Chapter Nine: From the Land Down Under
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Encore, we had some mechanical difficulties and ended in hot water, Area 51-style! Plucked from space to zap your face, the contestants had to fight their way through the extremely well-managed security system and grab an alien artifact to bring back to the plane. Tramp and Buster finally tied the knot in the confessional and it seems Eva and Ella are also on their way to the city of love-making. Too bad I put them on opposite teams just when it happened. [chuckles] I am too good. In the end, Katie got the shove due to Loopy's lack of a spine, and thanks to a rockin' telethon that raised a tank load of cash from our viewers, hey thanks for that, eh, we're ready to get back in the air! [in the cockpit with Chef as the plane flips upside-down] Whoa-oh! Who's going to blunder in the land down under? Find out right here, right now, on Total...Drama...Encore!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows the interior of the economy class section where Team Mink is seen brooding over their loss]
Colleen: It just don't make sense, we have an athlete on our team now, how did we lose the last challenge?!
Minerva: Probably either because Sierra has all that sugar in her system, or Eva just wasn't trying hard enough.
Eva: Yeah, you do realize I can hear you, right?
Minerva: It's called constructive criticism, darling. Something I'd recommend you look into.
Eva: Hey, I was actually doing work in the last challenge, and I actually caught an alien! What was the most you two were doing, other than just standing around looking pretty?
Colleen: Oi, we were searchin' as well! You're just lucky we didn't vote you off for costing us the challenge!
Eva: Oh, so now it's my fault?! That's ironic coming from a bimbo!
Colleen: Ohohoho, you do not wanna go there, sister!
Eva: You think I'm scared of some primadonna? I could snap you in half like a toothpick!
Colleen: I could wipe the floors with you! You and that ugly unibrow of yours! If that's to make you look tough, it just makes you look hideous!
Eva: I don't need to look "beautiful". I've seen what it does to other girls, making their bodies all gaffed up and putting on all that make-up to hide their s****y personalities!
Colleen: Well, at least people actually like me!
Eva: Wrong, they only like you for your rack! Why else would guys just drool all over you? I highly doubt it's your personality.
Colleen: If you're gonna label me as abusive against guys, that was only one instance!
Eva: Yeah, an instance which you repeated on multiple occasions just to satisfy your own sadistic pleasures!
Colleen: You've done the same thing to guys before!
Eva: Let's see, when was the last time I threw a guy against a wall for flirting with me? Oh, yeah, it never happened! I may have gotten a little too into expressing my authority in the past, but at least I'm trying to make an effort to change that, seeing as I have yet to brutally strangle someone this season!
Colleen: [scoffs] Just forget about it! You're clearly not worth my time.
Eva: Hmph, bitch…
[static buzzing]
Colleen: Who does that Eva think she is?! Talking to me like that, she better watch her step, otherwise, she'll be meeting her fate sooner than later.
[static buzzing]
Eva: I've seen this type of behavior in girls like Colleen. They try to act all above everything, thinking people will just listen to what they say by flashing their racks in your face, and when they get called out for acting like a bitch, they get all defensive and try to play the victim. And the fact I have to deal with two stuck-up bimbos on this team is just infuriating! However, there's something else I need to take care of...Loopy.
[static buzzing]
Eva: [grabs Loopy by the arm] You and I need to talk.
Loopy: Um, what is that-ow! [is yanked up from his seat and taken to a corner] Why did you pull on me like-
Eva: Let's get this out of the way, there is no way Katie should have been eliminated given that she had three people in her alliance, that being me and you. So, considering that Colleen and Minerva only had two votes on their side and the only way they would have gotten a third vote would be if someone flipped.
Loopy: [sweatdrops nervously] W-Well, 'zat is strange, isn't it? Hehe, I-I can't imagine who'd-
Eva: Cut the crap, Frenchie! I know it was you who backstabbed the alliance!
Loopy: W-What?! Eva, madame, please, I can explain!
Eva: Oh, really? Explain what exactly?! The fact that you pretty much let a couple a' bimbos walk all over you? Have you ever thought of saying the word "no" to someone, especially when it might be necessary? Do you even have a spine?!
Loopy: Ooooooooh, I'm so sorry for 'zis. I am more of 'ze listener instead of 'ze speaker and I do not well under peer pressure.
