I have spent the week writing, and the weekend shopping and am feeling in a generous mood... so here is part one of my two part saturday update, just for your enjoyment, to say thankyou for sticking with me and thankyou for the reviews. In this chapter, we will see the introduction to the new direction with the story. Now im going to give you a heads up that there will be 'less' Ballie fluff... BUT, what you will get is added Fridget Fluff, Ballie fluff AND a strong storyline that is going somewhere instead of just being a fluff story.
I am currently in the process of writing chapter 22, and am sitting on about 80k words, and at an estimation, am probably about a third of the way through the main storyline. I just wanted to give you a heads up of what to expect in the upcoming weeks.
As always, if you can spare a few minutes, please leave me a review... alot of time, effort and thought goe's into writing, it really is a labour of love, and all us writers ask for in return is some form of acknowledgement, whether it be a simple "Nice Chap", or something more detailed. Reviews help for us to proceed with our work, let us know that our imaginery worlds are appreciated and keep us on track, it also makes us feel the love, any everyone needs to feel a bit of love some time. So please, if your enjoying this story, let me know. if you think im writing a load of shite, let me know what you think i can do to improve, and if you want to make me feel loved... feel free to go back and review on every chapter so far HAHA.
Happy Saturday lovely people.
AL xxx
Another week had passed, and Bea still struggled to remember anything. She would find herself commenting on events from her time within prison, excitement rushing through her veins as she believed she had remembered something, only to realize that she had obtained the information from reading about it or being told stories.
The frustration was beginning to take over and she had been visiting Bridget for an hour each day as the psychologist coached her through her injuries mentally. They had begun to play some memory games in hope that exercising Bea's mind would aid her progress.
Bridget had found herself enjoying their time together as they chatted easily about a variety of topics, including the women in their lives. Bea had expressed at one time that she hoped one day that they would get the opportunity to go on a double date. She spent several minutes describing to Bridget that they would go to a nice restaurant somewhere for a bite to eat, and they would chat and laugh over a bottle or two of wine. Then they would progress to some dance venues, nightclubs were not her thing, but she knew of several little places where they had a live band who normally played a selection of
greatest hits from various genres. The four women would spend the remainder of the night dancing and laughing.
Bridget had enjoyed listening to Bea's hope, doubtful that it would ever materialize due to Bea's life sentence. Suddenly it hit her, like a snowball to the face, what Bea had said.
"I would like to take Frankie to one of these bars, can you recommend one?" Bridgit asked, swallowing down the rising excitement and hope.
"There's a place on Bank Street called Finnigan's. They have this whole industrial luxe thing going on, its quite beautiful there. On Thursday nights they do a couples night, I went with the girls from the salon one night and we didn't realize. The place was packed with loved up people dancing to love ballads and flirting over candlelight" Bea suggested, a soft smile played on her lips as she fantasized about taking Allie there one night and spending the whole time in her arms, swaying to the music and singing the love lyrics softly to each other.
"Bea" Bridgit broke her train of thought. "Bea you just remembered something from your past, something you couldn't have read about or been told about… you remembered!" Bridgit jumped from her seat, wrapping her arms around Bea's shoulders as she hugged her proudly, laughing at the shell shocked expression on the redhead's face.
They spent the next thirty minutes trying to spark some other memories, but much to Bea's disappointment, nothing came.
"You need to try not to force it, when you had that memory, you were focused on the conversation, not on trying to force a memory. You did really good work today Bea. I can't wait to let Frankie know, she will be over the moon" Bridget grinned.
"I just wish I could remember more, I feel terrible that I don't remember Debbie, that I don't remember things about Allie, or the other girls..." Bea trailed off, taking an interest in her fingers which she picked at.
"It will come, today is proof of that, you have to just relax and let it be. As we have discussed many times before, not remembering Debbie... it's part of this illness that has taken over your mind, you haven't just forgotten about her, or are ignoring her existence... your mind is healing and you need to just accept that and forgive yourself. I have no doubts that Debbie would forgive you" Bridget smiled warmly as she laid her hand over Bea's fidgeting fingers. The redhead glanced up into Bridget's warm smile.
"I know your right... it's just, it feels impossible getting my mind and my heart to line up. It's like they are constantly fighting each other" Bea admitted.
"And how does that make you feel?" Bridget pressed lightly, squeezing the cool hands with her own in support.
"Exhausted, so exhausted" Bea rolled her eyes at herself.
