a very long time, and it wasn't just because of the pretty, winter weather displayed through the round window, the smiles on the faces of customers, Squidward, or even the amazing smell and sight of the beloved Krabby Patty… shockingly.

No, sir. SpongeRobert SquarePants' insides were calmly rocking like a boat at sea, illuminated by tranquil moonlight, because on his skin – every part of him – Sandy still lingered.

The warm, furry luxury of her comforting embrace, the mental image of the bucktoothed smile that reminded him that their hearts were forever bonded, and the moist, reassuring touch of her lips was not going to leave his side, just as Sandy said she would never do.

Whether it was making smiley faces with ketchup and mustard, tucking pickles underneath their lettuce blanket, swirling the sopping mop in the shape of giant hearts on the rickety, old floors, or saying, "Order up, Squidward!", SpongeBob never left that magical world that tickled his core and filled his mind with the sweetness that was his wife, and the precious, unforgettable vulnerability he had shared with her for the very first time.

Just knowing that she was the only person he would ever experience such special beauty with was enough to make tears spill from his eyes when he entered the freezer to retrieve more patties, and the chill in the air reminded him of the treehouse bedroom. And luckily (in his mind) those tears stayed for a few minutes due to becoming frozen solid from the cold. Unfortunately, though, that also meant the congestion that dripped from his nose would momentarily stay that way, too, which could've disgusted the customers if he were to have left the kitchen.

Mr. Krabs and Squidward were used to seeing the lad as happy-go-lucky as a kid, who lived inside his endless, nonsensical imagination of rainbows and glitter; there wasn't anything new in that. However – and they couldn't believe anything this insane could ever be conceived in their minds– it was as though SpongeBob had died, gone to Neptune's heaven, got a second chance at life, was reborn, and came back as a new version of himself, but with a heart that was ten times the size it was before.

What kind of sorcery was this?!

"Ehh… you okay, Boy-o? You're lookin' a little… floaty. Like you're driftin' along on some fluffy, mystical cloud, far away from reality."

"Heh, I'll say. It's hardly believable that someone already so mindless and disconnected from the ocean around him could ever possibly fall deeper into that pitch-black ditch he calls his 'imaaaaginaaaation'."

At first, Squidward's mockery and not-so-larger-than-life tentacle gesture hadn't tickled SpongeBob's ear holes, nor did it catch the attention of his beaming eyes that were hypnotized by the hot, juicy Krabby Patty he was flipping a few times each minute.

Interestingly, the succulent slab of food that was usually a plain circle had taken on a peculiar shape… one that looked a lot like the puddles SpongeBob had made with the mop on the floor earlier.

"Hm? Did you say something, Squidward? I couldn't hear you over the joyous beating of my heart or Sandy's voice inside my head. Ahhh." SpongeBob sighed, lowering his head towards the grill to take in the mouthwatering freshness of the patty. Not to mention getting a free facial from the steam.

"Pft, figures. You always hear the word 'No!' as permission to break into my house to have a 'playdate', so your deafness really doesn't surprise me."

Mr. Krabs flashed that ol' fatherly sailor's smile at his employee, remembering the lad's excitement the day before when talking nonstop about his "date" with Sandy, and how they'd be spending the night together in the Treedome.

It warmed, or rather, made his heart "go pound" (as he had once said about money) to see the hardworking sponge enjoy spending time with his wife, which was one of the many joy of being a man, even though he still looked at it in his signature kidlike manner.

How did Squidward view his co-worker's mood, though? Well, all he could think at that moment, was how grateful he was that he had at least been fairly quiet since coming into work that day. No loud singing to make his ears bleed, no ringing of the bell fifty times when an order was ready, and no obnoxious laughter that was more grating than a screaming goat-fish in those nature documentaries he liked to watch.

"Heh, heh! Well, sure seems like ye had a lovely evenin' with your little lass last night, SpongeBob. Everything went over well inside that oversized air bubble she calls a 'home', I suppose?"

"Ohhh, yes, it did, sir… it really did. I mean, it was pretty scary at first, but…" his eyes floated up and down like two feathers while following the movements of his cooking tool.