Eva: Well, thanks to you blundering efforts, now we have no chance of getting rid of those two! The only chance we'll have is besting at least one of them in a tiebreaker. I hope you're happy with yourself. [huffs away back to her seat]
[static buzzing]
Loopy: Ooooooooh, I've really dug myself in 'ze hole 'zis time. Why did I have to be so weak?! I am a disgrace to all of wolf kind! We're supposed to be tough, agile, fearless, and me? I am cowardly, spineless, and...weak. How am I ever going to fix 'zis mess?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the first-class section where Team Ultimate is seen resting, the females all engaged in conversation]
Sierra: It is like so great to have on the team, Ella! You've recently gotten a huge surge of fans from what I've seen on the Total Drama website and you've got a lot of support from those that want to see you make the finale, EEEEE!
Ella: Hohoho, that is very generous of them, tell them that I give my best wishes to them.
Bridgette: You see, that's what I like about you, Ella. You're so sweet, kind, and gentle, I wish more people could be like you. There's just so much conflict going on in the world with people not getting along.
Ella: [blushes] Oh, you're too kind, Bridgette. I believe that the world would be a better place if we all brought out voices together and sang in perfect harmony.
Bridgette: That's a really nice thought, Ella. I support it 100%.
Sierra: OH, do you girls wanna hear a little gossip I've heard about Tramp?
Bridgette: Well, given that you pretty much revealed the status of his marriage, I suppose nothing's stopping you.
Sierra: Trust me, this is something that is so juicy, you'll like it! [in a hushed tone] Did you know that Tramp has a thing for women's clothing?
Bridgette: [sips out her drink in surprise] Really?!
Ella: [gasps joyfully with her eyes sparkling]
[static buzzing]
Ella: Do you know what this means? I can help Tramp look like a princess ready for her prince! This is my chance to make a fairytale come true!
[static buzzing]
Ella: [barely able to contain her excitement as she walks up to the two canines] Hello there.
Tramp: Oh, hello there, Ella.
Buster: Yeah, what's up, Snow White?
Ella: Hehehe, oh, me and the girls were just talking and we found out some interesting information about you.
Tramp: [his brows shoot up] Ooooh, Sierra...what did you find out?
Ella: Well, how would you feel if you were to put on a dress?
Tramp: [blushes and splutters] I-I-I-I would…
Buster: Look pretty cute in one. I can just picture it now, you in a little blue dress, walkin' down the street, struttin' your stuff-
Tramp: Buster! C'mon...but...do you...really think I would look...good in a dress?
Buster: I know so, princess and I'm sure your fellow gal pal could help you with that.
Ella: Oooooooh, this is so exciting! I promise to help you look ready for a royal ball! [titters back to her seat]
[static buzzing]
Tramp: So, it seems nothing is sacred around Sierra...but, yeah, I'll admit, women's clothing has been a...secret hobby of mine for a while now…[blushes]...at least Buster didn't make fun of me for it, hehe…
[static buzzing]
Buster: If I know one thing about Tramp, it's that he's got a figure that would look gorgeous in a dress. Mmmhmm~
[static buzzing]
Intercom: All competitors, please move to the common area to prep for landing.
[scene cuts to the contestants standing in the main dining hall]
Chris: Today's forecast; clear skies with temperatures of 50℃ or say 300℉. And today's landing is gonna be more of a non-landing flyby. [opens the door to the plane as it hovers just a few feet above the air] Jump, drop, and roll!
Bridgette: Couldn't we just land the plane normally?!
Chris: Yes, we could...except we're not gonna. C'mon, let's go, go, go!
[the contestants jump out of the plane onto the dusty red Australian turf]
[scene cuts to the contestants standing before Chris who is now wearing a hat]
Chris: [with an Australian accent] G'day, mates and welcome to Australia! [normal voice] I call today's challenge, the Marathon of Death! [off-screen as the scene pans over the Australian Outback] Part one is an emu race all the way into the Blue Mountains. I'm not saying the trip will be dangerous exactly, but with venomous snakes, killer scorpions, [on-screen] and the very real possibility of sunstroke, I hope you all have your affairs in order. Whoever reaches majestic Hanging Rock first will win a distinct advantage in the second half of the challenge. And yes, I said emu, bring 'em in, boys! [as two interns drag over several emus] No saddle, after all, it's supposed to be a challenge...now go!
[scene cuts to the contestants trying to catch an emu as they run all over the place]
Bridgette: Here, emu! I'm not gonna hurt you, I just need to-[without looking trips over a rock and lands on the ground]-ow.
Minerva: [as she runs past her] Hmph, klutz.
Bridgette: I heard that!
Minerva: Good!
[static buzzing]
Bridgette: I get it, I'm clumsy on land. Don't rub it in my face!
