Moments after Mayfield's thud, another's muffled cursing to follow, a shock in the neck had almost catapulted him across and over the couch. As he took in scents of seared skin, he could only screech and stiffen until Lord Nibbler came into view.
"Of all days and times," as he gave a scowl, rested an arm, and snorted his greeting. "Wasn't enough to send me here?"
"Nice magic act Mayfield, I'll thank you to let me know next time."
"Ugh, what do you want Bored Quibbler? Come to…"
"That's Lord Nibbler to you."
"Whatever. Hope you didn't come to preach your sermon to me."
"Didn't have such intentions, but a chance to pontificate all the same… Look, I just came here to congratulate you for the new home, and to ask that you don't worry us so sick next time."
"Well, if that'll be all Your Fuzziness, leave."
"Pity for you, I don't take orders." Cocked an eyebrow and stroked his chin. "But what bothers you now, in this cause for celebration?"
A deliberate talk to the wall: "For one, I've had too long a day, and two, if this is what you call opportunity, you need a better dictionary."
"For one thing, I'm over here. And two… Really? Really? Are you implying that I cheated you?"
"To clear my chest, I could be. You mean to tell me that opportunity is defined by risking life or limb, to POSSIBLY grab a meagre living, all while being led by some mummified corpse?"
"It's a start! Not a very encouraging one, but a start nonetheless. I've lived a billion lifetimes to your quarter-of-one, and just about the worst thing you can do is to EXPECT a smooth ride in this world."
An eyeroll from his audience, but a chance to pace about the cushion and consider his next words.
"The true treasure is the company you keep. I've known no crew like this one; for every trial they've suffered through, they've always remained tight-knit and true to each other. And when you've known plenty who've quit on others for MUCH less, that says something."
"And I fit in how? In their so-called big happy family, I'm a thousand-year old nuisance at best. Be lucky to be accepted, let alone be tight-knit and true. Before then, quitting was my pastime… Go put that on your poster, and go lecture someone else!"
"Why would I do that? You're the child I chose to educate; was always the 'money over man' attitude that bothered me."
Only a sneering headshake, before Mayfield dropped the bombs that nuked his love for society. The schemes since childhood to isolate him, the times he was denied help, and when he finally went down, the eagerness as they stepped on or kicked him… And don't get him started on New New York.
"You see, that's why I chose money over man, hairball… It never screwed me. Either I had enough or I didn't, and that was absolute, a fact of life. Whether pink, blue, red, gold or green, those men and women kept to themselves. Let me make this clear… to HELL with your precious society. Thank you, we're done now."
Lord Nibbler arched his back, slanted his three eyes, and voiced an unexpected cat-like hiss. "Is this how the once-rancid corpse thanks me?" he murmured before he spoke up, the air of calm as good as gone.
"So you think you could absolve yourself of any blame, you snivelling quisquilian buffoon?!"
"Go ahead & enlighten me, you Oxford dork!"
"Careful what you wish for. Society's a two-way street; those who want, they give in kind. And if you don't, their lives go on… How did you not see that?"
The chastised one made clear that people did nothing but take from him; the hive-headed dictator who stole his time, the co-workers who stole his life, the 'friends' who stole his patience, and the 'professionals' who stole his money. Thought of the family who stole his heart to live, but that turned his molten face ice-blue in moments.
Course, once Nibbler handed his riposte, an effortless puncture, that temperature rose again.
"Yet what you gave back didn't prove so useful in the end, didn't it? Instead of bettering lives, you cared only to please yourself. I doubt they'd have batted an eye towards the alcohol and junk food, but for your more 'amorous' side, now that's a different story."
"Oh please. You can't prove anything, you little..."
"I know damn well otherwise, so cut the crap, child! Do you believe that you deserved a single dollar from me, out of the thousand I gave you?"
His teeth threatening to break as his face flushed and trembled, Mayfield felt himself reach out to grab the runt's head, hoping he'd ooze between his fingers while he cracked it apart. But if one thought Lord Nibbler to be afraid, they'd be sorely mistaken.
