Chapter 2: As his world went up in flames

"When we were young we were the ones, the kings and queens oh yeah, we ruled the world."

'Brother' by Kodaline.

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A decade before Hawk's Vanishing is when this segment of the story starts.

It features Todoroki Touya, the eldest sibling of the Todoroki Household.

The Todorki family was not a happy family.

Not the slightest.

But anyway, enough of the narrator rambling, and onto the story.

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When Todoroki Touya was 13 years old, he was sold to the Hero Public Safety Commission.

He knew why he was sold, but it wasn't the reason most would think.

It wasn't that they needed money, no. Even if Touya hated Endeavour, he had to admit the hero had his uses. Hacking and taking from his bank account was scaringly easy, and Touya was no stranger to the mountain of cash under his father's name.

He also knew it wasn't because he had caught the government's eye. Even though Touya was a dual quirk wielder, there was no mistake that he held the wrong quirks. He wielded one of the hottest fires in existence, yet was able to survive inhumanly cold temperatures. Obviously, the two quirks did not go well together at all, causing Touya himself to be deemed a failure.

(Was there any hero potential for a boy with a fire quirk that had a body for ice?)

So it wasn't because of money, and it wasn't because of skill. Touya knew why he was sold, though.

It was because he was always in the way.

The failure that kept tainting Endeavour's masterpiece.

("His name is Shouto! And he's my little brother!")

The nuisance that always mouthed off, disrespected him and kept on doting on the masterpiece, no matter what Endeavour did.

So yes. Todoroki Touya knew why he was sold.

Touya didn't blame his siblings for not fighting back as hard as he did. Both Shouto and Natsu were too young to understand, them being four and seven respectively. And Fuyumi… oh good god, Fuyumi.

If Touya were to name his top three failures, Fuyumi would be up there. It wasn't her fault that she never fought back. From the day she demonstrated her quirk, the ability to produce snow, she was shunned.

She was told she was worthless from the start. Endeavour had completely, thoroughly ripped apart her self confidence before she even started elementary school.

Touya was her brother. He was her big brother, and he should have seen the signs. He should have seen how Fuyumi always put others first and held little to no care for her own well being. He should have seen her self doubt, on how she would stress over any little thing. She was meek, back then, and Touya should have seen why.

Mother had tried, he knew. But even then, her mental stability was slowly falling apart.

(It also didn't help that Touya had the face of her abuser—)

And part of the reason was Fuyumi herself.

She once told him she didn't deserve the help. That it was alright, she'd only be taking a spot from someone else, someone who deserved it. And being six and five years old respectively, Touya had only given her a hug and told her it wasn't true.

Fuyumi was a great-no, a terrifyingly exceptional actor. She was able to fool Mother, and later on even Natsu and Shouto. The only one to ever see through her facade was Touya himself. And the only reason he saw was that he knew her before she donned her mask.

That didn't stop the guilt Touya always felt, though. Coupled with the shame whenever Fuyumi managed to fool him.

He always felt as if he should have done more. No matter how hard he tried, he could never convince his sister she was celebrated. And oh god, did Touya try.

That was why, when Natsu came and grew to be quirkless, along with the sign of relief that the Todoroki's (sans Endeavor) collectively breathed, Touya made sure to show just how much exactly his little brother was loved.

He had failed once, and he wasn't going to fail again.

And for the most part, Natsu didn't crumble to the self-confidence issues Fuyumi consistently suffered through. Whenever Endeavor knocked him down, Touya would always be there to build him back up again.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Because he was the big brother, and this was his duty. If his father was going to be an Asshole with a capital A, then it was Touya that had to step up to be the parental figure in his siblings' lives.

(If you asked Todoroki Rei a decade later, about her eldest son, she would get a distant look in her eyes, and melt just that little bit. He would tell you of how Touya was a boy who loved, a boy who loved much too much. He was angry, so very angry, but that fact remained that he was kind. He cared, and spread his love so far. In the end, maybe it was that that broke him, his ability to love.)

And when Shouto was born, Touya was all too ready to take on the role of elder brother once more. At that point their mother was crumbling, he knew. She was quiet, withdrawn.

(She flinched whenever he raised his voice—)

His mother's condition only served for him to hate Endeavour further.

And for exactly three years and seven months since little Shouto's birth, things were somewhat okay, in the Todoroki household.

But their peace was shattered the moment little Shouto awakened his quirk.

Mother had cried that day. Silent sobs, silent screams. The house was always too quiet.

Fuyumi had a near panic attack.

Natsu didn't understand.

Endeavour… Endeavour looked at little Shou-chan with this kind of greed and excitement in his eyes, the kind to make shivers go up Touya's spine.

But what more, Touya remembers the absolute guilt he felt.

The moment Shouto awakened his quirk, Endeavor had thrown him aside.

He was worthless.

Useless.

A failure.

And even though he knew that Endeavor was not a good man, one of the worst, in fact, he didn't understand why it just hurt so much.

