Bea had been home at Wentworth for three days and today she had her first physio appointment since returning. Yesterday the nurse had visited, helped her shower, inspected her wounds and checked up on her vitals. Happy with her progress, the nurse had agreed that Bea could take care of herself now, but would need monitoring whilst showering, and would require assistance with washing her hair.
All she needed to do now was rebuild her strength so she could walk without the zimmer frame, and get her memory back.
Physio was grueling as Bea was put through the paces. The physio working on rebuilding her weakened muscles that had deteriorated from weeks of being in bed. On freeing her stiffened joints. On repairing her posture, which was being affected by her body naturally moving into a position which created the least pain. The final area of work was the worst, and the hardest. The physio was attempting to help Bea repair and rebuild the muscle which had been damaged by the stabbing. The muscle had been greatly weakened when the screwdriver had pierced the muscle in several places. The surgeons had done a good job of stitching the massacred muscle back together, but it had been weakened greatly and now needed rebuilding from scratch at a pace that would not damage the muscle further.
Bea almost allowed her body to flop on her bed unhappily when she had returned to her room. Allie followed her in, sighing when she saw the defeated look in Bea's eyes.
"That bad?" Alli asked, frowning when Bea nodded and turned her back to the taller woman. Allie stepped forward, sliding her arms under Beas armpits, she circled her arm around Beas chest and pulled herself in tightly to the smaller woman, trying her hardest to absorb the pain and exhaustion for the woman she loved.
"baby I stink, I'm all sweaty" Bea complained, despite leaning back into the embrace, her head rolling back and to the side slightly to rest against Allies. If there was only one thing she had learnt since her return to Wentworth, it was that allies arms were the safest and warmest place in the prison, most likely in the world.
"want me to help you clean up?"Allie offered hopefully.
"that's ok,, I will manage" Bea stated shyly.
"No ill help. You know the nurse said you needed assistance… let me assist" Allie smirked. Bea nodded nervously, she had so far avoided Allie seeing her naked… or more importantly seeing the ugly collection of fresh scars dancing across her abdomen. She was nervous on how the younger woman would react.
"really, its fine" Bea tried again.
"Babe please, just let me help. I promise not to look if you don't want me too" Allie giggled, unaware of how close to the mark she was. Bea stiffly nodded her head, she grabbed her wash bag and robe and began the slow hobble towards the shower rooms, her body taking her there as if on auto pilot.
Once there, Allie checked that the showers were completely empty and the two women were alone. A groan of struggle from behind her caught her attention, she turned to catch Bea struggling to remove her jumper.
Edging forward, Allie took the jumpers hem and began lifting it, Bea stopped struggling in defeat when Allie began to help.
"just let me help babe, it's not for forever" Allie muttered close to Bea's ear from behind as she removed Bea's t-shirt, then undid her bra, sliding the straps down Bea's toned arms. Bea shivered slightly, Allie unsure if it was due to the cold or Bea's nerves.
Deciding to give Bea a second to recover, Allie spun around and turned the knobs for the shower, allowing the water to run for a few seconds before testing then adjusting the water to how she knew Bea liked it.
Satisfied the water was the perfect temperature, Allie turned to find Bea stood with a towel loosely wrapped around her.
"you nervous about me seeing you naked? Is my being here making you uncomfortable?" Allie asked, trying to hide the disappointment that was bubbling up within her like a volcano.
"yes… and no… I mean. I'm guessing you have seen me naked before"
"lots of times" Allie grinned cheekily causing Bea to giggle softly.
"I'm a little nervous about you seeing me naked, I won't lie… but it's mainly because.. well last time you saw me naked I wasn't covered in scars" Beas head lowered.
"Babe, your stunning, and beautiful and so incredibly sexy. A few scars aren't going to change that. And they aren't going to change how I feel about you" Allie promised.
After a few moments of silence Allie decided to break the tension.
"ok it's hardly fair for me to ask you to get naked in front of me, when I'm fully dressed. So let's even things up a bit" Allie smirked sexily as she reached for the hem of her t shirt and had it removed before she had even finished her sentence.
Bea made to speak, to tell Allie that it wasn't necessary, but upon seeing Allies chest, and slightly tones stomach, and her breasts covered by just a bra, her words lodged tightly in her throat causing her to stand staring with her mouth agape.
Allie studied the shorter woman's reaction, happy to see that it was the same as before Bea had lost her memory.
