Lilith was returning to the Owl House under the most unexpected and peculiar of circumstances... not as an invader, and thankfully, not as a captive of Hooty, but as a guest of her younger sister... after taking part of her sister's curse onto herself.
She could feel the curse coursing through her body... the pain in her bones, the weakness in her limbs, and the effect it had on her magic, which had been so strong before, but was now far, far weaker. She still had all of her magical knowledge, and unlike her sister, she did have magical energy left to spare, but now it would be drained with every spell she cast, and she didn't know just how much she could use without draining herself completely.
But that, at least for the moment, wasn't important.
I have my sister back, thought Lilith, as she walked into the living room of the Owl House with Eda, Luz, and King a few steps in front of her. Then, she stopped herself. No... not yet.
Physically, of course, she did have Eda back, and with the curse shared amongst them, her sister was safe from its transformational effects, at least for a while. Her sister was also safe from Belos' grasp, though Lilith knew that that too was temporary. But emotionally... no, they were far from sisters, far from the friends they used to be. Lilith could see Luz excitedly telling Eda about the guards she'd taken down, and about how she'd stood up to Belos so bravely, and could hear Eda laughing and congratulating her, and looking... happy.
Lilith smiled, as big and as warm a smile as she'd had in quite some time.
Edalyn, I'm happy for you... and for the human girl.
Lilith could feel a hint of contempt for Luz, though whether it was out of jealousy toward her sister, or just the fact that Luz was a... human, she wasn't sure. It was also a feeling that frightened her, a feeling she wanted to cast out.
Luz saved my sister's life. I owe her everything... and she's right to despise me, after everything I did. I can't be mad at her, I can't blame her for any of this. Edalyn deserves someone like Luz, someone who'd never hurt her like I did. I... I don't deserve her or anyone else. Not right now. Maybe not ever.
Lilith clenched her fist, cursing herself silently, knowing that everything that had happened to her: the loss of her position in the Emperor's Coven, the curse she'd taken upon herself, the weakening of her magic, was all a result of her own decisions, and cursed herself again for ruining her life and potentially her sister's. She fought the single tear that made its way to her eyes, but was unable to stop it from coming, and it slid down her cheek just as Eda turned to face her.
"Luz, could you give me and Lilith a moment?" asked Eda, still smiling at Luz even as her voice grew slightly stern.
"Oh... sure!" agreed Luz, turning to Lilith and then back to Eda. Lilith couldn't see any anger or resentment on Luz's face, but she knew that both must have still been there, deep within the girl's heart. "King, you too, okay buddy?"
"Yeah yeah, the sisters gotta have their heartfelt reunion, I get it," said King, scampering up onto Luz's shoulder. "But if you punch her, I wanna watch!"
"King, that's not very nice!" scolded Luz, as she and King walked to her room. As the two continued to banter, Lilith could see Eda stepping toward her, and the smile disappeared, replaced by a glare and a harsh frown.
"Edalyn, I'm not here to make excuses, or even ask forgiveness for what I did... and I know that taking half of your curse away doesn't make up for the lifetime of suffering you endured-"
"Can it, I'm not here to listen to you feel sorry for yourself," said Eda, putting her hands on her hips. "I get it, you're sorry, and you've been spending the last twenty years trying to fix me."
"I was a fool," said Lilith, bowing her head, unable to even look her sister in the eye. Her pride prevented her from shedding another tear, but her voice was shaking, and she knew that she deserved every harsh word Eda decided to throw her way. "I had everything... my sister, and a spot in the Emperor's Coven, and I threw both of them away."
"Yeah, you did," said Eda. "You were too chicken to face me in a fair fight, and you still are."
Before tonight, Lilith would have snapped back with a 'that's not fair!', or would've made a remark about how her magic was at last more powerful than her sister's... but now, Lilith was willing to listen, no matter how much it hurt. She desperately wanted her sister's forgiveness, but would never say it because she knew she didn't deserve it. She just wanted Eda to know she was sorry... even if it wouldn't undo anything she did. She stood there, listening to her sister continue to berate her, hearing every word and absorbing it without a single protest or comment... but then she could hear her sister's tone soften, and when she looked up at Eda, she was, much to Lilith's surprise, smiling.
"To be perfectly honest... even after all I've suffered because of that stupid curse, I'm not even all that mad about it, all things considered. You did something really stupid, and it backfired... but you know what? If all the really stupid stuff I've done over the past twenty years backfired on me, I'd be dead fifty times over!" said Eda, laughing with the snort in her voice that Lilith knew so well. "Luz told me why you did it, and she told me that you thought it would only last a day, and you know what? I believe you. If it was just about the curse, I might just be ready to forgive you right now."
