A/N: Just a quick announcement that Agravaine's funeral (Party) as well attended, the speeches were hilarious (check the reviews for Saimri and Suricata's speeches) and then again I can't thank you enough for the reviews guys, really. I was laughing so hard with all of them my sister kept on asking me if I was alright.
Good news: I got myself an amazing program called Grammarly so, I hope this chapter is a good read for you all. Enjoy!
The Days After
Agravaine didn't come back that night to the hut, or the next night, or the next for that matter. On the fourth night Morgana was angry, she wasn't worried per say, she was not a woman who had it in herself to worry about petty and insignificant humans of the likes of Agravaine, however, on the fourth day she became restless, something must have happened for Agravaine to disobey her direct orders. It wasn't an anomaly but in six months she could count with the fingers of one hand the numbers of times Agravaine had failed to show up when she had requested a visit.
So no, it wasn't an anomaly but four days without news was definitely unheard of.
For a moment, she feared that Arthur had come to realize the truth: that someone was infiltrated on his ranks, or maybe that Agravaine had been caught leaving at night. The more rational part of her mind told her that most probably he was just being cautious, after all, she had killed an entire patrol just a few days ago when Agravaine informed her he had been followed. With that in mind, she decided to wait one more day as she prepared and perfected the plan that she still had yet to perform, however, on the fifth day of Agravaine's disappearance she decided that enough was enough.
Morgana was an intelligent woman, a patient one, but she had never been a woman who liked to be kept in the darkness, nor in this life or the next.
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"Oh, these are lovely Greta, how much for these ones?" Gwen asked Greta, the lady in charge of the flowers in the market.
"For you Gwen just a few tokens, after all, you have always been one of my favorite costumers," Greta said amiably as she pulled the flowers Gwen had been looking at. "Besides it looks like Amelie is having more luck at selling flowers that me as of lately, dear."
"Oh, nonsense, everybody loves your flowers," Gwen said, insisting on paying for them to the last cent.
"Are they for someone in the court?" Greta asked as she placed a lace around the white flowers, "Or are you going to have a fancy dinner, let's say, with a certain someone?"
Gwen smiled but shook her head as she took the flowers. Placing them in her basket.
"Oh no, it's uh—the anniversary of my father's death. Oh—don't make that face Greta, please. It's been four years. I'm fine. We are fine. It's just that today Elyan and I planned on visiting his grave. He wasn't here when our father died and he thinks it is time to mourn him on his terms."
"If that is the case," Greta said placidly as she gave Gwen another bouquet. "This one is for free."
"Greta, I couldn't—"
"I insist. Your father was a good man, Gwen, he deserves a couple more flowers, besides that Elyan it ever so forgetful, I can bet you he will arrive today with nothing on his hands." Greta scoffed, he had known the Degrance's** kids since they had been toddlers and was always keeping an eye on them, even more so since Tom's death. She got distracted when another customer got nearer, asking for lilies.
"See? Told you everyone loved your flowers." Gwen smiled and after a quick farewell, she left to the Castle, her mind running for the preparations still to be done, when an old woman stumbled in front of her, falling to her knees.
"Oh gods, are you alright?" Gwen asked as she hurried to help the old lady to her feet. The woman was in her last years of her life, her wrinkled face and green eyes were framed by an old blue cloak and her dress was probably as old as her. "Here, let me help."
Gwen leaned again and retrieved a wooden staff from the floor that the woman took with shaky hands. She leaned on the cane heavily.
"Thank you." The woman said and Gwen smiled. "That was very kind of you, my dear."
"Oh, it was nothing." Gwen blushed, after all, who wouldn't help an old woman in need? "Are you going anywhere? Someway I can help?"
The woman assessed Gwen before she nodded. "Actually dear, I was looking for Camelot."
Gwen pressed her lips together with suppressed mirth and surprise; she prayed that when she gets older she wouldn't be as forgetful. She smiled after a moment. "You already found it." She gestured around with an open arm. "Welcome to the capital!"
The woman looked around confused. "I already arrived? Oh, I'm confused, I was expecting a castle."
Gwen smiled gently. "The town is quite big— this is just the market. You are in the middle of the lower town. The castle is just a few minutes up this road. I'm going there myself actually— shall we walk together? It's quite a sight. The Castle I mean."
The old lady just nodded. Gwen and she made their slow but sure way up the path to Camelot, true to her word the castle came into view soon enough, white and marvelous and tall as Gwen always hoped would be.
"I'm Gwen," The maid said after a moment, passing her basket from hand to hand in front of her. "I work at the castle." The woman nodded amiably but said nothing else. "Why did you come to Camelot? If you don't mind me asking, of course."
"Oh not at all, dear." The old lady replied. "I have a son here."
"Really, who? I might know him." Gwen replied. "Someone from the lower town or the citadel? I practically know everyone around here."
