I burn, I ache (i will fade away)

Rachel nods, and that's that.

Minific i did on twitter yesterday that ended up getting me yelled at by everyone fhsjdfh. if you want you can pretend my other ficlet Red happens after this.

x.X.x

Rachel nods, oh so slightly, and Quinn can barely make it out. Then, well- Quinn can't make out anything much more than that because of the tears welling up in her eyes. She tries to take a deep breath to steady herself, but the air escapes her lungs, and she- she can't breathe.

Her throat swells up and she feels everything in herself tighten and expand at the same time, her chest constricting as she feels the intense urge to throw up. Her entire world feels as if it's crashing down on her, because Rachel's getting married- getting married to Finn, and Quinn will have to fucking watch, and it hurts- fuck it hurts so badly.

There's a pit in her stomach that burns, and there's a voice in her head telling her to do something, do anything, but all she can do is stand there and take the blow, the wind knocked out of her as she stares at Rachel with pained eyes.

What the fuck is happening to her?

But Finn makes Rachel happy, she reminds herself, echoing it in her brain desperately.

Finn makes Rachel happy, so she's going to go to the wedding and she's going to act like she's the happiest fucking bridesmaid in the world.

If she can't be more than that, then she'll be the damn best friend that Rachel Berry's ever had.

So she sucks in a breath, forcing air into her aching lungs, and she swallows down the lump in her throat, moving to hug Rachel.

Rachel, who's in love with Finn.

The reminder flashes through her mind like a gun shot, and she has to stop herself from grabbing onto Rachel immediately, as if it would stop her from leaving.

Rachel feels warm and tangible in front of her, but she knows it's only temporary, so she refuses to cling onto her with all she has, because she's above that.

(Isn't that what she's doing right now though? Isn't that what she so completely wants?)

Rachel, the fucking voice in her head simply tells her.

Rachel's always the answer to everything.

Rachel, who's in love with Finn.

Rachel, who's marrying Finn, and who's going to be walking down the aisle in the prettiest white dress, and who's going to say 'I do' with a sweet smile...but not to her.

It feels like a knife is pushed clean through her, and she bites down on the inside of her cheek harshly, resting her head on Rachel's shoulder.

She tries to ignore how perfectly it fits, how perfectly they fit - that's wistful thinking.

But she can't help thinking that it's true, and she can't help thinking that Rachel's making the biggest mistake of her life, and she can't help thinking that she'd do much better than Finn fucking Hudson, and-

Fuck, she can't do this. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

But she has Rachel in her damn arms anyway, and in that one second of being wrapped up in her arms...that's- that's enough.

So Quinn smiles, a teary and pathetic thing, and she ignores the thick pounding of her heart.

She ignores how she feels like her soul is being ripped out of her and trampled to pieces, and she ignores how her entire being feels as if it's in mighty agony.

So really, when that truck breaks the rest of her later on, she doesn't care.

Because Rachel's already broken her heart.