"To Lose a Friend"

"The hardest part of losing someone is learning to live without them."Unknown.

Arthur grunted as he rolled onto his stomach pulling the blankets above his head in an effort to keep the cold air at bay. He sighed as he laid there. His mind supplying information before he fully woke up; yes, sadly, he was on the floor and he would continue sleeping on the floor for six more nights, he gave a long suffering sigh. Then he realized he was hungry, starving really, as his stomach made gruesome sounds to prove this point, he wondered when would Merlin show up to wake him up and give him breakfast.

A part of him told him that as an invited prince he couldn't lie there indefinitely and wait for Merlin to wake him up and give him something to eat. So after a few seconds were he gathered his strength he pulled his head out the sheets and looked around, the house was illuminated enough signaling it was morning. Signaling it was time to start the day. He grunted as he moved to rest on his back.

For a moment he just laid there, eyes closed in an effort to meditate before he fully woke up, sadly, unlike yesterday, all he was able to feel was the pain in his back and legs, and the coldness of the floor. He opened his eyes and sighed for the umpteenth time that morning. Alright, time to get up. He stifled a groan as he did, his back was killing him, he had not only slept on the hard floor for two days now—a fact that apparently kept coming to his head every few seconds—but he had carried Merlin home (The idiot was surprisingly heavy for being such a mass of slim limbs) all the way through the forest, past the bridge and inside the village, all of it in almost pure darkness. Almost because for the second time in his life Merlin's magic went to aid Arthur.

When the prince was about to cross the bridge he had doubted on his feet. Arthur was strong enough to get them to the other side, how safely, however, was another thing entirely; one step wrong and they could end up severely injured or dead. Just when he had decided to settle for a camp in the open, the same silver light from years before appeared several feet in front of him. Arthur almost dropped the idiot to the floor because of that— alright, he did, he was just glad nobody was there to witness it.

After recovering from the shock—and retrieving Merlin from the ground,—Arthur made his way home. It was not a long walk but Arthur felt it had been eternal, he feared the light would not extinguish itself once they arrived to Ealdor but Merlin had been right, magic could act on its own, apparently, since the moment Arthur stepped out the forest and Ealdor came into view the light died at once. To say Arthur had been speechless was an understatement.

Hunith turned from her doings in the kitchen when she heard the prince walk inside, she turned from the fire and nodded in his direction. Arthur returned the gesture as he kept a serene face, not wanting her to see how bad his back was really aching, Merlin had just been lucky to sleep on the bed today… and talking about the idiot, where was he? He was no longer in bed and one look around signaled he wasn't home either.

"Good Morning." Hunith was the first to speak as she turned to her cooking again. "Please, have a seat, I saved you a plate from breakfast. I was planning on waking you up, but well… you looked so tired I didn't have the heart."

"Thank you. It's alright, I was in need of some rest after all." Arthur managed to smile even if inwardly he was angry with himself. He had wasted precious hours already. What was more alarming was the fact that Merlin had already left to train without Arthur. Well, there were a few things that he couldn't help with, like breaking the spell of the bloody the vase but still being left behind was a foreign feeling. He wanted to just take an apple and dash to the forest however he couldn't say no to breakfast when he was asked so nicely.

Arthur let himself fall on a stool instead, a second later a warm plate of soup and a plate of fresh fruit appeared in front of him and for a moment, he did not care about anything else. He would just eat as fast as politeness allowed him, then fresh himself up and head to the clear to catch up with Merlin; hopefully, Merlin would have good news when he arrived.

"Thank you for everything Hunith. I know it's a great risk we put you through by having me here." Arthur said after a few minutes, Arthur was anything but polite when it came to other thank people. Something Merlin was always complaining about.

"Oh, it's nothing, milord, it's my pleasure." Hunith had finished cooking and was now sitting on the other side of the table.

"Please, don't call me that. Arthur is fine. After all, I'm here incognito, or so Merlin says." Arthur said pleasantly as he passed a hand over his head, the strands of black hair showing barely over his vision. He mumbled something before he began eating again but he didn't miss the way Hunith's eyes twinkled with amusement.

"You two didn't tell me how this came to happen, but I'm sure it was Merlin's doing," Hunith smiled softly as she looked at Arthur's hair and then back at his eyes. Arthur found it strange to look at her square in the face, it was not awkward per say, but it was unsettling, usually people looked at him with some kind of… reverence, sometimes terror; he was going to be king someday after all, so he ought to inspire people. Sometimes it was respect or admiration but Hunith didn't look at him like any of his subjects in Camelot and he was having a hard time figuring out exactly what was the look on her face. "He's a handful, I'm afraid."

