Chapter Four: One Friendly Family
[scene shows a blue background as the white letter "Total", "Drama", and "Encore" flash up on it, followed by the word "Aftermath" underneath "Encore". It then shows a montage of the eliminated contestants in the order of which they booted off the show. Lila annoying her teammates, Sadie giving off a long goodbye to Katie, and then FantomCat acting like his dashing self in several of the clip]
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows a blue background as the white letter "Total", "Drama", and "Encore" flash up on it, followed by the word "Aftermath" underneath "Encore". It then cuts to a large stage with Fox and Wolf sitting on a couch in the middle while the peanut gallery containing all the contestants from the previous seasons, including the helpers, are seen to the right of the stage as the audience cheers]
Wolf: Hello, all you TD fanatics out there! Welcome to the Total Drama Aftermath! I'm Wolf O'Donnell!
Fox: And I'm Fox McCloud! Coming to you live from the aftermath studio!
Wolf: If you'll look to your right, you'll see the contestants from the previous seasons all gathered here, a reunion between old comrades and stuff like that.
[the members of the peanut gallery wave and smile at the cheering audience]
Fox: Today, we're here to interview some of the eliminated contestants from the first quarter of this show.
Wolf: As well as getting some of that dirt on the more "questionable" contenders, more on that later. But first, let's introduce our first eliminated contestant up to the stage; she's mean as can be, she's got a motormouth that doesn't know when to shut up, and she's an utter control freak, let's welcome the first eliminee to the stage...Lila!
[Lila comes out, waving and with a half-lidded smirk though she only receives little reaction with some boos]
Lila: Pfft, tough crowd. [sits down on the couch on the left side of the stage with a pompous air]
Wolf: Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in...not much it seems…[delves into a wheezing chuckle as several members of the peanut gallery join in]
Fox: [clears throat] Well...tell us, Lila...I'm sure we'd all love to hear about what you feel about being the first boot of the season.
Wolf: Like it was a surprise to any of us.
Lila: Those imbeciles missed out on a real winner, that's what I'll say!
Wolf: [struggling not to laugh] W...W...Winner? [buckles over with laughter and falls off the couch]
Jinks: Oh, she's a winner alright...like in her head. [laughs heartily as several members of the peanut gallery join in]
Fox: [looks on in concern at the lupine and gets up from his seat to help him up] Careful, Wolf, don't hurt yourself.
Lila: [rolls her eyes in disdain] And I see this place has just as many idiots.
Top Cat: Sweetheart, I don't know how you can call us idiots when you made a damn fool over yourself on air.
Hokey: I remember watching Snagglepuss repeatedly stamp your passport on repeat, ooooh, the satisfaction.
Lila: Hmph, he was just a weak man who couldn't handle all this~ [strikes a pose in an attempt to woo the audience]
Angelina: [unamused] So is treating men as servants for a roof over your head and essentially just wanting their money a part of all 'this'? [gestures "this" with her fingers]
Alice: [giggles] Good one.
Lila: Oh, shut it, ya' little rat! You're just jealous.
Angelina: Oh, yes. I'm so jealous of being the first boot. [fist-bumps Alice with a smirk]
Wolf: [claps his hands together] Daaaaaamn, spit, and roasted!
Lila: You be quiet you ugly, one-eyed freak of nature!
Courtney: He's at least more presentable than you. Walking up with that pompous attitude of yours, even I wouldn't be so idiotic.
Lila: Hey, you're one to talk about morals, Miss C.I.T. I know for a fact that you're notorious for bein' a bitch!
Courtney: Maybe in the past, yes, but I actually learned my lesson. From what I've heard, you haven't learned a thing since the days you first started on television.
Wolf: Right you are as seen on the big screen above.
[scene shows the large screen showing the events of "Spring Hits a Snag" where Lila is seen being overly controlling of Snagglepuss and making a scene when he finally speaks against her, ending up to him deserting her for the rest of hunting season. It then shows the events of "One Snag Two Many" where Lila fakes being in trouble to get the male mountain lion's attention and then acting all manipulative towards his brother Snaggletooth before the screen cuts to static]
Lila: Hey! Those clips were from ages ago!
Wolf: Ages ago doesn't mean jack s**t when you've clearly displayed your inability to change, as seen by your abysmal performance on the show.
Lila: Abysmal?! I was-
Wolfrun: Being an annoying little bitch to everyone on your team.
Scarlett: It's really no wonder as to why you got the first boot, the only way you would have been safe was if you were on one of the teams and even then, I have no doubt that you'd still had a massive target on your back.
Lila: Oh, what would you know, four-eyes?!
Scarlett: [rolls her eyes] My, what an original insult. Seems as though you lack both beauty and brains.
Lila: WHAT?! Why you little-
Wolf: Aaaaaand that's all the time we've got with you-know-who.
Lila: Hey, don't you dare interrupt me while I'm-
Izzy: Oh! Is it hunting time yet?! I've got a new arrow and bow to try out! [produces a bow and arrow and aims it in Lila's direction]
Lila: EEEEEEEEEEEEE! [runs away to the left side of the stage and behind the curtains]
Izzy: Oh, was it something I said?