"No, nothing like that… he's a knight or a guard, not sure of what, I believe according to his last letter that he is working with a man here; Agravaine. I was hoping I could find that person and ask for my son. It's been a while since I have heard of him and I fear the worse. After all, with the lengths of this kingdom is hard to deliver and receive news, and a mother can't help but worry dear."
Gwen looked struck at the old lady's words, "Oh, I'm sorry—not about your son, obviously not about your son, but for Agravaine. He— he died a few days ago actually."
The woman stopped in her tracks so suddenly Gwen even walked two steps ahead before she noticed, Gwen turned worriedly and saw as the old woman gripped her staff till her knuckles turned white.
"I'm sorry," Gwen said saddened. "Did you know him?"
The woman blinked several times but shook her head after a moment. "No—not exactly, just from a few words that my son wrote in his letters. Do you know how?"
Gwen started to talk only when the woman began to walk to the castle once again. She passed her basket to one hand to the other nervously.
"Arthur—Prince Arthur and he were on patrol, they had gone on a trip to a nearby village, they were attacked by thugs on their way back, only Arthur managed to escape. It was horrible. It caught everyone by surprise, to be honest, especially Arthur." Gwen said sadly as she toyed with a flower. "They were very close, they were family after all—but well, you didn't come here for Agravaine, do you? Worry not, if your son worked for him that means he is indeed a guard, maybe ni charge of patrols, and as it happens I know a few knights and guards around. What's the name of your son?"
"He—James. His name is James." The old lady replied absently as they passed the citadel market, so different from the lower market, Gwen nodded trying to recall a face to fit the name.
"Very well, shall we—"
"Gwen! There you are! I have been looking everywhere for you, what took you so long?" Elyan called her from a few yards up the path and Gwen ran to meet him smiling to the old lady and making a motion to follow her.
"Elyan! I thought you would forget." Gwen recriminated him but she saw that Elyan had a basket of his own filled with food. Maybe not that forgetful.
"How could I?" Elyan said playing offended. "Where were you anyway?"
"Well, I went to get flowers. I thought father would like them."
Elyan smiled softly at his sister and Gwen rolled his eyes. The pride was basically there to touch with her hands. "What?"
"Nothing, you ready? The horses are waiting at the courtyard along with two guards."
"Guards?" Gwen scoffed. "Since when are we so important?"
"Since we are friends with the future King," Elyan smiled smugly. "Besides, you are a lady of the court now and I am a knight and after what happened to Agravaine, I'm not taking any risks, even for this."
Gwen rolled her eyes, the cemetery was maybe half an hour walk away but Elyan was as stubborn as any mule so she decided to keep quiet.
"Now, Arthur gave me the day off but I would want to have dinner with you in the house with a fire burning instead of in the woods, so the earlier we leave the earlier we return." Elyan pressed. Placing one hand behind her back to hurry her up.
"Oh, alright, just… Anyways, may I present you… actually, I don't know—" Gwen turned but the old woman was not in sight, she looked around and above Elyan shoulders but the lady in the blue cloak had vanished.
"Gwen?"
"The woman… I was helping an old woman to the entrance of the castle." Gwen looked behind her towards the market full of people and worried that maybe the old lady had gotten lost again. "She's the mother of a knight named James—she was here a second ago. She has been looking for him."
"I saw no one when I called you," Elyan said looking around. "What was she like?"
"Well… old?" Gwen smiled softly. "Blue cloak, green eyes, maybe she got lost in the maze of people… she was so confused, Elyan, she could barely walk, she wasn't even aware she was in Camelot and—"
Elyan rolled his eyes. "Are you going to let this go?"
"Elyan…" Gwen glared and Elyan raised his hands in defeat.
"Fine, I'll go and fetch James you keep looking for her around. If you don't find her byt the time I come back with James you drop the matter and let James worry, get it?" Elyan joked good-naturedly, knowing perfectly well Gwen would not rest until she found the woman safe and sound.
Gwen rolled her eyes and slapped Elyan's shoulder. "Don't be rude, that could have been our mother, now off you go."
Elyan scoffed before he ran to the castle. Gwen looked around the market but failed to see the woman anywhere. She asked around but apparently no one was paying attention this fine morning since no one seemed to remember the old blue cloaked lady. Elyan came back a few minutes later, surprisingly alone and with a mortified look on his face.
"Well, where is James?" Gwen asked looking behind his brother.
"Gwen… James's mother has been dead for two years—are you sure she said James?"
"Yes, of course," Gwen said with huge eyes. "Are you sure there is no other James? A guard perhaps?"
"Not that I know of…" Elyan touched Gwen's face worriedly. "Are you sure you are not sick?"
"Elyan, I'm fine!" Gwen slapped his hand away and Elyan smirked.
"Well, maybe you saw a ghost?"
"Elyan!"
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Morgana dropped her aging spell halfway through the woods as she urged her horse to go faster, every mill that she managed to get between her and Camelot the better. It was only inside the safety of her hut that she finally exploded. She slammed the door shut behind her, her eyes glowing gold, her magic floating around the place, interpreting her anger: vials exploded, her table slid and hit the wall, her chairs toppled over, plates and silver goblets clanked against the walls and the glass on her window shattered, all of this in a few seconds.
