Ziva pulled the key from the lock of the door, and looked toward the couch. Tony was asleep, his feet poking out from the end of the sofa. The new throw blanket she had brought as soon as the mornings started to have a chill, pulled over his torso.
He looked so peaceful when he slept.
Ziva balanced her bike helmet and the shopping, and carefully stepped through the door. Her eyes focused on Tony, watching as his chest rose and fell.
Then she lost her grip on the door and it slammed loudly.
So much for letting him sleep.
Ziva dropped her shopping. A can of tomatoes squashed the bread she had brought.
Tony woke with a startle.
"On your six, boss," Tony called out as he sat up, and looked around their apartment.
Ziva felt a smirk wash over her. She would not let him live that down.
"Sorry," she said, as she hung up her helmet and jacket and bent down to see if the bread was salvageable.
Tony got up from the couch. His hair stuck up, and Ziva was reminded of her second arrival at NCIS, where she hoped to stay, when Tony treated the space behind his desk like his bedroom.
She had thought him just a playboy then. A man too busy chasing women to go home.
Now, years later she understood that he never took lady friends back to his house. He needed his sanctuary. A safe place because he hadn't always had one.
"Hi," Tony said with a smile as he stood above her.
He was still wearing his stained pyjama bottoms and a ratty OSU t-shirt. Ziva was planning to get Tony new pyjamas for Christmas.
"Hi," she said, as she handed him the squashed bread, and pulled herself up.
He offered out a hand, but she did not need it.
Tony cradled the bread like a baby, and looked her up and down.
"What time is it?" he asked.
Ziva balanced the shopping bag and started moving toward the kitchen.
"Nearly two," Ziva said. "My sessions are later now."
Her therapy sessions had moved to Wednesday's just before Tali's birthday, when she went down to one session. Since they had come back from their vacation, the time of the sessions had changed as well. The hour made a difference, it meant the walk to school with Tali was less rushed. It meant Ziva was still able to have an hour afterwards to decompress.
On most days, both Tony and Ziva walked Tali to school. Tali holding each of her parents hands, and jumping in puddles, or looking at all the dogs that went past them. The usually forty minute walk often took much longer.
Tali really wanted a dog.
"Yeah," he said, as he ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to sleep so long."
They reached the kitchen, and Ziva placed the shopping bag on the counter.
"Your father?," Ziva asked carefully. "He is okay, yes?"
She emptied the shopping bag, putting the cans in the cupboard and placing Tali's after school treat in the fridge.
They spoiled that child, but they would not change a thing.
"Yeah," he said, "The ECG was okay, they think it was anxiety. I suppose being in a hospital right now must be pretty scary. Dad said it was the pretty nurse making his heart skip a beat."
Tony made a show of rolling his eyes.
Ziva made a show of rolling her eyes in solidarity with Tony, but she hoped the old man never changed.
"I know I said I'd let you know," Tony said, "I crashed right after the doctor called. I'm sorry."
They had both been woken a few minutes before midnight by a ringing phone. The late night call had been an intrusion on their new quiet life.
Tony's face had dropped when he saw the international phone number.
Senior, who was still in the hospital after his fall at home, was having heart issues. The doctors were going to continue to observe him, and do at battery of tests in the morning.
Neither of them had been able to go to sleep after that phone call. Ziva was used to these sleepless nights, and planned to wait it out. Tony tossed and turned. Then he pulled his phone from the nightstand and started googling all the big doctor words.
Ziva had been the one to suggest that they make something to drink, thinking brewing the chamomile tea would be a distraction.
Tony had jumped at the chance to do something useful, and had gotten up.
I just feel so far away, he had said from the doorway.
She waited in the bedroom for a little while, and when there was no sign of him coming back with the tea, Ziva had gotten up.
She found him on the couch with his phone looking up more of the long doctor words.
And, so she sat. Pulling the throw over her legs. She sat in solidarity.
Go back to bed, he whispered, I'm okay here. I promise.
She ignored the guilt that kept trying to wash over her, and went back to bed. She expected to spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, but sleep came to her easily. She woke up to Tali shaking her awake at an ungodly hour.