"I have been speaking with governor Bennett, and we took a proposal to the board. It took a lot of convincing, but they finally agreed. They are going to allow you out to visit Debbie's grave, unfortunately it won't be a long visit and you will be cuffed and supervised, but we feel that visiting her may help your
memory... would that sound like something you would like to do?" Bridget already knew the answer from the way that Bea had sat up, a small smile gracing her lips.
"Thank you Bridget" it was all that Bea could get out before the tears began to fall.
"So if you agree, you just need to sign the request form that we have already written up, then we will take you in two days, Friday" Bridget announced to Bea who was already nodding her head in agreement as the tears silently rolled down her face.
"I don't know how to thank you for this" Bea spoke, her heartfelt thanks portrayed with every word and tear.
"It's not necessary, now... sign this form, then get yourself back to H1 to tell the girls the good news. I will get Vera to sign off on it and we will get things prepared. We will be taking you straight after breakfast on Friday, so make sure your ready to go"
Bea practically skipped back to her unit, the unusually bubbly movements causing pain to streak through her body, but the excitement inside her forced her to not care. She entered the unit to find it empty, she made her way to her cell, easing herself onto the bed, she lay back staring at the ceiling, enjoying the happiness flowing through her at the thought of seeing Debbie.
It wasn't long before voices broke her train of thought and she realized that the girls were returning from their time in the yard, she eased herself back off the bed and made to meet them in the common area.
"What's got such a big grin on your face love?" Liz asked, the first to notice her presence.
"They are letting me out on Friday to visit Debbie, Ms Westfall managed to talk the board into it, saying she thinks it would help my recovery" Bea grinned as the other women all celebrated, hugging her with kind words of enthusiasm and happiness.
"I have something else to tell you" Bea whispered as she pulled Allie gently into her cell, which was fast becoming known as their cell.
"What's that babe?" Allie asked, easing her arms around Bea's neck like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"I was talking to Bridget... and we were talking about some stuff" Bea stuttered, a little flush rose to her cheeks at the embarrassment of having to admit that she had been talking about Allie.
"I was telling her about this place on the outside that I would love to take you, we were actually talking about going there on a double date with her and Frankie one day" Bea admitted, breaking eye contact and glancing down in embarrassment. Allie lightly took her chin and raised it up so that their eyes could meet again, Bea could see nothing but love in them.
"I would love to go on a date with you Bea Smith" Allie announced, causing Bea to grin.
"But tell me what it was you wanted to tell me" Allie prodded, removing her arm to snake around Bea's neck again.
"I remembered... it wasn't anything big... but I remembered this place I wanted to take you, that I had been to before" Bea admitted, her smile beaming.
"Oh my god, that is... amazing... I'm so proud of you Bea" Allie rushed in to pull Bea into a tight hug. "See, I told you things would start coming back, it won't be long now until you remember everything. Just keep up the hard work" Allie grinned into Bea's hair.
"How do you feel about visiting Debbie?" Allie asked, still in their embrace.
"Nervous, excited, scared... all of the above" Bea confessed.
"Just do what feels normal ok, and if nothing comes back when your there, don't be too hard on yourself, just enjoy the moment for what it is, because when your memory does come back, that will be something you definitely will want to hold on to. And when you get back, I will be here with open arms, and you can talk to me about it if you want, or I can just hold you, or we can just pretend it never happened, whatever you need ok?" Allie finally released Bea from the embrace, kissing her softly, she instantly felt Bea's shoulders relax as she leaned in to deepen the kiss.
"Thank you, your pretty amazing you know beautiful girl" Bea grinned. "Wait, have I called you that before? It feels... I don't know... it feels like I have?" Bea asked, a slight frown on her face.
"Yeah you have, a few times... see even more is coming back" Allie beamed.
"Listen, let's just keep the memories between the two of us for now, I don't want to excite the girls and put anymore pressure on myself, you know" Bea asked shyly.
"Whatever you say my queen" Allie grinned, leaning in to kiss Bea once more.
The next two days passed by without much excitement, despite her best efforts, Bea had no further memories return to her, she had spent endless amounts of time just sitting quietly with her eyes shut and allowing her mind to ramble as she tried to decipher any memories from it, but found that the majority of the time she just thought about Allie, and imagined kissing her, remembering Allies assistance in the showers and how they got closer and more intimate with each occasion.