Even Squidward, who couldn't care less the majority of the time, felt as though he had been slapped across the face and was a bit discombobulated by SpongeBob lifting his head, revealing an expression that didn't seem possible for a person to have: his eyes sparkling with vivid colors, and that wide, peaceful smile that could stir up a person's emotions.

"In the end, i-it was… the best night of my life, Mr. Krabs. T-the best, most magical, most amazing, most romantical, most—oh, I-I'll…" he sniffled, causing his tear-soaked nose to twitch. "I'll never forget it as long as I live. Never."

Like two sharp arrows, Mr. Krabs' eyestalks pointed to his left of the kitchen window where Squidward stood beside him, squinting as to silently ask, "Are ye thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"Oh, dear Neptune above, I actually am… and it's impossible! There is just no way that Sandy would ever— Gah! She must be out of her mind!"

"Hm… and judgin' by what he just said, it sounds like last night was the first time… must've been too many peepin' sea bears and sickos on their honeymoon for anything to like this to happen."

After arguing in silence with their faces, Mr. Krabs broke from Squidward's gaze and directed his own towards SpongeBob, fascinated – and shocked – by him twirling his finger in circles on the scorching grill as if it was a bed or a pillow.

Well, this wasn't that hard to believe when he thought about it. SpongeBob was more female than male in a lot of ways, so his actions and dreamy trance made sense. It was admirable if he were to tell the truth.

Unfortunately, SpongeBob made no effort to run to the bathroom and wash his hands after blowing his stuffy nose into his tie, proceeding to finish his work with the patty and scoop it onto a clean plate with his spatula, or "spatuler", as Krabs called it.

"Order up, Squidward."

"Uh-huh… yeah, hold on just a second. Ow! Ooh! Eee! Haa! Hoo!"

Multiple eyes from the dining area landed on Squidward as he turned away from the window, punching himself in the jaw and banging his face against the register to clear his head of his and Krabs' absurd mental conversation.

"Eh, well, it was nice chattin' with ya, Boy-o. Squidward and I will just leave ye and your patties alone. But don't be turnin' 'em into any more lovey-dovey shapes, understand? I don't want any of me customers thinkin' you're tryin' to get fresh with 'em if ye know what I mean." He looked upon the young man with softness and pride, glad to see that his eyes were now somewhat alert and once again dry. He couldn't afford to have his patties painted with tears again either, like the time SpongeBob cried over them when Gary had run away from home.

"Nooo problem, Mr. K. You're the boss!"

"Of course, I am. Who'd ya think you were talkin' to?"

"Bahahaha! Only the best captain in the whole entire sea! Mwah!"

His cherry-red cheeks grew bubblegum pink after SpongeBob stood on his toes, stretched out his lips like an elephant's drunk, and planted a quick kiss on the top of his eyestalk. He knew the boy was affectionate, but he still wished it had been Mrs. Puff's lips on him instead; that would've made him feel way less awkward.

On second thought, would it, though? That pufferfish had an effect on him that was strong enough to get him to throw money away just to please her, all the while making his face grow as hot as the sun shining through a magnifying glass, right into Plankton's eye.

"Heh, thanks, boy," he chuckled slightly, rubbing the back of his shell. "Now, get back to work!"

"Sir yes sir! Oh, but wait," a shy giggle escaped SpongeBob's mouth that was covered by his free hand, "I almost forgot: Squidward's the best cashier in the whole sea! He deserves a kiss, too. Come here, Squid— "

"NO!"

"Okay!"

Moments later, it was time for SpongeBob to go on with the job he loved so dearly. But not without letting his mind fall back into the pillow-like land of imaginings about that wonderful squirrel. Doing so allowed him to block out his boss and co-worker's fading continuation of their previous "talk", both feeling it was safe to speak aloud.

"I'm telling you; she has to be insane! That, or she's the most desperate person on the face of this planet!"

"Oh, pipe down, Mr. Squidward. Quit bein' such a drama queen. They're married, after all. It was bound to happen at some time or another."

"Maybe to someone normal."

On the other side of the cold waters (in actuality, it was just a few miles away), Sandy's Gal Pal time with Karen and Mrs. Puff was happily spent drinking foamy mugs of hot cocoa – Karen included, even though the liquid just dripped down her screen due to her not having an actual mouth – discussing the endless possibilities of the activities they could do on their next outing, and sprinkling the Treedome and treehouse with early Christmas decorations.