"He's… very resourceful when it comes to magic." Arthur sighed as he ate his fruit.

"I guess I ought to thank you for that," Hunith smiled softly and Arthur looked up to see her watching him again with that stare he couldn't quite pinpoint. "You know? When Merlin sent me a letter, months ago, telling me that you finally knew his secret I almost couldn't believe it myself. It was so unexpected."

"Because you thought I was going to… Uhm… apply Camelot's rules?" Arthur munched on his food, unable to meet her stare.

"What? Oh no, nothing like that." Hunith said easily and almost reproachful and Arthur stared back at her. He blinked several times. Had he heard correctly? "I was the one who told Merlin years ago that he should confide in you, back when you came with him to save Ealdor from Kane, he didn't do it then, though, and he never did in the years to come. Eventually, I came to believe that day might never happen so when he told me that his secret had finally come to light it caught me by surprise, to be honest, but I was happy." At this she paused and took her opportunity to take Arthur's hand over the table, forcing him to look back at her. "He told me everything that happened that night, Arthur, and for that and for a million reasons more, I thank you."

She didn't say anything else. She didn't need to, her face said it all, she let go of his hand after a quick squeeze and then hurried to clean the tears that were threating to spill from her eyes. Arthur dutifully returned to his meal. He didn't know what he would do if suddenly Merlin's mother started to cry. Jesus, how was he supposed to comfort a mother? He desperately wanted Merlin to show up at the door, but, as usual, his manservant was useless.

"There's nothing to be grateful for." Arthur finally said finishing his soup and placing the dishes to the side. "In the end, Merlin is my friend, magic or not I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him."

Hunith shook her head and rolled her eyes, so like Merlin. Hunith was exasperated with him, he didn't understand, not truly what he had done for her.

"What you have done for Merlin, for me, is greater than you can imagine, Arthur, please do not ever let this fact change or weight any less. You saved Merlin, my son, and for that, I'm going to be forever grateful for." Hunith looked at him and Arthur nodded heavily, a bit embarrassed that he was being thanked over and over again when in fact Arthur wished he could had done more for Merlin and for all the people that had suffered because of him.

"I—" Arthur hesitated for a moment before he got the courage to ask. "I have been wondering… recently, about something."

"About Merlin? You just need to ask, Arthur." Hunith was apparently a mind reader too, Arthur discovered, and he coughed as Hunith gifted him with a smile. "Be honest, please, after raising Merlin there's nothing you could say that can come as surprising."

Arthur could relate to that.

"About… well, that's exactly it. I want to know about Merlin's life here before he came to Camelot." Arthur explained bluntly and then fought the warm that crept to his cheeks. "I mean, I have known Merlin for years but Merlin never says much about Ealdor besides how much he misses it at times. I had never pondered much about that before, but now, being here… I guess I just want to understand. I promised him that magic would be free in my kingdom once I become king, for that I need to understand, and— I just… I want to know how was it like to grow up with magic. He's not the only magical child after all. Who knows what knowledge will prevent future infortunes? He never seems to want to share much, however, o-of course, over the weeks we have talked about this but well… I guess I cannot blame him, and it's alright if you don't want to tell me." He said in a hurry, realizing his innate nature to ask and learn was getting the best of him, asking personal things out of nowhere. "It's none of my concern after all."

Hunith blinked, appealed for a moment before she smiled softly to herself. She almost stood up to hug him but she knew that Arthur wouldn't appreciate it. Just like Merlin, Arthur had no idea how much impact his words had on people. How his curiosity, as well-intended as it was, was life changing for someone like her. Just to hear the words "Understand magic…" meant the world to her. Arthur, prince of Camelot; learning for a way to free magic. She could have cried if she didn't know it would put the prince into an uncomfortable position.

Arthur awkwardly looked to the side and was about to stand up and head out when Hunith started to talk.

"It's alright, I understand, I'm sorry it's just… no one has ever bothered to understand him, and well, Merlin has never been a child—and I call him child no matter how old he is— who likes to share much about him. That my fault, I suppose." Arthur shook his head minutely, not understanding how that had anything to do with nothing. "But, well… I guess for you to truly understand you will have to hear my story first." She looked to the side and out the window, a peaceful look on her face, she smiled softly to nothing. "He was born on a day exactly like today, it was chilly but not too cold. The trees were starting to lose their leafs and the whole ground was covered with red and brown and yellow." At this she chuckled, returning her impassive blue eyes, so like Merlin's, to meet his. "It's incredibly funny how the universe works, isn't it? After all, tomorrow is Merlin's birthday."

