A/N: Since the chapter was incredibly, incredibly long I divided it once again in two, just this once I will upload both of them at the same time, so you can read them as you please. (: Happy reading guys!

Impossible Decisions

"Decisions sometimes prove to be the hardest to make, especially when they involve choosing between where you want to be and where you should be"

When Arthur woke up on his own that morning—a bit late since his manservant had not deigned to show up, at least saving him from the never ending 'rise and shine's'—he had not been entirely annoyed. It had been a long night for his friend, so for once in his life Prince Arthur changed into fresh clothes and went down to the kitchens to get himself some breakfast. All in all, the prince of Camelot was in a good mood. They had the stone,—which he kept in his pocket at all times, he even slept with the bloody thing—and soon enough Merlin will find the potion, enchantment, trick, spell or whatever Merlin called it that will bring his father back to normal.

In his book, that counted as a victory.

He entered the kitchens, took the food that Merlin was supposed to get and walked to the mess hall only to find the faces of his (hangover) knights staring down at their plates. Usually he would have been a bit angry with his men, today, however, he was slightly amused. All of them looked different levels of hangover. Some were eyeing their food like if somehow it held the problems of all their past mistakes.

"Morning," Arthur caught them unguarded, all of his knights instantly sat straighter, startled to see the prince among them, they bowed as Gwaine made a comical salute while Percival shrank on his seat—an impossible task but the man tried, knowing fully well he was supposed to be in the infirmary. After a moment where he assessed all his castle guard, Arthur nodded back, placing one hand on the edge of the table. "I see that you all look fresh and ready to start the day with training, uh?"

There were some anxious glances thrown around, Gwaine was the only one who indignantly huffed. "Because looking at how well rested you are I'm sure that if, oh, I don't know, Camelot fell under attack we would be ready and our top conditions to face it, wouldn't we?" As he talked his voice grew stronger and louder, knowing fully well that his voice by now was actually giving his knights an intense headache. Good. Yesterday Arthur had come to realize that he was being negligent on them, they had gotten lazy. Now that he was forbidden to train with them the task had fallen upon Laeon, who was a fine teacher, after all, he had thought Arthur himself, but Arthur also knew he was not as incessant and sometimes brutal as Arthur was. And now, not only does he has a table filled with hangover knights—a few sober, like Lancelot, were smiling understandingly or snickering at the sight—but there were a few other ones, the ones who got night shift, who were dozing off where they sat, Sir Alistair and Sir Percy among them.

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment, remembering how they had scattered away last night leaving his father unprotected. He desperately needed to fix the holes in his security system but not today, not when Uther might chop his head off dare he hears that Arthur is ordering his knights around.

He opened his eyes with a solemn stare. All in all his knights looked like they could eat something more to ease their hangover, he knew hangover-knights were as good as young guards on a first day, and right Camelot couldn't afford lousy protectors. "Whoever wants to can get an extra ration of soup and bread. Also prepare a few plates of fruit to go around. On my orders." He raised his voice at the last part for the kitchen maidens to hear. "All of the knights who were on duty last night have the day off. I can't have you sleeping around while you are supposed to be working. The rest of you do have training at midday with Sir Leon."

There were several nods and grunts, training with a hangover was probably the worse type of torture.

"And Sir Percival, if you are really that restless you may guard the main entrance of the castle but you will do so while sitting, are we clear? I might fear for Camelot but I fear Gaius reprimand the most." Percival nodded while most of his knights snickered, knowing first-hand how Gaius could be about injuries. "I have a meeting to attend but I do hope and trust you will do as commanded, I say this on the behalf of the king."

There was silence as all of them bowed before Arthur left, plate of food at hand, the idea of having breakfast with his knights was most humble, he does so on occasion, after all, he was friends with most of them, but right now he had more important things to do; like waking Merlin and find this bloody object that was causing him so many problems.

As he walked to his chambers thinking about this object the words of Agravaine echoed in his mind, sinking and sinking further into his heart.

Incurable. Impossible. As good as dead. Unbreakable.

No. Arthur will see this through. He could fix this. He had to.

