'What the hell is her problem anyways? She should be going to a damned correctional school, not some stupid private school. Stupid bitch. I can't wait until I don't ever have to see her again.' I thought to myself upon entering my room and slamming the bedroom door closed behind me. The sound of which was pretty loud but, in that moment, I couldn't care less. I was just too mad.

Before making my way over to my bed, I turned back towards the door and this time made sure to lock it. I thought it had been locked in the first place but, unless Robby had suddenly become an expert locks picker, which I highly doubted, I suppose I must have forgotten. Which only made me even more mad, though this time at myself. The whole reason I had a door that locked was to keep Robby out. To stop him from coming in and bugging me or taking my things.

Before I was able to lock my door, he'd come visit me at least five times a day, if double that. Unwelcomely visit me at that. It didn't help matters at all that, during that whole time, he hadn't been trying to act like a little brother wanting to spend time with his new big sister. Honestly, if he weren't such a brat, I wouldn't mind him wanting to spend time with me. Despite not having a whole lot of patience, I rather liked little kids, given that all my cousins are all under the age of ten. However, Robby is a brat and has shown no signs of wanting to bond with me. Only torment me and get me in trouble for things he himself does.

At first, Ben and Sandy Baker didn't want to get me a door that locked. They claimed it would be unsafe and they didn't want to make modifications to their house. Or something like that, as I could no longer really remember the reasons past safety. Anyways, I think it must have been my endless complaining about my lack of privacy that finally made them agree to get me one of those doorknobs that locked from the inside. Although, I do have a feeling that the Child Care Service people also had a hand in it as well. About how they managed to convince by mentioning something along the lines of keeping me happy during my stay and all. Hah, if only.

'There, now no more pesky foster brothers or babysitters will be able to bother me tonight.' I thought and took a moment to stare at my locked door. Well, that is of course, unless they decided to annoy me by banging on it. Which I knew was a possibility but didn't think I had to worry about that for now. Not that there was anything I could do about that even if it did ended up happening. At least no one would be able to get inside and I'd be able to finally get back to my reading.

Finally turning myself away from the door, I walked back over to my bed and looked down at the manga in my hand. Thankfully, upon expecting it, nothing seemed wrong with it. The front cover looked a little wrinkled and the book itself was kind of bent from my grip being so tight but that was about it. None of the pages appeared to be ripped or bent out of shape so it seemed I had managed to get it back in time. Not that Robby would have had the time to do anything as I was chasing him, but he has destroyed one of my manga's before so I wouldn't put it past him.

Only last time he destroyed it by coloring in it. And of course he didn't get in trouble even when I showed his parents. According to them, because the manga had been in black and white, as most are, they excused it as him thinking it had been some kind of coloring book. Considering how young Robby is, and how mindless I myself would be at that age, it's an explanation I'd probably have accepted. If it weren't for the fact that he had still invaded my personal space, stole my book and colored in it without asking.

Unfortunately, I still hadn't been able to get a replacement for that book. Manga was rather hard to come by in the town I lived in. We technically didn't have a bookstore and the library only had a select few which I could only take out for so long at one time. I preferred my own books, so I could come back to them whenever I wanted without having to look for them. The manga that had been ruined had been a volume of Naruto, which happened to be one of the first series I had gotten into manga wise.

In fact, before I had gotten into Vampire Knight as much as I am today, Naruto had been my all time favorite series. Though I was more a fan of the anime, I also owned a good handful of the manga. Back in those days, however, getting my hands on any book really had been even harder then it is now. So I'd resort to reading what I could over the internet, having managed to find a website that uploaded translated pages for people like me to read. I still that to this today too, either with Vampire Knight volumes that weren't released yet or any other series that caught my attention.

Sometimes my parents wound up buying me these books but it wasn't often I had my own money to do it myself. And even when I did, I could only do so if my parents took me to the bookstore in the next city over. So, when that finally happened, it is a day I still haven't forgotten about. Hehe, when my mom saw what I was buying she became confused and told me that she herself would never be able to read such a thing. Not because of the subject itself but the whole aspect of reading backwards was strange to her. Even after I tried to show her it wasn't as hard as she looked my mom was adamant she'd still never be able to read manga herself.

I really miss my mom. We had that kind of relationship where we didn't always agree or get along but we had a good enough bond. I also missed my dad. He was what my mom called 'the fun' parent. I loved the way I used to wrestle with him and overall just play around. Normally it consisted a lot of playful shoving, though usually only when the other was standing in front of the couch. Hell, I even missed my annoying, younger sister. She had only been four years younger than me, and a real brat, but she was still my sister and I loved her. Even if we did drive our parents crazy with our fighting, and she'd push my buttons more times than I can count, I'd never wish for her death.

Before I knew it, my entire body begin to tremble as pain resonated throughout my chest. A tightness that felt as though something were squeezing my heart and restricting my lungs; making it near impossible for me to breath. It hurt. It hurt so bad and, in that moment I wanted to scream. Scream until my throat was raw or maybe even break something. Instead I simply flopped onto my bed as my legs gave out on me and allowed the tears to flow freely from my eyes.