Arthur blinked and tried every hard to look like he knew this piece of information. How could he have forgotten?! Lancelot had reminded him before leaving, and Gwaine had been annoying him for months about what he should get Merlin for his birthday. Jesus Christ, even Gwen was planning a little get-together in her house. With all the things that had happened he had forgotten, and who could blame him, honestly. Still, he mentally reprimanded himself, after four years of being friends he ought to know the idiot's birthday, didn't he? God, he felt awful. Bringing Merlin back to Ealdor to train and fight against Morgana, keeping him away from his mother almost all day, no chance to get a day off to celebrate, even in his own birthday… Merlin had yet to complain but Arthur was sure he wouldn't miss the opportunity.

He gulped and the smile on Hunith's face told him she knew. Of course she knew. Mothers know everything, or so he had been told, but Hunith was merciful—unlike her son, really, where does all the 'I told you so' come from?—and didn't point it out to him.

"I almost had a heart attack the day I discovered he had magic. He was so little, barely a few months old and his eyes were already shining gold, levitating things around him. The first time he did magic was the first time I heard him laugh. It was the most… amazing thing I had ever heard or seen." Hunith kept talking washing over Merlin's birthday like it had been nothing. Arthur chuckled against his will, trying to imagine a tiny baby with blue eyes and a mock of dark hair already causing trouble before he could even speak. "For a few years, I did nothing but keep him inside the house, taking short walks around the forest on occasions. For a while, he was satisfied with our way of living, didn't ask many questions, sadly, kids can only stay attached to their mothers for so long…" Hunith gave a long sigh as she looked to her hands. "He turned five and he started to ask questions. Questions I didn't know how to answer. Why couldn't he go out to play with the rest of the kids? Why wasn't he able to leave the house without me? Why does he have to keep his magic a secret? Why I looked so scared whenever he used it?" Hunith returned her stare towards the prince, a steel in her eyes Arthur had never seen before. "One day I realized that if I wanted him to live I needed to tell him the truth. It was one of the toughest decisions I had ever taken. I had never lied, always evading his questions as best as I could or trying to tell him half truths but even then he didn't understand, not really, he didn't understand why he couldn't show his friends how he could build a toy from a piece of wood. Or why he couldn't help our neighbor with her flowerbeds when he could make them bloom with just a touch of his hands." Hunith smiled but her eyes were incredibly sad, she covered her mouth with a hand. "How do you tell a five-year-old that what made him special could kill him?"

Arthur had never thought about Merlin's past before, he never had pondered how life for Hunith had been either. He had just assumed it had been hard. He had never listened first-hand how much harder it had turned out to be. For Merlin, adult Merlin, hiding his magic and understanding the world around him was easy. So easy Arthur had never thought how learning to be that had taken place.

"I told him in the most…natural, kind, comprehensive way I could think of." Hunith chuckled delightedly. "You should have seen him, he… he just told me that if that was the case he would stop using magic to keep me safe. He didn't comprehend the whole extension of what he possessed but he understood bad things would happen if other people found out. He didn't get sad and he didn't question me any longer, he learned at a very tender age what he was and why he had to keep it hidden. It was like a game for him. A secret between us." Hunith's smile died a little and her eyes shifted to her hands. Arthur sensed things didn't go as great as Hunith was trying to picture. "But in my blindness and relief, I didn't notice the one thing that had registered in Merlin's mind, something that I didn't notice until years later. Merlin, at such a young age, thought he was abnormal and for years… for years he thought he was a monster."

Arthur felt his hands go into fits under the table. "Did other people call him that?" Because Arthur would find them, and have a few words with them, or punches. Whatever came first.

Hunith closed her eyes and gave a long-suffering sigh, shaking her head. "He was only five. In his head having magic was abnormal, irrational, something that was dangerous for him and for me. He thought he was evil… so he behaved as best as he could. He was the perfect little kid, a bit rebellious at times but never mean, he kept his magic a secret and only used it when I was around. He would wave to our neighbors and go with walks to the forest with me. I was happy, delighted even, and so I didn't notice for the longest of times the harm I had done. That was until I started to encourage him to play with the other kids his age. I loved Merlin, I wanted him to have a life apart from me, and when he turned six I wanted to the world for him. I wanted to expand his little bubble, to have friends, to go out and play, by then I was sure he could behave if he tried, he had talked to the kids before but neve mingled too much. It was then when I noticed that he didn't want to play with other kids not because they rejected him, it was because he alone isolated himself." Hunith paused with tears threating to leave her eyes. "Merlin thought he was dangerous… and he thought, by excluding himself, that he was protecting them."

