Author's Notes

Thank you for your interest!

As it turns out, I draft much faster than I can type and finalise. I'm much more of a pen and paper person. The words just don't seem to come if I try and type out my ideas straight away. Anyway, I started writing out ideas for this fic while I was typing up my first fic Overcoming Darkness. That fic is by no means finished. It's based on Harry's time at Hogwarts and I've just finished year one. In that fic, the Dursleys are much crueller, more manipulative and Harry is sorted into Slytherin. I needed to take a step back and have a think about where I wanted to go with year two. So, in the meantime, I'll be typing and posting this one while drafting up year two of Overcoming Darkness.

Here's the link to Overcoming Darkness if you're interested – s/13570444/1/Overcoming-Darkness

Once Overcoming Darkness year two has a few chapters drafted, I'm planning to alternate between typing/posting both fics.

I've read some really good self-insert fanfics lately but what's bothered me about a lot of them is how easily the protagonist accepts that they are now a part of a completely different universe.

The protagonist here is loosely based around me and I can assure you that they will be less accepting of their condition.

I've been interested in writing a Marauders' era fic and have read a lot of good ones lately. So, decided I wanted to combine the two. I like the idea that there's a bit more freedom to play about as the timeline is much less rigid.

There will be swearing, there will be darker themes of abuse, mental health difficulties and so on. I just can't seem to write anything lighter or more comedic. I'm just not funny!

I'm quite flexible in where this story goes, except I want it to abide by canon or have a logical explanation for not doing so, so please let me know if you have any ideas.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy

Italics will be used for inner thoughts/commentary

Chapter One – A Magical Dream

I dragged myself to bed after a horrific day at work. The stress levels had been insane lately and I certainly hadn't been helping things by beating myself up mentally whenever I made a mistake. I try to tell myself that it's all understandable given the pressure, but my stupid brain just won't accept that. Everything has to be perfect. So instead, I write about it in my journal and will myself to think more positively. I hadn't noticed a change, yet. I kissed my fiancée, Theo, goodnight and shuffled into the bedroom, switching on the fan and tucking myself under the duvet. Theo had been going through a lot of stress lately too but he's always there for me. Always able to make me smile even on the darkest of days. We had entertained ourselves watching TV, too tired to do much else on a Friday evening after a long week of work but tomorrow would be different. We bought some wine and BBQ food and we were looking forward to just enjoying the sun and each other's company.

I snuggled deeper into the blankets and closed my eyes.
You have to pretend to be asleep to fall asleep, after all.
My mind went to the latest fanfic I was writing, mentally playing out the next chapter where I left off. Harry was in for a rough second year, that was for sure. I pondered on how Slytherin house would take him being a Parselmouth, when this time he was one of them.

Before I knew it, I was standing in Diagon Alley. The shop displays were bright and loud and the crowds dense. I could make out every tiny detail. There was some kind of toy shop, Talimaster's Toys, which had a series of stuffed animals racing around on miniature brooms in front of the store. They had gathered quite the audience of children along with their bemused parents. Weird, my dreams never were this vivid, and I had never actually dreamed of the Harry Potter Universe despite being a massive fan.
Shit I need to focus, let myself get absorbed by the dream.
Usually if I start thinking too much during a dream it gets fuzzier, I start noticing things in reality, like a car going past, and then the dream slips away. But this seemed like a fun one. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible, maybe I would even get some ideas for my fic.

I was walking behind a tall witch, it was hard to tell who she was from behind. She was pointing things out in a Scottish accent which in my opinion wasn't common enough for a School set in Scotland. We arrived at the first shop, Madam Malkins and I was ushered inside by the tall witch. I got a good look at her face and assumed she must be Professor McGonagall, she did look similar to Dame Maggie Smith with some noticeable exceptions. She looked much more like I imagined her to be when reading the books. Her hair was more black than grey, she had square glasses and her robes were a scarlet tartan rather than black. Madam Malkin's greeting confirmed my assumption. I enjoyed getting fitted for robes, they were exactly how I had pictured them. They were sort of like strange dresses with multiple layers. Nothing like the preppy school uniforms with cloaks that were used in the films. Professor McGonagall paid for my robes and we headed back out to the other shops.

