Tony took Ziva's hand as they crossed the main road that led to their quiet little neighbourhood. They dodged cyclists that could not decide if they should follow the road rules for cars or pedestrians. Tony watched as the shops on the road woke up. The weird shoe shop that never seemed to never have any customers had survived the economic apocalypse caused by the virus. The coffee shop had people in suits lining up outside, their neighbourhood was littered with offices.
Tony looked at Ziva, it was only early October but she had already got one of the thicker winter scarfs out of the storage box under the bed. She had tried to get Tali into a winter coat that morning but Tali was having none of it.
He rubbed her hand, as they walked toward home.
They had the day to themselves, and were going to make the most of it. Tony wanted to show Ziva some houses they had been looking at. Rockville and Bethesda were a little further out from Ziva's ideal neighbourhood of Silver Spring but the houses were cheaper and it was still close to Rock Creek Park.
Tony was very much looking forward to dropping the equivalent of his Peoria PD paycheck in rent for an apartment with a closet for a second bedroom, even if he would miss the ease of being able to walk around the corner and get most of the essentials from various shops.
Tony was also hoping that he and Ziva might find time for a cuddle on the couch before they went to pick Tali up.
They reached the corner of their street. One of their neighbours walked past with a shopping bag and headphones.
Ziva tugged at his hand, and they crossed the little side street, walking away from home.
"Where are we going?" Tony asked, the words slightly muffled by his mask.
They turned the corner on the lane where they parked the car.
Tony was very much looking forward to parking his car in his own driveway and not dropping a pretty penny on parking permits.
"I want to talk to you. I wanted to do it in the park," Ziva said, "But, it is going to rain."
Tony looked up at the sky. It was grey and menacing.
Tali would want to splash in puddles when they walked home.
Tony would miss living close enough to Tali's school to walk her there.
They reached their car, and Ziva gestured for Tony to unlock it.
They had never bothered to get a set of keys for Ziva, she had driven the car only a handful of times, mostly during their road trip, but only for the short journeys.
"What are we going to talk about?" he asked.
He held the keys in his hand, but did not press the button.
Something tugged in his gut. Something was wrong.
Ziva had been quiet since she came back from her doctor's appointment the day before.
"This is where we talk about big things, yes?" she asked.
He looked around the narrow street, and pulled down his mask.
"We've talked about all the big things from the past, haven't we?" he asked.
They'd been doing so well. They had their routines. They had their plans to move home.
There was an engagement ring in a safe deposit box. Tony was planning to propose after Ziva's birthday.
Now, he wondered if all of that was built on a swamp and they were sinking.
"I want to talk about our future," Ziva said, "Can you unlock the car, please?"
Tony opened the car, and the dopp dopp noise echoed in the nearly empty street.
Ziva sat down in the driver's seat, and fiddled with the controls on the dashboard. She pulled her mask under her chin.
Tony took his seat on the passenger seat, and looked back to the empty car seat in the back seat, one Tali would be too big for soon.
"The future," he echoed, his mouth felt dry.
He wondered what grave news her doctor had given her.
She had already had more birthdays than his mother ever got.
He had only been a little older than Tali, when his Aunt put him in that black suit and held his hand at the funeral.
After everything they had been through, surely the universe would leave them alone for a while.
"Yes," Ziva said, as she turned slightly to face him. "I had a gynecologist appointment yesterday. The pill I am on does not agree with me."
This pill was the second one she had tried. The first one had given her killer headaches, and during lockdown she had a phone appointment with her doctor who told her to stop using it, and said they wanted to do a blood test before putting her on anything else.
The box in Tony's nightstand had been opened a few times during lockdown. It still made Tony feel like a college student, especially as they were creeping around trying not to wake Tali.
Once, lockdown ended, Ziva went to the doctor and got the new pill, but all was not well. She told him that this new pill gave her a low mood, and she had developed acne, something that she was not happy about.
Tony had figured that soon enough they would be dipping into the box in his nightstand again.
"Okay," he said.
"My doctor wants to try some longer term options," she continued, "Maybe an implant or the IUD."
Tony nodded.
He was not sure why she had read him in on this. He would support her with whatever she decided.
"Both of those last for at least three years," she said. "I have had the implant before, it works well with my body."
In three years they would be back in DC. Tali would be nine, probably bratty tween. He would be in his early fifties, probably with grey hair. Ziva would be more settled, and maybe a year or two into college classes.
They would definitely be married.
"Okay," he said. "You should get that, then."
Ziva looked out the windscreen, her eyes focused far away.
"I am not sure," Ziva said slowly.
He was not sure why they were talking about this. He would support Ziva in whatever she thought was best. It would not be much of a discussion.
"I could get the snip," he said quickly. "And I wouldn't be a baby, like McWuss."
Ziva rubbed her hands on her thighs.