The ladies' jovial chatter and ever-present smiles circulated the large room while each of them adorned the furniture, walls, and floor with multicolored garland, miniature wreaths that jingled with tiny bells, handmade rugs that had been crafted by the fins of Mrs. Puff herself (they weren't very well put together, thus why she chose to get rid of them by gifting them to Sandy, who rolled her eyes at the offer but gladly accepted them anyway), and even had fun – a little too much fun – throwing handfuls of fake snow at each other, while giggling like teen girls.

But like Mr. Krabs and Squidward did while spying on SpongeBob down at the Krusty Krab, the other women couldn't help but share curious glances when Sandy's giggles went on long after theirs had ended, and how her eyes and smile grew as bubbly as a bottle of super-bubbly bubble soap; her dazed attention slipping from them and landing on the treehouse floor every few minutes.

Sandy's mind was immediately thrown back into the memory of SpongeBob's contagious laughter during their tickle fight, which had been triggered by being among her female friends and their joking ways.

At first, it was easy for her to snap out of each distracted moment and continue acting like her normal, mature self, always sensible and alert. But today, her usual "no bull" attitude kept trying to go into hibernation, while that rare layer of callowness had been peeled back, and she found it harder to glue it back into place.

She couldn't help it – not with the thought of her childish husband buzzing around her head like a busy bee.

That touching smile on SpongeBob's face when he wanted to share the gratitude in his beating heart with her made hers dance around in her chest. Earlier that morning after he'd left for work, she told herself she wasn't going to allow those "fluttery lil' bugs" to leave her stomach and crawl around on her face to show the lingering affection that was still drowning her; she was a tough, fully-grown woman, who didn't have time for daydreams that lasted longer than a few minutes… except for maybe when it came to science. Now, that was a breeze her mind could float away on till she'd reach the outside of the Treedome, and she would realize that she was sucking in water instead of air.

The lure of chemicals was a powerful thing.

But as the day progressed, it was impossible to hide how drenched she was in that huge bucket of lovey-dovey charm he'd splashed her with during the evening and the morning. Waking up with such a smiley, lovable, squishy ball in her arms was a feeling that would stick with her for as long as she could still say, "Yeehaw!".

Darn that SpongeBob and his endearing heart. Once again, the beautiful personality of his had rubbed off on her, sprinkling her with its fantastical fairy dust.

Karen and Puff, who were both suckers for anything romantic and sweet, especially with their men – though one could rightfully argue that Mr. Krabs valued sentimental fluff far more than his tiny, one-eyed nemesis did – were honestly intrigued when Karen had nonchalantly asked her squirrelly pal how her evening with "the yellow one" had gone, and Sandy's vague, sheepish response was something that no woman could mistake.

"Oh! Haha, yeah. That. Well, it was, uh… special. I'll put it to ya that way."

"Oh?"

"' Special', huh?"

"Uh-huh…real special."

The way her hands barely applied any pressure when she slowly pushed a small box of extra decorations back onto a shelf, her ears collapsing on top of her head, and most notably, the soft tone surrounding her vocal folds had given them one gigantic hint.

Sandy may have been brawnier than a bearded mountain man chopping down trees in a freezing forest, but she was still a girl, and from the way it sounded, that girls' gentle, secret fairytale-like dreams had come true. At any other time, that idea would've felt like complete malarkey. But this was wasn't an "ordinary" time, which they were unnecessarily reminded of when viewing her calm, satisfied smile, displayed through her side view.

The eyes of the other two women met each other with a look of sly understanding, coming right after their questioning expressions had vanished. They couldn't remember a single time she had appeared so out of touch with reality.

They loved and respected how happy Sandy was, being married to her best friend; it was a wonderful, inspiring thing that two people, who were so different, cherished one another so much that they had made the most special decision to share their lives. And there was no doubt in anyone's mind that he was a good, kindhearted, sweet little man, who adored her with all of himself. Heck, anybody in the entire ocean could determine how sincere and pure he was, just by looking through his eyes alone. He was SpongeBob, after all!

But that was just it. The fact that SpongeBob stinkin' SquarePants could have this kind of effect on Sandy was as hard a pill to swallow as the huge one that Pearl made her father take every day (which Mr. K still hated).

