As she twisted her pen between fingers, Leela had to hem and haw over the two hardwood crates before her. Full heads taller, wide enough to nap over, and branded 'MANCHESTER' on their sides via lasers.
For Frida Waterfall, a once-fellow Feminista, a fond tear to shed before she leveraged her trusty crowbar and popped them open. Forty full sets of fitted sheets and blankets, and soon a murmur of "Too easy" as she confirmed the all-clear.
Addressing her only companion left, that was the hard part: "Of all places to deliver to on a Monday…"
"Amy, bad news I'm afraid. Rookie's suffered some serious burst lungs and broke his lower back; he'll be dead in 30 minutes tops. But we do get equal tips once again, so…"
"Serious Captain? Dammit, that's the fourth one to perish since last month!"
"I know, but YOU try getting that through the Professor's head! Look, we'll send the kid off later, but here's the deal for now… This is Stumbos-4, and from Professor's words AND personal experience, it's one of the nastiest planets to deliver to. For one, he's not kidding about the hair-crushing thing."
"Great… Should I make some calls about sponsorships from Schwarzkopfin?"
"Rookie rubbed off on you huh? Anyway, Captain's wisdom; take a shower, wash the hairspray out. Head or otherwise, the absolute last thing you need here is extra weight."
"Shmich… Could you PLEASE lay off my weight?"
"Little lady, I'll thank you to know that for all my insults, I wouldn't go for such low hanging fruit. No matter how much of a package you believe I hide."
A curt nod before Amy gave those goods the once-over: "Least these should be easy to deliver."
"Don't be so cocky, missy. They're fine in here because of our anti-gravity pump; outside this bay, I'd lowball it at 200 pounds apiece. As such, we're delivering one blanket, and one fitted sheet, at a time. Any questions?"
Amy's eyes met the ground as her lips pursed, for she had noticed a pattern of some concern these days. Somehow survive another day, witness Leela slam down her logs, watch her go ignored as usual…
"Actually, yeah, I've got one. Do you think our hover dollies are going to hold up?"
"Can't tell from here. Worse yet, the company who makes our specialised units don't take calls in this quadrant. Say the least, now's no time to test their limits."
"I see. Further to that, how will we ever combat this extreme gravity by ourselves?"
"If our Professor cared at all"—Leela sneered—"we'd have already had the tools upfront."
"You mean to say…"
"Much as it bothers me, truth is we could fail this delivery. And if we do, I'd sooner sit here and starve than call in favours from Zapp or Mom."
"How nice to take us along… However did you come to know of this planet, anyway?"
"Oh that's right, you weren't there. In short, Professor hired Zapp and Kif to distract from our safety record, and then Zapp's stupidity almost killed us all. The less said about the in-betweens, the better. Now enough questions, let's go."
Beginning their descent, they had only worried glances to exchange upon flicking the switches… Reminded them of that bandit ambush, to watch those dollies bob and lurch, their blue lights crackling. Worse was to come when they debarked the cargo bay; Amy had travelled ahead of Leela and had her leg caught and pulled away, forced into a severe split.
"Aiii-aiii-AIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
From screeching wails to foreign cursing, Leela took immediate action as Stumbos-4 made its every wish known. A grip of arms and a drag back to safety, which had forced them to leave the dolly behind. Might've figured something out, before Murphy's Laws of Cosmic Destiny had a say...
When the Captain heard a cracking in the clouds, the deluges of purple rain just seconds after, all she could groan was "Ohhhhh hell no!" The colour didn't matter, just the impact as the gravity turned them into mini-meteors. Eventually, the one sound she dreaded to hear most, yet couldn't mistake…
After years of neglect, a series of bursts had tolled those final bells. In such events, the Captain could only clutch her head and scream, the echo piercing the near-empty lands.
"Swear when I get my hands on him… Why the hell do I bother shoving aside my evening plans? All those hours dedicated, and that's what I have to show for it?"
Her knees meeting her head & arms, mutters to begin as Amy gripped her shoulder: "You said it, Captain… We're totally glucked now!"
"Unless I get a big-money offer, not if I can help it…"
From the desire to never dangle above Mom's gaping maw, Leela scrounged up another plan.
"Well, unless we're ready to lose another dolly, only option is to grab them all by hand and deliver it as such."
Amy could've fallen backwards: "Are you off your rocket, Captain?! I'm a lot of things in this life, but THAT stupid isn't one of them. For spleaven's sake, be reasonable; I didn't even survive my own weight out there!"
"I'm sorry, you've got something better hotshot?" Leela leaned in close. "No, no? I am your Captain, and though we might be friends, you'll do what I say. In addition, you WON'T take such tones against me anymore… Clear?"