Wolf: Not at all, I think you just did us a favor by getting rid of a pest.
Fox: [muttering] Freakin' ableist bitch…
Wolf: Well, glad that we've got some real women on this show. [winks at Fox]
Fox: Why'd you wink at me?
Wolf: Oooooooh, no reason. But before we move onto our next guest, who are you hoping to see make it all the way to the big ones this season, Fox?
Fox: Well, that Tramp does seem like a respectable fellow.
Wolf: Personally, I'm hoping to see my man Buster pull through all the way to the finals. We need more tough guys coming out on top in the big ones. Though that Eva chick would also be someone I wouldn't mind seeing getting all the way to the finals. What can I say, gimme that brawn. [pulls up his sleeve and flexes his arm]
Fox: [rolls his eyes] I figured you'd go with those two, especially Buster~ Don't strain your arm tryna' flex.
Wolf: What, you telling me you ain't thirsty for these guns?
Fox: [blushes] No…
Wolf: Anyways, can someone get the pink carpet over to the peanut gallery?
Izzy: I'm on it! [stands up from her seat and leaps across the stage where fighting can be heard between the human girl and the mountain lion] HIYEYEYEYEYE-YAH!
Wolf: While the catfight goes on off-stage, we'll take a short break, but stay tuned for the remainder of the Total Drama Aftermath!
[the white letters against the blue background shine to cut away, the episode continues with the letters flashing again]
Wolf: We're back and it's time to introduce our next guest~ She's practically linked to her partner by the hip and is one of the ladies most absent from Total Drama! I'm sure you know which ones I'm talkin' about, Fox.
Fox: That being Katie and, in this case, Sadie who we welcome on now.
[the plump girl in question timidly walks up onto the stage and sits down on the couch next to the two hosts as the audience cheers]
Sadie: Hehe, thank you, thank you, I...oh my...I'm not used to doing this without Katie…
Wolf: Well, I must say, it's gotta be a shame to go so soon when you just came back.
Fox: Yeah, it must be hard going out so soon, and without your best friend.
Sadie: Yeah, I was so excited to go all the way with Katie. I just hope she'll be okay up in that plane...up with those two meanies. It sucks having girls that they think they're so hot step all over you.
Wolf: At least one of those got the boot before, but then again, she's not as conniving as those gals.
Lila: Hey! Watch your mouth, you-
Jasper: No one cares!
Sadie: Hehe, I heard all about that. It was SOOOO hilarious!
Blitz: I know what you mean about hot girls taking advantage of you. I've been there and done that…
Fox: What a coincidence she would be on the show herself.
Sadie: I heard her talking about having her own punching bag with Minerva. That was like so not cool.
Courtney: Agreed, you'd think she'd try to be a little more humble after her teammate exposed her on international television.
Fox: Really not making herself look good there, especially by this clip right here.
[the large screen shows the clip of Colleen talking rather snidely to Minerva]
Lindsay: OMG, that is like so mean!
Wolfrun: Hmph, some people never learn it seems. Between you and me, she ain't even that hot.
Pamela: All style and no substance. I mean, look at her! Of course, guys would drool over that, she makes herself out to be an obvious sexcon.
Heather: Pfft, I know I'm hot and all, but even then, I'm not gonna throw a guy halfway across the room into a wall. That's just plain overkill.
Panther: Bah, I've seen women like her. It's all about appearances and nothing else. Not like it matters to them, they'll walk all over anyone who doesn't meet their standards.
Fox: That Minerva also seems to be a manipulative one.
Wolf: She apparently went out with this one guy only when he looked like a gorgeous hunk when the full moon was out. "Good things are worth waiting for" my ass.
Fox: [groans] I wonder how that relationship went.
Wolf: Toxicity at its finest. I can't imagine how anyone would fall for that manipulative mink.
Scarlett: The way I see it, any woman with a rather prominent chest and slim figure is more than likely to have people disregard their other qualities as all they see is a pretty lady.
Fox: Yeah, Krystal got the brunt of a lot on that.
Krystal: You can say that again…
Sammy: If you ask me, personality should be the thing that counts in a relationship, not just figures.
Amy: Huh, can't argue with that.
Fox: We've also got a few guests that are close to the contestants to come and express what they think of their specific contestants and how far they'll make it, here's fellow Rovers Hunter and Exile!
[The golden retriever and the blue husky find themselves bombarded with loud applause as they step onto the stage]
Hunter: Hehe, how's it going, everyone?
Exile: Happy to be on show, comrade.
Fox: So, what are both of you guys' relationship with Colleen? You have all fought on the same team since it was started, what's she like when it comes to a challenge?
Hunter: Well, it's been how it is, she's quite an agile girl with a kick to match, although not sure why she keeps trying to be all..."touchy-feely" with me.
Wolf: [rolls his good eye] What a surprise.