Eda kept smiling, and Lilith smiled as well, and for a moment, the two sisters connected again. Eda placed her hand on Lilith's shoulder, and Lilith reached over to take Eda's other hand in both of her own... but then Eda bowed her head and looked briefly toward Luz's room, then back at Lilith. Lilith's shoulders slumped... and the memories came flooding back.
"But what I'm really mad at you about doesn't have anything to do with me. You hurt Luz... you threatened to kill her. And I don't know if you thought I'd rescue her when you knocked her off that bridge or if you just didn't care, but-"
"I know," said Lilith, her voice barely above a whisper. She bowed her head again, and looked down at the ground, and Eda could see the intense shame and remorse in her sister's eyes.
"That kid is... she means everything to me. I never imagined I'd have a daughter... you know I was never good with guys, and hell, I always thought having a kid would tie me down. But then she came through that portal, and she's... she's amazing, Lily. The way she throws herself into learning magic, the way she's so energetic and excited about pretty much everything... and then today, when she came to save me..."
"I saw," said Lilith. "I was in that cage with you during the actual fight, but she took on Emperor Belos by herself. She's the bravest person I've ever seen. ...no, actually... second bravest. She reminds me of you."
"So you know why... why I love her," said Eda, her grip tightening on Lilith's shoulder. Lilith could feel her sister's anger, and despite knowing that Eda didn't have her magic anymore, she shivered... though even as she feared her sister's wrath, she knew she deserved it.
"And I used that love against you, and for that... I... deserve whatever punishment you see fit," said Lilith, working up the courage to once again look her sister in the eye, as another tear streamed down her face.
"Punish you?" Eda replied, taking her hand off Lilith's shoulder. "What, do you think I'm gonna hit you or something?"
"Well... I certainly deserve it," said Lilith.
"Ugh, no... I guess I've thought about it, but no, that's not gonna undo what you did to Luz. You need to apologize to her, at least if she's willing to speak to you again after what you did to her. After that... I dunno, I still need some time."
"Of course," Lilith replied. "I'll go to her right away and-"
"No," said Eda. "Not until she's ready to hear it."
"...whatever happens, I won't ask for your forgiveness. Not now, and not ever."
"Well, I can't make any promises about anything, but..." Eda sighed, and turned slightly away from Lilith, though she was still looking back at her. "Look, even after everything that's happened between us, I'm glad you're alive."
Eda's words brought a smile to Lilith's face. It wasn't forgiveness, but it was something... the fact that her sister didn't completely hate her was good enough, at least for now.
"After I saw you in that cage with me, I was actually pretty worried for you," said Eda. "Luz likes to read those cheesy fantasy books of hers, and in one of them, the villain turned good and helped Azura, but then sacrificed herself immediately after. Luz says that usually happens to villains who redeem themselves, and I kinda thought it might happen to you, you know?"
Lilith didn't follow, but she appreciated the sentiment, and let out a calm sigh.
"Well, I haven't exactly redeemed myself yet," said Lilith. "You're still cursed, the Emperor is still on the throne, and I'm sure Luz is still upset about what I did, so..."
"I'm sure she'll be fine," replied Eda, who could tell from Lilith's expression that she too was worried about Luz, if even only slightly. "She almost took down the Emperor, so I don't think you could leave any lasting scars on her. But you do owe her that apology. ...now it's been a long day, so I'm heading to bed. You're welcome to the couch, and I'll let Hooty know not to mess with you too much, just... don't do anything to piss him off, he definitely still hates you."
"Uh, I'll keep that in mind..." said Lilith, looking over at the front door with trepidation.
Eda started toward her bedroom, but after taking a few steps, she stopped, and turned back toward Lilith. Her eyes were fierce, and this time, she was deadly serious.
"And if you ever do anything to hurt Luz again, mark my words, magic or no magic, I'll make it the last thing you ever do."
Lilith nodded, and watched Eda as she turned back toward her room.
I swear on my life I won't do anything to break your trust again... and if I do, you're more than welcome to take it, thought Lilith, hoping that she would be strong enough to keep that promise to Eda... and knowing that Eda would be strong enough to keep it to her. As she watched her sister go her room, she made her way to the couch and sat down, letting out a loud sigh. She looked down at her hands, then down at her feet, then looked at her new streak of gray hair again. So... this is my life now.
