CHAPTER SIX- Letters From the Dead
AFTER
The thought of seeing Cole's dad again took whatever energy was left in Jay's body. He had only seen the man twice, and, in both occasions, it was as if the man had already decided that he did not like Jay. And that he would never like Jay.
Cole had, of course, tried to vouch for his father. It was one of the few things they found themselves arguing about in a serious manner.
"He's just . . . not good with people. He doesn't hate you."
"He does!" Jay found it hard to believe otherwise How could he, after the stern glares and the scoffs and the cruel comments? "He thinks I'm an idiot."
"You think everyone thinks you're an idiot, Jay."
"Well." Jay shrugged. "Don't they?"
"No! Most people think you're brilliant. But you're always too wrapped up in hating yourself to notice."
"Am not"
Jay hated the way Cole had always been able to see right through him. No one had ever seen him with the clarity Cole did. Staring right past all the lies and deceptions, and into who Jay really was. Jay himself had never been allowed that view.
It made arguing with him all the worse. Jay hated it, but he couldn't keep himself from doing it. He didn't want Cole to see the truth. Jay couldn't stop himself from shouting defensively, even when his words ceased to make sense, he'd said them anyway! Shouting and fighting were the only ways Jay could think of, to keep his boyfriend away from the worst parts of his mind.
Pushing people away was infinitely easy than risking their rejection.
Overall, love itself was just- weird. Jay had always considered himself to be a hopeless romantic. He'd played with sweet words and daydreams. But none of it had prepared him for the reality of Cole.
Cole had made him feel everything. Cole had flared up Jay' emotions, with nothing more than his presence. Cole had made him complete.
But had Cole felt the same? Had Jay been enough? Or had Jay been the only one to feel anything at all?
"You're awfully quiet. What happened to all those fiery questions?"
"Huh?" Jay turned toward Garmadon. "Oh. I'm- It's-. . ."
"Mentally preparing to see Lou?" Garmadon nodded. "I'm not a fan of him either. You think you can go at it alone? I don't know if he'd be too happy to see me, after what happened to Cole."
"You . . . know Cole's dad?"
"Well, of course. His son worked for me, didn't he?"
"So . . . Cole's father knew? That . . . that Cole was supposed to protect me?" Jay laughed. He ran his hand through his hair, fingers snagging against the bandage he'd forgotten about. "Oh, well that explains a lot. No wonder he hated me. No doubt he thought I'd get Cole hurt. And- And well, I guess he wasn't wrong."
"Of course he was wrong, Jay. What happened to Cole was not your fault." Garmadon's voice softened. "Keeping Ninjago safe, keeping you safe . . . Cole knew there would be risks."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't."
The limousine slowed to a stop. Jay's body shuddered with a sigh. Everything outside the window was littered with memories, and the house before them was the worst of it all. Jay took the drive from Garmadon's computer, placing it back into his pocket. "Guess I'll be back."
"Kid . . ."
"Can you . . . Can you answer me one thing? Never mind that Cole somehow died twice, or that I can somehow spark up or-" Jay's hands began to shake. "Did Cole care about me? Did I mean anything to him? Or was I just his assignment?"
"I don't-"Garmadon shook his head. "I had to have someone keep an eye on you, you know? You could be very dangerous, in the wrong hands, the wrong path. Cole, well, he volunteered for the job."
"That doesn't answer anything!"
"I'm sorry." Garmadon said. "I really don't know."
"Awesome." Jay exited the limousine, slamming the door shut with unnecessary force. "Thanks!"
Jay stomped forward, fighting to keep his tears at bay. He couldn't break down yet. He had to keep going. But . . . why? Why was he still following Cole's footsteps? Even if there was some sort of answer at the end of the road, Jay would never get what he really wanted.
He would never get Cole back. Wouldn't get to grasp his boyfriend's shoulders, to shake him until explanations spilled out, until Cole gave up some sort of antidote to the fire that wouldn't stop burning inside Jay's chest.
Did you love me? Jay screamed the words in his head. Did you, Cole?
A few tears overflowed from his eyes. Jay growled as he wiped them away, roughly. The movement pushed against the dried scab on his cheek, reopening the wound. Jay didn't want to imagine what he looked like.
The lights on the living room were on, and faint music slipped through the windows. Good. At least he wouldn't be waking Cole's father.
