Hey, I'm back. This has over 100 views now, so... someone's looking at it besides me.
Spoilers: Basically, if you haven't seen the anime's third season and you're still reading, any spoilers from here on are your own fault. I tried to tell you.
Warning: Some kind of gruesome stuff in this chapter. But if you're an AOT fan, you're probably used to that.
An Understanding Chapter 5
Erwin watched the subtle changes on Levi's face. Perhaps he had gone too far in mentioning his loneliness, but he wanted his friend to understand that this idea of his was not a passing whim.
"Of course," Levi said at last. "I don't mind your visiting. Suppose you stay with me for a few days and we see whether it suits? It's difficult to say how things might turn out until you try them."
"You mean, see if we end up at each other's throats?" Erwin asked knowingly, taking up his tea cup again. "I think that's a good idea. I'll get a few things together tomorrow, after visiting Hanji's workshop. Will you be there?"
Levi sighed. "I suppose I must. Someone has to make sure she doesn't swindle you into some rash decision. I know your susceptibility to a gamble."
Erwin set his empty tea cup back on its saucer. He couldn't deny that he took risks. It was always more exciting than playing safe, and sometimes yielded far greater rewards.
Levi began turning Erwin's articles of clothing over on the rack. "These are still a bit damp," he said. "Will you have another cup of tea?"
"I will. Thank you." How considerate he is… and it's reflexive, not out of a sense of obligation, Erwin thought as Levi poured the tea. He thought of a way he could make cohabitation more convenient for the captain, other than paying him. "If I won't be in the way, I could help you in the shop from time to time. Let you have a break if you're otherwise too busy."
Levi tilted his head slightly. After a moment, he handed Erwin his refilled cup and asked, "Do you really think she can get you back your arm with no adverse effects?"
Had he been wondering how useful a one-armed man would be? "I don't know. But if anyone can, it would be she."
Levi looked preoccupied for a moment, doubtless trying to work out whether Erwin's grammar had been correct. (If he were honest, Erwin wasn't completely sure, himself.) "But if she's wrong, she could maim you worse than before, or turn you into something that we would be forced to kill. She doesn't own your life just because she saved it."
"She had help, don't forget. Your field-dressing my wound kept me alive until she got there to perform her crude surgery."
"All I did was cover it and apply pressure—luck kept you alive until she got there. Or your damn stubbornness. Although, I half thought you might be irritated that…" he trailed off.
"Irritated that you didn't let me die?" Erwin guessed. He had felt that he was ready… more ready than young Armin, at any rate, and more ready than he had thought he would be, when it came to the point.
Levi raised his eyebrows so slightly that Erwin almost missed it. "When a man makes his peace with death, living after all can be a bit of a rude awakening. Then again, I thought you might kill me for exploring that cellar without you."
"Well, I was one of the first people to know what you learned there. That was good enough. And whether or not it was a shock to survive, I thank you for helping to ensure that my questions were answered at last."
Levi neither told him he was welcome, nor that his thanks was unnecessary. The welcomeness went without saying, and he took the thanks in the spirit in which it was given. This was why Erwin enjoyed Levi's company above anyone else's. Their perspectives matched so closely that words were often superfluous to the understanding between them.
Erwin fell to thinking about how Levi's choice had affected their friends. He had barely clung to life without the serum; Armin would not have been so lucky. All things considered, the captain had chosen well, even not knowing that Erwin would survive. And though they had lost almost their entire regiment that day, Levi did not treat those who remained as just some lucky bastards who managed to cheat death. He valued their loyalty and sacrifice as he did that of the fallen, and cared for them, too. "By the way, I appreciate that you still want to look out for Eren and the others. Hanji doesn't mean them any harm, and I daresay they can take care of themselves, but your defense of them speaks well of that heart you try to convince others that you don't have."
Levi huffed. "I just think that if I knew my days were numbered, I'd want people to leave me the hell alone."
"You want that anyway."
"Damn straight." Levi sipped his tea almost angrily.
Erwin chuckled. "All right, my friend. But you'll have to do better than that to convince me." You have a heart, and a good one at that.
Levi said nothing. The comfortable silence returned.
Half an hour later, Levi saw Erwin off in his dried clothes and the borrowed cloak.
"I'll see you in the morning," Erwin said.
"Yes, god help us," Levi grumbled in return. "Good night, Commander." He saluted.
For some reason, after all of their serious conversation, the gesture sparked strong emotion in Erwin. He wanted to tell Levi not to bother saluting him anymore, that they were no longer officer and subordinate, but he couldn't bring himself not to return it. Friends they were, but he supposed that their mutual respect would always be there—and it wasn't a bad thing to show it now and again. "Good night, Captain."
He turned away and walked through the dark streets. The rain had mostly subsided, but he was glad of the cloak Levi had lent him. It was old and worn, and might even have seen battle, but very clean nonetheless. It felt comforting and smelled like a home. Tea and woodsmoke.
Once he was back at his rented room, Erwin got ready for bed. He sat at his writing desk for a few minutes, trying to decide how to continue his memoirs, but ended up writing a list instead.
Shirts, 3
Trousers 2
Underwear 3
Stockings 3 pair
Jacket
Cloak
He looked over his list, tapping his pencil against his chin. He made a few more additions to the list, mindful of what he would need in the next few days. He didn't want to inconvenience Levi in any way.
I am doing the right thing, right? This isn't just selfishness on my part… He thought about Levi and his "content to be alone" attitude. It always sounded convincing. But then he thought about what Levi might be like when he actually was alone. Satisfied in whatever he was doing for a time, but then looking around the empty shop at night and feeling as if something were missing… Is it silly to think that he could be lonely too? Maybe it's just me. But after all, they were having a trial period. Surely that would sort out whether or not his presence did Levi any good.