He pondered the idea of having breakfast with Merlin and Gaius but he knew Merlin was probably beaten up from last night, he needed Merlin at his best if they were about to deal with a magical object, who knows how tiring it would be to break it—Arthur realized how little did he know about magic— Now he understood why some days Merlin was falling asleep everywhere in the past, who knows how many times he had stayed awake trying to solve problems Arthur had been blind about.

It does not get harder but definitely not easier to accept that Merlin had done that and more for him, and the prince was trying to repay such actions, even if it were with small actions such as letting the man sleep for a little bit longer.

Arthur settled to eat inside his chambers, and while he ate he began to ponder about this object and how he would approach his father once all this was cleared up, would his father even remember what he did? Would he wake up and not remember all these past weeks? He turned around to open his mouth and stopped. He soon realized it was the first time in four years that he ate breakfast alone. Whenever Merlin wasn't there he could always meet his father, or just go with his knights. Right now he couldn't go to either of them and if he was being honest he felt like inviting the next guard that walked by just to not be alone with his thoughts.

He sighed, shaking his head; he was being stupid and childish, and after a short reprimand to himself, he lazily began eating. With no one there to share stories or just keep him company he took the stone out of his pocket and turned it on his hand. Such a little… almost harmless thing. All the stone does is shine, literally, and it was funny really, that the very thing that could kill Merlin was the very thing that was going to save his father. All because it shined.

Merlin was right; a weapon is only as good or evil as the wielder. If the weapon was either magic or a sword the intentions were given by the person performing a crime, not the mean to the end. He vaguely wondered if that could be a solid argument in the future, after all, the idea of bringing magic was always in the back of his mind. He had never given much thought to it, though, since he had more important things to worry about at the moment, but Arthur had promised a land where Merlin could be himself and he would work to do so. It wouldn't be easy and it would take years, after all, it had taken him quite a while to believe it himself, but great changes are made with every day's actions.

He was startled from his thoughts when there was a knock on his door. Arthur quickly hid the stone in his inside pocket before he beckoned the person in.

"Sorry to interrupt your breakfast, Sire," Leon said as he closed the door behind him.

"Breakfast is never interrupted by friends, Leon," Arthur said amiably. "Please, do come in. Have a seat."

Leon nodded and took his usual spot at the table, after a moment he looked around. "Where is Merlin, usually he's here at this time of the day."

"The fool managed to get himself a massive hangover, apparently he got drunk last night at the tavern." Arthur replied, knowing fully well Merlin didn't have a headache but he just loved insulting him when he wasn't around to pull his 'Are you bloody serious Arthur?' face. "I'm giving him a partial day off, he does not know it yet but it will be the first and the last for a year, I believe."

Leon chuckled but his smile didn't reach his eyes, Arthur took a huge gulp of wine from his goblet. He knew Leon better than most and he knew Leon had not come to him just to say hello.

"What is it, Leon?" Arthur asked lowering his goblet. "Is Gwaine giving you trouble again with the young knights?"

"No, no, it's not that," Leon shook his head, "Actually it has to do with search parties. I know you have been, uh—busy, with guards training and meetings and so on, but there's a matter about patrols that I think you should know. "

Arthur pushed his food to a side and nodded, hands clasped on the table. "Well? What about them, I thought Gwaine was supervising them."

"He is. Everything has been going well, as well as search and patrol parties can go, we lose a man every once in a while, and we have injured men most times than not. However, I did found an inconsistency in the book registration. Usually, we patrol all routes in the kingdom once every two weeks, however, this route has been left alone for months." Leon said quite calmly while Arthur visibly bleached, feeling cold all of the sudden. Oh no. "It's not unusual but I found it strange."

"What path? What route?" Arthur almost demanded not wanting to look as panicked as he felt.

"A south-east route. It's a path that passes near the lake of Irebia and goes beyond into the Kingdom of King Arturias. It's an unused route. We don't have many treaties with King Arturias after all."

Arthur nodded feeling his heart stop. "No, we don't. We have been at peace for ages, if we do not make a move against them they will not turn on us, we occasionally exchange food on heavy winters, I know, so what about the route?"

