60 views... I wonder how many of those are mine. Lame. Anyway, if anyone's made it this far, thanks for reading!
Spoilers: I already warned you, but again... if you haven't watched season 3, my story will both spoil some things and set you up for confusion and/or disappointment because I changed some stuff. So, you really need to watch before reading.
An Understanding Chapter 4
Erwin's brand of small talk was much more bearable than that of other people, and Levi didn't mind engaging in it as he went about readying things for tea. But then, after he changed into dry clothes, Erwin had to bring up that stupid marriage question again.
"I'm sure you heard me earlier: I prefer to be alone. Besides, you and I aren't destined for marriage." This was a conclusion that Levi had reached many years ago.
"We're not?" Erwin looked amused.
"No. If you married a fellow soldier, she would feel intimidated by your rank and experience. It wouldn't be fair to her. And if you married a civilian, she'd never understand the hell you've been through—that wouldn't be fair to you."
"I suppose you have a point." Erwin looked... disappointed.
Levi sat across from him, leaning forward with his arms on his knees. "You wanted to see if your father was right. I wanted to see humanity free. To be honest, I didn't expect to live this long, and I doubt that you did either. We've earned this retirement… let's let other people's children decide what to do next."
"So, we do nothing for the rest of our days?"
What more do you want? "We do as we please. Do you miss the chain of command?"
"Not the chain. I do miss the command."
"Control freak." Levi sat back in his chair with a smirk.
The tea water would be ready soon. Levi started thinking about which china they should use.
"You have a lot of space here," Erwin observed.
"If business goes well, I'll expand my inventory."
"The living quarters must be more than you need."
Levi thought of the spare empty, full-sized room upstairs. "I can use some of it to store surplus, if it comes to that."
"Or, you could take in a boarder."
Nothing was further from Levi's wishes. "Tch. Haven't I been saying all evening that I would rather be alone?"
"You also said that mine was the company you could tolerate best."
Oh. "You… want to move in with me."
"Peace and quiet is all very well, but hours of writing without anyone to pass a word with, not to mention the fact that you are closely familiar with my subject matter, makes cohabitation an appealing prospect. I always look forward to our conversation, and only necessity makes me leave you. I would find living under the same roof much more convenient."
Levi's thoughts were all over the map. Erwin was listing reasons why he would like for them to live together, but it didn't seem so advantageous for Levi, himself.
"I would pay you for the room—"
Pay? Levi put up a hand. "Don't be absurd."
Then the kettle was singing and Hanji was at the door, and the evening went to hell again. Stupid Commander Hanji with her ideas and her damned patriotism and, ultimately, her strange logic. Levi didn't want Erwin to risk himself to her experiments, but he was fed up with the subject by the time Hanji left.
"Damn her. What the hell were we talking about? Whole evening ruined."
Erwin's mouth twitched. "We were talking about lodgings."
"Yes. You had just offered to pay for a room here. There's no need to pay me if it comes to that, so long as you're not costing me anything extra. But…"
"You're worried about your privacy."
Right. Just moments ago, Erwin had pointed out that if he died, Levi would get to have his peace and quiet. "Sorry for telling you to shut up," he said lightly.
"That's all right… you did make it infinitely more polite by adding 'sir' at the end."
"I owe you that much. But after all, you were being a dumb-ass."
Erwin smiled. "Let's quit beating about the bush, shall we? If you don't want a lodger, I understand. Perhaps I can relieve my loneliness by visiting you a bit more often. Would that be all right?"
Loneliness? For some reason, Levi hadn't seen it that way. Was that why Erwin had looked disappointed when Levi had pointed out the reasons that they would never find brides? He was lonely? I find fulfillment in my work. Is that not enough for Erwin? He needs companionship? He stirred his tea distractedly.
How would it be, living in such close proximity? We've done it before—the officers' barracks wasn't exactly palatial. We ran into each other all the time. It wasn't too annoying… I still had my own quarters to which I could retreat when I wished. And Erwin would be writing much of the time; that's quiet work. Still… this is my own place. The first home above ground that I could really call my own. It's in my name. I like being the master of it and the sole occupant.
Erwin was watching him, looking earnest. He wanted an answer, and it seemed to be very important to him.
"Of course… I don't mind your visiting. Suppose you stay with me for a few days and we see whether it suits? It's difficult to say how things might turn out until you try them."
"You mean, see if we end up at each other's throats?" Erwin asked with a knowing look, taking up his tea cup again. "I think that's a good idea. I'll get a few things together tomorrow, after visiting Hanji's workshop. Will you be there?"
Levi sighed. "I suppose I must. Someone has to make sure she doesn't swindle you into some rash decision. I know your susceptibility to a gamble."
Erwin set his empty tea cup back on its saucer with a subdued smile.
Levi checked the clothing rack and turned the articles over, one by one, turning the dry side away from the fire. "These are still a bit damp," he said. "Will you have another cup of tea?"
"I will. Thank you."
As Levi poured the tea, Erwin said, "If I won't be in the way, I could help you in the shop from time to time. Let you have a break if you're otherwise too busy."