'Ever since I was born, that was what I have been good at. I'm good at protecting people'

"Oh my god…" Arthur said passing a hand over his face. "He was only a kid…"

"It took me years to right my wrongs," Hunith said with a suffering sigh. "Eventually, he started to have friends and he understood that as different as he was he wasn't evil. In that aspect I had help. William came into our lives, he was a blessing from the Gods. He was Merlin's first true friend. They became inseparable and with Will's help Merlin began making friends around town, those were the good years. Merlin did not have a care in the world and he had friends, he didn't want anything else. He was happy and I was happy, but good things Arthur never last, they last even less in little towns like Ealdor."

"What happened then?"

Hunith smiled. "He grew up."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Gwaine, I think we should think this through," Owen said as he took a sip from his wine. Gwaine from his other side just grunted as he ate. Both knights were on a passing tavern to gather something eat before heading further south. The night had been long on both of them and they were trying to recover some of the energies they had wasted the night before.

Gwaine had realized a bit too late that leaving Camelot in the middle of the night was a pretty bad idea—fine; a horrible, stupid, senseless idea— The path was too dark to travel safely, any numbers of accidents could happen; he could fall from his horse or lose track of the path, he could crash into a thugs camp without notice. He was pondering ideas on his head— he could light a fire and make a torch but he had heard stories of riders that had burned themselves while riding—when Owen caught up with him.

He had offered his help and seeing that his luck was thin Gwaine had allowed him. It was a miracle that Owen, rightful, ever the just Owen had not gone in attempts to force him back. They didn't much talk as they made their slow and painful way down the road. It was Owen who gave up first.

"Let's make camp, Gwaine, there's no point in not sleeping for advancing a mile or two. Let's rest and head out at first light, we will leave before someone in the castle knows we are missing and any search patrols are arranged to find us."

Gwaine had stubbornly tried for a few more minutes but after recovering from what would have been a nasty fall down a cliff even Gwaine had to see reason on Owen's words.

"But we leave at first light." Gwaine grunted as he dismounted, now that he was able to do what he had wanted to do for almost a week now, stopping seemed maddening.

Owen had been true to his word, though, and the second the first ray of the sun appeared on the horizon they had mounted their horses and headed into the forest at full speed, at midday they found a little tavern on the sideway of the road and decided to have a quick meal and give the horses a break. Gwaine had brought food for just one person, after all, and soon after they headed further into the woods they wouldn't find paths or taverns to satisfy their hunger with.

With every passing second Gwaine seemed more intended on hurrying up and find their friends, but now, however, with the sun shining above their heads and a much clearer mind Owen was having second thoughts.

"I mean, if what you told me it's true," Owen said lowering his voice so the rest of the tavern wouldn't overhear them even if they wanted. "Morgana is going to be at the other end of this journey, am I correct?"

"You are correct, pal." Gwaine said ending his jar of wine and in a go and turned towards Owen. "Ready to go?"

"You mean you still want to go?"

Gwaine glared sideways at him. "You can go back anytime you want, Owen."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Owen said exasperated. "Look, I have been thinking and I think we should get back and get an army, Morgana is, after all, an enemy to the king himself. He won't oppose the idea of seeing her gone, besides, if she has the power everybody says she has… tell me Gwaine, how good are we going to be for Rowan and the rest? If they are captured we might not be the difference they need." Owen advised as he looked down at his own wine, food already finished. "I understand, trust me, I do. But this… this is not wise."

"I never said it was wise." Gwaine complained as he stood up from his stool, taking Owen's wine from his hand and drinking it all too. Owen rolled his eyes as Gwaine dramatically thumped the jar on the table and left the tavern. Owen glared at him as he stood up, placing a few coins in the table for the services in a hurry (all the while muttering under his breath how childish Gwaine was) and followed Gwaine out the tavern.

"No, you never did, however, Gwaine tell me, how good are we dead, uh?" Owen said harshly as Gwaine began to untie his horse from the tree they had left them before entering the tavern. "We can save them, you have my support on this, but we can't do this on our own."