Why is Daddy on the couch?
"How was Tali this morning?" he asked.
Tali had known something was up, as soon as they left the park. Daddy was taking lots of phone calls, and Ima was looking around a lot.
They had eventually explained to Tali that her beloved Pop-Pop was in the hospital. They had assured her that he was okay, and the doctors were keeping an eye on him.
Tali had taken it rather well, and had started to make get well soon cards for him. They sent them to Senior via photos on their phone, so the old man would get them when he needed them most.
"She was okay," Ziva said, as she thought of the hurried walk to school, and all of Tali's questions. "She was more concerned about you sleeping on the couch. She said her friend Flora said her Dad slept on the couch before he moved out for good."
Tony grimaced.
Ziva knew exactly where his mind was going. Tali's new friend knew too much about the world.
"She's still talking about that," he said, with a sigh. "Doesn't she know that I'm never gonna let you go."
They had been through too much to chuck it all in now.
"Yes," Ziva said softly. "She is trying to make sense of the world. We have to let her work it all out."
Every time Tali brought up her classmate's separated parents, Ziva let her talk. Then Ziva assured Tali that both of her parents loved her, and that they were very happy together.
But, will you still be happy together next year or after that? she asked during a slow walk home from school.
We cannot know for sure, but Daddy and I are working hard to stay happy, Ziva said, being happy is hard work, you know.
I don't find it hard to be happy, Tali replied, as they stopped to admire the flowers at the florist.
Ziva hoped Tali would always be so easily happy.
When you are grown up, Ziva said, it is harder to be happy.
They stepped into the flower shop, Ziva deciding that the dining room table needed something to brighten it up.
You should get married, Tali replied as she gravitated toward the pink flowers. She loved everything pink, So I can wear a pretty dress, and you and Daddy will be happy forever.
"I know," Tony said, "It just freaks me out when she talks like that. Can't she stay little forever?"
Ziva laughed.
That was a losing battle.
Tony opened the paper bag the bread came in, and ripped off the end of the soft baguette.
"I know she can't," he said. "I just want to protect her from all the scary stuff. I want her to always be happy."
Ziva reached over the counter and ripped off a small piece of baguette. The bread was soft and airy.
Tali called this bread cloud bread.
"We can be there for the scary stuff," Ziva said. "She will have us as her safe place."
They would make the home that neither of them had as children.
"I know," he said as he looked down at the counter. "I think all this stuff with Dad has brought up some stuff."
She reached for his hand and squeezed it, inviting him to keep talking.
"Do you know he had a minor heart attack in the nineties?" Tony said. "That's why the doctors were so cautious this time. The doctor was the one who mentioned the heart attack, I didn't even know."
There was no way Ziva would have ever known about the heart attack. She had only ever done dossiers on Gibbs immediate team, and all she had known about Senior is that he dealt in art and property, and was estranged from his son.
Senior also had a very slim Mossad file, due to his association with some low level arms dealers who had an interest in fine art. No doubt the file was much thicker now due to Tony's entanglement with Ziva.
"I know we weren't really talking then," Tony continued, "But, we've been building bridges for a decade now, and he never mentioned it."
She wondered if Tony had told Senior about every bullet graze, shoulder bump and near miss.
Senior had only found out about Tony's brush with the plague because Gibbs told him.
"I know that our estrangement was both of our faults," Tony continued, "But, I don't ever want that with Tali. I want us to be the parents she calls every day from college. McGoo said Delilah called her Mom like five minutes after she found out she was pregnant they talk every day. I want that with Tali."
Ziva was not really sure if Tony and Senior could shoulder equal blame for their estrangement. From Ziva's point of view the scales of blame were weighted toward Senior.
He had been the one who dumped Tony in boarding schools and vanished.
"We have a long time before she goes to college," Ziva said.
She hoped to graduate college herself before then.
Her google search history was littered with visits to some of most prestigious universities in the DC area, sometimes Ziva read the course descriptions and imagined herself in a wood panelled lecture hall reading big books, and learning about the world.