It wasn't necessarily the silliness she was exuding that shocked them; she could sometimes show that side of herself to them, like when they had a girls' night out and busied themselves with pranking the guys. It was that aura she was giving off like she had slow-danced with a suave, unbelievably handsome man, with the most heart-fluttering and swoon-worthy tricks up his suit sleeves.

She and SpongeBob had danced before, but he was the total, goofy opposite of all the above, which only made that pill bigger.

"Hmm… well, now," Karen's robotic-tinted voice quietly escaped with a chuckle as she poked Mrs. Puff's squishy side with her metal elbow. "Is that a fact? It seems that our little Bushy-Tushy received an early Christmas present last night, besides all that fancy 'Fancy!' food."

"I think you're right, Karen," Mrs. Puff squinted, placing her fins over her mischievous smile. "And what a lovely present that must've been."

"I can hear you two sneaky, frilly sidewinders all the way from here, you know. Nothin' gets past this squirrel's ears!"

Sandy's statement was largely true now since the Treedome was quickly turning back into a frosty wonderland. But without the eardrum-clogging howl of the wind.

"That makes sense, especially if it's a little sponge's deafening laughter."

"Karen!"

More frivolous giggles filled the air. Jokes aside, though, each lady, just like most women, highly valued the delicate subject in question, and the relentless bombs made of giddy energy that were thrown at Sandy further cemented that truth.

"Oh, it's all just too much! You know, as much of a silly menace that SpongeBob is, he's obviously far more romantic than we give him credit for!"

"Well, let's be honest here, Puff. It shouldn't be all that surprising when we consider his massive VHS collection of rom-coms he probably has stored in a secret compartment inside his house somewhere!"

"Yes! I've heard horror stories from his next-door neighbor about SpongeBob torturing him by making him watch those things all day and night!"

"Ahh! That is so sweet, I can't even deal with it! I wish Sheldon would torture me like that, instead of how he usually does it – with his big mouth attached to that tiny body!"

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

"Blah, blah, blah, blah!"

"Alright, you two broken chatterboxes! Now, y'all know I love ya both to death, but I never thought I'd see the day when I'd wish to be back home in Texas, inside a messy barn, pluggin' my ears around a sea of hungry, cluckin' chickens, instead of listenin' to ya yak it out like a couple of old grannies at a tea party. Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Bantering back and forth didn't have a chance to last that long; the distant and cheerful "Sandy, I'm hooome!" shot their teasing and sentimental squealing dead, leaving them to put a lid on their pots that threatened to boil over with more laughter, especially when SpongeBob came up the stairs with that friendly, clueless smile.

"Sandyyy! I said I'm hooome! And I brought our wittle Gare-Bear—oh, hello, girls! I wasn't expecting to see you here. Where's Sandy?" he asked kindly, setting down the pet supplies from the pineapple in a corner.

Screen met fish-face, eyeing each other with a mask of innocence that slipped right by the oblivious sponge. And he was the true definition of that word, as he didn't even notice the pair of furry feet or the tail that peeked out between Karen's stand and Puff's fins.

"Oh, we have no idea, SpongeBob. I haven't seen that gal all day. Have you, Puff?"

"Ha, ha! Why, no, I haven't, Karen. She has been pretty elusive lately."

"Yeah, you're so right. She's too busy swimming in the giant, mushy puddle, made up entirely of you, SpongeBob."

"Aww! Gosh. Well, I do have a tendency to melt into puddles pretty easily, bahaha! Maybe I should go out and look for her then, huh?"

"Look no further than past these two busybodies, SpongeBob." Sandy created distance between the women when she pushed them aside to clear a path for herself, after she had looked up behind her, seeing only a pole and a skirt above her while she was squatting on the floor, fluffing the fake snow.

"Normally, I'm all for prankin', but not when I wasn't invited in on it!" she said, despite committing that same crime against Pearl when they had camped out inside that cabin in the kelp forest.

Mrs. Puff's and Karen's pleased smiles went unnoticed by either of the other two creatures, who wore sappy grins, letting everything around them vanish into thin air.

"Howdy…"

"Teehee… hi."