"I can and I will." Gwaine said with a huff as the knot came undone and his precious stallion came free. "I'm done with living with regrets, Owen, the king won't support a whole army for just four men, your should know that and Arthur—well, you might not understand but he has his reasons. I respect them."

Owen rolled his eyes at the statement as he untied his horse.

"I do," Gwaine glared. " he has to respect mine. That is why I didn't come with my knight cape. I don't want any harm to come to Camelot if I fail but you have to understand—have you ever felt that way?" Gwaine said out of the blue and Owen blinked.

"Felt what?"

"Like… some decisions make you, make us, and even if the whole world is wrong… you are right?"

"No?" Owen asked confused. "Are you drunk?"

"Not in the least but for the first time in weeks I'm seeing things as clear as day, mate," Gwaine said before he mounted. He sighed as he tilted his head to the sun, relishing the warmth on his skin before he stared down at Owen, who looked at Gwaine like he had just lost his head. "Look, there are decisions in life that you can either live with or not. You can either take the consequences of your actions or you can spend the rest of your life in a tavern, drowning your misery. I'm used to the second option." Gwaine said remembering the look of anger and disappointment on Arthur's face. He remembers the look on his mother's dead face when he came home and found his whole family dead. "I can't go back to Camelot, Owen, and don't feel like I failed not only them but myself. You think I do this for a good reason. There is no good reason." He marked his last words slowly. "I know we are outnumbered, probably, and I know Morgana is a powerful sorcerer. It's rather selfish if you think about it, in the end, mate, if I go back to Camelot I wouldn't be able to look at Gwen or you in the face ever again. I wouldn't be able to hold a sword and wear my cape and feel like I'm doing the right thing. I wouldn't be able to sleep and not dwell on the 'what if's of my actions."

"Gwaine, it's not your fault."

Gwaine scoffed, it was adorable, really, how much Owen could affect him without even trying. 'Not his fault' if only that was true.

"I'm not going back until I'm sure I did everything in my power to help them, even if I die this is the path I chose. Otherwise… pretending and turning a blind eye… will kill me." And the certainty and power of Gwaine's last words struck Owen like cold water running trough his veins. Gwaine wasn't lying.

"For all that it worth, I'm sorry, Owen." Gwaine said as Owen finally mounted his horse. They came to a bifurcation in the path, a path that could either lead them to Morgana or lead them home. "Our odds are very slim and I should have known that before I agreed for you to come along. But just to keep track, I told you not to intervene and yet you did, that wasn't my fault." Gwaine's smirk died as he clasped a hand on top of Owen's shoulder. "Go back to Camelot, to your sister, I don't have anyone waiting for me in Camelot but you do. Let this be a good farewell, my friend, and let's part on good terms." His characteristical smirk appeared on his face as he huffed his hair out of his face. "At least stories will be told about me in Camelot."

Owen scoffed against his will as he looked down at his horse. Gwaine was not the only man that had a decision to make. When he agreed to come with Gwaine he unknowingly agreed to a whole lot of things. Owen too had to take a decision he could live with. It was painfully obvious which decision that was. He closed his eyes for a moment before he gave a long suffering sigh. "My sister often says how much I love slim odds, but well, that's what makes life interesting."

"You sure?" Gwaine looked at Owen up and down, surprised by this turns of events.

Owen gave a final nod, and with a grateful clap on his shoulder both knights headed further into the woods and out the path, hoping against hope they would make it out alive to see Camelot one more time.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Arthur didn't need to ask to understand. He himself had kept a lot of things from his father in order to not unsettle him; his doubts, his fears, his qualms concerning his future reign. Once you grow up you start to see things differently and you deal with them on your own, hoping one day, without help, you will be able to figure yourself out. Arthur grimaced to himself. How foolish teenagers are, including himself.

"Merlin didn't say anything of course, but parents notice things, Arthur, we always do. And Merlin… well, I saw it in his eyes and in the way he held himself. His smile… it would have broken your heart. It never reached his eyes anymore. He did magic with Will in the woods but his eyes were haunted after that. I knew the thought that he was a monster had not left him. He felt like an outcast in his own village, not truly belonging anywhere… and life in Ealdor is the simplest of lifes, and even though he didn't say it, it was killing him."

"It must have been hard from you, living in Ealdor. All you have In Camelot are luxuries in comparison."

"Mmm. No, not really. I didn't know any different. Life's simple out here. You eat what you grow and everyone pitches in together. As long as you've got food on the table and a roof over your head, you're happy.

"Sounds...nice."

"You'd hate it."