I wanted to grab all the books within my reach in the bookstore but knew I didn't have time. I really, really wanted to get my wand before the dream ended so let Professor McGonagall collect the standard booklist pack from the counter. The apothecary really did stink and I was glad to be out of there with my cauldron, scales and ingredients heading to Ollivanders! The shop was, unsurprisingly, just as dusty as I pictured it, setting me off with a series of sneezes which resulted in McGonagall turning to look at me with raised eyebrows. I had no idea why my dust allergy decided to follow me into the dream. Mr Ollivander gave me several wands to try and looked at me with more and more curiosity as each wand decided not to play nice. It was quite similar to Harry's experience actually, which was probably where my brain got the inspiration from. I eventually found my match, cedar wood with phoenix core, 10 ¾ inches, unbending and exactly as described on Pottermore. I vaguely remembered something I had read about cedar wood owners being underestimated and frightful adversaries when harm comes to those they are fond of, so very Hufflepuff. Which was also my house on all the tests I had completed. The warmth spread up my arm and as I swished a series of blue sparks flew out of the tip.
"Very good, Miss Winters. We should expect interesting things from you to come".
I hope so! It would be great to have dreams like this every night.

Professor McGonagall treated me to some ice-cream, chocolate hazelnut, before we left the alley. I relished every bite, it tasted real and a bit like Ferrero Roche with the creaminess of a Bueno. I even managed to give myself some brain freeze in my hurry to consume the frozen goodness. McGonagall explained my train ticket and how to get onto Platform 9 ¾ through the barrier. She asked if I had any questions but I was content, I knew most of it anyway and if my wand was anything to go by, my brain wasn't going to come up with anything too original. Maybe if I rushed through this bit I could skip forward to the sorting!

She escorted me back to the Leaky Cauldron and into a back room used for apparition. She instructed me to hold her arm and the Leaky faded away. We reappeared in a dense cluster of trees. She gave me a moment to steady myself before leading me out of the trees, across a park and onto a main street. Something about the cars looked odd, as if they were all old but new at the same time. I couldn't quite place it. We reached an old brick building and went inside. A strict looking older gentleman greeted us and ushered us quickly up some stairs, down a corridor and into a small bedroom. There was room for a small bed, desk and wardrobe. McGonagall, now in a tartan dress instead of a robe whipped out her wand and started casting spells I didn't recognise.

"Apologies, Mr Smyth. I had to cast some spells to prevent the other children from coming in here now that Miss Winters is in possession of magical items. It's a risk to the Statute of Secrecy. Rest assured, nobody will come to harm. Anyone who tries to enter except you, Miss Winters or a fully trained witch or wizard will forget why they were coming and go back to their usual business".
The man nodded.
"That seems appropriate".
"I have paid for Miss Winters' tickets to London Kings Cross and for her accompanying adult too" she pressed the tickets into his hand.
"The train leaves at 11am on September first so be sure to make it in plenty of time. Miss Winters has her ticket for the Hogwarts Express. Term finishes in June so you will need to collect her from the station. I will send you a letter with the tickets and details closer to the time".
"You're too kind Professor. Please do thank you Headmaster for the funds, we do not have the finances ourselves to secure her specialist supplies".
McGonagall looked down at me and smiled but there was a sadness in her eyes.
"I'll see you on September 1st Miss Winters. Take care".
I gave her my thanks and she strode out of my room.