"Well, exactly, with winter approaching I thought it would be a good idea to test the terrain, after all, as you said, it might start to be transited if our winter treaties with King Arturias are needed, and well, since Sir Agravaine died—and God has him at his mercy— no one has written any report and no search parties have been sent or programmed."

Arthur pressed his lips, that was because those reports were fake. Those search parties never actually left but he couldn't tell Leon that. Arthur angrily berated himself in silence, he should have spent less time mourning his own heart—or brooding, as Merlin called it—and instead look after what his uncle had left behind for him.

Of course Leon would notice that the reports on the route had stopped, the man who wrote them was dead, and of course, as duty calls, Leon was right about sending a patrol. Leon was an intelligent man, a loyal knight, but Arthur was realizing having a loyal and ignorant man was as deadly as a stupid one.

"Arthur." Leon kept saying bringing Arthur back to reality. "I sent a patrol a few days ago to check on the routes, the thing is—and this is why I approached you— that the patrol has yet to come, they were supposed to have arrived two days ago, it's normal for a patrol to be late but I think is time we send a rescue party, maybe your father is right and thugs are moving south, if our knights… if your knights are in hiding or in need of help we need to act now before it's too late."

Arthur was speechless, unconsciously his hands went to fists. He wanted to tell Leon that there was nothing on those routes besides Morgana and her evil plans, a woman he couldn't dream of defeating just yet. Unlike Leon, he had no hope that his knights were alive and it felt like a blow on the face. He should have known, he should have told Gwaine about this. Bloody hell, Arthur himself would have faked the damned reports if that would keep his knights—his friends— alive. He knew none of them had a chance against Morgana. He feared his negligence had brought their deaths.

"Who was assigned to this task?" Arthur asked after a moment and Leon furrowed his eyebrows noticing the past tense.

"Sir Bryan, Sir Malcolm, Sir Elyan and Sir Rowan." Leon recited.

Arthur's eyes grew huge before he looked down at the table. He knew all of them, Malcom had two little kids to take care of, and for God's sake, had he heard correctly? Elyan? Elyan as in the brother of Gwen? Arthur placed the heels of his hands against his eyes to think.

"I can't believe this," Arthur said after a moment. "No sign of them? No letters, nothing?"

Leon shook his head. "They were meant to return two days ago. No news."

Arthur nodded heavily, it took him a while to find his voice, though.

"Does Gwaine knows about this?" Arthur asked before Leon could continue. "If not please bring him here. I need to speak to him. He was in charge of the patrols, am I correct?"

"Yes, I was just… checking the books when I found about this path. Found it strange, that's all."

"Then go get him." Arthur's voice did not tremble and was as cold as steel, Leon nodded, knowing when he was dismissed by his prince and not his friend and walked out. Once he was gone Arthur allowed his stoic façade to fall as he closed his eyes in dread, dropping his head back, heart heavy with the news… and the day had just started.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Gwaine was nursing a heavy headache as he placed his cold goblet of water against his forehead in an attempt to stop it. Percival was sitting by his side, smiling amusedly.

"Oh shut up, Perce," Gwaine grunted noticing the glance. "You are the one with an injured leg."

"And you are the one with a royal headache, I like my odds." Percival said as he placed his goblet harder on the table than he should have. Gwaine mumbled something about 'Good old Lance would give you a lecture for this, Perce, I thought we were friends.'

Lancelot had just left with his plate of food—along with any takeovers that the most hangover knights didn't want— to visit Merlin a few minutes ago. Gwaine pondered on the idea of going to Gaius to see if the physician had a remedy for hangovers when Leon came to find him.

Now, the young and courageous knight was walking to Arthur's chambers. As he went he tried to compose himself. Finally, Gwaine thought. Finally, Arthur and him were going to talk. Good. He had been wondering how long would it take to Arthur to address the issues that had been going around the castle. However, his meditations and wishes were crushed the second he caught sight of the angry demeanor of the prince.

Gwaine gulped, alright, he knew he was wasted most of the time but he couldn't fathom as to why Arthur was so mad at him. He had never called him on it before.