Jay pressed down on the doorbell before he could think about it. The chime echoed through the house. The music stopped, replaced by the sound of footsteps. They came to a halt in front of the door, but the door did not open.
"It's me. It's Jay." Jay's voice sounded gruff. He cleared his throat, and gave a small wave to the peephole. "Hi."
"Jay." The voice of Cole's father was muffled by the door. It then swung open, washing Jay's body with light. "You're here. I was beginning to think you'd never show."
Okay. So not exactly the response Jay had been expecting. Cole's father studied Jay's state, frowning at different intervals. Jay opened his mouth, but was interrupted into silence. "Come in. Please. You need to get cleaned up."
"I- Um. Well, it's-"Jay's protests were useless, as Cole's father dragged him forward. The man turned around long enough to lock the door, before continued to usher Jay into the house. "Sir, I'm-"
"Sir. You never did get around to calling me Lou." Cole's father shook his head. "No need for formalities. Well. You know where the bathroom is, don't you? Get that thing on your cheek cleaned up. There should be some bandages there. Once you're done, you can finally read what Cole left for you."
"Wait." Jay blinked. "Left for me? I thought what you had was, you know, his stuff? You never said he left something for me."
"I just assumed you'd care enough to come, either way."
"It's not that I didn't care." Jay scoffed. He was tired and he was mad and he didn't care about being polite anymore. "It's that it hurts. I couldn't face- I couldn't bear to see everything that Cole was knowing he no longer is. If there's anyone in this stupid city who should be able to understand, It's you."
Lou's face became a blank slate. "Are you going to get cleaned up? I'd rather not have blood on my furniture."
"Right. Because that's what's important here." Jay turned away, rushing down the hall before he said something he'd regret.
Each breath was a punch in the gut as he walked through the familiar setting of Cole's home. By the time Jay reached the bathroom, he felt breathless.
He slammed the door shut, then leaned against the sink, trying to keep his emotions from taking over. As his breathing began to level, Jay frowned down at the skin on his arms. They were unscarred. The cuts he very clearly remember, from the window and from the bushes, were gone. Jay ran his fingers over the freckled skin. Smooth.
It wasn't the first time, either. Jay remembered being hurt before, at the dojo. Before magically just . . . healing. Jay's eyes shone as the gears in his mind began to turn. He unwrapped the bandage from around his head, feeling for the wound that should have been there. Nothing!
"The electricity. Maybe they're helping neurons communicate faster? But . . . how does that translate into accelerated healing?" Jay mumbled the words to himself, as he studied himself in the mirror. The cut on his cheek was still there. Because- Well, because Garmadon had gotten rid of the creature. And Jay hadn't used his powers again. "It's got to be impossible. I mean, even if my brain is working faster it- it shouldn't be able to affect the rest of the body. Not like this. Right?"
Then again, the body in general wasn't supposed to produce raw lightning.
"No harm in testing the theory, I guess." Jay said, before bringing the electric wisps forward. Without a threat to terrify him, it was a little more difficult. But he managed. Jay watched as his hair rose around him, due to the self-produced static. Bit by bit, the wound on his cheek stitched itself shut.
Jay laughed, in awe. He noticed the blue in his eyes was glowing. "I am a god."
With a shake of his head, Jay laughed again, before remembering where he was, and why. His mission sobered him up quickly. Before exiting the bathroom, he wrapped his head up again, and stuck a square bandage to his cheek. Better not entice any questions.
"All good?" Lou asked when Jay returned to the living room. Without waiting for a response, the man carried on. "Good. You can go to Cole's room. The letter for is there. And-"
" . . . And?" Jay was quickly beginning to hate having to prompt people to carry on.
"Make it quick. You didn't tell me you'd become quite infamous in Ninjago."
"Infamous?"
Lou nodded to the TV. It had been muted, which was why Jay hadn't paid it any mind. But now he wondered how he'd missed the sight.
He was on it. Every one of his awkward features in perfect HD. Images of the half destroyed dojo and the hospital flashed through the screen. A reporter momentarily took over the screen, before moving on to a video of Jay's battle with the small snakes.
If Jay had thought his eyes had glowed before- ha! That had been nothing. On screen, Jay's eyes were almost sparking as he fought. Worse of all, was the smile on his face. Goosebumps crawled up his arms. Jay looked . . . dangerous.