After a few minutes of sitting there, lost in her thoughts, Lilith saw King exit Luz's room. The two made eye contact, and King looked at her a bit strangely for a moment.
"Oh yeah, you live here too now... that'll take some getting used to," said King.
"Thank you... for before," said Lilith.
"Huh?"
"When Eda was going to attack me, you stood up for me... you didn't have to do that, especially after everything I've put your friends through.
"Yeah, well, you were our only way out of that cage, so if I let Eda eat you, I'd have gotten petrified right along with her!"
"...I suppose that's a good point," said Lilith, her expression turning into somewhat of an annoyed glower. This is REALLY going to take some getting used to.
"By the way, I've got my eye on you! If you try anything funny, I'll drag you straight to hell!"
"Do you even know where hell is?" replied Lilith sternly.
"It's... it's where all the demons live! And I am one! So... nyeh!"
As King scurried away, Lilith noticed that the light was still on in Luz's room. She didn't want to be a bother, and certainly didn't want to upset Luz, but everything her sister had said was still weighing on her, and she felt she had to say something, even if Luz immediately pushed her away. She got up and walked toward Luz's room, trembling slightly as she reached to push back the door.
"Eda?" asked Luz, standing up as the door began to creak. When she saw Lilith in the doorway, she remained standing, her expression turning into a mix of nervousness and anger.
"It's just me," said Lilith. "I just want to talk, if you're all right with me doing so."
"...did you come to explain yourself?" asked Luz, stepping forward toward Lilith, the nervousness fading from her face and from her voice.
"No, I-"
"Because I want you to listen to me, and I don't want any explanations, or excuses, or anything else until I'm done, got it?" asked Luz, asserting herself as she continued to walk toward Lilith. "Not one word, understand?"
Luz's defiance and assertiveness caught Lilith off guard, and all she could do was nod as Luz continued to speak.
"I know that everything you did, you were doing for your sister. I know you were trying to capture her so Belos would remove her curse, and I know you had no idea that cursing her would cause all of these problems, so you don't need to tell me any of that again. I know you and Eda have a lot to work through, and if she forgives you after everything you've done to her, that's completely up to her. I want to talk to you about what you did to me. You kidnapped me. You tried to kill me! And you made me watch as you took away Eda, the person I love most besides my own mom! Do you have any idea how much it hurt seeing her ripped away from me after all the fear and pain you caused me?! Do you have any idea how traumatizing it was to be put through all of that, and to be made to think it was my fault?!"
Luz's words were spoken with an anger and a conviction that shook even Lilith, and the more Luz spoke, the worse Lilith felt. She already felt remorse about what she'd done to Luz, but hearing in the girl's own words the tremendous impact it had on her was almost unbearable, and Lilith could feel her heart burning and pounding inside of her, as she fought the tears about to come to her eyes, even as Luz spoke without her voice breaking even a bit.
"Did you know this whole time what the Emperor was doing? Did you know what he was doing to all the wild witches? The statues, everywhere? And you still helped him?"
Lilith didn't know what to respond to first... whether she should apologize to Luz immediately, or try to explain away the Emperor's actions. She didn't know if she could do either one of them without crying, and she was ashamed of herself for even thinking of crying when she was standing in front of the girl she'd inflicted so much pain on. Luz wasn't crying, so why should she get to?
"Luz, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything. For cursing Eda, for helping Belos, and... and for hurting you. It doesn't matter what my intentions were, the pain I caused you was real, and I can't..."
Lilith's voice began to break, and she clenched both of her fists, trying to steel herself as she looked Luz in the eye.
"I can't... I can't undo any of it... nothing I can do will erase the memory of the pain I caused with my actions. I tried to protect you with that orb, but that doesn't excuse taking you in the first place, and then, when I pushed you off the bridge..."
Lilith's voice broke again, and she wiped her sleeve across her eyes with one hand, while digging her fingernail hard into her palm with the other.
I will not cry. I don't deserve to cry. I don't deserve anyone's pity. I will not manipulate this girl into forgiving me with my tears.
"I have never harmed a child before that moment," said Lilith. "My actions in the Emperor's Coven have harmed many, but I have always drawn the line at children, until... until I tried to kill you. Whether or not I believe Edalyn would save you is irrelevant... I tried to murder a child and I can never undo that. I hurt you and I can never take that back, and for that I am sorry... and I have no right to ask for your forgiveness."