"Sire?" Gwaine almost called in fear, almost because the great knight Gwaine is never scared. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him after Leon was instructed to leave. Gwaine feared the worse. Has Morgana attacked again? He pushed his hair out of his face. "Arthur, is everything alright?"

"Take a seat," Arthur instructed as he motioned for a seat in front of him, then he steepled his hands in a prayer form in front his face. Gwaine, who was a wise man once every year, chose to be wise that day, choosing to be quiet until Arthur spoke.

"Gwaine, are you or are you not aware that a patrol has yet to come?" Arthur asked after a few moments.

"Uh—No. No, I didn't know. I sent a few parties to the northern paths, however, they are meant to come back some day next week."

"So you did not know that Leon sent a party to the south-east path a few days ago?" Arthur's voice grew colder. "Are you even aware of that? Four knights, Gwaine, they left sometime last week, around Wednesday. Elyan among them."

Gwaine blinked. He remembered Elyan now, along with Sir Bryan, they waved him goodbye at the doors a few days ago. "Do you mean— bloody hell, Elyan went on a patrol to the east path? I didn't know. I didn't order it." He said aghast and looked around. Almost expected to spot the mastermind behind this.

Arthur slapped his hand on the table. "No, of course you didn't because you were busy getting drunk, leaving your books, your patrol books for Leon to find! The patrol was meant to come back two days ago— damn it, Gwaine. This is your job, and Leon just came to tell me that a four knight patrol is missing! On the most dangerous path in the whole five kingdoms!"

Gwaine bleached as he sat straighter on his chair. "Arthur… bloody hell. You don't mean, south-east..." Gwaine almost bolted from the hair." South-east, fuck. That is where Morgana is hiding and—"

"Don't you think I know that?" Arthur said in an angry whisper, cutting Gwaine off. "I know that she's hiding there. I know what she has done before."

The sentence was left unsaid but they both thought it: she was not only hiding there, she had killed knights before on that same route. Gwaine's thoughts were tumbling one after another in his hangover mind. Jesus Christ.

"You—you incredibly fool! "Finally the prince exploded. "I told you. I told you about Agravaine and Morgana to avoid more losses. One week ago when Leon decided to look over your job and read over your books where were you—Uh? Where in hell were you, that you didn't notice or question that a patrol was going to be sent there?!" Arthur lost it and he saw it scribbled on Gwaine's face. He had been at the tavern, getting drunk, what else?

Gwaine didn't answer as he felt his world crashing around him, he had been drinking that day and then he had left to spend the night with Bree, a beautiful redhead from the lower town. He had not returned to the castle until way past midday the next day, after all, it was his day off, he thought he had no job, no more duties. Leon never told him he sent a patrol but he never even bothered to look at the book did he? He did not recognize what patrol Elyan was heading off but he did not ask, did he?

He looked down at his hands. Has his negligence done this?

"We need to send a search party," Gwaine said after a moment. "We need to look for them."

"We won't." Arthur managed to speak after a minute in a slow but decisive voice. "We won't, and I wanted you to be here so you could listen to me saying it."

Gwaine's head snapped up. The prince was angry, yes, but more than angry he was crestfallen. "They are dead, Gwaine. All of them. Just like the five knights who went before them, and the ones before them four months ago."

"You can't be serious," Gwaine said affronted, blasting his hands on the table. "You don't know that, they might be alive!"

"Like the ones before them? Lancelot went after them and he was the only one who returned! Only because he was not even meant to go there! And four months ago, before I knew about Agravaine or just—about anything, I sent a patrol myself and they died, it wasn't thugs then and it's not thugs now. It's Morgana. Don't you understand? Agravaine was faking the reports so she could be safe!" Arthur spat what Gwaine didn't know, but Arthur didn't care because Gwaine should have been paying attention. "I can't risk more men going after them, the only I could send would be—and even then…. "

Arthur placed his head in his hands, swearing under his breath, catching himself before he said the name of Merlin. He was so not ready for the pending battle with his sister, without his father's support he was stumbling blindly, trying to keep control on things that he could not oversee on his own. And now Gwaine had failed him. And yet Arthur felt responsible. It was Arthur's responsibility to see for his knights, to know about stuff like this— Merlin and Lancelot had told him time, and time, and time again, that he must begin to trust people around him. That trust would make his battle easier.