"No doubt. Why'd you leave?"

"Things just... changed."

"How? Come on, stop pretending to be interesting. Tell me."

"I just didn't fit in anymore. I wanted to find somewhere that I did."

"Had any luck?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"That is why I sent him away," Hunith said bringing Arthur from his thoughts. "I feared that this sentiment of not belonging, of not fitting in would only increase, I feared that it would kill him. I sent him to Camelot in hopes that he would find a place there. To find himself," Hunith smiled then, looking up at Arthur with bright eyes. "And it was only after I sent him away that he did found his place; right beside you Arthur. When he left me… he was a boy, my boy, a little bit lost but good-hearted, but when he came back to fight Kane he returned a man, a brave man that knew what he wanted and why he was alive. You gave his life a purpose, Arthur. You gave his magic a purpose; you showed him that he could do great things if he only strives to do so." Hunith then took his hand over the table too, this time, a tear rolled down her face and hastily she cleaned it with her other hand, chuckled a little, she had never been a woman that showed too many emotions but she needed to demonstrate to Arthur how much he had done for them. "You saved my child in more than one way, Arthur, and as a mother, I will always be grateful for that. Thank you for protecting him and care for him when nobody else did."

Arthur didn't say anything, even saying that 'it was nothing' suddenly didn't seem right. Hunith clasped his hand on both of her for a moment before she rose from her seat and started to clear the table.

"A mother's greatest worry is not knowing about her children. I, myself, couldn't sleep thinking about it at times. Was Merlin in trouble? Was he caught doing magic? Was he safe, protected and loved? Did he found any friends? The list can go on and on, but when I hugged Merlin two days ago I got the same feeling than when I hugged him years ago. His smile had been answer enough: he was happy, he had finally found his place… and really, Arthur, there's nothing else I would want for him than that."

Arthur tried to keep his stoic façade, but for the first time in a long time it was hard. He never imagined that the impact of forgiving Merlin's life would affect more than just one life. As he watched Hunith work he couldn't help think about his own mother. When she had found out she was pregnant with him had she thought about all those questions too? He wished she did. He blinked as he stood up from his stool, hastily clearing his throat.

"I—I think I should uh…look for Merlin. We have a lot to do today, and I feel guilty that he had to leave early to the forest without me." He said as he awkwardly signaled to the door. Hunith just smiled softly and clasped her hands in front of her and bowed. "Thank you for the meal… and thank you for the talk. I… it really helped things. It… it surely put things into perspective."

"Of course," Hunith said with a knowing smile as she opened the door for him. "And I apologize if I talked too much, Merlin does complain about that—"

"It was perfect." Arthur said as he walked outside. "It was… really, no need to apologize, it was me who asked."

"Then thank you for listening, Arthur." Hunith smiled softly and then took Arthur arm before he left. She dropped her hand once Arthur turned her attention back to her. "If you are looking for Merlin, Arthur, I'm afraid you won't find him in the woods, not just yet anyway, but he should be arriving shortly. I'm just letting you know so you won't worry if you don't find him there."

"Why?" Arthur asked perplexed. What could be more important than working in the vase? "Where is Merlin?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So there you are, been looking all around town for you." Merlin turned so fast his neck hurt. Arthur had just finished climbing the little hill and was slightly out of breath. Merlin was about to scramble to his feet when Arthur motioned him to stay on the ground with raised hands. "It's alright; I didn't come here to yell at you," Arthur said easily as he rolled his eyes. "I'm not that heartless you know?"

"We can agree to disagree." Merlin said, but his smile was wide enough to let Arthur know he meant no harm. Merlin was sitting cross-legged on the floor looking straight to the front. Arthur chose to stand up beside him, arms crossed over his chest.

"You should know I will never be mad at you for wanting to pay your respects, Merlin," Arthur said after several minutes. "And in this particular case, if you don't mind, I think I will join you, for a change." Merlin raised his brows as Arthur finally gave a long suffering sigh and sat beside him, imitating his posture and only then he nodded towards the tomb that had the name of William Dempsey written on the front.

"How long have you been awake?" Merlin said after a while.

"A few hours, I had breakfast with your mother and then she told me where to find you," Arthur said as he leaned back on his hands. "She told me it might be a bad idea to come here in person but..."

Merlin snorted and shook his head. "Of course, the prince had to make sure I would return to my duties… I'm working on the vase, you know?"

"I know." Arthur said looking around; sure enough, the vase was standing on the other side of Merlin along with a book.