She was so angry… so confused as to what had happened she had wanted to kill someone. Anyone.
Found. Agravaine had been found. She was no fool like Gwen apparently was; she didn't believe Agravaine was killed by thugs on a patrol… Arthur had killed him and the only way that would have happened was if Arthur knew he was a spy, her spy.
Morgana yelled again and this time, she slapped the books out of her table, papers flew around and settled messily on the floor as Morgana breathed heavily, her nails rasping the wood, leaving bloody marks.
What now? Her only spy was dead and once again she was left alone with her devices. She didn't experience the sadness that was meant to envelop any human, she was not sad that Agravaine was dead, the only thing that she was sad about was the fact that she was left alone in her own machinations with no one else to help her. She was angry and cursed Agravaine on hell, she knew that if a God existed Agravaine would be rooting there.
She paced around the hut wondering how Arthur had come to found out… and she broke yet another vial in her anger. Arthur and Merlin were smarter than she gave them credit for, but she was also sure that for them to find out meant that Agravaine had been reckless, how many times did she tell him to be careful? Countless! And still, the fool had been discovered.
She paced around the hut in circles for minutes, as she walked things moved out of her way, toppling over as her magic went erratic.
Alone. Alone once again to fend for herself. She halted on her spot for a whole second before she began walking again, this time less stiffly: Agravaine had died five days ago and no one had made the attempt to find her… an evil smirk showed on her face.
Because they didn't know where she was, and so far she was safe. The smirk, however, died pretty quickly as in her chessboard Arthur and she were in the same position; stuck. The question was, who will make the first move, her? Could she risk her safety just yet? Or them? Would they risk venture on the forest to look for her?
Morgana stopped her pacing just in the middle of the room. For a moment she felt so frustrated, she had been so close… and now she felt lost. She couldn't enter Camelot on her own, she would be dead in a matter of hours, now that she knew Merlin was Emrys she had no hope that he would go down easily. Cenred will never offer his help again and Morgana had to admit she was running out of allies.
Enraged at her situation, Morgana stomped her foot on the ground and heard the papers crunch at her foot, annoyed she looked down at the last information Agravaine had brought her, his last report. With a spark of gold, the paper flew to meet her hands… the test… the sword in the stone… an heir to the throne.
She threw it again, it was wishful thinking now and tiredly she looked around the mess of the hut. She closed her eyes as she took a few minutes to calm herself. Patience, patience was her greatest friend, all could not be lost. She was Morgana and she has faced worse situations than this one, she was certain that the reason she was still alive was to claim what was hers.
She nodded to herself stubbornly, yes, she would see this through and with a more positive attitude she leaned to pick up the books, already thinking of plans that could help her reach her throne, maybe find a new ally in a faraway land and that's when she caught sight of the black leather book on the lowest shelve.
Dropping unceremoniously the things on her hands she sighed as she took it, after more than a year of being stuffed away the thick black book was covered with a layer of dust. Morgana walked over broken glass and ripped papers to take a seat at the table. Her eyes shined with memories and Morgana smiled softly in pure sadness.
It had been a gift from her dear dead sister.
Her hand hovered over the book as her fingers followed the golden letters. It was a book written in the old ages from dark sorcerers around the world, it was legendary, an antique by itself. Morgausse had owned it for years but she never used it, no matter the situation. Once Morgana had pressed, why not? What could go wrong? Why refuse such power when they had it in their hands?
"The power this book holds is beyond our knowledge and magic, dear sister." Morgausse had advised her one day in a strict voice. "It is old magic, older than the kingdom itself, neither you nor I, are strong enough to perform them. The sacrifices each spell requires are greater than our forces."
"But surely there must be a way—we are powerful, sister. If we combined—"
"Oh, Morgana, dear sister." Morgausse had said with a velvet voice. "I keep this book not for us to use, but in honor of those who lost their lives protecting these secrets. It is a reminder of magic, born from the very first day of the earth, this knowledge should pass our generation in hopes that in a future magic like this can exist again."
Morgana had wanted to test it, just one spell, after all, this could be the key to all their problems, their key to achieving the throne but Morgausse had been resolute about not using it, she had even made her promise over her own life that no matter what, she would never use them.
Morgana felt like screaming. She had refused to use the book back then and what had they achieved because of it? Nothing!
She had refused to use this book and see how that had turned out. Morgausse was dead… and in her throne still sat Uther, mighty as ever. Morgana's eyes shined with cruelty, she glared at the golden letters. Finally, her whole hand came to rest against the cover, feeling the edges of the book. She had no promises holding her hostage anymore and with certainty she had never felt before she opened the book. She passed pages after pages slowly at first, reading some of the spells and later faster and faster, only catching glances of what she was reading. The spells getting worse as she read but if anything her smirk grew wider.