He had trusted Gwaine and see what had happened.

"I will look for them myself if I have to, Arthur." Gwaine said bravely after a long pause not knowing how to fix this, not knowing if his friends were dead because of him, he wouldn't stand it. The guilt was slowly starting to build in his heart. He opened and closed his mouth choking on his words. "I will—"

"No." Arthur cut him short but not as heartless as before. "If you go you will die too and I can't afford to lose more people."

"So what? We leave them there? Arthur this is not like you." Gwaine pressed. "We can't leave them to die. I accept it, fine, I messed up but let me fix this, we can't—"

"Tell me, Gwaine, do you possess magic?"

"What?"

"Do—you—possess—magic. Please, if you do tell me I will not hang you." Arthur said enouncing each word carefully, almost in sarcasm. Gwaine didn't answer. "So, do you?"

"What—no, bloody hell no," Gwaine said aghast and Arthur nodded.

"Then you will die along with everyone I send to this party. The thing is, Gwaine, that magic is battled with magic and swords with swords." Arthur said slowly, he knew that now. Every time Uther and him had fought magic in the past it had been Merlin fixing things up, never Arthur. And he couldn't risk sending Merlin either, he had told Arthur he was not prepared yet to win and with his father, in the state he was there was just so much support Arthur could give.

The men sat there for as long as Gwaine managed to scrub his face as he swore loudly. "You can't be serious Arthur, these are your friends, aren't they? You can't abandon them! These are the knights who swore to serve you!"

"This was a mistake!" Arthur whispered angrily, voice filled with emotion. Eyes red as he stared at Gwaine. "I would have never sent them there knowing what we know, what you knew."

Gwaine pressed his lips together and his eyes flickered from Arthur to the table. Arthur read his face and breathing heavily he shook his head. He breathed in and out to calm himself several times before he spoke. "It's not on you, Gwaine, and neither is on me. It's on that… that woman who calls herself my sister. Their deaths are on her, their blood is in her hands— but the fault they were sent there in the first place, that is our fault. I have not been paying attention; they are my knights and this is my kingdom. My responsibility. Do not get this wrong; I failed them, not you."

All Gwaine could hear was 'It was my mistake for trusting you with their lives, with this duty, it was my mistake for trusting you' Gwaine had never understood the importance of being assigned to search patrols, usually he would analyze each knight, make the best party he could arrange and send them off, he never realized that the decisions he took,— decision the rest of his peers followed without questions—could end their lives.

"I will talk to Leon." Arthur offered after a moment and Gwaine felt like a punch in his face for that. Arthur was never a prince who took the responsibilities of others as his own, per say, the fact that Arthur volunteered to rely him for such a task indicated that Gwaine had failed in amazing proportions. "You have to guard my father's chambers in a moment, haven't you? So you might as well do your duty."

Gwaine wanted to ask if that was it. If leaving their friends behind was a decision to be taken so lightly at a wooden table with breakfast on a plate.

"So…that's it, then?" Gwaine slowly asked, angry at Arthur, and himself, and Agravaine, even in his tomb. He waved a hand dismissively feeling himself shaking from anger. "We just—leave them there?"

"The decision has been taken," Arthur said slowly, regretting his own words but he saw no other way. Gwaine nodded stiffly before he stood up, not bowing before leaving and Arthur knew that if he had managed to get Lancelot on his side he had not gotten Gwaine on his.

"And Gwaine," Arthur called him before he left. "If I find out you left Camelot in the middle of the night or day. If I find that you left your duties here to go and look for them I will charge with treason." Arthur said coldly. He knew Gwaine did stupid things, impulsive things, and as much as Arthur wanted to go and find them himself he knew it was a battle already lost. He couldn't risk losing Gwaine either, so even if Gwaine hated him he would make sure to keep his knight inside the four walls of Camelot. This, the ability to held and manipulate people's lives with just words was the true power of a prince and king. He would keep Gwaine safe, even against his will.

A ruler can't be loved by all his people. His father had thought him that lesson.