[static buzzing]
Colleen: C'mon, ya' jumped up turkey! Come to Colleen, I got me a race to win! [jumps up onto the emu and pulls on the reigns] Giddy up! Let's…[looks back in surprise to see Ella's emu skipping along as if it were in a Disney flick]...what?
Ella: Oh, why hello there, Colleen! Mr. Emu and I are just going along at our own place, he's like a gallant horse carrying the princess to the royal ball.
["Mr. Emu" squawks happily at the compliment as he skips into the air, Ella giggling all the while as they set off into the distance]
Eva: [with a half-lidded smile] Have you ever seen something so...picturesque?
Colleen: What'd be picturesque is you getting that your ass in gear, so hurry up! [sets off into the distance with her emu]
Eva: [her faces falls to a dark scowl]
[static buzzing]
Eva: The next time this team loses, Colleen is gone. There's only so much bulls**t I'm willing to put up with and having to deal with her isn't on the list.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Chris and Chef standing atop Hanging Rock]
Chef: How long do we have te' wait?
Chris: Another two hours, maybe?
Chef: [snatches the map from Chris]
Chris: Oops, make that two...days! [chuckles with Chef]
[scene cuts to a montage of the contestants riding their emus through the rest of the day and then into the night. By the next morning, they're all tired, sweaty, and thirsty]
Bridgette: Oooooooh...is there anything else here that isn't...rock…
Sierra: I need water...or any form of liquid for that matter...if I don't make it...tell the Total Drama fans...I love them…
Ella: Stay with us, dear...we've got to be close by now...oooh, how I wish that Eva was here, too…
Bridgette: Wait...are we ahead of them...or behind them...because I forgot with the lack of sleep and...this heat…
Tramp: I don't care if we lose...I just need to find some shade...and something to drink...God, I hate that host...ooooh…
Buster: This f**king sucks...even removing this shirt ain't doin' jack s**t…
Tramp: Heh...I dunno what's hotter...the sun burning down on us...or you…
Buster: Hehe, even with the current circumstances, you can't help making a jest...but I think you already know the answer to that, tck-tck~
[scene cuts to Team Mink as Eva covers her forehead while looking up at the scorching sun]
Eva: I swear...I'm gonna slaughter that host one of these days…
Loopy: Under normal circumstances...I would not suggest such...violent measures...but I cannot blame you...ooooh…
[scene cuts back to the top of the rock]
Chris: Think the scorpions got 'em?
Chef: 5-1 it's dingoes. [after having carved out a vuvuzela, he blows on it, producing a note as Chris snaps his fingers to it]
Minerva: Ahem!
Chris and Chef: Gah!
Chris: [clears his throat] Finally!
Eva: I...hate...you…[falls off her emu onto the ground]
Ella: Eva! [hops off her emu and runs to the fallen weight lifter] Are you okay?
Eva: [spits out dust] I'm fine...but I know someone who isn't going to be! [glares right at Chris]
Buster: Two days in the Australian Outback with the sun beating down on like all hell and we didn't even win?! GRRRRRRR, you f**king suck, McLean!
Chris: I guess someone's not used to being a sorry ol' loser. [chuckles]
[static buzzing]
Buster: We'll see who the real loser is when I knock out his f**kin' teeth. Then we'll see who's laughing.
[static buzzing]
Chris: And Team Mink takes the lead! So, buckle up and get ready to take a short walk off a long cliff! What exactly are they jumping into? [with an Australian accent] Find out when we boomerang back [normal voice] on Total...Drama...Encore!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
Chris: Okay, teams! Get ready to look death in the face and live to tell the tale...or not, ya' know? I'm easy. The challenge, part two: teams must take turns bungee jumping off Hanging Rock and plummeting to the bottom, far, far, faaaaaaar below to try and grab one of Australia's finest sheep. Three of them have Team Ultimate's logos tattooed on their side. Another three have Team Mink's logo under their wool, not too far from their lethal jaws.
Tramp: Did he say lethal?!
Chris: First team to shear one of their own sheep wins first-class tickets to Nextville and the losers head to Eliminationtown. As the last to arrive, Team Ultimate gets a pair of gardening shears. And, as the first team to arrive, Team Mink gets this advantage; battery-operated sheep shears. Now, time to start bungee-jumping, Team Mink, you're up!
Minerva: [attaches the rope to her ankle] Here goes…[jumps off the cliff and plummets far down below] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! [tries to pick up a sheep as she stalls on the bottom, but it falls out of her hands as she's flung back up to the top of the cliff and lands with a hard thump] That is so wrong!