Endeavour had ripped apart his sister's self-confidence. Endeavour was the reason that his mother was crumbling. Endeavour was the reason that every single one of them had to tiptoe around the house, footsteps forever quiet, and halls forever empty.

Endeavour was the reason for the constant burns up and down his arms and legs.

And yet… when he tossed him aside in favour of Shouto, he was… angry.

He didn't understand it at the time. It wasn't as if he liked being trained by Endeavour. Quite the opposite, in fact.

And he knew it wasn't because he hated Shouto. Th-that was ridiculous! Shouto was his baby brother! He loved him‒He loves him.

Then why, why was he so angry?

And apparently, he didn't hide it as well as he thought he did, because one day when Shouto was a little over four years old and Touya was icing his baby brother's bruises, he asked the older boy very quietly if he hated him.

Touya, startled, had stilled.

What made you think that? He had asked, voice distant.

And little Shouto had replied with, you're always so angry, Tou-nii. An-and sometimes, when you see me, you get even angrier.

Touya's hands had dropped to his lap. He was still, very, very still.

Tou-nii?

At the sound of his baby brother's voice, Touya had just … cracked.

Wrapping his baby brother into a hug, breathing unsteady, all Touya could feel was shame, guilt and more shame. What kind of brother was he, if his baby brother thought he hated him? Did he fail as a big brother? Why did he still feel that gripping in his chest, whenever Endeavour was training Shouto and not him? Why, why?

(Was he any better than Endeavour?)

Good lord, he didn't understand. Endeavour's training was hell and he had first-hand experience. Was he jealous of his baby brother? Why would he be? And even if he was, what in the nine realms could he even be jealous of?

You are my baby brother, Shouto. He had whispered to him, voice cracking and body tense. I could never hate you. I am so sorry you thought that. I- I just—I don't know why I'm so angry.

I don't know why, and I'm trying to find out but— I love you, okay? I love you, baby brother. Never forget that, Shouto.

And his brother had hugged him back, burying his face in his shirt, and whispered to him, I love you too, Tou-nii.

After that, alongside his anger, he felt guilt. Guilt that he felt the clawing pain in his chest in the first place.

(Only later, many years later, in fact, would he finally realize that despite everything Endeavour put him through, he still craved the parental affection that he had been starved of. He had filled his brothers and sister's cracked hearts with unconditional sibling love, but all the while his own was never filled. In the later years, his mother could not so much even look at him, and his fath—his sperm donor was the furthest thing from a parent he could ever think of. But Touya only came to this conclusion later, much later.)

But anyways.

Touya remembered the day Endeavour sold him to the commission. He remembered it very clearly.

Little Shouto was only five years old. Only a few months after his mother had snapped, pouring boiling water over his baby brother's face.

She had said it was because Shouto's left side with his red hair and blue eye reminded her of him.

(Wordlessly, Touya had wondered what that made him, with his head full of bright red and both eyes startling blue.)

Touya didn't dare tell a soul, but the truth was, he was kind of glad that his mother was not in the house anymore. He knew it was wrong. He knew, but he just could not stop the feelings. To not want your mother was single-handedly wrong, and he knew how much his siblings were hurting, but the selfish feeling remained nonetheless. Whenever he walked into a room without his mother flinching away at the sight of his face, he couldn't help but just breathe a sigh of relief.

He knew he looked like Him.

He knew he looked like Endeavour.

His mother never failed to remind him of that, even if she could not stop her fear. It wasn't her fault, everyone knew. But the reminder was still there.

He hated it.

The night before, little Shou-chan had snuck into his room, tears streaming down his face and clutching his stomach, repeating Tou-nii it hurts, it hurts so much, it hurts Tou-nii, it hurts, hurts—

And with that, Touya knew.

Endeavour would not let Shouto a single day of rest. Touya would know, he had been through the same thing.

But the look on his baby brother's face, Touya knew he had to do something. He was the big brother. He was the only one that could fight back.

Shouto needed a break. Endeavour would not give it to him.

Touya knew what he needed to do.

So the very next morning, after pressing a soft kiss to his still sleeping baby brother's forehead, he marched, with his head held high, to his father's training room.

Train me, he had said.

Endeavour had narrowed his eyes, then.

Train me, he insisted.

So he did.

Endeavour trained him.

Now, it was no secret that over the years, Touya managed to get a better grasp on his quirk. Control was what he needed.

Still, trying to master a fire quirk with a body suited for ice with no support equipment whatsoever was near impossible.

Near impossible, though. Not impossible.

But it still hurt like hell.

For hours, they trained.

And for hours, Touya burned.

It was nothing short of torture.

His skin was fizzling, his body hurt to even think.

But Touya did not stop. He just gritted his teeth and painstakingly picked himself up, because every single moment he was here with his father, it meant that the Bastard was nowhere near his siblings. Nowhere near little Shouto.

A fair trade.

Touya had never gone on for this long before. He knew it was nothing to do with him being older or him building up resistance, or even him having a better grasp on his quirk.