"I just lost track of time." Merlin apologized after a few moments; the soft breeze rustling their clothes and hair. "I just wanted to come and say… something, but nothing seems right."

'It's the first time he has ever wanted to visit his grave, Arthur, for years he had evaded it and now… well, Merlin has a reason for everything, I just hope you understand.'

"I thought we had burned him," Arthur said after a moment. "Burned people don't get graves."

"It's tradition in Ealdor to build tombs even if we burn our dead, otherwise where would we come to pay our respects?" Merlin answered easily. "I know custom is different in Camelot but here, in a little town like Ealdor, it's nice to have a place to mourn our dead."

Arthur tilted his head but did not answer. "I don't know when was the last time I went to visit a grave."

"Where was your mother buried?"

Arthur frowned. "She's on a crypt underneath the castle. I used to go but… the place is so… grim, there are no windows, no sun creeping down to light her resting place. It's a sad place to be and I understood at a very little age going there made me even more depressed than happy." Arthur looked around and his face softened; the hill had huge trees at the bottom and it was filled with green everywhere he looked. It was a nice place to be buried. "Did you chose the place for Will?"

"He always liked it here, he said the best sunsets of Ealdor were seen from here." Merlin shrugged and then looked up to the sky and sniffled. "This is the first time I come, though, didn't have the before."

Or courage, Merlin though half-heartedly. Even Arthur had gone down to the crypts to visit his mother and in four years couldn't he come to the hill and pay his respects? Lancelot called him the bravest knight of Camelot but sometimes, even Merlin, was a coward when it came down to say goodbye.

"You know? There's nothing wrong with coming to visit the grave of the people you once cared about." Arthur said gently and glanced at Merlin sideways. "And it's no crime to cry for your losses." Arthur was never going to tell him again that he didn't have the right to cry, Merlin had the right to cry at any moment of the day if you asked him.

"You keep saying that, but in all the years I have worked for you I don't think I have ever seen you cry, you know?" Merlin sniffed again and looked to the side, a chuckle escaping his lips. "I actually wonder what will take to make you cry, you know, in front of people."

"Princes and Kings can't afford such luxuries, Merlin," Arthur said in a strong but gentle voice. "We can't allow our people to see us cry. We are the strength of the kingdom, if we look weak, the rest of the kingdom weakness as well, but that's just politics— what's your excuse? Why have you never come here before?"

Merlin sighed as he looked down at his hands, playing idly with the grass.

"I know it's stupid. I mean… I saw him d—die, I was right there and still… when Will died, as much as I cried it looked eerily farfetched. Like a very well planned death. It all happened too fast; we burned his body the same day of the battle Arthur and after that we returned to Camelot. I never had time to really think about his loss. It was only when I was back in Camelot that I understood what it really meant to lose someone. Back then I had not met my father and no one close to me had ever died."

Arthur nodded heavily, thinking of the first person he lost. The first time you lose someone is the worse, you are not prepared and you don't know how to cope with the pain. Arthur had known such pain at the tender age of twelve, too young to understand and old enough to remember.

"It doesn't get worse than this, Merlin," Arthur assured him and then smirked at the tomb. "Although I don't know if he would like me here, he didn't like me much, did he?"

"No, no he didn't," Merlin smirked amiably. "But he did tell me you were a good person, right before he… well— he was right. I only wish he could be alive to see both of us. He had the idea you will kill me, once you found out."

Arthur sighed annoyed. Why does everybody think that?

"You never talk about him much," Arthur said after a moment. "What was he like?"

Merlin glanced at the prince dumbfounded and Arthur raised his brows. "What?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Why not? It's part of the whole… dueling thing. It's custom, isn't it? You visit the grave, talk about the person, the gold old times, you cry a little and only then you will find peace." Arthur waved a hand dismissively. "It's rather easy."

Merlin blinked. "I don't know if what you just said was wise or just blunt."

"Oh, fine, you don't have to tell me." Arthur said and looked at the tomb again. "But it will never let you at peace unless you do so."

"I'll make you a deal." Merlin said after a long while where he toyed with the vase. "I'm not stupid you know? I know my mother told you things… I begged her not to but you showing up here just out of the good of your heart?" He scoffed. "Im not as stupid as you think."

Arthur barked a laugh, truly amazed. "I can't believe you know your mother that well!"

"She has a way with words that can make people bend to her will. It's uncanny. She told you not to come but you came… that was her doing Arthur, all hers." Merlin smirked good-naturedly and Arthur could for a moment there see the resemblance of his father in him. Merlin was so like Hunith it was hard to decipher where his strength and boyish attitude came at times.