Lilith's lip was trembling ever so slightly, and she was still digging her fingernail into her palm. Luz looked at her, and could see the face of a woman who had tried her whole life to do what she believed was right, only to keep making bad decisions every single time. She knew that Lilith had helped to get her and Eda out of Belos' castle, but that she'd also gotten both of them in there in the first place. She knew that Lilith had taken half of Eda's curse onto herself, but that she'd also been the one to curse her. She knew that Lilith had tried to protect her, even after kidnapping her... but then she'd also tried to kill her.
"I know you love Eda," said Luz, "and I know Eda loves you back, even if it's going to be hard for her to say it for a while."
Luz's voice had softened, and her expression had too, if only slightly. As the two continued to look at each other, Luz could see the true remorse on Lilith's face, while Lilith could see that Luz was trying her best to see the good in her.
"I do love Edalyn, and I promise never to hurt her again," said Lilith. "I've spent the last twenty years trying to get rid of her curse, and I'll spend the rest of my life doing the same, no matter how long it takes."
"I know," replied Luz. "...there's one more thing, though. What you said to me after taking Eda away... 'go back to your world'... I don't know if you know this or not, but back in my world, there are some people who treat me worse, because I'm... different."
"Different... how? Here you're a human, but in your world, everyone's a human, right?"
"That's true, but I'm still different in a lot of ways. The things I like, I get made fun of for those sometimes, and... for this."
Luz held up her arm in front of Lilith's face.
"There are some people who treat me worse just because I was born with this skin color, and because my family's from a different part of the world. What you said... reminded me of those people, and that hurt... in a lot of ways even worse than when you tried to kill me."
"I don't... understand, I-"
"No... you wouldn't," said Luz, bowing her head. "But I know you hate me for being human. Back at the Covention, the way you spoke about me to Eda, and then... the other times you've talked about humans like you did."
Of course, thought Lilith, hearing the hurt in Luz's voice and thinking about the harm her comments had caused. There aren't any humans here, but the way so many of us speak about humans... I suppose I can understand how that would be hurtful...
Lilith looked to be deep in thought, but she also seemed to be slightly ashamed of herself, and Luz could tell that her words had had some kind of effect. She also knew that Lilith seemed to be having trouble coming up with a response, but there was something else she wanted to know.
"What does Emperor Belos say about humans?" asked Luz.
"He... he doesn't say a lot of flattering things," replied Lilith. "Though I don't suppose that excuses anything I've said about them to you."
"It doesn't," Luz said. "But why, why does he hate humans so much? Is it because we have round ears? Is it because we can't do magic?"
"He says that humans are unsophisticated and violent," said Lilith. "He tells us that on your world, humans are constantly coming up with new ways to destroy each other, that the human world is gripped by war and greed, that humans are as dangerous as the wild witches were, but worse because of your capacity for creating weapons of great destruction to use on one another."
"...how would Emperor Belos know all that?" asked Luz, unhappy with Belos' description of the human world but surprised by the hints of accuracy it contained.
"You mean it's true?" Lilith replied, surprised that Luz would be so honest about the unflattering qualities of her world, even after expressing how much the sentiment hurt her before.
"...parts of it, the parts about weapons and... how does he even know about all of it?"
"He claims the Titan told him," Lilith replied. "...Luz, yes, I admit it, I am...bigoted against humans, and I won't use Belos' teachings as an excuse. But... my sister loves you, and despite her own tendency for recklessness, she's an outstanding judge of character...the only person she was ever wrong about before was me."
As Luz looked back up into Lilith's eyes, she continued, trying her best to apologize for everything... not just the hurt she'd caused recently, but the hurt she'd caused since the moment the two of them had met, hoping that even if Luz could never forgive her, she could at least ease the girl's trauma and make it so that Luz felt comfortable around her as long as they needed to work together.
"I'm sorry for everything. My hurtful words and my hurtful actions. I'm not asking for your forgiveness... I'm not asking for anything from you. I just hope the hurt I've caused you will fade with time... preferably with as little time as possible."
Luz reached out and took Lilith's hands in her own. She held them for a moment, her fingers gripping Lilith's hands tightly, as Lilith stood and said nothing.
"I forgive you," said Luz, who could immediately feel Lilith's hands tremble. "Not for you, or for Eda, but... the moment I felt I could forgive you, I felt most of the hurt you caused me go away. It's not like that for everyone, and it might not always be like that for me, but... I'm choosing to forgive you so I can move on, and because I want us to get to know each other better. I love Eda, and being her sister, I'm sure you're a lot like her, so I'm hoping someday we can at least call each other friends."