The love scallops' eyes were equally as friendly and shiny when they locked from across the room, and when the lil' square dude came strolling over to her, with a bundled up Gary under his arm, that was the women's cue to skedaddle, leaving the happy family to bask under the massive, warming lamp of love.

SpongeBob and Sandy did, anyway. As for Gary – he was unable to swallow his grossed-out meows as he was sandwiched between their tight hug, forced to listen to that repeated wet smacking noise when they pecked one another on the lips, nose, and other areas of the face.

"Gee, I missed you at work today. All those hours and hours away from you, all the way over there…" his sigh was deep, lengthy, and muffled as he adorably let his face fall back into her chest – an area that had terrified him the night before, now felt like the safest place in the world to rest his head.

"Aww, shucks. I missed ya, too, but you weren't gone for that long, silly."

"Ohh, I knowww. But still, even if we're apart for just a minute, my heart feels so empty."

"Meow, meow, meow, meow? (You know what else is feeling empty? My stomach! Quit the oozing mush fest and one of you, feed. Me. Please. Or I'm gonna have to go full-on 'Mad Snail Disease' mode again!)"

As each day took its time getting closer to the snowy, high-spirited holiday, that warm greeting became the normal routine around those parts. SpongeBob was gifted with her cozy embrace every night, lying next to her while they both kept an eye on Gary as he snored away on a bed of newspaper.

Having him stay there for the rest of the season, watching the stream of drool escape his mouth, feeding him, changing out the dirty litter in his sandbox, occasionally letting him sleep at the foot of the bed when he was feeling needy – it was almost like having a child to take care of, which SpongeBob was used to since Gary was his pet. But when both he and Sandy experienced it together, it sparked a strange yet gentle longing inside them.

Having something as dear as a teeny bundle of joy would be great, wouldn't it?

It would be awesome.

Stupendous, even.

It would be the biggest miracle either of them could ever hope for.

On Christmas Eve, snuggling under a thick blanket on the floor, staring out the window at that spectacular display of stars, while the brilliant glow of the strung-up lights around the kelp forest tree completed the calm, sentimental mood, that hope was good and ready to be met.

SpongeBob was deep in his mostly one-sided conversation, laying on Sandy's chest and enjoying the familiar smoothing of her hand over the top of his squishy head.

Little did he know, however, that her fingers were not the only things brushing him with a tender, silent message.

When he looked up at her after finally shutting his trap, he discovered that her soft, glistering eyes needed to shower him with a little something that had nothing to do with the price of Snail-Po, bubble-blowing or flossing of the teeth.

Another thing he didn't know, was that his heart would be pounding with happiness he'd never experienced before when he would learn that she had received some breathtaking news after visiting the doctor a few days before.

The yellow guy was rather slow sometimes, so it took a good five to ten seconds to fully sink in. And when it did, his whole face transformed into pure astonishment, his arms became glued around her, and the front of Sandy's long sleeve nightgown was flooded with his salty eye droplets.

"Oh, S-Sandy… Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy! I can't believe it! Y-you're gonna be a… a…a— "

"A mama? Yes! Yessiree, dagnabbit! I can hardly believe it myself. Isn't it somethin'?"

"Dear Neptune, yes! Yes, it is!" he sobbed joyfully, gripping her hands and planting a kiss on each knuckle. "It's the most wonderful thing in the whole world! And… a-and I'm gonna be a…"

He wanted to let that amazing word fall out of his mouth like a rollercoaster at Glove World, but his brain and heart were a little busy savoring it. That was until she gave his side a bit of a squeeze to bring him back to reality, and he was met with a tearful gaze that made his gaiety overflow.

"A… a father. A dada! A pater! A papa – to more than just Gary! An… an old man! A daddy! A pop! A person who sings lullabies and changes diapers and tries not to gag from the smell A— OH, I'm so excited, I'm running out of synonyms! WOO-HOO!"

"Shh! Not so loud!"

"Heh, heh, sorry. I just… gosh, I can't help it! Mmmmmwah!" he earned a sweet chuckle from Sandy by squishing her face with his hands and moistening her cheek with a big ol' smooch.

All the contagious laughter and happy crying had woken up a cranky Gary, who came slithering over, wondering what the fuss was about. He was used to that sort of thing from SpongeBob but seeing it from Mama Sandy made him think she'd finally gone nuts from being married to the square block of cheese.

