Hoo, boy! I wasn't sure I would ever get this chapter done. Not so much that it was difficult to write, but finding the time to write it.

"What a disgusting, dirty river," Mrs. Gloop commented, looking down at the chocolate river.

Wonka hopped to his feet and helped me to mine. We stepped over the bushes and over to the river. Everyone else gathered at the edge of the river to look at it.

"It's industrial waste, huh?" said Mr. Salt. "You've ruined your watershed, Wonka. It's polluted."

"It's chocolate," Wonka told them.

"That's chocolate?" Veruca asked in surprise.

"That's chocolate," Charlie said in awe.

"A chocolate river," Violet said quietly.

"Impressive," I said.

"Ten thousand gallons an hour," Wonka informed us. He pointed up the river. "And look at my waterfall."

We all turned to the far side of the chocolate room. There was a large waterfall where the chocolate entered the river.

"It's mixing my chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. You know, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall." Wonka leaned to Mr. Salt. "But it's the only way if you want it just right."

"Martha, look over there across the river!" Charlie cried, pointing. "They're little men!"

The guests moved around Wonka and closer to Charlie and I to get a good look. On the other side of the river were the Oompa Loompas. They were sort with orange skin green hair, and wearing the white overalls with brown shirts, little white gloves, and brown and white striped shoes with matching socks. They were moving sacks, metal chutes, and wheelbarrows out of a door in the rock wall.

"And now we know who makes the chocolate," I said.

"I never saw anybody with an orange face," Mr. Salt said. "Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?"

"What are they doing there?" asked Mrs. Teevee.

"It must be creaming and sugaring time," said Wonka.

"Well they can't be real people," said Violet.

"Well of course they're real people," said Wonka.

"Stuff and nonsense," scoffed Mr. Salt.

"No, Oompa Loompas," Wonka told them.

We all turned to him with a collective, "Oompa Loompas?"

"From Loompaland," Wonka went on.

"Loompaland? There's no such place," Mrs. Teevee said.

"Excuse me, dear lady," Wonka began.

"Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography," Mrs. Teevee told him snootily.

"Oh, well then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is," said Wonka. "Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, 'Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids'."

"Snozzwangers?" Mr. Salt questioned skeptically while chewing on a piece of candy fruit. "Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?"

"I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing," Mr. Wonka dismissed. "And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here."

"Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa!" Veruca demanded. "I want you to get me an Oopma Loompa right away."

"All right, Veruca, all right," said Mr. Salt. "You'll get one before the day's out."

"I want an Oompa Loompa now!" she whined.

Violet whirled around and snapped, "Can it, you nit!"

Veruca glared at her and bit off a piece of taffy.

"Mmm. This stuff is terrific," Augustus said.

He was a little ways away from us, kneeling and dipping his hands in the chocolate river.

"Martha, look at Augustus," Charlie told me, pointing.

"He can't drink all that, don't worry," I said.

Mrs. Gloop picked her way over to her son, having a little difficulty in her heels. "Augustus, sweetheart, save some room for later."

Wonka turned to Augustus. "Oh, uh, Augustus, please don't do that. My chocolate must never be touched by human hands." He tried to push through the crowd of us to get to Augustus to get him to stop. "Plea – don't do that! Don't do that; you're contaminating my entire river. Please, I beg you, Augustus!"

Just as Wonka reached him to pull him back, Augustus went tumbling into the river with a yell.

"Man overboard!" Mike called out.

Wonka threw his head back. "My chocolate!"

Augustus popped back up in the chocolate. "Help!"

"My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate!" Wonka fretted.

"Don't just stand there, do something!" Mrs. Gloop screamed at Wonka.

"Help. Police. Murder," Wonka responded flatly.

I noticed Charlie wasn't next to me. He was grabbing a giant lollipop and running back to the river. Charlie held out the giant lollipop and crouched down.

"Quick, Augustus! Grab this!"

I grabbed Charlie to keep him from falling into the river, too.

Augustus reached up to grab the lollipop, but couldn't get purchase. He disappeared under the chocolate.

"What's happening to him?" Mrs. Teevee asked frantically.

"It looks like he's drowning," said Mr. Salt.

"Dive in! Save him!" Mrs. Gloop screamed.

Wonka took a candy bar out of his coat pocket and unwrapped it. "Oh, it's too late."

"Too late?" Mrs. Gloop repeated.

"He's had it now. The suction's got him," Wonka explained calmly.

"Augustus, come back!" cried Mrs. Gloop, looking in the river. "Where is he?"

"Watch the pipe," Wonka said with a gesture at one of the large pipes in the chocolate river.

"How long is he going to stay down, Daddy?" Veruca asked, worried.

"He can't swim," Mrs. Gloop told them.

"There's no better time to learn," Wonka said nonchalantly.

"Martha," I heard a small voice say.

I looked down to see Charlie staring up at me with worry. "It'll be okay, Charlie," I assured him. "It'll be okay."