The man turned to me.
"I have told your peers and the other staff that you have been invited to a fully funded exclusive boarding school, Hogshall, in Scotland. I explained it as the last thing your mother arranged before she disappeared and that it only recently came to light when the School contacted us with the details for your first year".
"Thank you, Sir". I replied, ever polite.
"I will leave you to it. I expect you to continue to help with the upkeep of the house while you're here along with the other children but the evenings are your own. We're not far from the station so we will leave at 9am sharp on September 1st. I'll come direct to your room and escort you and your belongings".
"Thank you, Sir".
With that, he left me to my own devices. I took out a couple of books, marvelling at just how real they looked and placed them on the desk which currently housed a small, battered alarm clock and a flimsy paper calendar. It looked like one of those ones that companies gave out around New Year as free advertising. This one seemed to be sponsored by Purley Chops Butchery. I had been crossing out the days on the calendar and it looked to be 5th August, 1971. This was unsurprising given the number of Marauder fics I had been reading lately and that did explain the weird looking cars. The alarm clock showed that it was nearly 4pm. I wondered where I was and decided to go and explore. The building was a bit gloomy. There were several other rooms, which I assumed were like mine, running down the length of the corridor. The carpet and wallpaper were old fashioned, though I had no frame of reference for whether it was modern in 1971 not being born until the 90s myself. I made my way downstairs and was accosted by a middle aged woman with fly away greying hair.
"Fiona! Just the person I need. Sally has come down sick so can't help with dinner and Judith is having to help out in the infirmary. It seems there's been a bit of a case of the flu".
"No problem" I said following her into a decent sized, old fashioned kitchen.

I couldn't help but think my dream had taken a strange turn as I stood and peeled a mountain of potatoes. The lady prepared the meat filling, for what I assumed to be cottage pie, and I helped assemble it ready for the oven. We had around seventy portions baked in three trays and prepared a large pot of peas to go on the side. When finished, I helped her carry the trays into a large, canteen-style dining room. We sat the trays on a small table next to some plates and cutlery and she asked me to help serve. Around fifty kids of various ages come up to receive their portions, none of them making eye contact with me, before sitting and chatting. I grabbed my portion last and stood awkwardly facing the other children. The woman touched my arm gently.
"Come on dear with me".
We sat in the kitchen and ate together.
"I heard about your new boarding school, dear. The Headmaster announced it at breakfast. I think some of the other children were jealous, but you pay them no mind. It's a wonderful opportunity".
I nodded, not sure of what to say.

After dinner, I helped with the washing up before heading back to my room.
Weird, this must be some kind of orphanage. I wonder if this is the one Tom Riddle went to? It doesn't quite seem grim enough, but the films would have tried to make it look as depressing as possible.
I took out one of my textbooks The Standard Book of Spells: Grade One and engrossed myself, not sure of what else to do. I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of content my brain had come up with. Or did I just think there was a lot of content because I was dreaming?I wasn't sure. I rubbed my eyes with tiredness and noticed I wasn't wearing glasses. Of course not, I was eleven. I didn't start wearing glasses until I was sixteen. I'd never lasted this long in a dream before. Usually they faded out or took on some kind of strange nonsensical turn. I felt the urge to use the bathroom and was about to get up when I reminded myself that that's just my body in reality trying to wake me up to use the bathroom. If I gave in, I would wet myself in real life and wouldn't that just be embarrassing! Strangely, my dream didn't seem to be ending. Usually when this happened, I would quickly start becoming aware of my real surroundings until the dream had faded away. I willed myself to wake up. Nothing. The need to pee was getting uncomfortable. I decided to go to bed. I heard somewhere that you couldn't sleep in a dream so hopefully, I would wake up in the real world before I pissed myself. The blankets were a little thin and rough, so it took be a while to get comfortable.
Pretend to be asleep…

I woke up feeling like my bladder was going to explode. I jumped up and crashed into a very solid object that should not be there. I rubbed my eyes in confusion and stared at the object trying to make sense of it. A desk. I turned around to see the outline of a small single bed and what looked to be a wardrobe.
What the?
Then the dream came back to me. I was still in the orphanage.
Fuck!
I ran out the room and frantically tried to find the bathroom. It was at the end of the hall. I hurried inside, turned on the light, shut the door and sank onto the toilet and relieved myself. The sleep faded and the horrifying realisation set in. I peed in a dream! I'd probably wet the bed in real life.
Why wasn't I waking up?