She slid her trousers down her legs, stepping out of them and kicking off her shoes. She stared intently as Bea's eyes examined the blonde woman before her stood in just a set of simple, plain black underwear.
She leant back and undid her bra, smiling sexily at Bea, whos face flushed as her breathing labored slightly.
Bending over slightly, she removed her underwear, kicking her pile of clothes to the side.
"that's better, it's more fair now" Allie grinned as Bea nodded her head as her eyes traveled all of Allies body. Allie closed the steps between them. Her left hand reaching up to cup Bea's cheek, to connect their eyes. Her right hand reached to hold the towel, gently she pulled it out of Bea's tight hold. The towel eventually dropped to the floor, the two women standing toe to toe, their eyes lost in each others.
Allie slid her hand down to Bea's hand, their fingers entwining. Making sure not to break their eye contact, Allie led Bea to the shower cubicle, smiling when Bea sighed contently at the feel of the water, the perfect temperature, cascading over her body.
"I'm sorry" Bea whispered self consciously.
"there's no need to be" Allie murmured, struggling to keep her eyes focussed above Bea's neck line.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself. Bea stepped back, releasing Allie's hand in the process, she nodded her head just the once to let Allie know it was ok for her to look.
Allie allowed her eyes to travel slowly down Bea's body, her glance lingering on her girlfriends breasts appreciatively. As the moved down they finally reached Bea's midsection. She stood staring. Holding her breath. Her face a statue. She didn't move at all, apart from the tears which filled her eyes and quickly spilled over.
"oh baby" Allie whispered sadly, the ugly scars across Bea's abdomen telling the stories of Bea's traumatic experience. Seventeen wounds. Each with several stitches to seal it. Two large incisions ran vertically down the left side of her body, evidence of the surgeon's access into her body to save her life.
Bea watched Allie's face studiously, paying attention for any sign of disgust or repulsion. Instead all she saw was Allie's heart breaking through her expressive blue eyes.
"it look worse than it is" Bea said, echoing the words she had given Vera a few days earlier.
"I just… I don't know how the hell you survived it… I'm just so bloody glad that you did" Allie admitted. Her eyes returning to Bea's who smiled self consciously. Allie stepped in close, embracing Bea, her love and adoration for the older woman flowing through the hug.
"thank you" Bea croaked, trying to ignore the physical reaction her body was having at the feel of Allie's naked body pressed tightly against hers.
"why are you thanking me?" Allie asked.
"for just being you, for helping me, protecting me, comforting me, loving me…. For all of it" Bea brushed her lips softly against Allie's, it was the first time their lips had met since before the attack. There had been amicable embraces, and kisses to cheeks and foreheads, but they were more supportive and comforting than intimate.
Allies lips curved into a smile against Bea's as Bea gasped into the kiss, her body trembling slightly. Allie pulled back slightly, her eyes full of lust and question.
"are you cold? Want me to turn the water up?" Allie asked. Her eyes focussed on Bea's lips.
"not cold" Bea replied, her answer explaining more than the words should have, as she leaned in to capture Allie's lips again. As the water cascaded over their bodies, the two women lost themselves in the intimacy of the kiss. It was gentle and explorative, like their first kiss was happening all over again but without the uncertainty and nervousness.
Eventually Allie pulled back, forcing herself to take a deep breath and steel her resolve.
"come on, let me wash your hair and then I will help you scrub down your body" Allie stated, appreciating the evident disappointment at the kiss being over. Bea couldn't explain the feelings bubbling inside her, she barely knew the woman before her, but she felt so comfortable and at ease with her.
After squirting a liberal amount of Bea's shampoo into her hand whilst Bea rested her head beneath the shower jets, enjoying the water cascading from head to toe, Allie began to massage the lotion through Bea's long locks. She allowed the pads of her fingers to gently massage Bea's scalp eliciting a moan from the shorter woman. Allie breathed in a satisfied smirk that the redhead was enjoying her efforts, the scent of Bea's shampoo filling her senses and causing a moan to escape her own lips.
"I have always loved the smell of your hair" Allie confided as she changed positions so that she was now gently running her fingers in slight circles up and down the back and sides of Bea's neck and up to the top of her head.
"God, you are so good at that!" Bea groaned at the sensations Allie's fingers were causing.
"I try" Allie smirked flirtily despite the woman of her affections being unable to see it. Satisfied that Bea's hair was more than sufficiently lathered, Allies hands slipped down to Bea's hips as she pressured her slightly to take a step forward and enter the flow of water again.
