AN: based on 'doe het licht maar uit' a flemish pop song. Hope you guys like it. Disclaimer: a bit depressing.
The amber liquid swirling in his glass made his brain numb. He took another swig to press down the memories of her. The curly brown hair, the smell of roses and vanilla, the caramel tones in her irises,… It all hurt.
It had been a hard few months. Harder than when he lost James and Lily. He lost the love of his life due to his own arrogance. He said that he could protect her and she put her life and safety in his hands and he let her down. He took another swig of the burning liquid. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
She had been a surprise. The best friend of his godson. She was so pretty and pure and he was sour and pissed off at the world. Her conversations soothed his blackened soul. After the war he finally worked up the courage to tell her that he didn't want to miss her anymore. He felt dirty lusting after a woman almost two decades younger than he was. But Hermione soothed his worries and told him that she never hoped that he would ever see her in that way. They had been happy, she had been wearing his ring and they were planning the bonding ceremony of Hermione's dreams.
But rogue death eaters made sure to put a stop to his own fairy tale. As an auror he was dispatched to her in an instant. She was laying on the street, right before Flourish and Blotts. Blood was pooling beneath her. Hermione had asked him to move on, to make sure that he loved life as much as she had. He promised Hermione to try his best as he shouted for healers to make their way over to them.
Hermione had placed a bloodied hand on his cheek and told him it wouldn't help. She was dying and she had accepted it. She murmured that she loved him until she couldn't anymore. Sirius had hugged her close to his chest pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. The weeks following Hermione's death he had been ruthless. Every one of the remaining death eaters were found in their homes, tortured and eventually killed.
Sirius took his last swig of liquid before he stumbled home. Tears made their way down his face as he entered his bedroom. A photo of him and Hermione hung against his wall. Them looking into each other's eyes before Hermione reached up to kiss him.
As he readied himself for bed he took another swig of a bottle of Ogden's that was standing next to his bed. Sleep potion and muggle sleeping pills would help him sleep tonight. He knew that carrying on like he was doing the last few weeks wouldn't be good on his body but he didn't care anymore. He just wanted Hermione back, in the realm of the living or the death.