Author's Disclaimer: I don't own a thing belonging to "Dragon Age 2." Nothing!
Author's notes: This chapter will be more attuned to Isabela this time, after losing her child. But not in the way that sentence makes it sound. Sorry so short. Happy new year's then.
"Catching the Wind"
Chapter twenty-six "Lost Child"
Isabela regretted punching her mate. But Hawke had kept pushing, and she couldn't keep trying to think about the logistics of Merrill's pregnancy. Now it was full night, and her shadowing pups had at least been put to bed. She could only thank Hawke for that. Her poor boys were as confused as she was, but at least they were taking strides to protect her heart.
And she felt rotten enough as it was, losing her child. Even if it had somehow been transferred to Merrill's womb, she had still lost it. It was no longer inside her. It was a fact. Isabela sipped from her freshly opened bottle of wine, brooding and brooding hard. Even after washing up, changing clothes and having a fitful night's sleep, she still felt unclean and guilty. Feeling trickles of blood seeping between her legs had terrified her. And she had still lost it.
Sort of.
Merrill suddenly round with pregnancy was a relief yet a stab of hurt in her grief. It was their child. The spirit had said so. But it was so sudden and strange Isabela couldn't still believe her child was safe. It was gone. Out of her!
Angela whined and rubbed against her leg. Isabela leaned against the railing and slid down to sit. The mabari laid his head in her lap, giving soft snuffs. He panted happily when Isabela rubbed his ears.
"Shouldn't you be with Merrill?" Isabela muttered. Angela tilted his head to the side curiously. The hound had been overly protective of her….before the day before. The fact he stuck by her instead of the other pregnant woman told Isabela her grief was be showing and badly for the mabari to stay at her side.
As Isabela hugged the hound's large head in her lap, she closed her eyes. In a way, it was like hugging onto Hawke since he'd been at her side so many years. As she dozed off, Isabela heard a scraping sound on the wooden deck. She blearily opened her eyes and saw Angela dragging off her bottle, his large jaw clamped around the thin neck. Isabela grunted and made a grab for it.
Angela panted and tugged eagerly back at the bottle. When it fell to the deck between them, Isabela saw the point was moot. Rolling onto its side, it was apparent the bottle had been drained. Not one drop spilled, it was good and empty.
Empty….her belly was empty. Just like her arms were, except for scrambly mabari. And her heart…. Isabela watched Craven approach the wheel area slowly. He ducked around the sole lantern that was lit and gave her a slow look, assessing her for hurts. Isabela had locked the wheel in place and taken quite the break. But like hell she was going to leave her little corner right now.
He unlatched the locking mechanism and took the wheel in hand, steering easily into the dark horizon.
"Shouldn't you be off to sleep, Captain?" he asked politely. Isabela scoffed. She kicked childishly at the bottle and watched it roll across the wheel area and down the small set of steps to the main deck. One of the sailors called out after it and the clanking stopped suddenly.
"Shouldn't you not be bothering to ask me?" she retorted. Craven shrugged a massive shoulder.
"Aye, if you wish," he said politely. Isabela impractically wished he weren't so polite in a split second of childish fury. She wanted to fight someone else and her mate had abided by her wishes and left her alone.
But her ship's crewmate had done nothing to invoke her ire. He was just doing as he was bid to, and then some. Isabela sighed, feeling deflated. Her anger was being rapidly replaced with loss and fear and the feeling was like to gut her.
As the hours slouched toward dawn, Isabela did find a place to sleep in the women's cabin. Mel gladly gave over her hammock and Isabela was touched at the blankets and pillows given for her comfort. Even if they knew not to talk about it, they were all sorry for her loss.
Isabela fell to a fitful sleep, trying not to think of what could have been, a small dark-skinned infant with Hawke's green eyes crying to be fed. She covered her face with one of the blankets offered her and tried not to shudder.
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"Boys, wait for me!"
Isabela cringed when she heard Merrill's voice in the corridor. She was in the communal washroom the next morning, sharing the sink. One of the omegas, a slim man, trimmed his beard neatly. He wisely averted his eyes and gave room for Isabela to set her towel and soap down on the sinks edge, making her way out. Isabela peered out, watched Hawke led their sons into the galley with her pregnant mate.
Pure jealousy ran furiously through her veins. Isabela bit her lip and choked back her rage. Wasn't it her child in the elf? She had seen it happen. And yet, she still didn't believe it. Seeing the elf glowing as Hawke helped her along made her feel ill. Sick of her own feelings, sick of avoiding everyone, and sick with herself.