As the water ran through the long red hair, Allie slowly stroked her fingers through it to aid the suds demise, she stepped forward herself, unable to restrain her bodies will any longer. Her breasts gently melded into Bea's back causing the older woman to gasp at the connection.
They remained like that for a few moments before Allie pulled away, returning a few moments later to massage some conditioner through Bea's hair.
With clean hair, Allie grabbed the bottle of shower gel, squirting some into her hand. She moved Bea's hair over her shoulder and began to massage the lotion slowly into her back, her hands slid up to the defined shoulders, her thumbs softly kneading against the muscle.
Bea's light moans and gasps spurred her on as she transitioned between sections of the smaller woman's back and shoulders, her technique altering for each area as she read Bea's body language as to which areas were tender and needed a more focussed attention. Upon reaching Bea's buttocks she decided to not push things too far and upset the fragile and confused mind of the woman she loved, instead she spent just several seconds to quickly lather up the soap against her cheeks and the back of her legs.
"turn around Babe" Allie ordered as she squirted more shower gel into her hands, happy to see Bea complying. Her breath hitched as her eyes met the brown orbs staring intently at her, the desire within them impossible to hide.
She felt herself gulp as she swallowed down the urge to step forward and claim Bea's body. As much as she wanted to, she knew she needed to respect Bea's memory loss and allow the redhead to guide the relationship for the time being.
Taking Bea's left hand, she began to massage in the gel, working it from her elbow down to her hand then back up to Bea's armpit, repeating the process with her right arm, she stared intently at her own hands, trying desperately to dull the aching between her legs.
She massaged Bea's neck, chest and collarbone before her hands found themselves working the suds into Bea's breasts. She couldn't help but marvel at how they fit perfectly inside her hands, she felt Bea's nipples stiffen against the palm of her hands, the groan escaping her lips before she even realized it was there.
She quickly moved her hands further south, brushing lightly over the still toned rib cage, she softened her touch as she reached Bea's raw scars. The shadows of bruising still evident despite them now beginning to recede.
The tall blonde marveled at the patchwork of textures against her fingertips as she worked the lather up.
"You ok?" Bea rasped, her voice thick with desire despite the concern having noticed a change in her friend.
"Yeah, I just can't imagine how much pain you must have suffered to get these" she motioned at the scars by rubbing her palm across Bea's abdomen.
"the damage was so… extreme, even now they must hurt so badly" Allie's eyes searched Bea's for an answer.
"It's more of an annoying dull ache than anything now. It looks a lot worse than it feels" Bea smiled shyly, thankful for the concern evident in the beautiful woman who stood inspecting her body with her eyes and hands.
"I'm just so sorry that you had to experience that, that you will be left with a reminder of all of that pain… I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this" Allie smiled softly when Bea reached out to cup her face and felt the pad of Bea's thumb brush away a stray tear.
"and I'm sorry that you have a girlfriend that has no memory" it was Bea's turn to open up now.
"it's not so bad… at least I get to help you and look after you. How can I complain after this shower" Allie flirted, trying to lighten the mood.
"You're helping more than you could ever realize. I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling, but I want you to know that… I mean… I don't know who I am, but I do know that when I'm with you I am who I am supposed to be" Bea whispered, relieved when Allie stepped forward and enveloped her in a tight embrace.
Bea rest her head on Allies shoulder, her arms encircling her waist and holding her firmly in place. "I'm scared" Bea whispered, Allie didn't need to speak, she just softly tightened the embrace, careful not to hurt Bea's injuries, but enough to let the redhead know that she had heard her admission and would like her to continue.
"the person I keep finding out I am is a monster, I'm scared about the things that I have done and I don't feel like that's who I am… am I really a monster?" Bea snuggled her face into the crook of Allies neck, not embarrassed at all about exposing her feelings.
"Bea, your not a monster… your tough as hell, but your tough because you have to be. Those things you read in the news articles… they don't know you. Yes you have killed… but you killed a vile person who had manipulated and murdered your daughter… you didn't just wake up one day, grab a knife and say 'hey I'm going to go murder today' what you did… you did it as a result of extreme circumstances, and I challenge you to find one mother who wouldn't respond the exact same way. Your not a monster babe" Bea couldn't help but feel her resolve slip as she listened to the conviction in Allies voice.