But finding out that he was to become a brother in about nine months or so made any suspicions about their sanity melt away like the wax of the festive candles set around the treehouse.

"What do ya think, Gary?"

The sparkly-eyed snail looked upon his adoptive mother with warmth and affection, offering a benign smile that was seldom shown, except for when his yellow owner finally wore him down and broke apart his snarky, bland attitude with his mawkishness.

"Meow, meow! (I think it's the coolest thing ever, Mama Sandy!)"

"Aww!" SpongeBob gushed with sentiment, clasping his hands together and squishing them against his cheek while his eyes glowed with miniature stars. "I couldn't have said it better myself, Gare. Aren't you just SO excited?!"

"Meow, meow, meow! (Oh, you bet your holes I am, Papa Bob!)" Gary hopped with each cat-like utterance. (And now I know what you kids were up to the night before you came to pick me up from home.)"

That night, the blunt snail had accomplished something he had always wanted to: making his "parents" blush like a bouquet of the reddest sea roses.

The response from their friends the next evening at Christmas dinner could have been put onto a list called, Most Sugary and Hilarious Reactions Known to Fish-Kind.

Mr. Krabs was so proud of his Boy-o, he did the unthinkable: blowing his pointy nose into the rare zillion-dollar bill in his back pocket.

The Gal Pals (Pearl included) were ecstatic, jumping and screaming all over the place. They knew there was a good reason for Sandy's mood swings and frequent trips to the restroom to upchuck, which was quite the challenge since it kept happening whenever she had her air helmet on.

Squidward was more bewildered than ever. He and an equally confused Plankton gave one another looks of flat-out disgust as to how Sandy could bring herself to "lay down" with that halfwit, which she had overheard and shot them daggers for. She would've threatened Squidward with her fist (and Plankton with her foot) for saying such things, but she had to restrain herself from being violent with the little one growing inside her.

Harold and Margaret SquarePants were extremely grateful to finally be receiving a grandchild; Margaret, especially, and she made that clear when she pinched the living barnacles out of her son's cheeks and left red kiss marks on every inch of Sandy's face.

After many years, SpongeBob was once again greeted as "Little Bobby" over his shell phone by Uncle Captain Blue, who was hundreds of miles from Bikini Bottom, relaxing and spending some much needed time with his mother (also SpongeBob's grandmother) in a ridiculously expensive yet rustic-as-heck hotel, secluded in marvelous, snow-filled forestry.

Their holiday was already going fantastically, but when Blue received the eager call from his hardworking nephew about how he and Sandy hadn't expected to be expecting, the sudden rush of exhilaration acted like a volcano, causing that old hat of his to fly off his head and spin in the air with a puff of steam like that from a train.

Kindhearted, lovable Grandma SquarePants had come out of the hotel restroom to find her son jumpier than a set of wind-up false teeth. When the reason as to why that was happening was revealed to her, the old heart inside her chest lit up brighter than it had in such a long time. And to raise the mood even higher, SpongeBob's bottom lip became temporarily damaged from how hard he was biting it due to Grandma's kind, congratulatory, tearful response, turning his eyes into waterfalls yet again.

He was reasonably sad that she and Blue weren't there to celebrate with everyone else, but the dear elderly lady reassured him that they would be together when the time was right, which left SpongeBob feeling a good mixture of mystery and anticipation. Grandma was full of surprises of the cute and cuddly kind, so when that "time" would come, he just knew she would make it a hundred times lovelier.

Earlier that day, Sandy's nieces shook the wooden telephone (literally) with their excited screams, while poor Rosy had to plug her ears and cringed from the noise; nevertheless, she was very happy for her sister.

The rest of the Bikini Bottomites took the news as anyone would expect.

Larry the Lobster congratulated them by giving Sandy a warm, friendly side hug, and bruising SpongeBob's chest by slamming his own into it in a "Bro Smash".

A few random fish passing by outside the Treedome offered strange smiles while saying things like, "Oh…kay?" and "Oh, yeah… that's… great! C-congratulations… yeah." Proceeding to run off due to the way SpongeBob's crazy face was pressed up against the glass while he had yelled out, "Hey out there, cute, little, fishy people! Guess what?! We're having a babyyyyy! Oh, and Merry Christmas! Bahaha!"