Spells to cure blind people, a spell to bring someone from the dead, explicit indications as how to create a philosopher stone and live forever, a potion to take someone's vitality as your own. The cure to impossible illnesses, the power to turn mighty humans into specks of dust with just a thought.
The list went on and on…
Hundreds of spells and all of them required perfect practice, impeccable pronunciation and from the most minimal spell to the worse they implied a great sacrifice, not only magically speaking—the sorcerer will be drained from almost all his magical energy, there were spells that could leave you almost in coma for days— but also real sacrifices.
To bring someone back from the dead? She had to do a ritual that lasted two weeks, in which she needed to sacrifice a soul each day, each one under different circumstances, each 'circumstance' involved a whole another set of instructions. To cure someone blindness? She needed to take the eyes—willingly and without magic—from somebody else. The sacrifices, her sister had been right, were way too much in some cases.
Morgana realized she was willing to pay the price.
The sun raised and set but Morgana didn't sleep that night. She read the book from cover to end trying to formulate a plan that wouldn't end her life while trying. It was when the night was the darkest that Morgana found what she had been looking for, an idea merging and transforming in her mind till it became a speck of a plan… but it was enough. She didn't have anything or anyone else to live for… so she might as well die trying to take back was as hers, what she was born to have.
She would kill, and sacrifice, and become anything to achieve her final goal. To kill Emrys… to end the pitiful life of her brother… to see Uther's death with her own eyes and finally, after the three obstacles on her path were cleared…To be Queen of Camelot
And if she was destined to die for it so be it.
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Eight days.
Eight days since Agravaine had died and still Arthur and Merlin had yet to talk about it. It was something that worried Merlin beyond belief because he felt that they needed to. He trusted the bond he and Arthur shared, however, this didn't mean that they had left unscratched from it.
Agravaine, liked it or not, had been family. The brother of Arthur's mother and even if Merlin was sure Arthur wasn't quite angry with him he must feel something towards him. It was Merlin's destiny to protect Arthur and he had failed him— and like it or not the only way Agravaine had found out about him was because Merlin had been reckless, when? He didn't know, he will probably never find out but the outcome remained the same.
He had tried to talk to Arthur a few times the first days but every time he had touched the topic Arthur had made himself scarce, saying he was going somewhere—when he had little places to go or people to see. Other times Merlin had thought he had seen a faint dark silhouette on the top of the east tower a few times already. Merlin didn't know what had happened when Arthur and Agravaine had fought and maybe he would die not knowing but he was sure that whatever went down had affected Arthur in more than just one way.
Merlin had been grateful, of course, but he hadn't been happy when he understood the sacrifice Arthur had made. It was after Agravaine's funeral that he understood what Arthur had done for him. To kill Agravaine to ensure his safety, moreover, to take his chances and try and defeat Agravaine on his own. A lot of things could have gone wrong, Merlin didn't want to think what could've happened if Morgana had shown up, but still Arthur had done all of it and Merlin, a little part of him, was mad because he was supposed to be the one destined to serve and protect and for the first time ever he was not glad that he was at the other side of the table.
Lancelot advised Merlin to not give it much thought since it would lead nowhere, what passed is past. "Arthur did what he needed to do, Merlin, end of story" and Merlin tried to follow his advice for a while, telling himself that he was seeing things. That with time everything will fade away but the truth was between Merlin and Arthur things were not great.
The last few days had been the worse. Arthur basically walked around—his crown long forgotten in his room—with such a dark aura around him it was almost palpable. And while the rest of the kingdom quickly gave no second thoughts about Agravaine, Merlin was sure it as the only thing that Arthur could think about.
Merlin still did his chores as he ought to do; he still brought him breakfast early in the morning and said 'Rise and shine' as annoyingly as ever. Arthur still bossed him around, still kicked him in the head and ordered impossible things from him to do, however, the doom and sad air around Arthur almost never leaves him and since Agravaine's death, he would spend more time on his own. Merlin for his part found himself biting his tongue to keep silent when at other times he would make a quick remark. He started to question Arthur less and less as the days passed. Merlin was afraid that the walls they had fought so hard to destroy were slowly starting to build up again.
Furthermore, he had stopped using magic whenever Arthur was around.
Magic had been the very base of the problems of Arthur; it had brought this to Uther. Morgana, magic herself, had poisoned Agravaine's soul. It had been magic, in its justified way, the reason why Ygraine had died—a secret that Merlin will take to his grave—but the more Merlin thought the more he began seeing that magic, the thing he loved and respected the most in the world, was the cause of so much pain.
The tables had turned for the first time for both friends and neither of them knew how to work with their own share of problems.
Today, though, Merlin's biggest problem wasn't Arthur, he had just fed him and Merlin was confident he will stay peaceful for a few hours.