[Chris and Chef chuckle at this as Eva attaches the rope to her ankle and jumps off down below]
Eva: LOOK OUT BELOW! [tries to pick up a sheep as she's flung back up to the top of the cliff, revealing her object to be part of a cactus] AAARGH! Are you kidding me?!
Ella: Oh my! That does not look safe!
Loopy: [attaches the rope to his ankle and jumps off the cliff] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! [successfuly manages to grab a sheep as he's flung back to the top of the cliff] Succès, I have got i'agneau!
Minerva: Quick, start shearing!
[Ding, Ding!]
[the members of Team Mink all give a collective groan]
Chris: How about a song to make things go faster? Hit it!
[lively rock music starts to play]
Eva: Shearing sheep, don't be a creep,
It's the only way we'll fly first, peeps.
Win the game, don't be so lame,
Try to lose this and your face I'll maim!
Colleen: Shear the sheep, then, with a smile,
Make yourself a giant woolly, woolly, woolly pi-ile!
You had your chance and they turned you down,
So don't be giving me no cranky frowns!
Colleen, Eva, Loopy, and Minerva: We are shearing sheep!
We are shearing sheep! We are shearing sheep!
We are shearing sheeeeep!
Minerva: Shearing sheep instead of you,
Only cause you don't have any, a-tattoos!
I'll find a logo, we'll win again,
And I'll be here, until the bitter end!
Colleen, Eva, Loopy, and Minerva: We are shearing sheep!
We are shearing sheep!
We are shearing...
Yeaaahhhhh!
Minerva: UGH, no logo!
Colleen: Guess it's all up to me [attaches the rope to her ankle and jumps off down below] YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! [grabs onto a sheep and pulls it up as she's flung back to the top of the cliff] Start shearing!
Minerva: C'mon, baby, mommy's counting on you to win this for her! Just give us the logo and...ARGH! You frickin', worthless, spineless-YIP! [dodges the sheep near biting off her hand]
Sierra: We still have a shot at winning this, quickly! Get me down there on the double!
[scene cuts to a montage of Sierra, Bridgette, and Ella bungee-jumping down the cliff. Only Ella is successful in bringing back a sheep]
Ella: I'm sorry we have to shear off your precious wool, little sheep. But I promise that it will soon grow back in no time.
Sierra: [begins rapidly shearing at the sheep with the gardening shears, sending chunks of wool spewing all over her fellow teammates] Oooooooh, no logo.
Colleen: Wait a blinkin' minute! Check underneath!
Loopy: But he said-
Colleen: Loopholes, Loopy! Surely someone like you would understand something like that!
Loopy: Well...okay…[flips one of the sheep over to see if there's a logo underneath it]...non, je ne vois rien...
Minerva: Wait, I think I see something under this one! [holds the sheep up to display the Team Mink logo] We've got a winner!
Chris: Team Mink wins the challenge!
Minerva: Yes! [hugs the sheep tightly] I knew you wouldn't let momma down!
Buster: [throws his shirt down in frustration] If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go scream into a hole.
[static buzzing]
Buster: I had to sweat my ass off here in the Outback and what do I get? Losing both the first and second part of the challenge! [sighs] Well, at least I know that I'm not the one going home tonight.
[static buzzing]
Minerva: Just for the record, hugging that sheep with its...mushy, pink skin...ugh...an experience I never want to have again.
[scene cuts to black, at the Elimination Ceremony]
Tramp: [to Buster] So, we're voting-
Buster: Definitely.
Tramp: Ah, good. Just checking.
Chris: It's been a tough day for many of you, but one of you is about to have the worst day of all. Let the voting begin!
[static buzzing]
Ella: [stamps one of the passports]
[static buzzing]
Tramp: [stamps Sierra's passport]
[static buzzing]
Bridgette: [stamps one of the passports]
[static buzzing]
Buster: [stamps Sierra's passport]
[static buzzing]
Sierra: [stamps one of the passports]
[static buzzing]
Chris: Alright, the votes are in. The following players are safe: Tramp [catches the bag]...Buster [catches the bag]...and Ella [catches the bag]. And the final bag goes to…
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Bridgette!
Bridgette: Phew...[catches the bag]
Sierra: [catches the parachute and sighs sadly] Even though my time has come, I will keep the spirit alive by continuing to support you all from the sidelines! After all, this ace reporter's job is never done! [jumps out from the plane] YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Chris: If you think that was fun, you're gonna love what I do to these guys next time, right here on Total...Drama...Encore!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]