The injury doesn't improve and Alec is fighting to keep his panic under control.

Magnus just keeps losing blood and, as a warlock, the medics can't give him a transfusion lest they risk robbing him of his power and immortality. Alec won't let that happen again, not after what they went through. They give him fluids through an IV drip, monitor his heartbeat through a clip on his index finger, change the bandages every hour or so.

None of it helps. Magnus remains unconscious and the bandages keep soaking through with blood and Alec paces anxiously around the room, clenching his nails into the soft flesh of his palms. Catarina arrives a few hours into his treatment and immediately takes over her friend's care.

"Cat, what's wrong with him?" Alec demands when she steps back from her initial examination, magic fading away from her hands. "Why isn't he healing?"

The warlock looks to him, her eyes glossy with tears. "His body is struggling to cope without the obsidian that was purged from him when…" She trails and Alec clenches his jaw, turns his head away. "There are still traces of Lilith's blood inside him… The wound is reverting to the state before it was encased. Without the obsidian… I don't know if it will ever heal."

Alec swallows hard. "So, this… this is my fault. He's like this because of me."

"Alec," Catarina says firmly. "Don't do this to yourself."

Though he doesn't know what good it will do, Alec is ready to argue again. Maybe he wants Catarina to blame him like he blames himself. He wants her—or anyone—to tell him that it's his fault, that Magnus is hurt because of him. He wants her to scream at him, to hurt him how he knows he can't hurt himself without ridicule.

He doesn't get to chance to argue with her. The door slams open and cuts him off and Jace is there, panic in his eyes.

"It's Lilith," he says, halfway to breathlessness. "She's here in New York. We think she's coming for Magnus."

Alec grits his teeth. Perhaps this is what he needs. Killing the demon who did this to Magnus might cleanse his conscious.

"Lilith and Magnus are connected," says Catarina, cutting into his thoughts, her eyes and voice weighed with grief. "If you kill Lilith… It may very well kill Magnus too. She fed him with her blood, her ichor… A part of her lives inside him."

"That could be the part keeping him unconscious," Jace reasons.

"Or it could be the part keeping him alive," says Alec, swallows hard as he tears his gaze from the comatose warlock. "We need to stop her. Magnus…" His eyes close briefly, emotion overwhelming him, and he takes a forcibly steady breath. "Magnus would want to take her down, regardless of the risk to himself."

He lifts his head to Jace, filled with a steely-eyed resolve.

"Get a team together. We leave in an hour." He turns to Catarina. "Save him," he orders, a hand casting to Magnus. "I don't care what it takes. Save him."

In the end, the battle is short.

They track the Queen of Edom to an abandoned mill terminal on the Red Hook docks, a place untouched by life for years. They use Magnus's blood to find her, the traces of her ichor within him resonating with the demon. It's frightening how close she came to getting to the institute, to Magnus. They have to end this here and now.

Alec takes command with his friends and a squadron of shadowhunters, and Lilith falls to their blades and arrows. They are ruthless in their hunt. Lilith shrieks a demonic cry, a terrible, guttural wail, but all Alec can hear is Magnus and how he had screamed when Glorious pierced into the casing of obsidian.

The Queen of Edom falls and Alec feels no victory, only impatience to return to the man he loves. If The Angel is just, he won't turn this on Magnus. If there is any good left in this world, Lilith's death will not mean Magnus's too. Alec can't bear it.

There is a medic in the room when Alec hurries back to the institute, still with a quiver across his back and a bow over his shoulder, too anxious to see Magnus still breathing that he doesn't dare stop to change before arriving. The medic casts him a gentle look as he comes to Magnus's bedside and gazes down at him.

His eyes are closed. The bandages wrapped around his chest and over his shoulder are clean, recently changed. There are IV lines taped into his forearm and the back of his hand, a clip on his finger to measure his heart rate. When Alec looks to the monitor, he sees nothing out of the ordinary.

"He's still asleep," he says aloud, fighting to quash the disappointment from his tone. In his own ears, his voice just sounds hollow.