"Oh," she said, as she pressed her hands onto her thigh and spread out her fingers. "That was not what I was going to say."
"What were you going to say?" he asked.
"I thought we could just not use anything," she said.
"Oh," he said, as he ran his hands through his hair. He tugged at the top of the strands.
He turned in his seat and looked at the back of the car. At Tali's booster seat. At the empty seat behind the passenger seat.
He tried to imagine an infant car seat in its place.
"You want to have another baby?" he asked.
He thought of Tali when he first met her. A month shy of two. Already walking and talking.
He had always wondered what she had been like as a tiny newborn. When he was sent pictures of the McTwins as newborns, he had put them next to photos of Tali, and tried to imagine Tali that small.
He had made peace with the fact that he would never know Tali as an infant, and that he would never parent an infant.
He got the now and that was what mattered.
"Well," Ziva said delicately. "I would like us to try to have another child."
He reached for Ziva's knee and touched it.
"Let's do it," he said, patting her knee.
Ziva's mouth opened slightly, and her eyes flirted around the car.
"Are you sure?" she finally asked.
"Yeah," he said.
"Literally, one minute ago you just offered to get a vasectomy," Ziva said, "And now you are agreeing to the exact opposite of getting a vasectomy."
Tony nodded.
"Yep," he said. "I guess I just didn't really know it was an option, now that I know it's an option I want it."
He thought again of Tali, and their first year together, when they were still getting used to each other. He thought of the snuggles in bed, when Tali was falling asleep. He thought of listening to her sing in the bath.
He wanted to do that all over again, with Ziva watching from the doorway.
He wanted to do all the baby stuff Jimmy and McGee talked about, sleepless nights and all.
He wanted Tali to have a sibling. So she would never be alone in this big scary world.
"Even if we do not use contraception it is not guaranteed that we would have another child," Ziva said.
He raised his eyebrows.
"We weren't even trying and we ended up with Tali," he said.
Ziva chuckled slightly.
One of the many things they had worked out, once Ziva was back with them, was how exactly they had ended up with Tali.
Ziva had been on some antibiotics after getting shot, and had not exactly been thinking straight when she pulled him into the bedroom of the farmhouse.
He had not been thinking of contraception either.
The one, two, three times they fell into each other's arms that evening had been a dream.
Come home with me, he said as they fell asleep in each other's arms.
You know I cannot, she said.
"That was seven years ago," she said, as she lent forward to adjust the temperature in the car.
It was getting stuffy.
The anniversary of the day he had walked away from her had passed the week before, and both of them had noticed. It was a Thursday, and neither of them could look each other in the eye. As soon as they dropped Tali off at school, they raced home and fell into bed.
I'm never gonna let you go, he whispered to her back, as he ran his fingers along her spine.
I am not going to ask you to leave, she said as she turned over in bed to face him. I promise.
Her curls fell down her front, and he leaned in for a kiss.
They might not be married but they had made vows.
"I am older," Ziva said, dragging Tony into the present. "I will be thirty eight next month."
He knew that.
In the tyre well of the trunk in the car, some of Ziva's presents were hidden.
A book she had been talking about, and the scarf he had seen her admire, when they crossed the Seine to pick up Tali's new dance leotard.
There was also a pair of earrings in the safety deposit box, along with the ring that would be on her finger by the end of the year.
"We're both older," he said.
His next birthday would be a big one.
The big 5-0.
How different fifty would look to forty.
"Yes," Ziva said, "But, my age is more of a concern. Fertility declines with age."
Tony shrugged.
"Plenty of people have babies after thirty-five," he said.
"It is not just that," Ziva said, looking down at her lap. "I have not always treated my body kindly, that can affect things."
Other people had not treated her body kindly.
Sometimes, he wanted to fly to Somalia, drag Saleem from his sandy grave and kill him all over again.
Bile rose in his throat.
"Did you talk to your doctor about that?" he asked.
Ziva nodded, a shaky nod, the same one Tali did sometimes.
"She said that we will not know until we try," Ziva reported. "Tali was not exactly planned, which might be a good sign, but I am older now."
So they knew nothing.
"Okay," he said. "So we'll try, and see what happens."
He could see them now. They would be those crazy people with a toddler and a teenager.
Tony would forever be mistaken for this currently hypothetical second child's grandfather.
The DiNozzo's party of four.
Or, he, Ziva and Tali would be a tight little trio.
Tony would not mind either way.
"I just do not want you to be disappointed," Ziva said. "If it does not happen."
"I will be," he said.
Ziva flinched.
"And, so will you," he said, "But, we will get over it. We have a great life, having another baby would add to that, it won't take anything away from it."
The optimist in him believed that they would have another baby. They had beaten the odds so many times, and he knew they could again.
He was the wildcard.