And who could forget the dimmest star of them all, Patrick?

"We're pregnant" was a commonly used phrase for couples all around the sea, carrying positive connotations and easily understood by anyone with a decent IQ.

Of course, since it was ol' Pat in this case, a good sense of intelligence was not present, thus leading to SpongeBob and Sandy's announcement floating into his ears (wherever they were on his head) and getting twisted inside that speck that was supposed to be his brain.

"Whoa! Pregnant?" his grin shined while a warmhearted chuckle left him, his baby tooth looking as moronic as always. "That's so cool! Wow. So, which one has the head, and which one has the lower half of the body? Or… no, wait, they're not fully developed yet, are they?"

Twenty and a half eyes and one computer screen stared blankly at him as he scratched the side of his head, showing that ever-present confusion on his face. "Hmm… I guess for now you just have tiny blobs growing inside your tummies. But don't worry; you'll find out soon enough who has what. Ooh, ooh! And this means you both get to give birth at the same time! Awesome!" he clenched his fists in excitement, sending one through the air like a famous musician; he was Patrick Star, after all.

Much like a house wasn't a home without a rock to sleep under, Christmas wasn't a holly jolly celebration without some traditional stupidity from Patty-Pat-Patrick.

The next two-hundred or more days of their lives were spent getting their exuberant hearts and minds prepared for the life-changing event that was to come.

In the past, Sandy had never even conceived (pun intended) the thought of becoming something as beautiful and taking as a mother. It was nothing less than incredible; another creature brought into existence, making a temporary home inside her body, putting her through abundant changes – good, bad, painful, stirring, unbelievable modifications that would forever leave her baffled, even as a scientist who understood the wonders of biology.

Keeping the safety of the baby in mind, as well as gaining some weight and becoming lethargic rendered Sandy useless when it came to most activities, such as karate and sandboarding. Experimenting with a few science projects was still accomplishable in the first few months, but as they went on, it became too difficult to stand for long periods. It bothered her to sit around so much and be lazy most days, but it was for the best while she was "with child", as they would say in the olden days.

And SpongeBob, though he wasn't the one who was housing growing offspring – unlike what Patrick thought – underwent each change with his wife as if they were the same person, spiritually. Sure, he did not experience things like the bloating, a belly that grew to the size of an extra-large basketball, waves of nausea or strange cravings (boy, he never thought anyone, even a squirrel would find acorns dipped in pickle juice and smothered with chocolate ice cream appealing), but the emotions she conveyed were thrown around his heart like a lasso, which only made sense, seeing that his and hers were unified.

He was there with her and for her every brutal, hilarious step of the way, sitting on the couch in the pineapple, channel surfing with one hand and rubbing her feet with the other. It was like having two giant bricks in his lap, but he was more than happy to make her feel better, even if it did make it hard for him to breathe.

Sandy wasn't the least bit surprised by his attentiveness. He was always caring towards everybody, anyway.

Each day she woke up, she was more and more proud and grateful to have him as a husband and eventual father; she'd chuckle and smile whenever she would call him and he'd rush to her side like a little superhero, adjusting her pillow, cooking her three nutritious meals that would also benefit the baby, brushing her fur in hard to reach places, even doing things like carrying her up the stairs (which he failed at hysterically almost every time) and reading her and the bump in her stomach bedtime stories. She would've preferred him reading something more adult, perhaps like her favorite science books, but he was being loving to her in his own innocent, endearing way, and she was appreciative of that (plus, the silly children's stories were easier for him to read aloud, instead of complicated chemical formulas).

And dear Neptune, how could she forget the endless rainbow of love that he stretched over her head all those months? If he was an affectionate, snuggly teddy bear before (or "Spongy Bear", as he would probably say) then during the pregnancy, he must've quadrupled in size and softness, keeping his arms around her everywhere she went, kissing her with and without her helmet more than twenty times a day, and not to mention his ridiculous, cringingly cute sentences.

"Here's your glass of I love you kelp soda, Sandy! Be sure to drink every last you're beautiful drop; it'll be good for your upset you are the sunshine in my heart tummy! Love you, love you, love you, love youuuu!"