"There's his coat going up the pipe!" Mike called out.

The dark color of Augustus's coat could be seen in the chocolate as it was sucked up the pipe.

"Call a plumber!" Mr. Beauregarde exclaimed.

"He's stuck in the pipe there, isn't he, Wonka?" said Mr. Salt. "It's his stomach that's done that."

With Augustus stuck, the chocolate above him was sucked up the pipe while the chocolate backed up behind him.

"Help! Help!" we heard him yell.

"He's blocking all the chocolate," Violet said loudly.

"What happens now?" Mrs. Gloop asked.

"Oh, the pressure will get him out," said Wonka. "Terrific pressure is building up behind the blockage."

"I wonder how long it's gonna take him to push through," said Mr. Salt.

"The suspense is terrible," said Wonka with excitement. "I hope it'll last." He acted like he was merely watching a thriller movie, taking another bite out of the candy he had.

Augustus struggled, trying to loosen himself.

"He, he's gonna go up this time," muttered Mr. Salt. "He – he – go on, boy, go on!"

"He'll never get out!" said Charlie.

"Yes, he will, Charlie," I said. "Remember when you asked Grandpa Joe about how a bullet comes out of a gun? Just watch."

Augustus shot up the pipe and disappeared, the chocolate following behind him.

"He's gone!" cried Mrs. Gloop. "He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!"

"Impossible, my dear lady, that's absurd! Unthinkable!" Wonka disputed.

"Why?" she wanted to know.

"Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room; it goes to the fudge room," Wonka replied, motioning to the pipe.

"You terrible man!"

Wonka took out a pipe whistle and played a short tune.

The other parents muttered.

An Oompa Loompa came over to them.

Wonka leaned down. "Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but look sharp! Or her little boy is liable to get poured into the boiler."

"You've boiled him up, I know it!" cried Mrs. Gloop.

The Oompa Loompa took her by the hand and led her away.

"Nihil desperandum, dear lady," Wonka called after her. "Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Gesundheit. Farewell."

Across the chocolate river, the Oompa Loompas began to sing while they worked.

"Oompa Loompa doopadee do
"I've got a perfect puzzle for you
"Oompa Loompa dompadah dee
"If you are wise you'll listen to me
"What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
"Eating as much as an elephant eats
"What are you at, getting terribly fat?
"What do you think will come of that?
"I don't like the look of it
"Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
"If you're not greedy you will go far
"You will live in happiness too
"Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do."

The Oompa Loompas put their things away and walked back through the door they came through. One Oompa Loompa turned to face them as he walked through the door.

"Doompadee doo."

He closed the door, it blending in with the rest of the rock wall.

It was nice that I was hearing the songs that I knew. Although the Burton used the songs from the Dahl's book, it was these songs that have stucked with me and I'm sure many others throughout the years.

"Hey, what kind of place you running here anyhow, Wonka?" Mr. Beauregarde demanded to know.

Wonka ignored him. "Uh . . . Mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau."

"What's he talking about?" Mr. Salt said out the corner of his mouth.

I had the basic idea, but don't asked me to translate. Out of all the foreign languages I was required to take in school, French was my weakest.

"Voulez-vous entrer le Wonkatania?" Wonka took a half step back and motioned to the chocolate river.

Out of the tunnel, a white and blue paddle boat with red seats and paddle came floating down the river. An Oompa Loompa was at the helm, while more controlled the paddle wheel. The boat's bell chimed as it pulled up to them.

"Wow! What a boat!" Charlie exclaimed.

"That's quite a nice little canoe you've got there, Wonka," said Mr. Salt.

"All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by," said Wonka. "All aboard, everybody."

Charlie and I began to get on the boat when Mr. Salt forced his way through with his daughter.

"Uh, ladies first, and that means Veruca," Mr. Salt said, getting on the boat.

I frowned at him. "If she's a lady, what does that make me?" I wanted to know.

"A duchess, clearly."

I was a little startled by Wonka's quick response. I didn't get a chance to respond to him as an Oompa Loompa in a sailor's hat held out his hand to me to help me in the boat. I took it and Charlie and I quickly found a seat.

"You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?" Mr. Salt asked.

"With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured," Wonka answered plainly.

I let out a little snort at the jab.

"She's tres joli, but is she seaworthy?" Mrs. Teevee asked Wonka.

"Nothing to worry about, my dear lady," Wonka assured her, helping her onto the boat. "I take good care of my guests."

"Yeah, you took real good care of that August kid, that's for sure," Mr. Beauregarde said as he and Violet got on.

Wonka got on the boat. "Everybody aboard?" he asked, drowning out Mr. Beauregarde. He took a seat behind the Oompa Loompa, but was facing us. "You're going to love this. Just love it."

The Oompa Loompa rang the bell and the paddle began to turn.

They sailed down the chocolate river.

"Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like this," Veruca said. "A beautiful paddle boat, that what I want."