Gwaine on the other hand…
If Gwaine had been a great friend with Merlin before, he was starting to look like a stalker by now. Since Agravaine's death Gwaine and Lancelot had grown closer to Merlin, apparently the fact that they were the only three who knew what had really gone down had made their bond even stronger— even if Gwaine was still in the darkness that Merlin had magic.
So, since that day—and today was no exception— Gwaine was always looking for Merlin to spent some time together. Merlin was sure that there must be an ulterior motive for this, but so far Gwaine had actually acted on good nature so Merlin went along with it even if he knew that one of these days it would backfire.
So why it was a problem, you ask? Well, Merlin enjoyed the obnoxious company, he really did, but he started to feel tired of seeing Gwaine every turn he made…
"Oi! Merlin!" A thunder-like voice said behind him and Merlin rolled his eyes. Just in time. He kept walking knowing perfectly well Gwaine would catch up.
"Oi, mate! Good to see ya' I was thinking that since training with the knights is over maybe you would want to go the tavern? A few drinks, some woman, a few games of dices." Gwaine said passing an arm around Merlin's shoulders as they headed to the armory. Merlin smirked and made a mental note that he had just won a bet against Lancelot— who was aware of Gwaine's sudden change of attitude and always joked with Merlin about it.
Once Lancelot had told Merlin that maybe, just maybe, Gwaine knew about Merlin's magic, since it would be the only explanation.
'If he knew, Lancelot, Gwaine is the kind of man who would shout it to my face." Merlin stated. "I don't think he knows."
'What is it then?' Lancelot had laughed. "Why is he… so—"
"Obsessed?"
"Caring towards you" Lancelot corrected.
"Maybe he just likes me," Merlin smirked.
"Everybody likes you Merlin, but even for Gwaine's standards this is out of control."
And Merlin had shrugged, he honestly didn't know.
"Wanna go hunting? Could teach you a trick or two."
"Gwaine," Merlin said with a chuckle. "I already visited the tavern twice this week, ask Percival for a change."
"Oh, but good old' Perce can't move out from his bed for five more days!" Gwaine complained. "That bloody arrow."
"Lancelot then," Merlin grinned already giving up, he always had fun with Gwaine in any case, if you have never seen him flirt with a woman you were missing something in your life. Lancelot was off duty today, so he might tag along.
"He already said no, he's going out to have dinner with a 'someone'. Can you believe that? What happened to knights over maids, uh?" Gwaine huffed his hair out of his handsome face and winked at a maid that was passing by. Merlin rolled his eyes in a very Arthur's like manner. "So what do you say? You and me—uh? Some beers. A few bets. Arthur's money. Sounds nice, don' ya think?"
"Gwaine, I'm going to seriously start pondering if you having a crush on me if you keep this up" Merlin joked.
"You know I love you, mate," Gwaine said with a wink as he pressed Merlin harder to his side. "And If you happened to have a pair of breast and longer hair, maybe, but that's not happening, right? God bless if you ask me."
Merlin blinked before he felt a rumble in his chest, his blue eyes growing huge and then he chuckled amused, slowly at first before he just doubled on his stomach, laughing wholeheartedly, fighting— and failing –to catch enough air in his lungs.
"I can't believe I just heard that, so for all our benefits I will ignore it," Arthur said as he rounded the corner with papers on his hands and a disgusting smirk on his face. "Gwaine, Leon has been looking for you for the past hour, there's knights practice today."
"We had practice in the morning!" Gwaine complained with a huff.
"You agreed to help him train the new ones," Arthur informed him with an amused glance. "And training starts in a few minutes."
Gwaine groaned and nodded. "Totally forgot about that little matter'."
"Little matter indeed." Arthur groaned, then: "Merlin! Stop laughing in the middle of the hall and get to your feet, for pity's sake you look like you are having a seizure. Get up, you idiot."
Gwaine looked down at Merlin and kicked Merlin's side gently. "So? Tavern later?"
Merlin rolled on the floor, tears on his face still laughing as a response.
"Tavern canceled, Gwaine," Arthur said incredibly annoyed as he rubbed his face. "There's a dinner with an important nobleman and all knights are to attend. Do I need to remind everyone around this castle what they have to do? I'm the prince! Not somebody's manservant and— Merlin, get up!"
"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, didn't ya'?" Gwaine joked but nodded dutifully. "Alright, practice with the new recruits, this will be fun. See ya later mate. Arthur, Sire." Gwaine nodded and whistled away with raised shoulders and a manly walk as he made his way to the training fields.
Merlin finally managed to get up from the floor, still breathing heavily. He shook his head, scrubbing his face free from the tears of mirth. "I don't know how he does it. To—to be so infuriating and still… you know, manages to stay alive?"
Arthur scoffed and looked at Merlin. "Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? I have been having the same questions about you."
"Oh, but I'm smart and a—you know but Gwaine… he's probably just half good looking and half good luck, by the number of fights he has gotten in taverns he should be dead ten times over" Merlin said looking at the spot where the knight had gone off.
"You know what they say, either the good looks or the brain, Merlin," Arthur said lazily.