I left the stall and looked around. The bathroom itself reminded me of the one at my old junior school. I washed my hands and stared at my reflection. Yep, the same bucktoothed, freckled eleven-year-old I remembered started back at me. My hair was even in those stupid pigtails and were tinted with more ginger than was present in adulthood. I undid my hair, gritting my teeth as it knotted, and redid it in my usual single high ponytail. I still looked ridiculous but was much more comfortable. Poor eleven-year-old, not wonder you were bullied.

I reflected on the name I had been given here Fiona Winters, the alias that I used for Hogwarts Mysteries.
Real inventive brain.
I headed back to my room, 4:17am. Wow, this dream was going on for a long time. My anxiety decided to kick in, just for a bit of fun.
Oh God, what if I can't wake up. What if I'm trapped here? That would explain why it's going on for so long. What if I'm really in a coma. Oh fuck, what happened? A brain haemorrhage? Poor Theo would be beside himself with worry. No stop it. STOP IT. I am being utterly ridiculous. This was turning out to be a nightmare, that's all. I just had to keep some level of conscious thought about reality and I would wake up soon.

I went about my day slightly on edge. The children avoided me, and I immersed myself in chores thinking of the BBQ that would be taking place in reality when I woke up. When I finally retired to my room, I read until I was exhausted. I collapsed on the bed imagining being back in Theo's arms, curled up on the sofa watching TV and just relaxing.

I slowly came round to my senses. I couldn't feel another body next to me, but I probably just slept in. The blankets did feel a bit scratchy.
No that's just the weird washing powder we bought.
I opened my eyes slowly.
Fuck! Orphanage again. Oh God, I really was in a coma, wasn't I?
I could feel my heart race start to quicken.
The signs were all there, you're not mean to be able to hurt yourself in a dream but I did – twice! I gave myself brain freeze eating ice cream and hurt my knee on the desk. I also slept, that shouldn't be possible and surely I would have woken up if I pissed myself.
I started hyperventilating.
This can NOT be happening.
I tried to calm myself, having an asthma attack in the fake 1970s certainly wouldn't help.
What do I do? That's it! Do I need to die? But what if I really die? I remember hearing if you die in a dream you die in real life. Fuck. What are the rules for a coma? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Wait, maybe I'm just being ridiculous. I just need more time. Who says I'm in a coma? Maybe I'm under anaesthetic while they perform whatever operation needed to fix this madness. If I had a brain haemorrhage, I'd probably be out for a few days – maybe? Brain surgeries do take a while and they would need to give my brain time to recover before they let me wake up.
I decided that I just needed to wait for a few days, then I'd be back at home or in hospital, depending on what happened.

It didn't happen.

Over the next two weeks I tried nearly everything I would think of and was a nervous wreck. I completely lost my mind trying to do anything to wake myself up. I cut myself (just in case I had just imagined the previous pain), I started a food fight, I walked around acting as if everyone were ghosts talking about what I was planning to do when I woke up, I shouted loudly for Theo, I locked myself in my room having an existential crisis and I ran away with the intention of going to my current address in reality. All it achieved was my arm really hurting, the staff being angry, the Headteacher being weirdly understanding, the kids avoiding me as if I were a lunatic and a stern lecture from a lovely policeman who had rescued me from a couple of men, who swore they only needed my help to get in through the small bathroom window of their house as they had gotten locked out, despite the fact that I had assured him that I would fucking kill them if they tried anything dodgy. Everyday I woke up in the blasted room in the stupid fucking orphanage.
I want to go home!
I cried hysterically missing Theo with all my heart. Wondering what on earth he would be going through while I was in this fucking coma.

One night I snuck out to the archive room to find out about my backstory in this stupid dream. Perhaps, if I figured out my identity I would wake up. All I discovered was that my father was an alcoholic, reaaaally inventive brain, and my mother raised me on her own until I was three. She was neglectful and had severe mental health difficulties and dropped me here before disappearing. Again, a little more truth than comfort. My father, an otherwise kind man was not fit to look after me and perished from liver failure when I was five. My real childhood was less harrowing but that just made me miss it more. Strangely, in this coma dream I had no siblings. I guessed that my younger sisters wouldn't have been born before my mum disappeared and my older half-siblings wouldn't have associated with me without my Dad tying me into their lives. Surely, my Nan could have looked after me, or my aunt? But maybe their circumstances were much more dramatic in this dream too.