Allie had been nothing but respectful, each time she stripped down to share a shower with Bea, she would hold her, and kiss her, and only allow her hands to massage Bea's aching body and wash her down. Several times Bea had begun to make a move to take it further, but Allie stopped her with a disgruntled sigh and told the older woman that they should wait until Bea was more recovered. Bea grinned as she thought about the woman of her affections and how close they had grown.
When she first woke up and had found out about everything, she was nervous about Allie, about their relationship, and Allie's intentions, but the more time they spent together, the deeper she could feel herself falling for her. Allie had once told her that Bea had admitted to her that she had felt like a teenager, and at the time she found it hard to believe, but sitting here, grinning to herself as she thought about nothing but the younger blonde, she knew that she felt like a teenager.
"What's gotten you smirking so happily?" Maxine asked as she joined Bea on the couch, awaiting the announcement that breakfast was being served.
"Just thinking" Bea grinned as she welcomed her friend to join her.
"How are you feeling? You look like you're a lot stronger?" Bea asked, although their friendship was new, what with Bea's memory, she had a strong fondness and bond with the tall brunette.
"Getting there, I'm starting to feel a lot better, just one more round of chemo to go next week and then back for more tests... but I'm starting to feel so much better" Maxine admitted.
"That's great news, I'm really happy for you" Bea's smile was warm, but instantly stretched as Allie exited her cell, having spent time that morning helping Bea shower and dress, and then retreating to her own cell to get herself sorted, Maxine followed her gaze and rolled her eyes in amusement.
"You ready for your big day?" Maxine asked, laughing to herself when all she received was a distracted grunt.
"Earth to Bea, come in Bea" Maxine jibbed, finally tearing Bea's attention back to her.
"What? Sorry?" Bea asked, blushing at the amusement in her friends eyes as she realized she had been caught out.
"That's ok... you seemed to be lost in a far better place than a conversation with me" Maxi grinned, enjoying the softer side to her friend.
"Sorry... I just..."
"Just saw Allie and the rest of the world disappeared?" Maxi taunted lovingly.
"Did I hear my name?" Allie asked joining the two women, amused at Bea's disagreement and blush as she shook her head almost warningly at a grinning Maxine.
"Talking about me, not to me huh?" Allie grinned causing Maxine to chortle.
"Piss off" Bea rolled her eyes, she was getting used to the loving jokes she was constantly the butt of.
"Come on queenie, time to get you some breakfast before your big day" Allie helped the love of her life from the couch as the announcement for breakfast starting echoed around the unit. The rest of the women in H1 joined them and they made their way to the canteen, allowing Bea's slowened pace guide them all. Bea had only begun eating communal meals again three days ago, and she couldn't help but feel glad to be out of the unit and have more company, despite the awkwardness and tension that often fell in the canteen.
Before she knew it, Mr Jackson was there to pick her up, and as she said her goodbye's to her friends, she couldn't help but laugh at the cat calls being aimed in her direction, being asked to bring back booze or food for the other women in H Wing.
"Ready for this?" Will asked when they were alone.
"Little nervous" Bea confessed as she went through the strip search before she was allowed to leave the premises. Once that was done Ms Miles left them to it, and Bea was escorted to the waiting van outside the prison.
"Just remember I will be right by your side ok? If you need anything at all, just let me know" Will smiled warmly.
"Wait up, I've had approval to join you. The governor and I thought it would help Bea to have her counsellor on hand" Bridget grinned with a mischievous smile, she had obviously planned this the whole time.
"It took you long enough to get here... I thought I was going to have to cause a diversion or something to allow you to catch up" Will grinned cheekily, a knowing smile passed between the two prison officials. Bea couldn't help but laugh, she certainly seemed to have some friends in high places.
The journey to the cemetery was quiet, both Bridget and Will allowing Bea the opportunity to think about what was coming up. As they stepped out the van, Bea shivered with nerves, Bridget placed a comforting hand on her arm. "Just take your time ok, there is no rush" Bea nodded her thanks, as she started entering the cemetery, Will leading the way.
"How do you know where she's buried Mr Jackson?" Bea asked, now used to calling him by his official title in the prison.
"I came to her funeral, You were unable to get a release to be here, so I came in your place" Will smiled softly at Bea who was shocked that he would go to that effort for her. She tried to think of something to say, but couldn't drum up anything that seemed fitting, so she just nodded and stayed quiet.
Eventually they reached the spot, it was very basic, no tombstone, just a plaque laid into the ground with Debbie's name, some dates and a photo that Bea recognized from the albums Frankie had brought her. She went to kneel down to get closer, but Will stopped her, removing her cuffs to give her a sense of normality as she visited her daughter.