"I- It's- . . . I mean, I'm not-"
"I don't need to hear it." Lou waved him away. "Just try to be quick. Half the city must be chasing you by now."
"O-okay . . .?" Jay stumbled back, then nodded. "Yeah. Okay. You're probably right? I don't- I'll go."
Jay turned, then rushed up the stairs to Cole's room.
And more importantly, to Cole's letter.
BEFORE
"Cole?"
Jay's voice was soft and mumbled, syllables slurring as he tried to force himself to wake. Jay rolled over on his bed, trying to keep his phone pressed to his ear.
Jay. Hi.
"Cole, it's three in the morning." Jay whined. "Just because you never sleep doesn't mean you get to bully me. I have class tomorrow."
I know, I know. Cole was silent. Jay's mind began to drift off. I just- I wanted to talk.
"Mmm." Jay said. "Ok?"
Sorry, nevermind. I'll let you sleep.
"No!" Jay sat up quickly, jolting his body awake. "Cole, are you okay?"
Yeah. Yeah, I am. Just- Just sort of lonely? I don't know. It's stupid.
"It's not stupid." Jay said. "What do you want to talk about? I don't want you to feel lonely. It's the worst."
It really is. So, talk to me then. About anything.
"You sure? You know I can talk forever. We're both going to suffer the consequences tomorrow. "Jay swung his legs over the side of the bed, swinging them back and forth as he spoke. Talking to Cole always made him excessively energetic.
I'm down for suffering, if you're suffering too.
"You are so romantic."
Thank you. I try.
Jay giggled. He'd never really giggled before but boy, oh boy, since he'd met Cole he hadn't been able to stop. "Okay. So topics. Topics. Got any preferences?"
Not really. I just want to hear you talk. Cole went silent. It . . . it makes me feel better.
"Okay." Jay almost whispered the word, feeling his cheeks flood with heat. "Okay. Well. Did you know that bananas are, like, the best food for your brain? They boost brain function, so you're basically smarter. Or, well, more alert. Which makes you think better. Sort of?
"So, anyway, what I'm thinking is- if I eat enough of them, could I become a genius? Surpass Cyrus Borg? Make my own OverCorp?" Jay used his hands animatedly as he spoke. "I have so many ideas. They're basically bursting out of my brain. That's why I talk out loud all the time. If I kept it in, I'd explode."
No doubt.
"The problem is executing the ideas. Doing things is hard. Not only do I have to focus, but I have to know things. It's a dilemma." Jay said. "So, the solution? Eat as many bananas as I can without killing myself, become a genius, and bamm! Smooth sailing from there, partner."
You're already a genius, Jay.
"Flattery will get you everywhere, young sir." Jay chuckled. "Please keep going."
Well, your mom's a genius. And you're that, and then some. I've no doubt you'll be one of the greatest minds of Ninjago in no time.
"My mom?"
Well. Like. Your parents. You know. They're- They're both pretty smart! They're good at building stuff, aren't they? I was really impressed with that statue they made of you.
"Ugh. Do not bring that up. I was the furthest from impressed."
Aw. I thought it was a good representation of you.
"And I thought you were a good boyfriend." Jay let himself fall back against the bed. "I hate you."
Love you too, freckles.
AFTER
It took Jay a solid minute to be able to read Cole's words.
Somehow, seeing his handwriting all over again, triggered a newfound wave of sadness. This was no rushed scribble of an address and a cryptic sentence. No. These were carefully crafted words. Carefully crafted . . . for Jay.
Jay wiped his tears away for the second time. Then he picked up the paper, and read.
Jay-
I hope my dad gives you this. He's not happy about any of the things that have to do with you. I'm sorry.
This letter isn't about my dad, though. It's about you. You're special, Jay. Very much so. You probably already know, by the time you read this. And I want to say sorry about that too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything. I'm sorry for the secrets. And I'm sorry for whatever you've been through, that led you to my words.
I need you to trust me. One last time.
Get out of the city. As fast as you can. It's not safe here for you. Not here, not with anyone. Head into the desert. Hide out with your parents. Okay? It's crazy, I know, and you hate going into things without explanations, but I don't have time to write it all down. You'll just have to have a little trust.
I love you. Ok?
