Author's Disclaimer: I don't own a thing belonging to "Dragon Age 2 or 3." Nada.
Author's notes: Second verse, same as the first. Any of CharlieBarrow's ideas belong to her.
"Catching the Wind"
Chapter forty-six "Back in the Real World"
"We're here. We're home!" Mel called from the crow's nest. The other sailors of the Stormy Lover gave a cheer from the deck. Isabela leaned her head on her arm against the wheel. She sighed raggedly. She hadn't gotten very much sleep, and her waking worrying hours were peppered with drink and more drink. How was she going to tell the pups their sire was dead? Maker's ass, how was she going to tell Merrill?
Hawke's other mate, and the other part of her. Isabela swallowed hard, feeling guilt roil with pain and slight vestiges of fear. She felt responsible for the elf, as much as Hawke did, no doubt. But now she had to break her heart and it killed Merrill to tell her even the truth. But she had to.
As the ship laid anchor and the dinghies were lowered, Isabela could see her family lining up on the beach with the sailors she left to guard them. Her sons were so tall, Lark holding onto Magpie's hand and Falcon holding Sparrow to his shoulder. Merrill was beside the boys, shielding her eyes with one hand. Merrill… Isabela felt a headache coming on. She shouldn't have drunk so much brandy….
Isabela accepted Craven's hand into the dinghy and her gaze stayed on her family. As she was rowed closer to shore, Lark and Magpie splashed into the surf to help her out. Their eyes were wide with hope for news, any news. It was apparent she hadn't found their papa….
Isabela swallowed, accepting hugs from her pups. Merrill came last and the kiss she pressed on Isabela's lips was a surprise. Isabela clutched the back of her neck and pressed her brow to the elf's, closing her eyes in grief. Merrill understood then that she had gravely bad news and her eyes lowered in disappointment.
"Boys, can you take the girls inside for a moment? I need to talk to your mama," Merrill said sweetly. Lark nodded, none the wiser. But Falcon looked back at them over his shoulder as they went. Once they were inside the captain's house, Isabela took Merrill's hand and led her down the beach. Merrill squeezed her fingers and the silent affirmation fortified the pirate.
"It's Hawke, isn't it. She's…" Merrill gave a guess. Isabela lifted her head and tears were in her eyes.
"The Inquisitor's fool party landed into the Fade physically. And she never came out…." Isabela was surprised how much this hurt to say, to acknowledge. A ball lodged in her throat and she couldn't speak further. Merrill's hands tightened over hers and when she lifted her head, Isabela was horrified that Merrill was crying. "Please don't cry, Kitten….Please, I can't bear it…"
"But…." Merrill's lip quivered and her wide eyes were filled with falling tears that spilled down her cheeks. "It's Hawke…."
And then Isabela surrendered to her grief. She sank to her knees and Merrill held her, both stretched out under the innocent sun, giving light on what should have been an ordinary day. That everything else was so normal was cruel in the wake of losing Hawke.
Merrill stroked Isabela's hair, staring across the beach through her tears. "I just…. I never thought….oh, Hawke…."
And Isabela allowed herself to cry. Before they had to go inside and ruin their pup's lives. She knew Merrill felt that dread for she tightened her hold on her and the two women held each other.
"What are we…." Merrill began. Isabela sat up and cupped Merrill's cheek in her palm. She leaned to press her brow against hers again and took a deep staggering breath.
"We're going to have to tell them. Poor pups…I can't even…." Isabela's eyes darted guiltily. Merrill squeezed her hand.
"You didn't do this to her."
"I know. But…."
"We have to do it, Bela. It should be sooner than later."
"Maker curse me," Isabela cursed. They made their way to the captain's house.
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
Merrill staggered out to the beach later that night. The pups had cried and wailed all day and she and Isabela had had to cap their own grief to try and help the pups through their own. It wasn't a one afternoon thing, and she knew they had more work to do. Falcon's angry tears and Lark laying his head in her lap was too much. Magpie was near inconsolable. At least Sparrow was too young to understand the concept of death, but she'd still shed tears at the expense of her sibling's reactions.
Falcon had begged to go to bed, but Lark stayed with his mother in the living room and so did the girls. Merrill had woken, to see them all asleep in one pile, as if fearing Isabela would be gone if touch weren't constant. Falcon seemed not to care in that regard and Merrill's heart broke all over again.
She sat on the beach, knife in one hand and rolled the sleeve on her arm up with the other. Cackling laughter sifted closer, seeming to ride the shushing waves of the beach.
"So, finally came around, didja?"