An apology given, but not enough to stop the argument and shoving match to come. Between prideful obsession and crew's survival, a hopeless situation was brewing, for even Amy's stomach twisted inside-out for thinking of favours.
Favours from Mom or Zapp never came cheap… If at all.
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As his fingers and breaths continued to fade, Mayfield grew only more assured that he was destined for the abyss. Couldn't even shout or squeeze Leela's hand before he arrived, and that felt like an eternity ago.
Nothing had changed after all… He'd just lie there in agony and be forgotten about, just like the apartment, and just like his old life.
"Oh screw this… If I'm gonna die, then surely she wouldn't begrudge me a last meal."
A final thought before he swung and heaved his upper body out of the hammock, banging his face into the steel. Stiff arms in a crawl, he thrust himself towards that pile of food until his face slid over a surface cold and metallic. Jerking back, and sliding off that ages-old trash, there was no mistake to what that was…
A safe, barely a kids' footprint wide, and a '1077' in some odd scrawl, whatever that meant.
Using his nose to enter that code, and finding just blobs of ginger, red, blue, white and grey, he could only bump his head in rasping cries. Story of his life, to get his hopes up then snuff them out.
A quick refocus caught his attention; inside was also a trinket of medicated muscle cream, which took his deadening fingers a dogged effort to claw out. A marathon to just unscrew the cap and slam the tube, which caused a fair mess as he rubbed those dollops wherever he could. Maybe too little too late, as his eventual death began to pass…
Until he summoned a sudden gulping breath, giant enough to have him gasp.
As if he rose from frozen lakes, the man clutched his chest, surprised that he continued to breathe. A stare to his fingers and fists, now no longer blue as he wriggled and squeezed them. Brand new movement in his arms & legs; dare he say it, a density and litheness like he hadn't known before.
"What in the fuck did I just rub on myself?"
Seized the cream again, his vision no longer blurred, to read the white and gold lettering of Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream, where among the mish-mash of foreign characters he spotted a big warning in plain English… 'MAY CAUSE SUPERPOWERS IN HUMANS!'
To think he'd been excited before, when he first travelled the realms of space…
"Yes, yes, oh my God, YEEEEEESSSSSSS!"
Covered his mouth and sported a smile to crack the Cheshire Cat's cheeks, as he leapt to his feet to test his new form out. But first, a little tea break to enjoy…
Might've floated to the vending room as he scrounged some spare bucks from his jeans, selecting two rows' worth of snacks and a cola to wash them all down. Five steps from there to the cabin, yet he still took big bites out of those chocolate blocks and cookies before then. Didn't even re-enter, before he hoovered up those foil bags of chips.
Though more Augustus than Charlie, that cream had become his Golden Ticket.
A great belch and contented pat later, he washed up and checked inside the safe, now a curiosity to quench regarding what else laid within. Those blobs had now become photos, of two beings stood side-by-side in some way.
First was a man, a skinny-fat, green-eyed sort who fashioned a rich, ginger-red mullet on their head. One that seemed rather fond of some red jacket, blue jeans and a white T-shirt. Couldn't say how nor know why, but Mayfield trembled for the strange sense of kinship to shiver his bones.
In other photos, some steel-grey robot; squared eyes, antenna and formidable barrel-like shape. Didn't need a thousand words to highlight what kind of being it was; dangling the guy in question over balconies, swinging bottles at his neck, knocking him right out…
"In any universe, how could they ever be friends?"
For all his pondering Mayfield soon remembered, in popped eyes and bitten knuckles, how his Captain had warned him. Invading that safe surely had to count…
"Wait a minute, what am I worried about? I've got superpowers now!"
Thinking of which, the time came to test them out. Obvious healing factor aside, he had super strength to trial; old-fashioned apple squeeze at the mess hall should've done the trick. Excited little claps and jumps, as an explosion of chunks and juice burst from his hand, and all onto the seats, table, and himself.
Test number two; lickety-speed. Begun and done in moments, as he raced back to the cabin. Third test irrelevant, for there was no sea creature in a million lightyears from here.
Regardless, whatever fears he had of death or disability had looked to be over. Further putting him at ease, the cream had looked virtually untouched. As future visions bubbled in his head, he took the ladders towards third deck, ready to ask how the ladies were doing.
Needn't have bothered, for he saw all he needed to know.
Nothing delivered, a dolly destined for the junkers, and the Captain and co-pilot engaged in a one-sided argument. By the gist of it, The Professor had screwed them again, and while Amy wanted to call in a favour, Leela preferred to sit there & starve. Against Mom he could understand, but this guy named Zapp?
"That worth killing crew over? Can't be that bad… Can he?"