I should have been with them last night. I shouldn't have stayed home. It was stupid, selfish and overall just a bad daughter. And a bad big sister. Maybe if I was with them things could have turned out differently. They could have left later than they did and avoided that oil truck altogether. Or even left sooner, since I wouldn't have wanted to stick around for too long after the play. And even if it didn't change anything, at least then I would be dead as well. I wouldn't be here, suffering this pain all on my own.

What made things even worse is I couldn't remember if I told my family I loved them before they left that night. When I tried to think back to it everything became a bit of a blur. The only clear part about it were the last words I had been told. We love you, be good. We'll see you when we get home is what my parents had told me. Funny, I once had a teacher that told us that you should never say 'see you later' to someone, since you'll never know what will happen. I thought it was stupid at the time but I guess she was right. As for my sister, she simply gave me a see ya response before following our parents to the car.

As the pain in my chest grew exponentially worse I sobbed heavily into my pillow, having let go of my manga to lay on my stomach. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Why did my family have to die that night? They were good people and deserved to live. My sister had only been twelve for Gods sake. And as for me, I really shouldn't be here either. If anyone had deserved to die that night, it would have been me. My family would have probably been grieving just as heavily as I was now, but at least they'd have each other to give one another comfort. Me, I had no one.

Gasping for air in between my sobs, I coughed as the tightness in my chest became too much and lifted my head from my pillow; which had become soaked with my tears. Ignoring the wetness, I laid the side of my head on it and stared out in front of me as I tried to stifle my sobbing. Each breath I took hitched and my throat burned as if I had spent a good hour or so screaming my lungs out. With how hard I had crying, maybe I might as well have. Only, considering the Bakers weren't home yet, I knew it couldn't have been that long.

Continuing to lay there for a few minutes, I turned my eyes towards the manga I had placed down before throwing myself into my pillow. The manga laid right next to me and had been placed front cover facing down. So, as I continued to try to get control of my crying, I simply stared at the back cover. However, I neither paid attention to the volume's summary or even the little picture. I just kind of stared at the book as thoughts caused by hurt and depression filled my mind.

"I wish I could go there, to the Vampire Knight world. I need to get away from everything here and get a new start on life. Hell, any world would be preferable to this one." I muttered to myself and lifted a hand to rub the tears from my eyes, sniffling. My tears had begun to burn, which was something that tended to happen to me if I cried for long periods of time. It feels similar to that feeling someone gets when they cut onions. Not wanting to deal with that along with the pain already emanating throughout me, I began to attempt to calm myself down.

Even though it was mostly the depression talking, I truly did want to leave this world. My parents and sister were dead. Instead of being moved in with another family member, I was forced to live with a foster family that probably didn't even want me here. Not to mention that, within the last three weeks, not one of my other family members had tired to reach out to me. Why was that? Did they not care about me? Did they not want to take me in? Would I just be a burden to them and they thought I was better with a foster family? I really didn't want to think any of this was true but I had really believed I would be living with my aunt at this point.

Also, if it weren't for the fact that I was neither suicidal or had a fear of pain, it's likely I'd probably be cutting myself. As it is, I do have a fear of pain and, though my depression can get pretty bad at times, I've never actually seriously considered taking my own life. Pretty ironic for someone who's wish she could die, huh? Besides, though my faith has been rather shaky lately, there were still things I believed in. One of them being that suicide is a sin and is gravely judged upon.

Finally, after what felt like ages, I managed to calm myself down. My eyes still kind of burned and my face was kind of damp from the tears but the pain inside my chest slowly faded away. My breathing also returned to normal and, before I could stop myself, I sat myself up as a heavy yawn escaped my lips. Unsurprising I was suddenly feeling really tired. That normally happened after I manage to calm down for a large crying fit. It takes a lot of energy out of me but, on the bright side, at least it made falling asleep much easier. And I'd much rather get tired than get a headache.

Yawning a second time, I decided to just go to bed. I had school in the morning anyways and, though it was earlier than I usually went to sleep, the extra couple hours sounded nice. Besides, if I fell asleep now, it means I'd be able to avoid the wrath of Robby's parents for something I didn't do when they got home. Well, I suppose I did grab Lisa but it wouldn't surprise me if she claimed I punched her or something. She may not even need a mark to 'prove' I did it. So, yeah, might as well fall asleep now before the night got even more stressful...

"Mommy, Daddy, you're home!"

'Crap, too late'

Two chapters edited :3 please review to tell me what you thing of the changes

August 13th 2020: So, originally i had only edited this chapter. Fixed the spelling, grammer and added a couple lines here and there. Although, after going through chapters 3 and 4, and surprising myself with how much I rewrote with them, I came back here. My reason for doing so is, after 7-8 years, I see how I would do things differently. Case in point making things sound better and both taking out but putting in emotion where it's needed. Such as with the character grieving. I made it more emotional since she is highly emotional, so it made sense to me. This chapter is now over 1,000 words longer than it used to be, not including this new author note here. And I have kept all 4 chapters from what they were before saved onto my computer