Merrill sighed as she pressed the sharp tip of her knife into the inner wrist of her left hand. Faint white lines marred her skin and she closed her eyes. "Not for you….." she muttered. Hawke would be furious were she to use blood magic again. But then again… "Hawke's not here…"
The demon seemed to sigh in agreement as Merrill made a slice down her wrist. She winced at the pain but let the blood soak down her arm and onto the sand. There was a scattering of sand as if a high wind had kicked up, then the demon made itself known, huge and hulking with glowing orange eyes. "Where to?" he rumbled.
Merrill closed her eyes and linked her soul to his outreaching hand. "The Fade. Please." As she left her body behind to walk to the other realm, Merrill darted a glance down at the arm she'd cut herself. It was leaking slowly on this side of reality, and the demon was lapping at the blood like a dog with a long tongue. He gave a grin up at her with many teeth and Merrill shuddered. Had all those demons before done this and she'd never realized it?
"Where?" It rumbled, latching onto her arm again. Merrill tried to tug her arm free then kept pace with the snacking demon. Her heart was too weary to fight.
"Where the souls of the departed linger. I have to…."
"You know you prolly won't find her." The demon's words could have been cruel to most but to Merrill it just sounded like advice to be heeded. She sighed, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.
"I know…."
Sometimes in the Fade, souls of the dead lingered, congregated, or traveled to and fro before they went to wherever souls went. The Chantry insisted it was the Maker's side in the heavens. The Dalish weren't so sure. Merrill didn't care as long as she could find Hawke's soul to say a real goodbye. They passed through rocky passages, stormy plains and the wails of those lost. A tingle went up Merrill's spine. There had been battles in Thedas for many souls wore battered and blood-stained armor and most were without limbs, or even heads.
And some of the spirits had noticed her, reaching with maimed or bloodied hands for aide.
"Please, my son…." A woman pleaded at her left.
"My wife…" A man pleaded on her right. Merrill closed her eyes and hardened her heart. She murmured in elvish and a spark of light glowed from her staff. A spell of content. The spirits in her vicinity calmed and milled about listlessly. They made room and Merrill pushed ahead.
The demon chuckled at her side as Merrill pushed through the streams of souls. She couldn't find her mate's familiar features, her dark hair, her bright green eyes or the scar across her nose.
"Oh, Hawke, where are you?" Merrill wept. A flash beside her and the demon grunted as another entity jockeyed with him for position at her side.
"Hey, back off, lunch meat is mine," he insisted. Merrill shivered at being addressed so.
The voice of the spirit was familiar as it wafted closer. Merrill put a hand to her stomach on reflex.
"Little Mother, did I not give you your heart's desire to help? Help yourself now. Go home to your realm."
Merrill recognized the nameless spirit whose shrine she'd cleaned, all those years ago. Before Magpie, before Hawke….."But….I haven't found…."
"You need to go home. Others need you," It intoned sensibly. The demon clutched her right arm, the unbloodied one.
"Yeah, let's get gone. Come on, lunch meat. Hurry it up."
Merrill closed her eyes and whispered an incantation.
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
"What are you doing?" Falcon hissed. Magpie had been sneaking out of the back door and jumped at his words. She flung a glare at her older brother.
"Mamae!" she insisted, then went silent. Falcon darted a glance into the living room where the rest of his siblings were all piled on their pirate mother. Mamae was nowhere in sight and that couldn't be good.
"Is she outside?" Falcon murmured. He opened the back door silently and he and his sister stepped barefoot into the sand off the back deck. Magpie moved quickly her staff tucked under one arm. Her nightgown flapped around her skinny legs. They found their elven mother on the beach, bare legs a good twenty feet from the waves lapping at the shore. Falcon crouched beside her and was about to jostle her shoulder for attention when Magpie clamped a hand onto his, stopping him. She gave a shake of her head and pointed. And then Falcon noticed the cut on her left wrist, the bloodied knife still clutched in her right hand, and her eyes closed tight. Her breathing was shallow, and something tugged at his mind.
"What kind of magic is this?" he whispered to his sister. Magpie shrugged but laid her small hand on Merrill's unbloodied arm.
"Not good. Wait," she said simply. Falcon sat cross-legged in the sand and prepared to catch Merrill if she tipped to the side in her spell. He wanted to cover her cut with his hand and help staunch the bleeding, but his mage sister didn't give the go ahead. He'd have to wait for her to come back from wherever she'd gone.
When his Mamae's eyes opened and she gasped a sharp intake of breath, Falcon scrambled to his knees.
"Mamae! What were you doing?" he asked earnestly. Merrill shivered and leaned against the tall boy. He took her left arm in his hands and squeezed over her cut.