She had always wanted to go to university, but the woes of the world had seemed more urgent when she was a teenager.
She needed to save the world and did not care if she had to sacrifice her life to do that.
Sometimes the best way to get something done is to live in the shadows, her father had once told her.
"I know," he said. "It's like I said, all this stuff with Dad, has brought up a lot."
He felt so far away.
"Do you still want to go to him?" Ziva asked.
Tony shook his head.
When the doctors kept extending how long they were keeping Senior in the hospital for, Tony and Ziva had started to talk about Tony going to visit him.
Normally, the conversation would be purely one of expense. They had enough money for a comfortable life, though as neither of them worked, they were cautious with their pennies.
But this year, it was different. There was an extra element to the conversation. The virus. Tony with his scarred lungs would be flying into the epicenter of the pandemic.
Getting back would prove a problem. Tony had a visa to live in Paris, but it was nestled in an American passport.
Immigration agents had the right of refusal.
Even if Tony managed to get back into France, he might face a two week quarantine in a hotel.
They had talked about Ziva going instead, as a sort of proxy, but that conversation had been nipped in the bud pretty quickly, they both knew Tali would freak out if Ziva was gone for an extended period.
If they went to Senior, it would have to be three of them, but Tali's school had been disrupted enough.
If the doctors' prognosis had been more serious they would be on the first plane out.
"He's okay," Tony said. "Me going to him would cause more problems than it would fix."
Ziva nodded.
"If you change your mind," she offered, "We could make it work."
She knew Tony did not like the idea of being separated from his family.
He and Tali had never been apart for more than a few hours since they came into each other's lives.
"It's okay," he said, "We'll be seeing him in the Spring."
Their plan, one like all plans made these days, was to go back to D.C for Tali's spring break. They would catch up with their loved ones, and start working out the details of their new life. They would investigate schools for Tali, and start house hunting.
Then when Tali finished school for the summer they would make the move.
They had told Tali about their plan explaining that they wanted to live closer to Pop-Pop and other people who loved them. They explained that if they moved Tali would be able to hang out with the McTwins and Tori in the flesh.
So far she had taken it well, but time would tell.
Tony had started putting out feelers with various federal agencies, indicating that this time next year he would be ready to reenter the world of work. He had been worried that he had been on the shelf too long to be offered anything good, but someone from almost every agency in the alphabet soup had reached out.
Ziva had started lusting over houses online, and all three members of the family had started talking about what they wanted in a house.
A big kitchen, and the house being in a walkable neighbourhood for Ziva.
A basement or second lounge that could become a movie room, and a reasonable commute to DC for Tony.
A big garden with room for a dog for Tali. She was also making a lot of noise about getting a dog, because they'd finally have the room for one.
"We will," Ziva assured him. "I miss him."
Tony looked up at her.
Ziva thought of her therapy session, where she had requested that she be able to keep her phone out, because her father-in-law was in hospital in the US. Senior was not technically her father-in-law, but any other description was too long winded, or left out Ziva's relationship with Senior.
She was fond of the older DiNozzo, she was worried for him, and she knew she would grieve if the doctors came back with bad news.
"Yeah, me too," he said. "I know we skype and stuff, but it's not the same. I feel so far away."
Ziva thought of one of the houses she had looked at, when they were trying to get a feel for where they might want to settle, it had been a big house with four bedrooms and an in-law suite above the garage.
Tony probably would not want Senior to live with them but maybe he could rent an apartment close to them. Ziva liked the idea of being close enough to check on him.
When Senior had been in Paris, he and Ziva used to go for long afternoon walks where they talked, Ziva wanted to continue their conversations.
"The Tony of ten years ago, wouldn't have believed it if you had told him that he would work it all out with Dad," Tony said.
"I think he would have been surprised by a lot of things," Ziva said.
Tony chuckled softly.
The existence of their six year old would have blown thirty nine year old Tony's mind.
"You know, I was really questioning whether going home was the right thing to do," Tony said, "You saw how excited Tali was when we dropped her at school last week. She's just so settled here, and she's got all her friends, but over the last few days I realised that it's the best for us."
