Secret Santa
Day Twenty One (Part 5)

"How does one go about being family?" The thought rattled around in Toshiro's feverish brain, his head resting on what should have been a cool pillow which alleviated the suffering he felt. One arm pulled under his head, his teal eyes now glued on the wall while he breathed slowly so he might not have a coughing fit; his tongue felt dry from the fever as well.

"Taicho… if she starts doing that to you again leave and walk away. I know its rude to do, but if I'm not here or someone else isn't get away from her. At least until she's better."

Letting out a sigh, he turned onto his back while his eyes remained glued on the ceiling, the corners of his mouth curling while his mind continuing taking in what occurred over the last few weeks. His hands rested at either side, his mind attempting to take in how he felt. "How can I really know how I feel when Momo made me feel so wrong for thinking about anything related to…"

"She wasn't right." Hyorinmaru's voice echoed through his mind

"I wasn't thinking she is." Toshiro's eyes slowly opened and closed, a sigh escaping. "How do I really feel about them being my parents? Is it okay wanting my mother – calling her my mother, as if I were some tyke in need of comforting?"

"If only there was someone your physical age to ask."

Toshiro's eyes opened and closed, not quite understanding what his zampaktuo was getting at. "I don't follow."

"Your mind is feverish."

"Don't avoid telling me whatever it is."

"Normally you'd get mad at the idea of anybody treating you like a child."

"Don't have the energy."

"But isn't that what you're worried about without realizing it, in a way? Aren't you worried about at least acting your age and not a bit younger? You're so used to acting an age far above your own physical age you don't actually know what you should do when you're meant to act your age. After all, they are your parents, so there are certain situations now where they are the ones to act like an adult and you are free to act your age."

"That…" Toshiro let out a sigh, sitting up while his dragon lectured him about getting out of bed. He rubbed his neck slightly in an attempt to get out the stiffness. "I'm thirsty. And – Rangiku insists that I rest and let her worry about the paperwork. She didn't say I have to do that here."

Of course, saying that didn't prevent him from slipping on the uniform, his mind not liking the idea of heading out in his sleepwear. Changing out of the clothing also felt good, given the fact he sweated quite a lot as he slept. He headed straight for the bathroom and splashed water in his face before cupping some water in his hand and drinking his full.

He then headed towards the office, completely expecting a lecture from Rangiku when he arrived. He stopped in the doorway, his eyes focusing in on her empty desk before glancing over at his. Toshiro's mouth opened, wondering if she really did indeed do the paperwork as she promised. "It's okay if she didn't because that is who she is. It would be weirder…"

Walking softly, he approached her desk, his bright teal eyes taking in the stack of finished papers on her desk before looking right over at his and seeing no paperwork what-so-ever. His mouth opened, wondering if the number of papers in the outbox actually consisted of all the papers Rangiku worked on before walking over towards the couch, peering underneath just in case.

Taking a deep breath, he sat down, the silence of the office bothering him, his mind wondering what Rangiku was up to. "I feel so needy. I'm a taicho of the Gotei Thirteen, so me…" Letting out a deep breath, he flopped onto his back. "This isn't going to work out. I mean, how does one go about being family when they never acted that way before?"

His arms folded behind his head and he found himself nodding off, half-asleep so he heard the snoring coming from his throat yet feeling so much better sleeping there than in his bedroom, or at least he did until he felt something pounce on his chest and he let out a gasp, a few coughs escaping from his lungs. "I heard something very interesting today!"

Toshiro's eyes opened, one hand rubbing the heavy sleep from his eyes.

Sitting on his stomach was a fiendishly pink monster – or at least a monster with fiendishly pink hair on the top of her head. He set his pen down, wondering what the Fukutaicho of the eleventh division was doing perched on his stomach. His mouth twisted slightly, then said, "What do you want Kusajishi?"

"Is it true that Smiles is Snowball's daddy?"

"What?" He found himself staring at the young girl, wondering how such information got out given the fact he'd said nothing, but he felt sure everyone who knew – a sigh escaped his mouth, remembering how he'd figured out his Secret Santa; he knew exactly who let the fiendish monster in front of him know.

He also saw her mouth twist into a pout. "What do you mean what?" She slapped her hand down onto the top of the desk. "Boobie-chan said it was true! So did Nana!"

Toshiro swallowed. "Where exactly did you learn this?"

"The Shinigami Woman's Society of course!"

He swallowed. "I still don't know what you want."

"Nothing!"

She became a blur in front of him, making him wonder who all would know by the end of the day. In the back of his mind, he already imagined division members whispering about how he was Ichimaru Gin's son, comparing him to the man. "I'm not him."

"I'm sure everyone knows that."

Toshiro let his tongue click against his teeth, taking in the words of his zanpakutuo spirit's words, deciding to converse in his head rather than where the division might hear only half of the conversation. "Do they?"

"Those who matter will know."

"By that you mean those who are close to me rather, yet not those under me who I need the respect of."

"Most know."

"It's not that simple. Not that simple at all."

"Taicho!"

Toshiro's eyes blinked, realizing he was now sitting up on the couch. "Matsumoto?"

"You're supposed to be resting."

"You're…" He glanced over at her desk, his mouth pushing together slightly. In the back of his mind, he didn't want to accuse her of not being where she should be when she did indeed keep her promise.

"Taicho…" Matsumoto let out a sigh.

"Are you going to play the mom card?"

"No. Not when we've not yet set boundaries of what's okay, given the fact…" Matsumoto took a deep breath. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I was trying to sleep on the couch for a change of pace when Kusajishi…" His eyes opened and closed. "Were you at the Woman's Society?"

"Yes." Rangiku sounded a little worried.

"Oh. I didn't know where you'd gone.

"She, what did she want?"

Toshiro swallowed. "She said nothing, but…"

"But?"

"She was excited about learning something interesting today."

"Oh, dear." Rangiku took a deep breath. "That certainly didn't go the way I wanted."

"Me neither."