"I was…." Merrill began, stuttering to clear her thoughts. Magpie tugged at the sleeve of her right hand, and she set her dagger on the sand. "I'm so sorry, darlings, I didn't mean to worry you."
Magpie was sniffling again, and her eyes were reddened from crying earlier over Hawke. "Where did you GO?" she demanded, and Merrill was shocked at the simple words. Magpie barely spoke as it was. She laid a hand against the girl''s cheek and wiped her tears with her thumb.
"I'm so sorry," she said. She put her arms around the children and held them under the moon. Hawke was gone…..truly gone. Tears leaked from her eyes as she buried her chin in Magpie's hair.
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
Two more years passed.
Hawke had no way of knowing the amount of time, just that her every waking moment was spent in torture, physically and mentally. But outside the Fade, the small years had yawned wide, separating her from her those that knew her.
The large spidery creature had taken to taking parts of her body into its many-toothed maw, the sharp fangs piercing flesh, or pressing in and threatening to. And all the while, Nightmare preyed on her fears and unnerved thoughts.
"Stop it! Stop it!" Hawke shouted, as she came out of another flash image. Again, her children dead, again, her family gone. She was upside down now, her hair flipping up, and a flash of green light erupted just off to the right. Hawke struggled to twist in the creature's grasp to see. Portals had been appearing and reappearing all over the Fade, as well as streams of ghosts parading past. There must have been large battles that had happened as the newly killed streamed through on their way to the Maker's side.
But each time a portal snapped close by, before Hawke could begin to scramble for an escape, the bug creature snapped her up in its jaws, taking a taste. And Hawke would be let down, hours later, bleeding or bruised. Once she feared an arm was broken and she feared moving it.
And all the while, Nightmare berated her, echoing her failures in her mind. But today, today felt different. Nightmare wasn't paying attention. In fact, the portals that appeared and retracted had it agitated, she felt. Hawke tried to fight back in the flash images he gave her and through each horrific image, she felt a glimpse of surprise.
Nightmare wasn't trying as hard. And as such, it was easier to fight her way out of the flash nightmare images. "Is that all you've got? You're not as hard as you were…." Hawke taunted before the spidery creature hauled her up bodily into the air. By her right leg, and Hawke screamed as the teeth imbedded into her flesh and bone, holding her up soundly. She tried to pull her weight up to grasp at the toothy maw, but vertigo kept her hanging by one limb.
Nightmare glided over and the tall image leaned close.
"You wish to try me, mortal?! Well then, see this!..."
Hawke was used to the horrible images. Even the ones with sensory pain, tricking her into believing they could be real…. She screamed as she ran through the image, her dead children laid before her feet. She erupted back into herself, hissing curses at Nightmare upside down.
"I already saw that one! You have nothing left….there's nothing for you to take! Nothing….." As Hawke railed, she caught a flash of green light. Flinging her head to the side from her upside down position, she could make out a shimmering portal. Hawke tried to reach up her body to grasp at the maw latched onto her leg, but oh, it was so hard to double up and reach…."You can't break me! What are you gonna do, kill me….then where would you get your precious visions!..."
Nightmare interrupted in a foreign language, skittering sounds screeched to the bug creature holding her in its jaws. The snapping of its maw echoed in Hawke's mind and then searing pain. And she was falling, head over heels, into light, then water erupted around her, filling her world. And it all went dark.
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
7
"Blighted hell!" The fisherman jumped out of his small boat into the deeper parts of the lake. A column of the center erupted upward, as if someone had tossed a snapping stick of powder directly in, but no one in Crestwood had those Qunari devices! His nephew called after him, but he knew he saw a body falling out of the explosion and into the lake, limbs flailing.
"There's someone in there!" he called back, then tore off his hat and dove underwater. He clasped onto an arm and yanked the stranger, a woman, to the surface. She coughed and spat out water, eyes wild with worry and wary of him, fighting to free herself from him. The fisherman swore and tried to drag her to the boat or shore, whichever came first. "Messere, I'm trying ta help ya!"
Hawke wheezed, feeling dizzy as the sun careened high overhead, casting natural light to her sensitive eyes. Her strength fled and she would have gone under if not for the fisherman. His nephew reached over the boats edge and helped drag Hawke up and in. Where was she? It wasn't the Fade, it was real….wasn't it?!
"Where'd she come from?! What…." The boy gasped, staring at the jagged stump where her right lower leg had been. It looked like it'd been recently chewed off and against her will, blood soaking the bottom of the boat. Hawke cast a look down, noticed it at the same time he did, and fainted.
End for now
End notes: Poor Hawke! Like it, leave a review.
Pe 3/20/2020