Then, Luz smiled at Lilith for the first time since she'd come into the room. Lilith's lip began to tremble again, and finally, she stopped holding back, as a steady stream of tears came down both her cheeks. Luz reached up and wiped them away, and Lilith sniffled and smiled at her.
"Thank you, Luz," said Lilith, continuing to hold Luz's hands as the human girl gripped them tightly. "I'll work to earn your forgiveness, I promise."
"Maybe you can start by learning more about humans and our world," said Luz. "I'll be training you and Eda in magic anyway, so maybe we could make learning about humans part of that too? I'm not the best teacher, I got a C+ in history class, but I think I know most of the basics, and the stuff I don't know, I'll teach you guys after we find another portal and I can get my cell phone working again."
"You don't... have to teach me anything," said Lilith. "It's not your responsibility to teach me about-"
"It's okay, I want to teach you," Luz replied, still smiling. "I mean, I know there's human books lying around that you guys could use, but I've got no idea where those are and I don't want you putting yourself in danger looking for them since your magic's gotten weaker..."
Lilith sighed, unable to adequately express how grateful she was for Luz's forgiveness after everything that had happened and everything she'd done. She thought back to what Eda had said, how glowingly her sister had spoken of the human girl, and how deeply Eda cared for her.
I don't deserve her compassion, said Lilith, feeling even more shame and guilt as she looked into Luz's kind eyes. You do, Edalyn, after everything you've endured... but I don't and I never will.
"Hey," said Luz, her expression hardening again. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, that's not gonna help anybody. I know you're sorry for what you did, and so does Eda."
"She still hasn't forgiven me yet," said Lilith. "I know I shouldn't expect her to, but... I can't help wanting her to, even if I don't deserve it."
"Give it time," said Luz. "You're right, you shouldn't expect Eda to forgive you, and if she chooses not to-"
"I can live with that."
"I know. But... I know Eda, and I know she still loves you, and once she sees how committed you are to making things right, I think she'll forgive you with time. Just like Azura forgave Hecate for bringing her in chains to the Dark Warlord's fortress in Book #4!"
"I'm... not sure what you're talking about, but-"
"Wanna see some fanart I drew?" asked Luz, before fishing a drawing out of her things. Luz's drawing, which was quite detailed, depicted Hecate escorting a chained and gagged Azura into a scary looking throne room, with one arm wrapped around Azura and one arm holding Azura's magic staff.
"That's... very interesting, you're quite a good artist, but..." Lilith sighed, and Luz could tell that she was starting to get annoyed, so she quickly put the drawing away. "Luz, even though you've forgiven me, I still hurt you, and I promise I'll do anything I can to make it up to you."
"Well... I guess I'll remember that for later, but for now I think I just want to get some sleep..."
"Of course, Luz," said Lilith, smiling as the girl walked back over to her sleeping bag and prepared to rest for the night. "I hope we can talk more later, there's more I'd like to discuss with you about Eda and about the human world."
"There's... actually a spell I'd like to learn from you," said Luz. "I'm not sure if I can do it with a glyph, but I'd like to at least try."
"I'll do my best to teach you, as I'm sure you'll do your best to teach Edalyn and I about your magic."
Lilith turned to leave, but as she stood in the doorway, she turned back one last time and looked at Luz with an expression of gratitude.
"And... thank you, Luz... for being there for my sister when I wasn't. You've saved her life in more ways than one, and... even though I'm her sister, you're her real family. I'm so sorry I ever said otherwise. You've given both of us more than you know."
"...thanks, Lilith," said Luz, returning the grateful smile. Lilith then closed the door, leaving Luz alone to sleep after the intense day they'd all been through.
Lilith made her way back to the couch, and removed her boots and cloak before curling up to sleep. She shivered a bit, feeling the effects of the curse on her body, but as she remembered Luz's kind words, she felt a calming warmth, and realized that her sister Edalyn must have felt that same warmth since the day Luz came to the Boiling Isles.
Luz, I promise you... I will find a way to break my sister's curse. I will find a way to get you back home.
Lilith looked up at the ceiling one more time before closing her eyes and trying her best to get to sleep, her tired body yearning for slumber even though her restless mind kept her tossing and turning. As she finally dozed off, one more thought echoed through her head.
I owe both of you everything, and I'll make everything right... or I'll die trying.