"You make me sick, so help me… You've got the nerve to lecture me on life? Me, when I've seen entire galaxies born, an eon's worth of wars, and the birth of trillions of creatures? You were a clown I almost had to bury off the back of bad choices, so I'd suggest that you sit down and be grateful."
A sudden leap from the couch had Mayfield loom over Nibbler.
"I'll give you grateful, you bite-sized bitch… Back off, or get four-finger slapped outta the window."
"That's all you have, against one who's fought more wars than days you've lived?"
"Please keep talking, 'cause now I really want to find out."
"It won't take much for me to silence you. Maybe the more tantrums you throw, the more I might hand you my diapers."
Mayfield could've consumed the floor he stood on, his spit so volatile. Couldn't deny his awful life, but against everything he'd drilled into the Captain's head, since his first day of arrival, it had been paradise.
"Screw you and your soapboxing, you shit! You think you deserve my ears, after all these problems you gave me? I'm nobody's experiment, I'm my own man! Did I ever ask to suffer this crazy mess… to suffer YOU?"
"Just so we're clear… Could you? Were you confident that your life, future and legacy were as good as ensured?"
"Damned right I was!"
"A bold declaration, yet one that doesn't match up. Remind me, at the very moment before I sent you here… What DID you have going?"
With that a sneer, one that grew smugger as Mayfield struggled to answer. Stunned that he'd never heard this question, he could only give 'umms', 'ahhs' and 'you knows' before he flopped down in silence. Those ten fingers gripped his forehead, as Nibbler cleared his throat.
"Thank you Nibbler, glad you helped me Nibbler… Now aren't you glad that we're having this conversation? Here you can do things right, perhaps even greater. Back then, if how I found you was your idea of figuring life out, you should've been dead and rotting LONG before we officially crossed paths."
Hearing his whole adult life laid out and ripped apart, Mayfield gave only a weary nod. In that hit job, he knew he invited the gunman in and gave the ammunition. After that, to remain as he was would've done them both a disservice.
But why him, from the only world he knew? And whatever would his parents think, if he could speak to the dead?
"I just feel so used… If your claim to billion-year lifetimes is true, who were you to judge that atomic-sized dot of my entire life?"
"Just an interested observer, one who knew they had to keep eyes on you. Us Nibblonians enjoy betting cooked beasts against each other; in fact, I recall a hundred weeks of empty plates betting against you in particular. To see a man so defiant, no matter what was thrown at him…"
A hundred weeks, almost two years, and an odd squirm in the gut that stirred him… Nah, the very thought was far-fetched at best.
"I hope you realise that, even in good intentions, I still take serious issue against your actions here."
"Our methods aren't ethical or even agreeable, that much is true, but we're not your enemy. Billions before and after you have lacked faith in us, but they never saw us in the flesh. Who we allow to do so, we don't take such decisions lightly."
"Faith schmaith! You still have no right, and never will, to control my life."
"Protests or no, have we steered you wrong as of now? In our choice, you get to learn day-to-day what our most feared generals learnt too late; money doesn't always conquer mankind. Now doesn't that count for something?"
Could only glance at ground and at ceiling, before Mayfield shrugged and deferred to those points. Both Leela and The Professor, they didn't owe him even the time of day. Yet here he sat, under their employ and on their couch, a chance to learn under The Captain herself. The same one whose face he kept reddened.
A welcome change for once, not one to argue or complain against. Who was he to determine that this world, brimming with a potential he could never fathom, would lead right to regret & ruin?
Motioning a fist to his chest, he stood and declared his claim upon one natural conclusion.
"Sure as I'm a sarky bastard from a sunburnt country, I shall seize this opportunity, give it my all, and pay my gratitude forward. After all, only one direction to go when you're at rock-bottom."
"Quite, and who knows? I imagine over time and given effort that this'll be the life you've always sought."
"While I do apologise Nibbler, hear this and know it… If your little power games continue, then we'll have problems. Mark the date and those words, got it?"
"I'll remember to wear my scared face. Until then I suggest you relax, know your crew and obviously, stay out of trouble. After all, the first delivery's always the hardest."
A sudden flash of light later, and Mayfield could only grumble before his face collapsed into the couch, the grand weekend tour straight ahead.