Gwaine didn't turn, he just nodded and walked out. The hall was deserted so no one was there to witness as he kicked the wall with his fist to vent some anger. For the first time in his life, Gwaine felt like if he was unworthy of his title. He couldn't forgive Arthur for this, but he couldn't forgive himself either. The name of his friends repeating in his head.

Malcolm, Elyan, Bryan, Rowan…..

Leon had once told Gwaine, when he first enlisted, that every knight had a mental list of people they had failed, Leon himself had a long one. Gwaine had just raised his brows and nodded, cool story mate, so far no one close to Gwaine had died, the occasionally injured ones but never because of him.

He realized that his list suddenly had four names in it… along with Arthur's.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It took an hour, a whole hour to find the strength he felt he didn't have in his bones anymore. He felt hollower and emptier from this news than what he had felt when killing his uncle. Times like these made Arthur feel old and young at the same time, old because he was too young to be dealing with this, young because he wasn't old enough to know how to deal with these things. He didn't know if he wanted to cry or scream in frustration.

After he was sure he was not about to break he walked in a daze to Gaius's chambers, he only nodded to Gaius as a good morning sign before letting himself fall on the other side of the table. Not minding when Lancelot and Merlin shared a silent glance. He couldn't care less. Then in doom, he placed his forehead against the warm wooden table.

It had not been easy to tell Leon what he had decided. Leon was even insulted and berated Arthur on his decision. Arthur was about to tell him about Morgana, he really was, because then Leon would understand, but if he did that Leon would go to Uther, at least he was sure Gwaine would never do so, but Leon? The personal guard of the king? He didn't know and that was the problem, one word that Leon says to Uther and his whole illness would come into the light.

'So you are going to let them die? They are your knights Arthur! Your friends!'

He felt like striking Leon square on the face, he didn't of course, but the prince realized one thing then: everything was escaping his hands. His kingdom, his knights, Uther, Morgana. He needed to do something. About all of them, about one of them, but he needed to do something quickly.

He grunted as he placed his hands over his head. The name of his four knights engraved themselves in his own personal long list of people he had failed. Some people think that being a prince is just tough training, fancy dinners, and boring meetings, but it also meant impossible decisions; who gets to live, who gets to die, and those decisions never get any easier because it never is a fair one. There is always collateral damage.

When he looked up from the table he realized Lancelot was not there anymore, he furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at Merlin

"Where did he go?" Arthur asked just to say something.

"Guarding duty on your father's chambers," Merlin answered. Staring at his friend worriedly. "You alright? What happened?"

Arthur rolled his eyes but not in a mean manner. "I have a list too, Merlin, of all the things that have gone wrong."

Merlin hummed but did not comment, sadly knowing that whatever Arthur had just faced had taken a toll on him. He had never seen Arthur like that before, to the point that Merlin for the first time ever saved his questions for later to give Arthur a few minutes of silence. Even Lancelot had left to do his duty instead of asking. He just threw a Merlin a significate glance before leaving, the message quite clear 'fix this'. Merlin felt insulted, didn't he always?

Arthur's eyes shifted around the room before he noticed that Merlin was holding a letter, one that he kept folding in anxiousness as he tried to pinpoint what had happened to the prince.

"What's that?" He asked tiredly, not really feeling like sharing what had just happened.

"Nothing—I mean, Mom, I mean a letter from Mom." Merlin babbled closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"Hunith?"

"You remember her?" Merlin asked bewildered.

"Of course I do," Arthur said aghast and then his eyes flickered from Merlin to his letter. "Merlin, can I ask you a favor?"

"Favors? I thought you were the prince of Camelot and didn't ask for 'favors'" Merlin smirked in hope to cheer the prince up.

"Oh, Shut up," Arthur said groggily and turned his face to the side. Worry and sadness in every line of his face. Merlin internally sighed.

"Don't be so dramatic, what is it?" Merlin said. Eager to help Arthur in whichever way he could. Arthur sat straighter on his seat, he breathed in and out a few times, eyeing Merlin for a moment before he got the courage to ask.

"It's uh—your letter, can I... can I read it?" Arthur said with the kindest voice Merlin had ever heard. If Lancelot had been there he would have shared a glance.