I leaned over to Charlie. "What she wants is a swift kick in the behind." There certainly were stronger words I wanted to use, but this is a kid's movie.

"I think I'm gonna be seasick," said Mrs. Teevee.

"Here, try one of these." Wonka took out something from his pocket and handed it to her.

"What are they?" Mrs. Teevee asked.

"Rainbow drops," Wonka answered. "Suck 'em and you can spit in seven different colors."

"Spitting's dirty habit," Violet said from behind us.

"I know a worse one," Wonka told her.

Behind me, I heard the fathers talking.

"What business ware you in, Salt?" Mr. Beauregarde asked.

"Nuts," Mr. Salt replied bluntly.

We continued to the other side of the chocolate room and then there was the black hole that was the tunnel.

"Hang on, where are we going?" Mr. Salt asked.

"I don't know, but it don't like the looks of that tunnel," said Mr. Beauregarde. "Hey, Wonka, I want off!"

"'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor's way!" Wonka called out as we entered the tunnel.

There were rows of lights every several feet, but it did little to light anything up.

"I don't like this ride, Daddy," Veruca whined.

"Faster!" Wonka told the Oompa Loompas.

"Wonka, do me a favor?" Mr. Salt panicked. "Tell those people to stop paddling back there!"

"Faster!"

"We're going too fast!" cried Mrs. Teevee.

"Faster! Faster!"

"We're gonna sink, I know it!" Violet said.

"Why doesn't he stop the boat?" Veruca asked, worriedly.

"Faster!"

With that, the tunnel was awash with colored lights, blending and bleeding together.

"Hang on, darling!" Mr. Salt told Veruca. "Just close your eyes and hang on tight!"

"What's happening?" Mike asked.

"Faster!" Wonka called out once more.

"What is this, a freak-out?" Violet yelled up to Wonka.

"This isn't funny, Wonka!" Mr. Beauregarde shouted.

"You can't possibly see where you're going, Wonka!" Mr. Salt added.

"You're right," Wonka said emotionlessly. "I can't."

"Boy, what a great series this would make," Mike said.

"Wonka," Mr. Salt said warningly.

Charlie looked up at me. "This is kind of strange."

"Strange, yes. But are we having fun?" I asked.

Charlie gave a little nod.

"This is terrific," said Veruca.

At that moment, something on the tunnel wall appeared. It looked like a giant slug.

"How much to get off the boat, Wonka?" Mr. Salt yelled.

The next image was of a man's face with snakes slithering across it.

Mrs. Teevee moaned. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"I can take a joke, but this has gone too far!" Mr. Salt said as an up close look at a human eye flashed up.

"Tell that little guy to turn us around, Wonka!" yelled Mr. Beauregarde.

The next image was a bird getting its head cut off.

Mrs. Teevee screamed. "Now I am gonna be sick!"

"Save me, Daddy!" Veruca shouted.

An image of Slugworth popped up for a brief moment.

"Martha!" Charlie cried out. He looked at me, eyes wide.

"It's okay, Charlie," I told him. "It's just a picture."

Something then occurred to me. We were supposed to be speeding through a tunnel. So why did it feel like we weren't moving that fast? We looked like we were moving fast, but it didn't physically feel like we were moving much faster than we were in the chocolate room. There was no wind on my face or any sign of air disrupting anything. Willy Wonka, you trickster you.

Mrs. Teevee and the other children started shrieking. There was the image of a lizard eating a bug now.

"There's no earthly way of knowing," Wonka began singing.

Mr. Salt chuckled nervously. "He's singing."

"Which direction we are going
"There's no knowing where we're rowing." Wonka's eyes tracked from side to side.

"Rowing," Mr. Salt echoed tensely.

I put my arm around Charlie and pulled him close. "It's okay," I whispered. "We'll be fine."

I knew this was coming, but it was still really creepy.

"Or which way the river's flowing
"Is it raining
"Is it snowing
"Is a hurricane a-blowing?"

Wonka let out a small exclamation that startled Mrs. Teevee.

"Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing," said Wonka, his eyes flicking from left to right. "Are the fires of hell a glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing and they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!" He let out a loud scream.

"Oh, make him stop, Daddy!" Veruca begged.

"Wonka, this has gone far enough!" Mr. Salt shouted.

"Quite right, sir," Wonka said. "Stop the boat!"

We were plunged into darkness.

So I had a bit of fun this chapter. When I was trying to find a comeback for the "Ladies first, and that means Veruca", I was thinking about going with going with a nobility title above lady and then I found that nobility is still referred to as Lady up until the title of duchess. So I learned something for this chapter. The plan is to be back next week with the next chapter, but with everything going on outside of fan fiction, that could be very difficult. The Biggest Dreamer and Trials of the Dragon Trainers are on hold until this is completed, so do not expect any new chapters from them until the end of the month. Hopefully I'll see you all next week.