As her eyes fell upon her mate's handsome features, Isabela felt too sick to contemplate joining them or grabbing a breakfast with her family. She had lost her baby. Merrill had saved it, somehow. Would her attractive mate be able to impregnate her again? Or had she damaged herself permanently?
Isabela herself knew it was a futile question. The only way to test the waters would be to, well, test the waters. If they tried again and it took, the answer would be all too obvious. But as Isabela's eyes traced her mate's features longingly, another fear sliced through her gut with frozen precision.
Would Hawke ever want her again, want to touch her, stroke her, make love to her? It was too soon to ask herself such a stupid question, but her fear was very real and very vivid in these harrowing days after…the spirit.
Isabela made her way quickly to the stairs and jogged up along with a few of the sailors up on deck. The sun flared brightly into her eyes suddenly and Isabela shaded her face with one wrist as she made her way to one of the masts.
Damn Hawke. They'd gotten busy against one of those masts when she'd help secure the ship for her. Isabela tried not to remember her giggles, how happy she had been and Hawke's pleased moans.
"Captain!" one of the women asked her over to look over their barrels of water. Isabela nodded when the woman said they should fill up at the next port. They needed more salted meat too.
"We'll get it," Isabela promised idly. She rubbed a hand over her middle, surprised as always to find her belly flat. The woman noticed, her eyes going soft.
"I know you don't want to hear this, Cap'n, but I know how hard this time is. You will get past it. Believe me, I know."
Isabela blinked, taking in the omega sailor. She looked for a mark on the woman's throat and didn't find one. Suddenly, her own grief didn't seem to matter much in the wake of the friendly sailor who had suffered the same loss and didn't have a mate to support her feelings through it.
Still, she wanted to lash out at Hawke and her pain made Isabela feel imprisoned. The pirate swallowed.
"Thanks. But get back to work." Her words were flippant as was her usual role as the captain and the omega grinned, going back to it.
Isabela was climbing up toward the crow's nest, when she heard her sons come out on the deck. She angled a look down and Falcon caught her eyes. Her eldest boy whispered to his brother and the two took up stances at the foot of the mast, where the rope ladder nailed in place waited.
"Falcon! Lark!" Orana made her way on deck with the boy's wooden weapons. They took up stances and saluted each other with their weaponry and turned to whack blows against the foot of the mast. The wooden weapons made an odd thonk thonk sound against the rope nailed to the mast.
Isabela blinked and saw Hawke leading Merrill out, guiding her effortlessly. She sat the elf down on a chair that was nailed to the deck. Isabela forced herself to watch when Hawke dropped a loving kiss on Merrill's forehead. Hawke darted her head, and Isabela knew she was looking for her. When she saw where the twins were, she tilted her head back, and caught a glimpse of her high up in the sails in the crow's nest.
Isabela turned her head away as Hawke gave a wave. Hawke slouched her shoulders and went to monitor her son's drilling.
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In the next two days, Isabela made her way back to her own chambers. Hawke almost jumped out of her skin but had made room for her in the large bed hastily. Merrill even chirped a greeting and would have taken her hand to put on her belly if she hadn't tucked herself away.
Isabela had said good night to the elf, but had shot Hawke a sad look, tugging a few of the blankets over her. She hadn't been trying to be intimate with her other mate, but Isabela still felt like she was intruding. It was her that was pushing her mate away, and that wasn't Merrill's fault.
Isabela couldn't help feeling it was her own. She had to just jump into that fight with Hawke. Just like in the past, always backing her up. Isabela's eyes moved from the sad look on Hawke's face.
The two didn't bother her and Isabela forced herself to get some rest, curled on her side far from Hawke's hand. Hawke pressed her cheek into the pillow beside Merrill's head, trying not to pout. Her frustration was palpable, and Merrill stroked her tousled dark hair affectionately. She longed to ask Isabela something, get her closer to them, for her heart was fairly breaking too. She wasn't in love with Isabela like Hawke was, but she did love her. She had been her best friend for years.
The days stretched on and Hawke was visibly trembling with frustration, her pain visible to all the sailors. Craven ducked out of her way when he saw her. He even backed off if she approached the captain.
Isabela had yelled at her in one of her attempted visits. Hawke had bowed her head the first time, but this time she was ready for a fight herself.
"Dammit, Bela, stop pushing me away!" she yelled. Isabela glared at her.