The medic cants her head in sympathy. "There's been no change." Alec presses his lips tight together and nods quickly. The medic gently touches his shoulder. "I can give you a moment alone if you need it."

Alec shakes his head. "No, just… please, just stay with him. He needs a medical professional. He doesn't need the man who stabbed him."

"Mr. Lightwood, you didn't have a choice."

"No, I had a choice," says Alec, swallows hard. "I chose to stab an angelic sword into the love of my life. I chose to hurt him rather than see him turn into a demon. I chose to kill him rather than accept him as he is."

"It wasn't him."

Alec doesn't reply to that simply because he doesn't know whether or not it's true. "I need… I need to go and write up my report on Lilith. Will you stay with him? Send for me if… if there's any change."

"Of course, sir," the medic agrees quietly, "but I still think it'd be best if you stayed."

Alec shakes his head. "I can't," he says simply, turning away from the sight of his unconscious boyfriend. "I'm sorry. I can't."

When he leaves the room, for a moment, he can't breathe. He leans back against the wall, a hand lifting to his throat, too tight suddenly. Tears rush his eyes and he inhales sharply, deeply, fighting to control himself, to calm his desperate lungs, to force the heat back from his traitorous eyes.

He can't stand to see Magnus like this when it is Alec's actions that made it so. He's the one who was holding Glorious, the one who stabbed it into Magnus's shoulder, the one who held him when he fell. He watched the man he knew come back to those dark eyes, listened to Magnus's final conscious words.

Alexander… Thank you…

He ensures that his eyes are dry and his breaths are steady before he departs for his office. Shadowhunters have been lost too, hundreds of them all across the world as well as in Alicante. His people need strength right now and they need it from him. As much as his body is begging him to break down, to just give in to his grief, he can't. He doesn't have that luxury.

Exhaustion mounts so much faster when paired with grief. By the time the next day is dawning, Alec's eyes are heavy and tired and he feels as though he wouldn't be able to stand if he tried. He has been working on his report all night and he's barely three quarters of the way through. The words keep blurring in front of him.

Even when the door clicks and pushes open, he can't find the strength to look.

"Sir," a voice murmurs and Alec musters all his energy to lift his head, wearily locking eyes with a young shadowhunter at his door. "It's Mr. Bane, sir… You told the medics to send word if there was any change."

That is motivation enough.

"What's happened?" Alec asks, his hands leaning heavily against the desk as he pushes himself up.

"I—I'm not entirely sure, sir… I think he's getting worse."

The others are gathered around Magnus's bed when Alec returns to the medical wing, hesitates in the doorway of Magnus's room. Jace has his arm around Clary's shoulders. Isabelle has her arms folded over her chest. Alec forces a deep inhale and walks into the room.

He is stony and silent as he comes to Magnus's side, the others parting instantly to let him through. He sits himself lightly on the edge of the bed, pushes a gentle hand beneath Magnus's hair to his forehead. His skin is ash-grey and freezing, yet a little damp with sweat. If Alec couldn't see breaths move his chest, he might believe Magnus to be dead.

"How long has he been like this?" he asks. To anyone else, he might sound indifferent. To the people in this room—who know him better than any others—he sounds terrified.

"The medics aren't sure," says Isabelle dutifully. "It came on so quickly." She touches her brother's shoulder, lightly so as not to irritate him. "They're doing everything they can, Alec. He's got a heat blanket beneath this one. He'll be warmer soon."

Alec sighs sadly, ducking his head. "This is all my fault."

Isabelle shakes her head. "Alec, this can't be because of you. You didn't make this happen."

"You know it's because of what we did with Glorious," says Alec, swallowing hard. "Because of what I did. Because I stabbed him. Because we killed Lilith. It's…" He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "It's my fault."

"You didn't have a choice," says Jace. "He would have killed you as a demon and we couldn't let Lilith live. She would've kept coming after him. She would have killed everyone in this building to get to him."

Alec takes a steadying breath. "Can you give us a minute, please?"

The others give him a unanimous nod. Jace clutches his shoulder and Isabelle drops a kiss to the crown of his head. Alec waits for them to leave, waits for the door to close, turns his head back to ensure the room is empty before his gaze is locking onto Magnus again.