"I just do not want you to be disappointed in me," Ziva said, "That I could not give you another child."
Tony ran his hand over his face.
When would she understand that he loved her just for her, and not for what she could or could not give him.
"I would never be," Tony said. "You could never disappoint me."
Ziva scoffed.
"I'm serious," he said.
"It is just," Ziva started. "You did not get to experience the baby years last time, I wanted to give that to you."
And, Ziva had missed nearly four years of their daughter's life. He knew how deep that cut.
Tony called that even.
"Is that why you want to have another baby?" he asked. "For me."
He had never known it was an option. He was very nearly fifty, Ziva was pushing forty and Tali was already six. He had thought that window had closed.
Maybe, if he and Ziva had managed to do things in a more traditional way they might have had more than one kid, he had told himself once, when they were watching Tali play in the park with a pair of siblings. Tali was the awkward third wheel in the world of the siblings.
They had fought so hard to get to this point, Tony wasn't going to rock the boat, in case it tipped them all out.
There was no way he would be able to save both of them from drowning without hurting himself.
"Not just for you," Ziva said. "For Tali as well, I want to give her a sibling."
He imagined Tali holding a little baby. A real life doll.
How close could siblings with an almost decade age gap be?
He thought of McGee and his sister, who seemed to be in different worlds.
"You want another baby too, right?" Tony said. "You're not gonna put yourself through pregnancy for me and Tali."
A few years ago Tony had been sent a link to a Gofundme page for a guy who had been in his fraternity, whose wife had died suddenly in childbirth. She had been perfectly healthy before, and suddenly there was a blood clot, and she was gone. Tony's frat brother was left with a newborn and a lifetime of grief.
"Yes, I do," Ziva said.
"Why?" he asked.
He would not let her martyr herself, no matter what she thought she deserved.
"What?" she asked.
"Why do you want to have another baby?" he asked.
Ziva looked down at her lap again.
"I just do," Ziva said, "I feel it deep down. I see babies on the street and I remember Tali at the age, and I want to do it again. I want to hold a baby in my arms again. I would like to be pregnant again, which is not something I ever thought I would say."
He reached for her hand, and squeezed it.
She had not talked much about her pregnancy with Tali, but Tony knew the morning sickness had been horrible and Ziva had not enjoyed what it did to her body.
If they were lucky enough to get a second pregnancy, he would treat her like a queen. Rubbing her feet, and letting her sleep late.
"I do not if it is just my body wanting to do it again before it is too late," Ziva said, "Or if a part of me wants to have everything I did not have with Tali. I was so scared when I was pregnant with her. They say that babies in the womb take on their mothers' stress and I worry about that. Maybe not now, but later on."
"She's okay," he said, "She's the happiest kid we know."
In the back of his mind the same worries lingered. Tony knew these hurts stayed dormant until adolescence.
They might know how much this had all affected her for another six years.
Whatever happened, they would meet her hurt with love and support, and they would get through it.
"I know," Ziva said. "And, I know I will never be able to make up for what I missed with Tali, or what I took away from you by not telling you, and I would never want Tali to feel like we were replacing her, but I would like to try for another child. I think it would be good for all three of us."
He tried to imagine Ziva pregnant, her belly round with child. Their child.
He imagined Tali placing her hands on the globe under Ziva's t-shirt, and talking to the baby.
A baby would so easily slip into their life. A fourth leg added to their unstable table.
It would be healing for all three of them.
"I never had any siblings," he said, the thought going from brain to mouth without any of the usual filters. "I've always wondered what that's like."
Through the mirror he watched as Ziva's eyes became glassy.
She had buried two siblings. She had to put a bullet in one of them and that had very nearly destroyed her.
What would they have called their daughter, if there was an Aunt Tali in her life?
Would he and Ziva have met if Ari had not made such a mess?
"I want that for Tali," Ziva said. "I always hoped that if I never came back, that you would have been able to move on and give Tali siblings. You would have had one of those tv families with the laugh track."
Tony felt the bile burn his throat.
He opened the door, and let those words out.
The door beeped. The cool autumn air blew in, and neutralized the heat.
"Please," he said, his voice cracking. "Don't talk like that. I know you thought about it, and wrote those letters. But, I can't think about a world where you didn't come home."
Ziva squeezed his hand.
"You came home," he said after a few quiet seconds. "We get to talk about the future, that's what matters."
They were quiet for a few seconds both of them gathering thoughts.
"Do you think that Tali would like to have a brother or sister?" Ziva asked.
Tony thought about it, Tali did not seem to enjoy hanging around younger children. She had never really asked for a sibling. She did ask for a puppy every chance she got.
In those early days when Tony and Tali were still getting to know each other, Tony had held her tight and told her that their family might be small but it meant he would give her all his love.
He was sure that if they gave Tali a little sibling, she would love having a real life doll.