P.S. If you want to see the things I found, the password is FreckledGenius (Sappy, I know. Shut up)
Cole
Jay could no longer wipe away his tears.
They flowed freely and he couldn't stop them. It was too much. The letter, his powers, himself. Every frustration of the past day (The past month) spilled out of him without permission. Jay pressed a hand against his mouth, trying to be quiet, trying to stop crying, and accomplishing nothing.
Why did things have to hurt so much? Jay hated it, hated life, hated Cole, hated everything! He would have given up anything, if the world would only stop spinning. If the burning sensation in his chest would stop staring him apart. He didn't want to keep going.
A quick and violent knock on the front door snapped Jay out of his tears. He blinked and sniffled, moving to Cole's window to see who was outside.
Garmadon. Guess the man had gotten tired of waiting.
A few small gasps from breath escaped Jay as his body tried to get used to not crying. Cole's letter had been scrunched up in his shaking hand, and was so filled with tears that some of the ink had begun to run. Jay glanced over the words again.
He had the password and he had the drive. But he also had new instructions. Get out of the city.
"Okay." Jay whimpered. "I trust you, Cole. I trust you."
Jay knew all too well how to exit the house without being spotted by anyone. He wasn't, by any means, a 'bad boy' but he'd done his fair share of sneaking in and out of Cole's house. He knew the window at the end of the hall would lead him to surprisingly sturdy garden trestle. And he knew, that all he'd have to do from there was climb down.
Shoving the letter into the pocket of Cole's hoodie, Jay ran out of the room, and down the hall. He stole bits and pieces of Lou's conversation with Garmadon.
"He's been up there for too long. I'm sorry, but the information Cole recovered might be time sensitive." Garmadon's voice. It sounded like he was still outside.
"Well, I'm sorry, but the boy lost someone very dear to him. I feel like he deserves a few minutes alone, don't you?" Jay faltered at Lou's words. They were . . . kind. Tears threatened to overwhelm him again. He pushed forward.
Soon enough, Jay had climbed down, and was rushing through Cole's backyard. If he hopped the fence, Jay knew he'd end up in a small park. From there, it would be easy to reach the city. And then, a bus out of it.
His face being in the news was a problem. But he'd figure it out later.
Jay jumped over the fence with a bit of a struggle, landing on his back on the other side. Momentarily winded, Jay sat up.
"Okay. Okay. Parents house. I can do that. It's-mmph!" Jay's words were sliced to silence as a hand was pressed over his mouth. Jay screamed against it, struggling and threatening to spark.
"Jay stop, it's me!"
Jay pushed the hand away. He whirled around, and stood. "Nya!"
"Yeah, maybe don't shout?"
"Right. Right." Jay hoped the night was dark enough to hide his swollen eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"My brother made me leave the hospital. Said it was 'dangerous'. I figured it had everything to do with you, and with Cole. When I saw in the news that you'd leveled the hospital-"
"I wouldn't say leveled."
"-I figured the best place to look or wait for you would be here. Either you'd show up, or I'd break in and find answers myself."
"You're crazy."
"Didn't you break in?"
"No!" Jay half-shouted. He shook his head and bit his lip, struggling to control his volume. "No, I was invited in, thank you. I broke out. I have to get out of the city. I don't know what's going on, but Cole left me a letter, and he said I needed to go back to my parents."
"And you trust him?"
"What else can I do?" Jay walked past Nya. His friend turned to walk alongside him. "He's- He's Cole. I don't really believe he'd put me in danger. If he says to leave, I'll leave."
"And then?"
"I don't know."
"Great plan."
"You don't have to come."
"I know."
They walked in silence. Jay thought about the letter. About the words in it. I love you, OK? So simple, so straightforward, so Cole. Jay wanted to believe the words so bad. He clung to them, tight, using them as fuel. He refused to think about anything past the next step forward.
That brief moment of narrow mindedness, proved to be a mistake. One moment, Jay was moving along, half a plan in mind, but most importantly, a purpose. The next, Jay was on the ground.
There was a pressure on his chest, keeping him in place. Jay heard Nya struggling somewhere beside him, and he figured she must be in the same predicament. Then, she went silent.
"Nya?" Jay struggled, but whoever was keeping him still was stronger.
"You want something done, you do it yourself." Said a voice, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. "No tricks this time, Jay."
In a flash of pain, Jay's world went black.