Touya knew, just like the mantra repeating itself in his head, of why he was doing this.

For little Shou-chan.

Why he was burning.

For Yumi.

Because now, Touya had a drive.

For Natsu.

To protect, and to shield. He was the eldest, the older sibling. If he didn't do it, who would?

For Shou-chan.

Endeavour looked down at him, sprawled on the ground. Distaste and anger burning in his eyes.

For Fuyumi.

Again, Touya got back up.

For Natsu.

Again, Endeavor had spat out. Again.

For Shouto.

Again, Touoya mumbled, repeating after him.

For Fuyumi.

And once more, Touya set himself on fire.

For Natsu.

But this time, he couldn't keep in the screams.

Again, Endeavour had told him. Again.

He couldn't see Endeavor. Had he left? If so, then why could he still hear his voice?

Failure.

Like a puppet with strings cut, he crumpled to the floor.

Worthless.

Distantly, he was aware of other voices, not his, panicking in the background.

But why? No one ever came to help him before. Why would they now?

Again.

He didn't pay it much attention.

Nuisance.

Everything was… numb.

Yeah, numb.

Touya was numb. It didn't feel right, though. Wasn't he supposed to feel something … not numb?

He couldn't really remember.

Again, he had told him.

Again. Again, again, again.

Was there no end?!

He was tired. He was so, so tired.

No one was coming. He would know.

But it still didn't stop it from hurting.

Again, he had told him.

Touya didn't get back up, after that.

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When Touya came to, the first thing to realize was that he wasn't in his room.

The second thing he realized was that he wasn't even in his house anymore. The house that he spent his life in was a traditional one, with tatami mats and sliding wall panels and the smell of maule's quince that Mother always loved.

Here, wherever here was, it was… different. It felt different.

His third thought was panic-filled. Where are my siblings?

His fourth thought only furthered his panic. Why is there something over my eyes? Why can't I open my eyes?

And then: why can't I move?!

"Ah," a voice suddenly spoke up, interrupting Touya's jumbled thoughts. Touya jerked, as he didn't hear anyone enter the room. "You're awake." A woman. Had she been there when he was asleep?

Not giving her any response, Touya immediately came to the conclusion that he didn't not like the owner of the voice. It was one of fake kindness and calm, too forcefully gentle to be true.

"You are not at the Hospital."

Touya was tempted to refute back with a why not? but decided against it. The last thing he remembered was-

Ah. Right. The training.

Fire.

Burning himself alive—

"Your injuries are intensive. Do not try to speak. You have a breathing tube in."

I-what? Ah-okay. Sure. Fine by me.

"You are at the Hero Public Safety Commission."

The what now.

"Your father sold you. You are now in our legal custody."

Okay. Sure— wait. Back up. Sold?!

"Uncooperativeness will lead to punishment."

Could you repeat the sold part, please?

"From today on, you will be known as nothing more than Nova. Todoroki Touya will now cease to exist. Any failure on your part will result in punishment."

What is going on?

"Are we clear, Agent Nova? Nod if understood."

Agent?

Touya, in fact, did not understand. His mind was still spinning.

"Are we clear, Agent Nova?" the voice repeated.

Touya could only give a meek nod, disconcerting the fact he still had no idea what just happened. He ignored the fact he was still numb, drugs no doubt still pumping in his system.

(It made the pain easier, anyways. He wasn't complaining.)

"Excellent. Get some rest, Agent Nova. We will continue this conversation at a later date."

And with that, the woman was gone.

What. Just happened?

Only many days later, when the woman came back, and his eyes were unbound, he was shown a security clip of Endeavor in a hospital room, handing him over all too willingly to the formal suited people. Him, unconscious and covered in bandages, and every other occupant in the room rigid and expressionless. He also saw the meager wage of money that passed from the Commission people to his father.

And with the seeing of the video, erased all hope that this was a dream.

Do you have any questions? They had asked.

When can I leave this place, was his answer. When can I see my siblings?

You misunderstood, they had said. You were sold to us. You are ours now. Until you are either deployed or finished with the training, you are not to leave this campus. This additionally means no outside contact as well.

'This is your new prison' was not employed. Yet Touya heard it loud and clear.

Todoroki Touya was 13 years old when his father sold him to the Commission.

And his only thoughts at the time, aside from the confusion, was what's going to happen to my siblings?

Because out of everything that was going on around him, it was his sibling's fate that he was scared for the most.

(Because Yumi and Natsu and Little Shou-chan was his entire world, he had to keep them safe, safe from the fires and silence and safe from Him-)

Once a big brother, always a big brother.

Was he so weak that landed himself in this position? Why was he so useless?

Now he was taken away and his sibling's shield was gone. Touya had all but left his little brothers and sister to the monster. Alone.

Why was he so weak?

He was one damn shitty brother, that was for sure.

Touya distinctly realized the tears trailing down his cheeks.

Todoroki Touya was 13 years old when he last saw his family.

And he wouldn't be seeing them for a long, long time after that.