The next day I woke up again in the fucking orphanage and was in an utterly foul mood. I hid in my room all day and decided to try out magic.
Maybe that was the key, if I do magic I would wake up, almost like magic…
I easily made my alarm clock float remembering Emma Watson's demonstration in the Philosopher's Stone. I took off my annoyingly pink t-shirt and willed it to become blue pointing my wand at the fabric. It slowly changed to pale blue. Satisfied, I pulled it back over my head. I took off my skirt next changing them into shorts. Honestly, skirts and pink tops was not me. I pulled out all the items of meagre wardrobe and started changing them to fit my real personality better. It looked as though whoever collated my wardrobe wanted to scream this is a girl! Skirts were so unpractical. By the end, I had a couple of pairs of shorts, some dark blue slim jeans, some tops in blacks and blues and some pyjama bottoms, pyjama shorts and vest tops rather than the ugly looking nighties I had started with. I tackled my shoes last. I picked up a horrid pair of pink slip-ons and changed them into some medium blue converse and turned my black school shoes into some comfortable white trainers. Those both took a lot of work and I was exhausted by the end. Unfortunately, the magic did not wake me up but it did was cement in my mind that I was in a coma dream. That was not how magic was supposed to work. You couldn't just will it to do what you wanted you also needed incantations and wand movements. I stole some scissors from the kitchen and headed to one of the smaller bathrooms which were tucked out of the way by the built-in classrooms. As it was summer, few people headed this way. I snipped away at my hair giving myself a relatively recent side fringe with some feathering around my face. I didn't dare to touch the length, there was no way I would be able to make it even. I did however, make an attempt at cutting in some rough layers. My hair was quick thick and felt heavier than I was used to. It actually looked a lot better than the mess it was before. I looked in the mirror looking slightly more like my 25-year-old self.

I nicked one of the school's notebooks from the classroom supply closet along with a couple of pens, and headed back to my room. Reedham Orphanage had a built-in school which was just as depressing as the main orphanage building. The poor kids never got to leave, no wonder that hated me. I started to continue my mental health journal from my real life. By Gods did I need something to help me stay sane. If you could call my current state sane, that is. I didn't want to lose myself here, fearing that if I did there would be no going back.
Maybe dream Dumbles would be able to help, perhaps I just needto speak to someone hyper intelligent to learn the answer my consciousness wants to hear and then zap, I'll be awake.

Saturday 21st August 1971 dream-time (2020 real time, I think)

Well, this is fucking mental. First things, first, I must not forget who I am. I am in a coma, stuck in 1971 in the Harry Potter Universe. I love my fiancée Theo and need to find a way to wake up and get back to him…

The entry descended into everything I had tried so far and everything I could remember from the last few weeks of my real life. The next few days were spent the same way, detailing everything I could think of from my real life.
If I forget, then I am lost.
The same words started every entry like a mantra…

You are in a coma. You need to find a way to wake up. Don't forget your real life. Don't forget Theo.

I was gripped by madness for the remainder of the summer barely noticing time pass as I scribbled frantically in my journal day in, day out until my hand cramped and my eyes ached to much to stay awake. Food often alluded me until a stomach rumble reminded me that I needed to eat, often in the middle of the night. I would sneak down and eat ravenously from the kitchen leftovers before crashing and repeating the pattern the next day.

The headteacher visited me on 31st August to remind me that he would be accompanying me to Kings Cross the next day. I looked up from my journal long enough to nod. He looked at me strangely. I ignored his presence and continued, absorbed in my task. I didn't have time, I had to document everything I could before I got to Hogwarts. I knew it was rude but after all what did it matter? He wasn't real.