"What?"

"Oh c'mon, you heard me. Hunith's letter, can I read it, Merlin?"

A month ago Merlin would have refused, probably would've called Arthur mental and would have thrown a few jokes; also, a month ago Arthur would have never requested anything of these sorts from Merlin. But in the month that had passed Merlin felt like they had lived years, and the walls that Merlin and Arthur had built did not longer exist, so in the end, Merlin complied.

Arthur took the letter like it was the most precious thing. Fearing it would turn to dust dare he look at it the wrong way. Merlin awkwardly sat there for a few seconds before he nodded and walked to Gaius's table just to have somewhere to be.

"Merlin, is Arthur alright?" Gaius questioned as Merlin began lifting vials from the table where Gaius was working just to do something. "I—did something happen?"

"Something happened, what I do not know… he wanted to read my mother's letter." Merlin whispered aghast but with sadness. "I mean… how could that help?"

Gaius chuckled sadly and patted Merlin's shoulder. He motioned at the sorcerer to pass him a few ingredients laying at the other side of the table, "You are too young and naive to understand, Merlin, you were born without a father, certainly, but you met him, for just a few moments but you did… Arthur on the other hand… well, he wasn't so lucky."

Merlin looked over his shoulder towards Arthur, his eyes fixed on the letter, not minding them at the very least.

"When we fear something, or when something upsets you the first person you turn to is your father or mother," Gaius said in a low voice. "It's human nature to seek comfort."

"I turn to you," Merlin nodded, sighing internally.

Gaius smiled warmly. "Yes, and Arthur used to go for Uther and now… whatever Arthur had to face he can't say it to his father… so I guess he is looking for that comfort in your mother's words. A mother's love was something Arthur never knew, Merlin, and is something you have never lacked. In the end, at heart, all mothers are the same; kind, loving, a bit hard around the edges but caring. Just let Arthur have a moment in peace before questioning." Merlin did as he was told so he sat on a stool, a book about healing potions on his legs, as he worriedly kept throwing anxious glances at Arthur.

Merlin pondered over what Gaius had said.

A mother… Merlin coughed self-consciously as he stared down at the book, hiding his unshed tears, the memory of Arthur's mother will hunt him to his grave. He felt incredibly guilty because it was the one thing Merlin swore to never confess to Arthur; he had sworn over his life that Morgausse had lied to Arthur that day in the abandoned castle, Merlin had promised Arthur that the woman he saw and hugged him had not been his mother. It had been a trick, a magic trick to turn the prince against his father. Arthur had believed him and that was the only reason Arthur didn't kill Uther that day a year ago. Knowing that Merlin had lied to him, probably the biggest lie Merlin had ever said, would break the prince.

The prince stopped reading a few minutes later, he had read it over five times now. He nodded to himself and folded the letter neatly on the table, appreciating the hand-writing of Merlin's mother. Arthur wondered how it would feel to receive a letter from his mother. Of course that was impossible, but he entertained himself with the idea. What would they talk about? Arthur felt his heart heavy once again and he shook his head. It was no use to think about it either. It took Arthur another minute or so to finally find the courage to stand up.

When he did Merlin noticed that his demons had not left him, but at least he had controlled them. Merlin dreaded that one day the demons would break free, with Arthur they always did.

Arthur looked around, marveled that Merlin had also left the table— escaping his notice— and once he found him on the corner of the room he scoffed. Like if somehow it was Merlin's fault that they were late for their hunt of the magical object.

"There you are, stop lazing around, Merlin, we have work to do." Those were the only words Arthur said before stepping out of the room. Merlin sighed. Shared a glance with Gaius and after a nod of encouragement from the physician, Merlin followed after.

A/N: Well, this was part 1!

Please review if you liked it, PART 2 is already up. If you see any inconsistencies where this is going do tell me, I have told you before, your reviews, you might not notice, but they always reflect on the chapters in one way or the other.

And do comment about Arthur's decision, he had to take a decision that will affect later on this story, from my point of view he did the right thing, then again I might be wrong, feel free to let me know. Maybe something you say inspires me for the next chapters.