Prologue

The Show Must Go On

Seeing the Angel cry had been truly heartbreaking, Cas had never cried before. Sam hadn't even known he could.

But losing Dean had broken him.

Months passed since the pyre had been built, since Dean's wrapped body had been lovingly laid upon it and the flames lit. The memory of it Sam would never forget. He'd buried his brother before of course, but it was nothing like this.

This time Dean was not coming back.

The Angel that had returned Dean from Hell all those years before, had stood by the fire with an expression so hollow Sam had almost been waiting for him to climb into the flames and join his lover in death. Because this time there was no soul left to save. Dean was truly gone and there was no Angel, Reaper or crossroads deal that could change that.

The Angel had stared into the fire, copious amounts of tears spilling down his shaking cheeks, until his legs had given out beneath him. Then he knelt in the dirt, till the flames died and turned all to ash. Still Castiel had stayed.

The sun set and rose and set again. Days and nights passed. Still Castiel had lingered at the spot where Dean's body had last been on Earth. He'd watched the fire turn him to ash and bit by bit, floated away on the wind, leaving the Angel alone, numb with loss. A shell of what they once were. For the first time since creation he stopped counting the passing of time.

...

The low rumble of Dean's beloved Impala was both music to his ears and a stab to his fractured heart. He knew Dean was no longer the one driving her, but for the briefest of moments Castiel let himself imagine. The reality only made the loss more vivid.

"Cas?"

"Hello Sam," The Angel's voice was voided, sounding empty in a way Sam hadn't heard since he had first met him. It lacked the fierceness and reverence it had back then, but a similarity could be drawn. Though before the somber tone had been due to Castiel's lack of emotion or rather the inability to express them, not hollow in defense of them. Numbed in his desperation to avoid them. Guarded and closed off to protect himself. The pain of his grief too much for the Angel to bear.

"You need to come back home now." Sam's tone was soft but firm, weary from repeating that same line every day he'd come back, hoping this time he would be able break through to the Angel. However, the Angel remained silent, forcing Sam to continue.

Sam wished he could go easy on the grieving Angel, be more considerate of the inexperienced Castiel's feelings and give him the time he needed. But the child was growing far too quickly for him to have the luxury and what sort of an Uncle would he be if he allowed their one and only remaining parent to miss any more of their childhood, short as it would be. Dean wouldn't have wanted that.

"Kiddo's growing so quick, Cas," Sam stated, far from exaggerating. The hunter had been told that Nephilims grow at their own rate and Dean's pregnancy had proven that more than once. There were no rules to the speed, it just happened as they needed it to. It had been a shock to the first-time Uncle when he had found a toddler in the crib, where he had left an infant the night before. "You're missing so much."

"I know, Sam," The numbness was newly edged with sadness and guilt as Cas replied. He'd let down Dean and now he was letting down their child. But he just couldn't. His throat tightened as the threatened emotions welled up. Even thinking about it was too much. "I - I can't..."

"You have to eventually. Now's as good a time as any," Sam said, pausing in hope that he wouldn't have to continue what needed to be said. He wanted to remind Castiel that it had been Dean's choice to keep the baby, even knowing how unlikely his chances were of surviving a Nephilim birth. But he already knew what the Angel's response would be.

Cas would state that it was him that had impregnated Dean with the child that had killed him. He had allowed Dean to bear his offspring and he, Castiel had failed to be strong enough when Dean had needed him the most. Sam knew all this because he has had the argument before and no matter what facts or counter-arguments Sam presented and pushed for on the Angel's behalf, Cas just wouldn't listen. Stubbornly refusing to be swayed from his self-inflicted guilt.

Reassurance hadn't worked, but maybe a healthy dose of tough love might, Sam hoped. What else could he do? He had to try. "You're a father Cas, and you need to start acting like one."

"You don't understand, Sam," Cas said, turning away, avoiding the human's gaze, like he couldn't face the sad honesty in the hunter's expression, afraid it would break his resolve, shatter the fragile barrier he'd erected to protect him from what was threatening to tear at his heart.

"Then explain it to me!" Sam snapped, sleep deprivation from caring for an infant solo reducing the fuse of his temper to practically zero. "Tell me why you're letting your daughter grow up without either of her Fathers."

"Because I can't look at her!" Cas shot back, fresh hot tears spilling free as he rounded on the Winchester.

Sam quickly tried to mask the horrified confusion Castiel's words caused, grateful that the Angel had quickly looked away so he wouldn't be able to see it. He waited, sure that there must be more to that statement, a reason that didn't sound as bad as he was thinking it was right now. "Cas, you can't- ...She's innocent. You can't blame her for what happened."

"I don't, I- " the Angel gasped out in mournful denial. Castiel's head dropped, a sob catching in his throat as he forced the last few words out. "When I look at her all I see is myself... I don't want to look at my daughter and see the face of Dean's killer staring back at me."

Again, Sam wanted to argue. Wanted to grab hold of Castiel and shake him till he saw sense. Scream at him that Cas wasn't responsible. But he held back. Knowing that wouldn't work, it would get him nowhere. Castiel was too stubbornly set in his guilt ridden blame to see reason. He needed a different approach, one that would get his niece her much needed, only remaining Father.

It was true. The young Nephilim did look uncannily like Castiel and was only getting more so as she grew. Sam was convinced that once she reached adulthood you could put her in a trenchcoat and a backwards tie and pass them off as twins. But when it came to her expressions, and mannerisms, that side of the Nephilim she had inherited one hundred percent from Dean. The more the child's personality developed, the more apparent it was becoming. Yet because Castiel had kept himself away he hadn't seen it.

"I think you need to look again," Sam said sincerely, quietly catching Cas' attention, dragging him briefly away from his guilty wallowing. "Yeah, she's definitely gotten her looks from you, you two are practically a mirror image of each other... But everything else, Cas, that's pure Dean... and I'm not talking about the bowed legs and chewing with their mouth open," Sam laughed, trying to lighten the mood, in hope that he would get a smile, even a ghost of one and break the tension that was so ripe, he could almost taste it.

But he was disappointed. Cas just looked at him with questioning eyes.

He carried on before the silence could get awkward. "She's Dean's kid, Cas, through and through. He's just as much a part of her as you are. And if you'd just spend some time together, you'd see just how much of Dean is still with us."

As if to prove her Uncle's point the Nephilim let out a loud demanding cry, muffled from the confines of the car interior. Just like her Dad, the kiddo wasn't about to let anything make her late for a meal.

Sam ran his fingers through his unwashed hair in frustration, before striding wearily back the short distance to the Impala. The cries got louder, drowning out the squeak of the car door as it opened, but he hesitated before getting in, looking over to Castiel hopefully.

"Are you comin' or not?"