"You don't know what this is like for me, Hawke! Stop pushing me!"
Hawke raised both palms up. "I'm not trying to…..but please come back to us. Merrill misses you too, and dammit, I can't think straight without you!"
Her words pinged through the fog of the pirate's pain slowly. Her grief parted slightly, to accept the truth of her mate's words. She missed her. MISSED HER. Even kitten missed her. She wasn't advancing her position with Hawke, she truly was as lost.
"I…. " Isabela lowered her head. Her crossed arms gave the signal not to advance. "I….. I can't…. I'm sorry…"
Hawke shifted her footing, and Isabela was certain she'd leave off. Warm hands rubbing her elbows made her long to unfold her arms and fall into Hawke's.
"I love you. It's not your fault. And…the baby is healthy. I can feel it kick," Hawke said softly. She could see Isabela's lower lip trembling. A few tears trailed down her cheeks. Hawke rubbed her cheek with her thumb, wiping them away. "It's not your fault…."
Hawke was certain Isabela would let her embrace her. She would cry, and they could move past this. But Hawke was startled when her mate's gauntleted wrist slammed into her chest, pushing her back.
"Not now. I can't…" she muttered. Hawke stared at her mate, her heart in her throat.
"I'm waiting," she promised.
Isabela turned her back, staring out at the sea.
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When they made their way into the next port town, Hawke was so upset, she was bristling. Isabela may have gone back to sleep in her own bed, near them, but she was nowhere near forgiving herself, or her if Hawke was being honest. All that WAS her fault. This she was certain of.
As the captain and her family and crew made their way to the local tavern, Hawke followed her pirate's long stride. She wanted to catch up, but Isabela had made it abundantly clear she didn't want to be bothered. It was bordering on obtuse concerning their children.
Falcon clung to her hand and Lark took his Mamae's. Merrill chirped an answer down to him and Hawke let her gaze linger on her belly, as always. Merrill had said she was in the mood for something sweet, so she'd see if the tavern keeper had anything sweet baked up for sale.
Hawke led her small family to a table and was on her way to the bar to ask for the tavern keeper. Bartenders filled large flagons with whiskey or beer for the patrons. Hawke shouldn't have been too surprised to see Isabela ordering a flagon. Craven said something to her and took his leave. Hawke watched the large man walk off and made her way towards Isabela.
AS she passed through the throng of people, Hawke was dismayed to see a young man, alpha by the smell of him, leaning against the bar besides her mate. Isabela still wasn't wearing her choker, to Hawke's relief, but her mating mark didn't deter the young pup in the slightest. He seemed to be flirting hard, and what made Hawke sick to her stomach was the way Isabela let him. She leaned close to him, tracing her fingers along the muscles along his forearm. The young alpha was bad enough, but her own mate allowing this to happen!... That just wouldn't do.
Hawke growled as she stalked forward, her rotten mood forcing a wedge through the crowd, and allowing her space to stride through. The young man looked up with surprise into her scowling face. Her words caught him off guard as she grabbed him by the collar and yanked him away from Isabela.
"You. Get away from her. NOW."
The alpha struggled, flailing as Hawke yanked him forcibly off his stool. He half fell to his knees and Hawke began to drag him across the bar. The patrons stared, and the sailors readied to help should she need it.
"She wanted to talk to me!" he insisted, his voice raising in anger. Hawke kicked the back of his knees, forcing him in front of her and to exit the bar. The man yelped with pain at the kicks. "Hey, what's the deal?!"
"She's MY MATE! You stay away!" Hawke screamed in his face. Her fist raised, and everything went red. After several long moments, the man was on his back, Hawke was on top of him, her fist rising and falling into his face. The sailors of the Stormy Lover surrounded her, and some cheered her on.
At the sight of town soldiers coming up, Mel reached forward to touch Hawke's shoulder and alert her. The alpha blinked, sweaty bangs falling into her eyes.
"Serah Hawke, come on. We need to get away," she pleaded. Hawke ignored her and went back to smashing the alpha's face. She could feel a surge of admiration behind her and noticing the look Isabela gave her made Hawke stop. She dropped the young man in the dirt and rubbed her bloodied knuckles across her tunic front.
"Well then, that was something." The look Isabela gave her was full of pride. The depth of emotion in her dark eyes made Hawke's blood smolder. She got up from her knees and reached for her mate.
End for now
End notes: Like it, drop a review and stay strong, lovelies.
Sincerely, pen 1/05/19