"That would explain your case." Merlin nodded solemnly.
Arthur growled. "What's that supposed to mean, Merlin?"
"Oh, you can pick the side you want the most, Sire. The result is the same."
Arthur looked at Merlin for whole ten seconds before Merlin cracked a smile. Arthur swatted him in the head with his stack of papers. Merlin counted happily that it was the first in the whole day.
"Shut up, Merlin, or I will throw you to the dungeons," Arthur said with no real anger and with a final glare he began walking to his chambers, his focus on the papers once again.
Merlin wanted to follow but he stood rooted to his spot, he just didn't know how to act around Arthur anymore since more often than not Arthur wanted to be alone and Merlin respected that.
His fault. All of this his fault. Sometimes Merlin would forget but every time he looked into Arthur's eyes the pain was there… And if that was not enough Merlin had not forgotten Uther's words, even a week later they sounded clear in his head; 'Let the death of Agravaine be your burden till the end of your life' and Merlin feared that Arthur might be taking the statement too close to heart.
A moment later Arthur stopped in the middle of the hall, looked around, and turned annoyed when he found Merlin still where he had left him.
"Merlin! Are you done lazing around? We have work to do, you idiot." Arthur snapped as he waited for Merlin to catch up with him.
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Arthur entered his chambers with Merlin in tow. Merlin automatically placed the silent spell on the door. The prince walked to his wooden table and set the papers down letting out a huge sigh, eyes closed thinking about what Gaius had just told him earlier this day.
Three weeks, three weeks and Uther will make the announcement of the test. Gaius had tried his best to stall it, taking everything as an excuse, but Uther was more resolved than before. Gaius told Arthur that after Agravaine's death he was becoming more and more anxious, if that was caused because of the spell—that they had still to figure it out how to break—or because it was Uther's general temper they didn't know.
Three weeks until Arthur decided what would he do about his father and even he had to admit they were running out of options.
Merlin and Gaius still dedicated a huge part of their day to find spells or potions that could help, however, nothing had worked yet and Arthur was trying hard to not lose hope. Agravaine had told him it was irreversible, that his father was as good as dead, but Arthur refused to believe a word his uncle had said.
The first night that Arthur had to deal with what had been done—leg still hurting since he refused to be healed by magic anymore—he had even pondered asking Merlin for a forget me not poison, make it work so everything related to Agravaine would disappear from his head; he didn't want to remember what he had told him, what had been said, he wanted to forget that he had killed him. That he had even existed for that matter. It looked like even in death the man was hunting him, crippling him, injuring him, and Arthur was fighting against a ghost.
But the problems of the prince didn't stop with just Agravaine and his Father.
His knights were confused as to why he had stopped going to the training grounds and were bewildered when they found out Uther had assigned him to practice with the guards instead. Neither of the knights present when Arthur had lost his title as knight had said anything and Arthur didn't know if he ought to be grateful or not. Now the rumor that he was under a sort of test of Uther kept on growing around his knights, and those were just his knights.
Arthur couldn't go to meetings since he was no prince, he suddenly was not requested at banquets and he no longer ate with the King—Arthur evaded Uther as the plague— the menservants were equally confused. Most of the time the king and the prince didn't see eye to eye, but even for the royal family's behavior, this was strange. Rumors had started going around that the King and his son had had a big fight, that Prince Arthur was on a hard test to become king. Maybe the reason was both, maybe none, maybe they were seeing things.
Arthur knew the situation was escaping his hands and that sooner rather than later people would find out. People would start to question the King about the test of "Sir Arthur", one day Uther might get enraged that people keep on insisting he had a son and one day the joke that he was on a test would stop being a joke to his knights. One day a very intelligent man will start connecting the dots.
He could hear Gaius' voice in his head.
He could either let it backfire or he could take advantage of it. Gaius has already told him what he needed to do but he didn't like it, at all. Arthur sighed. Could his life, just for a moment just stop?
He opened his eyes, he wanted to talk with Merlin about what they should do, seek for advice, but Merlin was standing by the door quietly looking at the floor.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked after a while from his spot by his desk, worried beyond belief. "You are—quiet."
Merlin snapped his head up and shrugged, not really looking at him. Arthur internally sighed. He wasn't going to push for a reaction or answer but he kept eyeing Merlin from the corner of his eye. Arthur missed his friend, he was not stupid, he knew they had not been the same after Agravaine's death but Arthur just couldn't come to understand why.
Arthur internally wondered if Merlin was mad with him, he had not only kicked him unconscious—something Merlin still had to complain about—but he had left without him even after promising to work together. Arthur at the moment had thought it was the only way to save Merlin, losing his friend had made Arthur see reason in the middle of the chaos but Arthur wondered that maybe, just maybe, Merlin was disappointed in him. Merlin was one of the kindest souls in the kingdom and the prince wondered if maybe Merlin had been hoping for another way out from this mess.