Levi tilted his head slightly, imagining the shop full of customers. He doubted business would get that hectic, but it would be nice to have the insurance of a helping hand—albeit just one. Of course, that might change if Hanji's idea went to plan.
"Do you really think she can get you back your arm with no adverse effects?" Levi asked, handing Erwin his refilled cup.
"I don't know. But if anyone can, it would be she."
She, it would be… she would be it… I guess it is she, not her, Levi thought, momentarily preoccupied by the word choice. Being self-taught, he prided himself on knowing appropriate grammar. "But if she's wrong, she could maim you worse than before, or turn you into something that we would be forced to kill. She doesn't own your life just because she saved it."
"She had help, don't forget. Your field-dressing my wound kept me alive until she got there to perform her crude surgery."
"All I did was cover it and apply pressure—luck kept you alive until she got there. Or your damn stubbornness. Although, I half thought you might be irritated that…" he stopped himself. This was something that he hadn't meant to discuss now, perhaps not ever.
"Irritated that you didn't let me die?" Erwin guessed.
Levi shrugged his eyebrows up the tiniest bit. "When a man makes his peace with death, living after all can be a bit of a rude awakening. Then again, I thought you might kill me for exploring that cellar without you."
"Well, I was one of the first people to know what you learned there. That was good enough. And whether or not it was a shock to survive, I thank you for helping to ensure that my questions were answered at last."
They fell into a silence that lasted several minutes at least. This was the part of Erwin's visits that Levi most looked forward to. The talking was necessary—they both had things on their minds that wanted discussing—but this quiet understanding between them was something he enjoyed with no one else. No, no one else could understand the hell that they had been through. No one else could look at him as an equal.
Yes, it was hell. And this is probably as close to a heavenly reward as we can hope for. I'll settle for this. Levi's misgivings about Erwin living with him ebbed away. It would be all right. They were sure to argue a bit and get on each other's nerves from time to time, but perhaps these moments would also come more often. It was a fair exchange.
"By the way," Erwin said, "I appreciate that you still want to look out for Eren and the others. Hanji doesn't mean them any harm, and I daresay they can take care of themselves, but your defense of them speaks well of that heart you try to convince others that you don't have."
Levi huffed. "I just think that if I knew my days were numbered, I'd want people to leave me the hell alone."
"You want that anyway."
"Damn straight." Levi sipped his tea almost angrily.
Erwin chuckled. "All right, my friend. But you'll have to do better than that to convince me."
Levi said nothing. The comfortable silence returned, and he nestled into it.
Half an hour later, Levi saw Erwin off in his dried clothes and the borrowed cloak.
"I'll see you in the morning," Erwin said.
"Yes, god help us," Levi grumbled in return. "Good night, Commander." He almost regretted saluting, seeing the emotion that Erwin could not keep from showing on his face.
The commander saluted with his left hand. "Good night, Captain."
Alone again, Levi took the kettle and tea things to the back of the shop to wash up. When he had put everything away, he fetched a broom and a lantern and went upstairs to sweep the spare room. He'll need a cot, he thought to himself. No… he's not moving in yet. As my guest, I should let him sleep in my bed. I will sleep on a cot.
He set about sweeping the room, and then went over the entire floor again with a damp cloth to be sure that not a speck of dust could be found. Satisfied, he went to his room where he lit another lantern and gathered up his bedclothes, rolling sheets, blanket and pillows up together into one massive roll, which he set to the side. Next, he folded the heavy feather mattress and heaved it onto his shoulders.
Before purchasing this mattress, Levi had slept only on anything as fine as wool or straw. Now that his belongings were his own and not provided by the military, he allowed himself a taste of the finer things. Of course, the finer things were sometimes very heavy. By the time he got it to the spare room, he had broken a sweat.
"Maybe I should have just let him sleep in my room," he muttered to himself after dropping the mattress and sitting on it for a spell of panting. "Too late now."
He dragged the mattress to the side of the room and returned to his bedroom to begin dismantling the bed frame. Foot, rails, and finally the headboard made their way into the spare room. He reassembled the frame and dragged the mattress onto it. Almost done, he returned to his room once more to fetch the rolled-up bedding. It made an awkward burden, but after the mattress, it seemed easy to handle. He swung it onto the bed and unrolled it, tucked in the edges and stood back a moment to inspect his work. Satisfied, he went to prepare for sleep. Fifteen minutes later, he crawled under the covers and fell asleep quickly, tired from his task.
A few hours later, he sat up, waking to an irritating thought. He'll need somewhere to put his clothes and things…
"Shit."
It could wait until morning, but then he would be in a hurry. With a sigh, Levi lit his lantern again and went back to his bedroom. He emptied the sparse contents of his nightstand onto his bureau and carried the stand into the hallway. He retrieved the lantern from his bedroom and set it on the floor of the spare room to light his way as he finished moving the nightstand. Then he moved the lantern to the nightstand and sleepily looked around the room one more time.
If he needs anything else, he can bloody well ask for it, he decided. He blew out the lantern and got back into bed.
Welcome to the stress of preparing for a house guest, Levi. He's probably never had one before.