Ziva gave him a soft smile.
She had similar doubts.
"We can come here for vacation," Ziva offered, "Once travel normalises again. Tim said the other day, he still wants to take Delilah to Paris, maybe we would be able to work something out where we come here together, and trade off looking after the children. The twins are a few years younger than Tali, yes?"
Four adults to three children was a good ratio, though Ziva would like it to be a little more even.
"They're three in a couple of months," he said. "I'm not sure how I feel about holidaying with McGoo, he'd probably wear a money belt."
Ziva smiled. In the early days when Tali still called out for Tony at night, and the words unsaid bubbled between Tony and Ziva, they spent a lot of time in cafes people watching. Paris was still filled with tourists, and Tony made a point of pointing out the American tourists who were wearing money belts.
It was a happy distraction.
"Maybe they would not want to travel with us," Ziva countered. "You can be quite annoying sometimes."
Tony smiled. Ziva watched as a smile rose through him, and his eyes lit up.
He had been so quiet these last few days. His head in two places, and now it seemed like he was coming back to her.
"They would be privileged to be shown Paris by the DiNozzo's," Tony said. "It would be quite the experience."
Ziva could so easily picture Tony and Tali taking the McFamily on a walking tour of their neighbourhood.
This is where they make the yummiest pastries.
This is where the cyclist went on the sidewalk and made Daddy spill the coffee, and he used bad words in French.
This is where Ima and I used to buy flowers from.
"Do you want me to change my name?" Ziva asked.
"Why would you change your name?" Tony asked. "You said all the paperwork to make you alive again was sorted."
"It is," Ziva said, "I meant when we get married."
He smiled. A huge smile.
"Do you want to?" he asked.
"I would rather not go through all the paperwork," Ziva said, "But, I know you are very traditional, and it may be easier with Tali, we always have to explain so much."
Anything to do with the school always required so much paperwork.
"I'm not that traditional," he said, "And I really don't mind if it's on all the paperwork, all that really matters is that I get to call you Mrs DiNozzo."
Mrs DiNozzo sounded so lovely coming from his lips.
"I am waiting for you to ask me," she joked.
She knew he had something fantastic planned.
"It's coming," he said, "One day, I'm gonna completely sweep you off your feet. I'll probably do it in front of Tali too, so she has this impossibly high standard for what a proposal looks like."
Ziva felt a warm feeling wash over her.
Tali would grow up seeing two parents who were in love and loved her.
Ziva was able to give her daughter something she never had.
"I am sure it will be lovely," Ziva said.
"It will be amazing," Tony said, "I promise. None of this proposing in an elevator like McShotgunwedding."
Ziva raised an eyebrow.
There was so much she had missed. Tony had filled in many of the blanks, but she got a few lines when she really needed a paragraph.
"He proposed in an elevator?" she asked.
"Not just any elevator," he said, "The NCIS elevator. Apparently he had this grand plan for a proposal that he had been working on for months, but couldn't wait. It was a few months after I left, and I guess making big plans and then doing something else is a bit of a theme for them."
Tony had been delicate when he talked about the proposal being not long after he left. Ziva knew her 'death' would have been part of the rush.
She had caused so much pain to so many people.
"And, they got married when they found out about the twins," Ziva said.
"Yeah, they'd been planning this big event in July, and then they found out Delilah was pregnant, they didn't know it was twins then. They found out it was twins like a month before the kids were born," Tony said, "Anyway, I guess it worked out well because McGroom ended up in Paraguay like a week later."
The scar in Ziva's risk throbbed.
I don't know if I should tell you this, Adam had said in the safe house in Mexico city, McGee and Gibbs were taken hostage in Paraguay.
"And, to be honest I was kinda glad," Tony said, "I didn't want to do a transatlantic flight with a toddler. I also didn't watch two people promise to be together in sickness and in health, when I didn't know where the hell you were, and couldn't talk to anyone about it. I was happy for them, but you know-"
"I am sorry," she said.
She caused so much pain.
So much hurt.