Tried to run down some reasons, before a finger-snap moment fired off in his head. A glint in his eye, a return to first deck, and a leap out of the side to duck out of view.
To quote a better 'God' than his nuisance: "You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle."
And once he saw Leela wrap her hands around Amy's throat, he knew that time had come.
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Contacts or no, Leela hadn't a hope of seeing a black and blue figure buzzsaw past, never mind stop them as they seized a blanket, raced off, and returned for more. One became five, then ten, twenty and forty, as the blankets and fitted sheets disappeared in just a matter of minutes.
In balled fists and bared teeth, the Captain had no qualms on holding back her opinion.
"Hey you thieving asshole, give us back our delivery at once!"
"Yeah, you heard her!" yelled Amy. "Comply, or face the righteous wrath of Lamy!"
One could've heard pins tinkle on the grass, as Leela just stared dumbstruck at her.
"Did you… You put our two names together, and got Lamy?"
"Yes I did, why?"
"To be nice about it, that was awful."
Not that Mayfield heard as he held the delivery notice in hand, soon addressing that Bavarian-styled innkeeper; short and impossibly stout, from what he guessed was gravity. He in turn spotted that seal and nodded. Though he'd been tapping his foot, he always hoped they'd succeed on his final chance…
A guttural voice: "Thanks so much for all your trouble, friend. I'll just sign here, pay your crew, and we can wipe our slate clean."
"My crew? Oh no, I'm only the new delivery boy. But I do appreciate that kindness."
After their two signatures, the funds and cash tip came through. 10% on a five-grand job, and once again a stirring potential. As the kid turned to leave, the gentleman called back.
"Feel free to come back anytime; we've got heavy German cuisine, and free refills on one-tonne steins!"
A polite hand of refusal: "Just might take you up one day, but duty calls. Sorry for the hassle, thanks for using Planet Express, and please take care."
Shake of hands before another rush of speed, this time to escape into the ship. Soon the ladies could only shrug and return, in most sour moods for their fight and what had transpired. For herself, Leela slammed a fist into her chair.
"Well that's just wonderful! Now what, we're just gonna be stranded here forever?"
"Uh Captain? On the contrary, maybe not."
"The hell are you talking about now?"
"See for yourself, ma'am."
Found her delivery form on the dashboard; upon a quick scan, she had a gape of surprise for the new signature and tips.
"Huh, after all these countless prayers. But I've got some bad vibes about this…
Once again remembering that warning as he felt his powers fading, Mayfield shook before he used those remnants to cover up the evidence; cream tossed behind the photos, safe locked up and buried, his back on the hammock towards the window…
Here went nothing, as he finally heard that knock: "Hey kid, mind if I come in?"
A split-second decision, before he gave his best gasp & wheeze: "By… all means!"
Hand at his waist, as it seemed she didn't suspect anything, yet.
"Amazing, you're still alive. Gave you 30 minutes at best, and yet you remain. Sorry I haven't checked up, feel like a jerk."
"Your delivery… Your duty. Won't drag you back."
"Oh, don't say that. Your gunship in part got us here! Though to call Mom or Zapp for a favour… Bleugh, gives me the shivers."
"So… What happened?"
"Couldn't make them out, but some mysterious stranger saved our collective asses. Could kiss them, quite frankly."
Unknown to Mayfield, a little test or two of sorts… He'd admit to attraction, especially out of respect, and it took every ounce of him not to lean in.
"So could I… Nice story… I'd bet."
"Need help to the bridge?"
"Thanks, but I'll just… rest up here."
He turned back around, as Leela returned on deck to call for a repair service. Fixed good as new, with a shiny paint job on the house, she had soon got the all-clear to take off. A much welcome return to Earth on their horizons, as she smiled and scratched her neck for this latest success.
After all her arguing against Amy, that fresh meat rotting away in her cabin should've expired by now. If it weren't for helping her, she'd have stuck around to keep a close eye on him. He had saved their lives once before, but if he had done so again, did he discover her secret to do it?
Meanwhile, Mayfield racked his brains trying to explain away his miraculous return from the dead. Given a choice between a legitimate excuse or being a master of subtlety, the kid knew he had neither. Surely he didn't convince her of THAT performance, especially for his involuntary breaths.
However she'd come to know, if she didn't already, he knew what he'd been told, knew what he'd done, and knew there was no argument. And if he feared the implications of answering to her before…
"Hold on a sec, there might be another way…"
A happy medium of sorts, since he had already done so. Break her rules, but have it benefit them all. Turning awesome beyond compare aside, he was now certain that this 'Miracle Cream' was the absolute key to their continued success.
But the cream remained hidden for a reason, and if he had known the full story, he might've kept it there.