"Our secret" he smiled knowingly, before stepping back to join Bridget a few meters away, he doubted very much that Bea would try to escape, especially with Allie being back at Wentworth. He was taking a huge risk, he would literally be sacked and charged if the woman decided to escape, but he took a chance on her anyway. Bridget smiled approvingly.
Bea knelt down next to the plaque, she ran her fingers over the picture, then the words engraved and highlighted in silver. She stayed silent, unsure of what to do or say. She brought up the memories of the photos she had spent hours inspecting, her heart ached desperately and she longed for Allie's arms around her to comfort and guide her.
"Well, well, what a coincidence that on the day I should decide to visit my grandmother's grave, I should bump into you three" Bea spun at the recognition of the voice, her eyes falling on Frankie, who instead of wearing her signature smirk, her face help a sympathetic smile.
"Doyle... what are you doing here?" Will asked, bemused by her arrival, he was fully aware of the ex- inmates relationship with the prison counsellor, though he never spoke of it, it wasn't his business.
"Frankie, what are you doing here?" Bridget asked, a little annoyed that her girlfriend hadn't warned her that she was planning to gatecrash Bea's time with her daughter.
"I got a call from the prison this morning, a little Alliecat asked me to pick up some flowers to bring here for Bea and Debbie" Frankie smiled her apology to Bridget before wrapping Bea in her arms and kissing
her forehead. She handed the bunch of flowers to Bea, winked and walked off to join Bridget and Will and give Bea her space.
"Well done Doyle" Will smiled approvingly.
"Hey, I'm just the delivery girl" Frankie smiled, standing next to Bridget so that their arms could touch.
Bea noticed that her three friends were lost in their own conversation, and so she turned her attention back to Debbie's grave, she knelt down again, her fingers returning to the plaque.
"Hey Debbie, it's me... mum... I guess... I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry that I can't remember anything yet, but I'm trying really, really hard to get my memory back. I have heard a lot about you, and although I don't remember it, I know deep in my heart that I loved you unconditionally." Bea sobbed softly.
"I'm so sorry that this happened to you, it was all my fault, and though I can't remember it, I will never forgive myself. You rest well and I will try to visit you again when I have my memory back... I love you beautiful girl" Bea kissed her fingers and placed them on the plaque, she lay the flowers down next to the plaque, they were sunflowers, she remembered Allie once telling her about a conversation they had where she had told Allie that her favorite flowers were sunflowers because Debbie had loved them so much, she felt her heart tug at the thoughtfulness of her girlfriend.
She felt the enormity of her situation weigh against her shoulders, she had a beautiful woman she loved and who loved her in return, she had friends both inside and outside the prison who went out of their way for her, despite her current lack of memory, she felt so lucky, despite being stood in front of her daughter's grave.
As they made their way back to the prison van, Frankie walked with them making small conversation, checking up on Bea's recovery and how things were going on the inside. Bea mumbled a few replies, but was lost inside her own thoughts too much to really pay attention. She felt Frankie hug her as they prepared to depart ways. With an internal decision, she glanced up to Frankie and with a smile she pulled back.
"You still working as a legal aid?" Bea asked, much to Frankies confusion, she nodded her head, looking to Bridget in confusion before returning her attention to the redhead she thought of as family.
"Reckon you could do some digging... see how ironclad my life sentence is?" Bea asked nervously.
"You want out of Wentworth?" Frankie asked shocked.
"I want my life back. I don't belong inside, I'm not that person anymore. From the stories I have heard, I don't think I ever was. You told me Harry was abusive. I was wondering if there was any way of changing the conviction from attempted manslaughter to self defense... it's got to be worth a try right?" Bea asked, her stomach in her mouth as she laid her words out.
"I can't promise anything red, but I will look into it, and ask around... I will try ok. I will come visit you next week and let you know what I have found out ok?" Frankie smiled softly at her friend, gave her another hug and returned to her car. She sat there quietly as she watched the van containing her lover and friend pull away. Sighing she pulled her phone from her pocket, searched through her address book until she found the name she was looking for and hit dial.
"Hey, it's me... are you free for a coffee? I need your help with something" Frankie listened to the reply before shutting off the call, turning the keys in the ignition she sighed with a smile. Getting Bea off was going to be a mountain of a task and she couldn't do it on her own, she would need to pull in every favor she had ever earned. She pulled out of the car park, heading towards the café they had agreed to meet in, there was no time like the present to get started.