Erwin blew out his lantern and got into bed. As he tried to sleep, his thoughts went back to Hanji's suggestions. He knew he shouldn't hope for perfect results, but his mind kept creeping back to them. With his arm back, he could learn to use a typewriter. He could pick up large objects without struggling to find proper leverage. He could tie knots ten times more quickly. He could…
He shook his head. Stop getting ahead of yourself. He really needed to be careful about this. He didn't want to die in some freak accident—particularly not now that he was about to try living with Levi.
Years of military experience and a pragmatic point of view kept Erwin from batting an eye when Hanji severed the tails of two squealing rats.
"And now, the serum," she said enthusiastically. "Just a drop will do for something of their size." She seized one rat in a gloved hand and set it down again after administering the injection.
Both rats ran wildly around the enclosure, trailing specks of blood. In a moment, the tail stub of the injected rat began to steam. Erwin watched in fascination as the tail grew back in a matter of minutes.
"That's a very good result," he said. "I take it you severed two tails so I could see that the regrowth was the result of the serum and not of some other factor in this laboratory."
"Exactly." Hanji nodded. "There must always be a control group."
"How long ago did you first get this result?"
"Just three days ago… well, two and a half, really."
"That isn't much time. The serum may have serious side effects."
"That's true, very true."
"For instance, it may limit the life of the subject."
"That's exactly the kind of thing that should keep you from trying it," said Levi's voice. He had come in unannounced sometime in the last few minutes.
"Good morning, captain!" Hanji exclaimed.
Levi rolled his eyes at her and nodded to Erwin. His face was neutral as usual, but having known him longer than anyone else alive had, Erwin could see some subtle hints behind his habitual expression.
"You look tired," Erwin said.
"Don't I always?" said Levi. "I got up early to order something to be delivered to my shop this afternoon. Did I miss anything more exciting than rat tails?"
"No, you're in good time," said Hanji. "In fact, since you're here, I'd like to try the experiment on a dog, as Erwin suggested last night."
"Since I'm here?"
"Yes. Someone of your experience would be ideal to have around in case something went wrong."
"Tch. You want me to clean up your mistakes."
Hanji was already asking her assistant to bring in "Scrounger" from the other room. "And bring a sword for the captain, please!" she sang.
Levi groaned. "I suppose you have a set of ODM gear for me, too?"
"That won't be necessary, I'm sure… you're very resourceful, after all."
"Sure."
Erwin stood back as Hanji tied up a medium-sized mongrel with its tail to a chopping block. He did feel a little sorry for the dog, and did not look forward to the yelping he knew would come in a moment, but this was for progress.
"Here you are, Scrounger, darling," Hanji told the beast as she stroked its head. "I just know you'll do a lovely job for me."
Levi muttered something that sounded like "sick lunatic."
She readied her syringe and nodded to her assistant, who pulled down goggles over his eyes before taking up his position. He took a hatchet in one hand and the tip of the dog's tail in the other. The hatchet fell, the expected yelping began, and Hanji acted swiftly.
"There, there, love," she said, grabbing the panicking dog by the scruff. It was fighting its restraints hard, but they were holding. She injected the serum at the base of its neck.
The struggling continued, but slowed, the yelping turned to whimpering, and the dog's tail began steaming. Hanji petted it and crooned to it, and it slowly calmed. Eventually, Scrounger seemed almost peaceful again, and his tail continued to regrow.
"Fetch some meat scraps for the dear boy," Hanji told her assistant. "He did a wonderful job."
Levi set the sword aside and stood with his arms folded, a scowl on his face. "Shouldn't you keep everyone nearby until you're sure that thing won't turn into a canine Titan?"
"I suppose anything is possible," Hanji said, "but I think it unlikely. You really need to learn to be more optimistic, captain."
"You really need to learn to be more human," Levi grumbled.
Erwin stepped closer to the dog, watching its tail regrow. It was taking longer than the rats' tail had, but she had given it a larger dose of the serum as well.
"Your thoughts, commander?" Hanji asked.
"It's impressive," Erwin said.
"No control group this time," Levi pointed out.
"Good point, good point, but I had only one dog at my disposal," Hanji said, looking regretful. "I'll get more."
"I don't think I can make up my mind today, in spite of these results," Erwin said. "There's still too much we don't know. If becoming a Titan-shifter limits a person's life to thirteen years, might this serum limit them in some other way?"
"It might," Hanji admitted. "Unfortunately, the rats and Scrounger here will likely die of natural causes before thirteen years are up, so I can't predict that very well. Unless it causes them to die sooner according to their species' lifespans, but even so, that could take a while."
"So, these results don't mean shit," Levi concluded. "The risk is too great."
Erwin also wished that Levi wouldn't be quite so pessimistic, but he knew that keeping them from getting too excited was a good thing. "Perhaps you could try the serum on someone near death," he suggested.
"That is my fall-back plan," Hanji said, looking disappointed. "I've talked to the doctor in charge at our local clinic, and he has tentatively agreed to allow me access to such a patient if the timing is right."
"So, you have a plan," said Levi. "So, we're done here." He turned and walked toward the laboratory's exit.
Erwin looked at Hanji apologetically. "I'm sorry to put you off, but I'm afraid our unsupportive friend is right—the risk is too great."
She nodded. "Thank you for coming down anyway, and I hope you'll follow my progress."
"Certainly. With more data, I may eventually agree to try."
"Yes, I understand." She turned back to the dog, whose tail was half grown again. Her assistant was feeding it the meat scraps, and its steaming tail was wagging excitedly. "Such a good boy, Scrounger!"
"I'll see myself out." Erwin hurried after Levi.
Sorry for the critter tails! Hanji is Hanji. Thoughts?