Tony knew now, that if they had another baby that his love would not be divided up between the two children, but doubled.
Love was the ultimate renewable resource.
"We might be able to give her both," he said, "I read somewhere that twins are more likely in older women. The ovaries have a going out of business sale or something."
Ziva grimaced, and Tony was not sure if it was because he was talking about the possibility of twins, or about ovaries.
So many of the parenting books he read were aimed at mothers, and had learnt a lot about the female reproductive system.
"Not that I am saying you're old," he said, with a laugh, "Especially compared to me."
Ziva smirked.
"Many of those are due to extraordinary measures," she said. "Which is not something I would like to pursue. If it does not happen for us then it is not meant to be."
"You mean treatments?" he asked.
Ziva nodded.
"Yeah, I'd rather not go down that road," he said.
Jimmy and Breena were trying to give Tori a sibling, and as of yet had not been successful. Jimmy had mentioned in their most recent Skype conversation that he and Breena were going to see a specialist in the new year if nothing had happened.
They had also been talking about adoption again, even after all the hurt they went through last time.
Maybe baby DiNozzo 2.0 would be close in age to Autopsy Spawns second offspring like Tali and Tori were, and unlike Tali and Tori would actually know each other.
"We will stop using contraception," Ziva said, "We will see what happens, and make peace with the outcome."
Tony liked that idea.
He remembered Ziva's 'I will' list the one they had reburied under the olives mere hours before they conceived Tali.
I will have a boy and a girl.
She had not been able to accomplish everything on the original list, but she might be able to accomplish that.
He liked the idea of Tali having a baby brother she could boss around.
"Of course, I'd like to marry you before we have another baby," he said. "Nonna DiNozzo would be turning in her grave at the thought of two babies out of wedlock."
Ziva made a show of moving her hand in front of him and wiggling her bare ring finger.
She was ready to go down to whatever the French equivalent of city hall was, and promise him forever.
She had even floated the idea of them getting married when they went back to DC for Tali's spring break, and he had reminded her that technically they were not engaged yet.
I am waiting, she had said, as they snuggled on the couch to watch a movie.
He had thought getting her to marry him would be a battle, but she was agreeable.
"The ball is in your pitch," she said. "Bubbe David would also be turning in her grave."
He laughed.
He had a vision of Ziva wearing a white dress, with a slight bump at the waist.
"The ball is in my court," he said, correcting her. "And, just you wait."
Ziva smiled. A huge fall beam of a smile.
"So, we're gonna do this," he said. "We're gonna try for another baby."
The DiNozzo's party of four.
"We are," Ziva said.
He thought of where they were a year ago. Ziva was still underground but having made herself known to Gibbs. She was still trying to find Adam, and rescue him. Tony was barely managing to keep it all together, and Tali innocent from it all.
So much had changed, and so quickly.
Their life was so much better than he could have imagined.
"What, right here?" he asked.
They had never really gotten the chance to have car sex.
Ziva chuckled again.
"Maybe not here," Ziva said, as she looked around the car. "I do not think it will be good for your back."
He smiled.
He'd have to take care of his back if they had another baby. Kids got heavy quickly.
Ziva turned off the heater in the car.
"Perhaps it is a good thing our apartment is around the corner," she purred, as she opened the door, and got out of the car. "And, we have four hours before we have to leave to pick up Tali."
He got out of the car, and pressed the fob.
They met each other on the sidewalk, and he took her hand. Orange and red leaves blanketed the sidewalk. There were leaves on the windowsill of their apartment, because Tali liked to bring them home from their walks.
Paris in the autumn was beautiful.
Paris was beautiful in all seasons.
Ziva's eyes peeked out from above the mask she had pulled over her face.
The promised rain had not fallen, yet, and Tony hoped it would still be dry when they had to pick up Tali.
"Well, we better make the most of it," he said, as he pulled his mask over his face.
They made it from the car to their apartment in record time.
A/N: I don't own a thing.
Whether Tony and Ziva will expand their family is probably the most frequent question that I get on this fic, I hope you like the answer.
I really like the idea of two people who love each other deciding to have a baby together, even if Tony and Ziva did not follow the most traditional order.
We won't see them having a baby in this fic, but I've planned other fics in this universe featuring the second DiNozzo bambino.
We've got three more chapters of this beast. The next chapter will be set in November and will see Ziva talk about her sister Tali.
Apologies if I have been inconsistent with the Covid stuff in these last few chapters. From what I have been able to understand from a handful of google searches in France, masks are mandatory in various places, but people aren't always following the rules. Most of the Paris stuff in this fic is quite inconsistent too, and there's probably a few people who are familiar with Paris shaking their fists at me. I didn't research as well as I usually do, and that's on me. So thank you all for being so kind.
Thank you so much for all the kind words and love.
Stay safe friends.