The warlock is pale and still and Alec breathes out slowly, pushing his hand beneath limp fingers. Magnus is cold in his gentle grasp.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long," Alec utters, closing his eyes and shaking his head slowly. His fingers curl slightly around Magnus's own. "We killed Lilith. She can't hurt you anymore. I promise. I—I had to write my report on it. That's why I wasn't here."

It sounds weak even to his own ears; a feeble excuse to cover the truth. He couldn't bear to see Magnus like this. It was too horrible.

The warlock gives him no response. Alec's eyes narrow in sorrow. The lack of answer isn't what grieves him; Magnus has been unconscious since being hit by Glorious. What worries him is the pallor of the warlock's skin, the way his breaths come like they could stop at any moment. He is so much worse now than when Alec left for the mission.

"Magnus," he whispers on instinct, though he knows he can't do anything. His head bows, inhaling shakily.

"Alec," a voice says and he turns to watch Catarina coming around the end of the bed so she can stand on the side opposite him. "I came as soon as I heard. How is he?"

Alec shakes his head. "I don't know. He just… He's getting worse and he won't wake up. I don't understand why he won't wake up." He looks to Catarina as she sets a gentle hand to the side of Magnus's head, her fingers woven through with magic. "Is it because of… because of what we did? Killing Lilith?"

Catarina frowns softly, closes her eyes. "He's just… It's like he's empty. Like everything has been drained from him."

Alec's eyes narrow, biting his lower lip. "Cat… is he dying?"

There is a moment of almost perfect silence, broken only by Magnus's soft, strained breaths.

"I don't know," Catarina admits, her eyes glossing with tears. "He's just… Alec, he's so weak. He's really weak and I'm scared because I've never seen him like this before."

Alec nods. "I know," he says quietly, "I know, he's always strong. It feels wrong to see him like this." He looks to her, his eyes narrowing softly. "You can help him, can't you? You said it's because the obsidian is gone. Can't you just—?"

"Alec," Catarina says gently and her tone makes Alec bite the inside of his cheek. "If I replaced the obsidian, it would poison his mind just like last time… He would become demonic again."

"There has to be something you can do," Alec whispers, desperation taking over, consuming him. "Please, you have to help him."

"Alec, I don't know how," Catarina says, shakes her head.

"He can't die," insists Alec, tears pricking his eyes. "Please, he can't… I can't let him die. Please."

"Alec," Catarina says, though her eyes are glossy with grief, "it's okay. If it's his time, then there's nothing we can do to change it… but we can still be with him… This is his fight, Alec, but we can stay in his corner. We can't fight this for him, but we can be here… Sometimes that's enough."

Alec shakes his head. "It's not," he utters.

"Alec, I can't say for sure that he is dying. We might just need to give him some time." Alec doesn't respond to that. Catarina's footsteps echo softly on the floor and her hand drops to Alec's shoulder. "You know better than anyone how stubborn he is… This doesn't have to be it. He might make it through this."

"Yeah," Alec says, inhaling sharply through his nose. "He might. I don't want false hope. I want the truth… and the truth is that he's dying…" he breathed unsteadily, shaking his head, "and I can't handle that… I can't…"

His voice breaks and he ducks his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Just… stay with him, okay?" Catarina says gently. "Stay with him."

Alec listens to her go, hears her footsteps grow quieter and exit through a closing door. Tears streak his cheeks as he lifts his head, blinking to clear his blurred vision. Magnus is pale and unresponsive at his side. Alec pushes his hair back with a gentle hand, inhaling a shaky breath.

"Magnus," he whispers, leaning forward and pressing a soft, close-lipped kiss to his boyfriend's cold lips. "I'm so sorry, Magnus… I love you so much." A soft sob gets caught in his throat. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm staying right here. I'm not going to leave you again."

For the first time in his life, Alec can't restrain his emotions. For the first time in his life, Alec Lightwood throws his arms down on the bed, buries his face in the crook of his elbow and weeps.