"So? What's the deal?"

"I'll tell you about Will, my first loss, if you tell me yours," Merlin said with an open face, hear about someone else's loss might help. "You don't have to agree, I know, but… well, I think it's fair?"

The silence prolonged long enough to make Merlin think that maybe he had crossed a line, he was about to take it back when Arthur talked.

"Fine, you won't like it, at all, but if that is what you want… fine." Arthur said after some heavy thinking. Edmund was not a story he shared often, probably the only soul who knew besides him was Leon, but after all he had heard from Merlin and his past Arthur thought it was only fair, besides, if learning about Edmund helped matters with Merlin and Will then so be it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Owen and Gwaine were making their way down the forest in silence. All they could hear was the sound of the hooves of the horses against the path, the sounds of the forest around them and their beating hearts. The place where Elyan and the rest had gone missing was still hours away but the knights were not going to test their luck.

An hour later they found a little river and both knights descended to give their horses a break. It was then when suddenly Owen rigidly stood up, Gwaine, who was lazily leaning against a tree, straightened, a hand flew to the hilt of his sword.

"What—"

"Shhhh." Owen raised a hand as he turned on his heels looking around. He motioned past the river where the foliage of the forest was thicker. "Over there."

Gwaine couldn't hear anything but he walked closer to the edge of the river, Owen by his side, eyes straining to see something besides trees and bushes.

"Maybe it was an animal," Gwaine said after a tense minute went by. "Maybe—"

This time they both heard a clear sound of something—or someone—crashing down the woods, both knights stood their grounds as their horses started to get anxious. Gwaine and Owen waited…. and waited, and then, out of the blue, a man covered in mud came bursting from the bushes straight into the water.

The knights unsheathed their weapons at once but they shouldn't have worried, the man wasn't going to attack them. If anything, he seemed oblivious to their presence as he drank as much water as he could get with his dirty hands. Owen and Gwaine shared a glance before they lowered his swords, it was awkward, to be standing at different sides of the river and just be ignored.

"Do you think he needs help?" Owen asked with pity as he heard the man laugh. "Maybe he's injured, I could help."

Gwaine sighed. "The folk was probably just lost and—"

In that moment the man looked up, now, with his face clean, both knights were left speechless and frozen in place. The gurgle of the river and the neighing of the horses were the only sounds that could be heard for a moment. Owen dropped his sword in shock as Gwaine shook his head, taking a step back. It was impossible, and still the man at the other side laughed again but this time in relief.

Owen and Gwaine crossed the river in a blink of an eye, all stupefied grins and relieved laughs.

Elyan, Elyan was alive.

A/N: Well, this was as far as I got! I wrote three chapters for this same chapter and this was the best version of it. I never intended for Hunith's talk to be so long! But in the end it just fitted and I let it be. (In my other chapter Arthur and Hunith went 'cake-ingredients-shopping' to make Merlin a birthday cake. As cute as that was it didn't fit anywhereeee, but I saved a piece of that information for the next chapter) and yes, Arthur forgot Merlin's birthday, (Which is not 'today' but 'tomorrow' let's see if he compensates for that later.

Thank you for your reviews and follows once again! Have a lovely day! (Dying from happiness due to all the reviews) thank you, thank, thank you, thank you a hundred times.

So? What do you think of Elyan being alive? Will he be the only one? Also, what's with this famous Edmund? And if things go according to plan Arthur will be meeting Kilgharrah pretty soon. Wonder how that will go, I haven't written that bit just yet.

I have a question for you though, if you lived in Merlin's universe which stones do you think you would have, some reviews talked about Morgana's stones, which were very interesting points of view, but which ones you think would fit you? There are six; create, heal, eradicate, destroy (This might apply if you do some kind of martial art?) serve/protect, and rule/prevalence. Remember all of them obey to you, so there are no good or bad stones. What do you think you will be good at? (You can have more than one or can have them all but you will always be best at one the most)

Lolly: Thank you for your review! So glad to hear you are liking the story so far, Morgana will make her appearance soon enough, lets see how many readers are surprised with her plans.

Suricata: thank you for the review, and once again it was an interesting one, never thought Morgana could be a creator, but there is sense in your words, she's an amazing crafter of artifacts after all, could be a healer if she wanted. There will be explanation on Owen's life later in the story, will catch you unguarded. (I hope)

-Juliet'lovestory-