Arthur didn't want to say it to Merlin, but the truth was only one: It had to be done.
It was either Agravaine or Merlin and even when the answer had been easy, the solution had been not, but not once he had regretted it. It hurt what Agravaine had told him, Arthur was sure it will still hurt for a long time but if he had to do it over again he would've done so, there had been no other way. Agravaine needed to die, he knew Merlin's secret, he worked for Morgana and was plotting against him and Uther, in the last few days Arthur had been able to forgive himself, however, he didn't know if Merlin had forgiven him and that is why Arthur dreaded a talk with Merlin.
Arthur, if he was being honest, was scared of what Merlin would say.
Deep down Arthur knew he needed to talk about it and he knew it was wishful thinking that with time they will forget an forgive, but truth was that Arthur worked better when he bottled things up and dealt with them at his own accord, Merlin, on the other hand, was different from him in that way: He was always telling Gaius, Lancelot or himself his problems when requested and more often than not Merlin looked for advice, Arthur admired this, used to solve his problems on his own.
Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. Eight days since Agravaine's death and Arthur decided that he didn't want this situation to go any longer than eight days. If talking about it helps Merlin so be it. If Merlin needed to take his anger on Arthur so they could be on even ground again, so be it.
"C'mon merlin, don't make yourself the interesting now of all times." Arthur sighed tiredly. "Just say it."
Merlin tilted his head and looked at him from his spot on the door,
"What do you mean?"
Arthur nodded to the seat in front of him. "Please, sit. And if I have to make that statement an order I will feel insulted, Merlin." Merlin scoffed and raised his hands in defeat as he finally went and sat on the chair that he usually occupied. "You know what I mean, Merlin. Out with it, everything you have to say I will listen." Arthur promised. "I know that I had been stalling the talk, Agravaine's talk but… well, today is as good as any."
Merlin looked at his hands and then up to Arthur's eyes. "You might not like it."
"I never do," Arthur assured his friend and couldn't help but smirk at the face of Merlin. "Oh c'mon, I was joking, just out with it, Merlin."
Merlin looked at Arthur's face for a moment before he closed his eyes and started babbling, as usual. Arthur braced himself for what would his friend say but Arthur was, once again, surprised.
"I'm sorry," Merlin said solemnly and Arthur's eyes grew huge.
Sorry? Merlin was sorry? For what?
"Merlin—"
"I'm sorry that you had to kill Agravaine when it was my fault he found out," Merlin said hurriedly, his thoughts stumbling on his head, his eyes fixed on the table. "He was your family and you had to kill him for me. I was never worthy of that sacrifice, Arthur, and yet you did it. I should have been there, I should have ended this before it came down for you to have to choose between Uther and Agravaine. Yes, he was evil, wicked, and he worked for Morgana but even then… there are lines that should not be crossed and you—you yet have something to say to me. You should be mad, you have every right, even now we are not a step closer to find Morgana, and no matter how hard I try she keeps beating us."
"Mer—"
Merlin interrupted and Arthur pressed his lips together, he might as well let Merlin vent off first, he knew from experience Merlin will shut him up till he was finished.
"Your father, the king, can't remember he has a son. And you—you are a Prince but can't act like one. I was born to protect you Arthur and I had failed miserably, where did I go wrong? Where exactly did everything turned against us? God's Arthur, everything is my fault, and yet you had taken the blame for it all—and you still need to…I don't know! You need to stop looking so calm and just throw me into the dungeons or something!"
"Thank you for your resume," Arthur said sarcastically and Merlin glared.
Arthur let Merlin cool off for a moment as he processed what Merlin had said and Arthur's amusement died quickly, all these days thinking that maybe Merlin was mad at him while Merlin had the same thoughts about Arthur. He scrubbed his face, he should've known, Lancelot had told him, didn't he? Everything, as long as Merlin was concerned, was his fault.
"You are mad at me, aren't you? That's why you are so silent, I knew it, I—"
"Are you done?" Arthur said frustrated.
"Done what?"
"Your rant, are you done or can I talk myself?" Arthur said; face somber once again but an amused glint in his eyes.
"Yes—I'm done, I think, for now." Merlin closed his eyes and almost whined. "I know you hate emotional talk but—how can you live with this? It's eating me alive."
"And still you insist on having them every time." Arthur scoffed. He leaned on his wooden desk. The silence settled for a few moments before Arthur nodded. "Since you insist, I'll put your mind at ease but promise me: No more emotional talk."
There was silence for a few moments before:
"Ever? Like, we do still need to talk about lots of things, Arthur." Merlin said in serious mock and Arthur kicked him on the arm.
"Don't be such a girl, Merlin, for pity's sake—fine, one emotional talk every two weeks, that's it. That's all I can handle." Arthur said seriously. This whole sorcery thing involved lots of emotional talks and Arthur was just not good at them.
Merlin smiled impishly, feeling relieved that so far everything was going quite in the right direction, then Arthur placed his head in his hands and groaned, Merlin's smile died a bit on his lips.