"It all worked out in the end," he said. "None of that matters now."
Ziva checked her phone, they still had time to walk to pick Tali up from school.
"So there has never really been a big team wedding," Ziva said, "Jimmy and Breena got married quickly because of the bombing, and Tim and Delilah got married in your apartment."
"With a dead body under the floorboards," he added.
Ziva grimaced, she knew this story but it still freaked her out.
She had slept in that apartment a day after her father died.
Shmeil had slept on that couch.
"Do you want a big wedding?" she asked.
He shook his head.
"We don't know that many people," he said, "And I don't wanna explain to the buddies I played pool with twenty years ago, that I have a six year old daughter and am only now getting around to marrying her mother."
"Do you worry about what people will think?" she asked.
Was he ashamed of her?
Shame was a cancer, it rotted you from the inside.
"No," he said, "It's just a lot of explaining. Besides, I almost had a big wedding once, and we all know how well that turned out."
Sometimes Ziva could almost forget that Tony had gotten down on one knee in front of another woman. It was the type of thing that might be cut when a book was adapted to a movie.
But, she knew what it must have taken for him to open up like that. To commit.
And, she knew it must have hurt like hell when it all fell apart.
"I would like a small wedding too," Ziva said. "Just the team, and your father."
Maybe Odette too.
Odette deserved to see the happy ending that she had helped along its way.
"It's gonna be hard explaining that to our bridesmaidzilla," Tony said. "She's very invested in the idea of us having a big white wedding."
"She can save all of that for her own wedding one day," Ziva said. "Besides, I think if we let her wear a pretty dress and let her have a say on the cake she will be satisfied."
"I hope you're right," he said.
"I would like a Jewish wedding," she blurted out.
"Okay," he said.
"You are okay with that?" she asked.
"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked.
"You are not Jewish," she said.
She thought of the parenting books under their bed, one of the titles was 'Raising a Jewish Child', and that had been brought long before Ziva came back to them. There had been picture books ordered from the website named after the rain forest that underpaid its workers. The history on YouTube was filled with Hebrew songs.
He had been trying so damn hard.
"No, but you and Tali are," he said, "And, it having a Jewish wedding is important to you, then it's important to me."
Tony had been the one who kept trying to organise a play date between Tali and Asher Rosenthal, because he thought Ziva and Sara might be friends. Ziva wanted to make more Jewish friends.
Tali and Asher would play together if asked too, but would never be best friends. Ziva and Sara on the other hand had managed to build a friendship. Tony and Sarah's husband Michael both followed the same college football team.
Sara Rosenthal had invited them to dinner for Rosh Hashanah. Ziva would spend the holiday dipping apple slices into honey with her daughter and partner either side of her, and new friends on the opposite side of the table.
It was a shame that they made new friends just as they were preparing to leave the city of lights.
"You really would not mind?" Ziva asked.
"No, I won't mind," he said. "I think we could have quite a beautiful wedding. We'll get married under a chuppah, Tali will wear a pretty dress, and all our favourite people will be there."
He made it sound so easy, and just maybe it would be that easy.
She moved out from behind the counter, and stood in front of him. She snaked her arms around his waist. She placed a kiss on his lips. He pulled her close.
"I cannot wait to marry you," he said, as the kiss ended.
They needed to get a move on if they were going to walk, rather than take the metro, to pick Tali up from school, but Ziva was in no rush.
They could have a few more quiet seconds.
"Neither can I," Ziva replied, as she went in for another kiss.
A/N:
I don't own a thing.
Apologies to any Jewish readers if I got anything about Rosh Hashanah or Jewish weddings wrong.
There was a lot of talk of the future in this chapter, those who you follow me on twitter know that I was spitballing different ideas of where I might take our little family in the future (both geographically and emotionally). So if anyone has any ideas, do let me know, no promises I'll write them all, but what is fanfic without collaboration between readers and writers.
Next chapter will be up next week, with Tony and Ziva talking more about the future.
I'm finally catching up on review replies, thank you for being so patient with me. Please know I cherish every review.
Thank you for all of the kind words.