Fox: Um, hopefully, no bad touches. [uncomfortably tugs at his shirt collar]
Exile: If you want her using bad touchy, just ask Blitz, woman practically uses him as living punching bag. [glances at the Doberman in the peanut gallery] Then again, that would be ironic coming from...me…[uncomfortably tugs at his collarbone]
Hunter: Yeah...I'm not really proud of how I acted either, or in cases not reacting…
Wolf: Really? I thought you would never guess that not taking your other teammates' feelings or actions into consideration might make you look like an ass. Ain't you supposed to be some elite hero force, yet you don't notice your own teammates being at each other's throats.
Hunter: [looks down] Yeah...
Courtney: [sternly] Also, I'm surprised it never caught onto you previously that you were essentially calling Blitz a faggot with your 'weird boy' comments.
Exile: [sighs sadly] Yeah…
Top Cat: With all the shit that you lot put the guy through, it's almost no wonder he came onto the show as a solo act. Probably wanted to get away from you all.
Hokey: Can't say I blame the guy if I had to put with all that, I'd have jetted the hell out of dodge.
Panther: [looks at Blitz] Do you have anything you want to add, dear?
Blitz: Well...yes, in fact, I do...I know I'm not exactly the shining star example of a fighter, given my rather quirky tendencies and flamboyant boasting, but does it really make you feel better when I have to be reduced to playing the role as the joker of the group?~ Do you think I like being tossed into walls or being called a faggot just because I have the tendency for that shit?~ I genuinely feel like you all would just leave me for dead in the desert and not give two shits about it, you'd probably act like I didn't even exist if I disappeared.
Hunter: We can say we never wanted you to feel that way, but our actions don't go with our words at all. Even though we did have our moment in that season you were in, it doesn't make up for everything.
Exile: We won't ask for forgiveness, we are the pridurki in the situation~ But we are genuinely sorry, and do want to make amends.
Izzy: MAKE OUT! Forget about her, you all can do so much better, you sexy dog-men!
Hunter: [tilts his head in confusion] ...Make out, wha-?
Wolf: You know, that's not a bad idea, Iz. I wouldn't mind a little kissy-kiss action, but for the time being, you two have got a LOT of ground to cover with Blitz.
Hunter: Yeah...you've got that right...um, Blitz...would you mind...sitting down next to us?
Blitz: [looks at Panther for approval who nods in return and goes over to the two male rovers] So…'zis is different...not 'zat I mind of course.
Exile: Ja...this feels nice...
Wolf: As for our final eliminated contestant, he's a man lost to time and with his own sword that listens to his every command.
Fox: Welcome, FantomCat!
[the dark-furred feline comes out onto the stage with a strut in his step]
FantomCat: Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.
Thank you, thank you kindly, everyone! You are all a fine crowd! It is truly an honor to be here in this "studio", gentlemen.
Fox: Ahh, a fine gentleman, you could take some pointers, Wolf.
Wolf: Very funny, aren't ya, Fox? Either way, it's nice to see you, FantomCat, though rather unfortunate you got out so soon and in the very country of origin.
FantomCat: Well, I suppose I'm just not cut out for this sort of competition, especially in that deathtrap called an "airplane". But I couldn't help hearing some rather...ungentlemen-like news from the other side of the stage.
Fox: Ohhh, yes, seems this show can't avoid the drama.
FantomCat: I couldn't help but notice that some rather vulgar information has been revealed throughout the actions of a few. Tis truly disappointing to hear that a fleet of soldiers would be so...unorganized and be so...unholy to each other. Why, back in my day, we fought alongside each other like brothers born from the very blood.
Wolf: There's a reason Pigma and Andrew didn't last in my team.
FantomCat: Indeed, in a battalion, soldiers are supposed to be linked strong and fearless together. Care for one another as they plunge into the unknown. Anyone who takes advantage of that for their own misdeeds is not worthy of being called a true soldier or a member of the battalion.
Lila: Ugh, what a bunch of freeloaders.
Jasper: You wanna say that again, earthling? [raises her fists threateningly]
Lapis: Like, you really do suck.
Peridot: Yeah, what a clod.
Prince John: [while waving a fan at his face] Even I'm not that pathetic.
Wolfrun: Pfft, you couldn't match real beauty, unlike me.
Drago: Heh, I'll say.
Wolfrun: Ooooooh, someone likes what he sees.
Lila: Hey! How dare you?! Don't you know that I'm the figure of beauty here?! You should be paying to me!
Drago: Yeeeeah, I wouldn't touch you with a forty-foot pole, not unlike this right here. [winks at Wolfrun]
Lila: RRRRRRRRAAH! This is bogus! I should be the center of attention, don't you all know how I am?! I'm-[gets bonked on the head by Jasper and falls off the peanut gallery's bleachers]
Jasper: [sighs] That was getting annoying.
Wolf: Thank you, Jasper. Well, that's all the time we have for today, but tune in next time for more drama and action.
Fox: Find out right here-
Fox and Wolf: On the Total Drama Aftermath!
[the white letters against the blue background shine as the episode ends]