When it came to their friends and family, it wasn't as much of a mushy and sickeningly adorable situation as with SpongeBob, but they were still readying themselves and the couple in any manner they could, including Mr. Krabs, who had to bite back his dolphin chirp cuss words and calm his stinginess whenever his employee needed a day off of work to be home with Sandy.

Since he was a father himself, he was glad to pay SpongeBob and Sandy a visit once a week or so and inform them of the various challenges that involved taking care of and raising a child, such as buying diapers, newfangled baby toys, how much money was required to pay for their clothing and nasty-tasting jarred food, how they'll want to drain their bank account when they would become a teenager – well, his words were enlightening without a doubt, but SpongeBob couldn't help but notice a pattern with his guidance, to which Sandy provided him an answer: it all had to do with moola.

Filling in the more meaningful spots for cheap Krabs, Harold and Margaret dropped by often to ease their minds about the worries and stress that came with being parents. Indeed, a new addition was going to bring in so many trials for them, but it would ultimately be rewarding, because they would look down at the living, breathing being at the end of the day and realize what an extraordinary and amazing chapter in their lives it was. A blessing, to say the least.

SpongeBob was warmed inside upon seeing the growing bond between his mother and Sandy. It was immensely moving that the two women – or any woman, for that matter – were strong enough to carry new life inside them and send it out into the world to live and be free.

Yet another sappy realization that brought him to tears. This whole journey was loaded with more crying than the time Squidward made a bet with him to stop his blubbering for a day.

As the time for the arrival drew nearer, people like the Gal Pals made it their mission to help Sandy pick out the essential items the little one would need, squealing and giggling the entire time they did so. This provided them with an opportunity to happily spend more time with SpongeBob, as well.

Squidward and Plankton gradually warmed up to the idea of the yellow idiot becoming a father; he may have been an annoying boob, as Squidward called him, that often made them want to rip their hair out (if they had any hair), but they couldn't deny that he was probably the nicest, most caring person in town. In a way, they slowly came to understand why Sandy loved him so much and willingly created a child with him.

They questioned whether they were still sane or not while coming to that conclusion.

Somewhere along the line, through a thorough visit to the hospital, it was discovered that the baby would be a water breather, just like their dad. Seeing as how he and Sandy were two different species, they had been wondering how such a process would develop for him or her; they were a bit concerned too for a while, but that quickly turned into pleasant relief.

Ah, yes. Relief. A state of calm where any pain and/or anxiety would seep out of a person's system and leave them feeling at peace with the world.

It was a comforting luxury that Sandy was begging Neptune to shower her with as she lay sprawled out on SpongeBob's bed at around seven-thirty a.m., sucking up the hot, heavy oxygen in her helmet, and squirming from the deep, aching, crippling pain spreading throughout her abdomen.

SpongeBob, who stood by her side, dripping with as much sweat as she was, and enveloping her hand with both of his, also silently prayed to the sea god that the horrors that plagued her body would soon end.

"Push, darlin'! Push!" the thirty-year-old midwife with long, black, flipped out hair shouted with determination, standing at the foot of the bed and making sure that every inch of that kid came out safely.

"Uggghhhh!"

Sandy's loud, piercing groan encouraged the blue-skinned fish to grip her shaking legs tighter and gave SpongeBob a good reason to shut his eyes and cringe. Her pain was his pain.

It was also the pain of the ears that belonged to the people anxiously waiting in the living room downstairs.

"Geez," Patrick shifted his eyes towards the ceiling, "I wonder what's going on up there."

"Sandy's in severe pain, you idiot!"

"Oh… can… someone remind me why, again?"

"She's giving birth!" the rest of the group loudly responded, each one raising their arms to further demonstrate their aggravation.

"Ohh! Right… what about SpongeBob? Shouldn't he also be screaming in pain? He has a body part to push out, too!"

Many annoyed sighs filled up the room.

This was going to be one heck of a day.

A/N: Two things, just in case anyone had these kinds of thoughts: yes, I am aware that a squirrel is not pregnant for nine months. And yes, it is physically impossible for a sponge to impregnate a squirrel. But uh... that is why I am grateful for outlets like fanfic; we can imagine whatever the barnacles we want haha!

Anyways, stay tuned for the final chapter.