"Arthur?"
"I'm not mad at you, alright?" Arthur finally said as he looked up at Merlin. He really didn't want to talk about this, he really didn't, but he thought about all the times Arthur had said things he didn't mean to Merlin, all the times, unknowingly, that Arthur had spoken about matters that had hurt his friend, so for once, just this once Arthur would relent.
"How on earth, Merlin, after everything you have done for me for years, how could I be mad at you? We are truly the same coin with two sides ("Two sides of the same coin," Merlin replied robotically) even if I don't want to admit it, all these past days I thought that you were mad at me, for one reason or the other." Arthur confessed. "And as it happens neither of us was mad to being with. I am mad about other things, life just keeps on getting worse but I'm not mad at you."
"The theory if it is you or me who brings bad luck it's still on hypothesis."
"Merlin!"
"Sorry." Merlin raised his hands.
Arthur rolled his eyes and sat straighter on his seat. "Look, Agravaine deserved what he got. He betrayed me, my father, my kingdom, he was about to kill you. Stop suffering for a man who didn't even care about the safety of anybody besides himself. I won't hear of it. I told you once that no man deserved your tears—I was wrong then but I'm right now. Don't be sad he's dead, I'm not even sad myself. That man was never my uncle, I was sad in the begging, yes. I won't lie to you, it still hurts but… that man, Merlin? He was not a man, not an honorable one."
Merlin nodded relieved. "So, we are good?"
Arthur just nodded tiredly. "Do you want that in writing? Jesus, Merlin."
Merlin smiled softly and Arthur, to be honest, was glad the conversation was done with and then, of course, Merlin had to press the topic.
"But you are sad about something," Merlin said stubbornly. "What happened in the clear Arthur? What did he say? You can't go living on like this."
Arthur glared at Merlin. "What happened to the 'Everybody has their own demons and we should deal with them on our terms?"
Merlin glared back at Arthur and finally shrugged. "Fine. Fine, God, I hate to be so wise. Well—anything I can do to help?"
"No."
"Sure?"
"Yes…"
Merlin pressed for a few more seconds before he shrugged and nodded in defeat. "Fine then."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Merlin was quiet for a moment before his eyes flashed gold. The lights on the candles around the room lifted in the air and Arthur, as always, leaned back on his seat amazed. For all the magic Merlin could do this spell, the simplest of tricks, was Arthur's favorite. Not that he ever would tell him Merlin so. Arthur knew this was Merlin's way to try and help and even if his uncle's words were still engraved in his soul he appreciated the fact that Merlin was trying. It was something that Arthur will just have to live with.
Feeling boyish, Arthur hoped that if he ever had kids they would be able to witness magic, and he vowed once again, as he looked at the dancing little fires around his room, that he would bring magic into Camelot. Magic, on the right hands, could cure people's souls.
Arthur then kicked Merlin's leg from under the table, killing the magic vibe.
"Gaius talked with me today," Arthur said. Merlin nodded, leaving the lights floating around. "He said that Uther is postponing the test three weeks. Twenty and one more days to figure out either how to break this spell or, well…"
Merlin nodded tiredly. "Or you overthrow Uther."
The silence rang heavily around the room. The flickering lights died shortly after that.
After a moment, Merlin got up from his seat and dusted his hands on his breeches. "Well, on the bright side I arranged a meeting with some lords that have been asking for you, Uther is on a hunting trip, so enough time for you to catch up on royal business. It will help with the gossips going around the nobleman." Merlin walked to the little table beside Arthur's bed and retrieved the unused crown of the prince. "Might as well let people see the prince of Camelot saunter around the castle, you know, for normalcy."
"I don't 'saunter' around" Arthur scoffed indignantly but took the crown from Merlin's hands nonetheless, staring at it intently for a few moments before placing it neatly on his head. "Thank you, Merlin."
Merlin nodded and both of them knew it wasn't either about the meeting or the crown.
Long chapter because some happiness was overdue in my story, isn't it? You got Gwen back with some sibling love, I never get enough of it on the show. We saw both sides of Merlin and Arthur's thoughts which I only found fair enough. Merlin was always thinking everything was his fault and was always expressive of his feelings with either Lancelot or Gaius, even the great dragon if he was eager to listen, while Arthur is used to bottling his feelings and deal with his pain on his own, they are truly two sides of the same coin and they are learning from each other to deal with their share burden. I hope neither of them were to OOC, I don't know, I had read this chapter so many times nothing of it makes sense to me anymore (has that ever happened to you? Is horrible)
The next chap was already written and then yesterday I had this great moment while writing and guys, you will love the next three chapters, happy chapters as I said. Once again thank you for your reviews! They really, really, make me incredibly happy and can only hope you like what is coming.
Confession (8): My favorites part of writing was Morgana's, it's really so much fun to write from her perspective.
Since the chapter is incredibly long I will answer your review via DM (Like im supposed to do)