Chapter Ten: That's So Sweden
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Encore; Australia! It will amaze you if it doesn't kill ya' first. Here, we saw tensions among the members of Team Mink rise to an all-time high as Eva was stuck dealing with the likes of Colleen and Minerva. I'd pity her, but then that would require me to feel any sort of attachment to these people, which I don't. [chuckles] Meanwhile, Sierra let her motormouth run one too many times, and thus when Team Ultimate lost the challenge, it was time to say "sayonara, Sierra!" [in the cockpit with Chef] Only eight remain, who will get the boot? Find out now on Total...Drama...Encore!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows Team Mink enjoying themselves in the first-class section...well, Colleen and Minerva were at least enjoying themselves in a peaceful sleep on the golden seats while Eva and Loopy sat at the bar discussing their current situation]
Eva: [to Loopy] I ask you, how did you ever manage to deal with a team of stuck-up bimbos?
Loopy: Well, I'd say it comes from my high level of patience. I do not say anything out of line in front of 'zem, and 'zey do not say anything rash or malicious towards me in return…[sighs]...but I do feel you have a point in me lacking 'ze backbone…
Eva: Yeah, no s**t, Sherlock.
Loopy: [winces] It is my fault 'zat Katie and Sadie were eliminated when 'zey were. I just don't know, I felt so...weak and helpless under 'zat Minerva's words...like she was holding a knife to 'ze back of me and would thrust if I said anything she didn't want to hear…
Eva: I get that being polite is kinda your thing, but would it hurt to show a little less restraint on showing people you mean business? You keep up this pally friendly thing forever, people are gonna walk all over you like a welcome mat that says "please step on me".
Loopy: But what can I do? I cannot help 'ze way that I am. I am generally against resorting to violent measures.
Eva: [sighs] Alright, lemme put it this way. You don't have to go full-on aggressive mode, unlike...me...but that's beside the point. What I'm suggesting is that you show those two that you're not just some servant who'll bend over backward because they said a few magic words. If I were you, I'd say you help me get rid of one of 'em in the case that we lose again.
Loopy: Well...I do suppose you have a point...I am not particularly fond of either of 'zem...but who shall we go after first?
Eva: I've had it up to here with Colleen bitching in my ear about how great she is just because she's on an elite force with a "future boyfriend" in some golden retriever dumbass. I pity him if he actually takes that offer.
Loopy: Mmmm...Colleen has been 'ze more volatile of 'ze two of 'zem...maybe if she is out of 'ze game, then Minerva will have no else to turn to as an ally.
Eva: Now you're gettin' it.
Loopy: But 'zat will still only be two votes on our side. How will we get another vote to balance 'ze score?
Eva: Simple, girls like them two have fragile egos. If we can corner Minerva in her own vanity, then she'll have no choice but to turn on Colleen to be left as the only "pretty girl" on the show.
Loopy: You know…'zat actually could work...it is not a bad plan at all. In fact, it is magnifique!
[static buzzing]
Eva: Now that I'm the captain of this ship, those two better watch their step. If anyone is getting to the final two, it's going to be me. I'm not about to let some artificial, jacked-up sluts weasel their way to the million, not on my watch! Although, no doubt they're gonna try and use their little schtick on Loopy in case we lose again. I guess my only hope is that he actually grows a backbone and stands up to them...man, when did I become such a motivator?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Team Ultimate sitting in the economy class section]
Bridgette: You know, it feels a lot more...quiet without Sierra here.
Tramp: I'm gonna be honest, I'm sure she's a nice girl and all, but I'd rather not have my personal information be spewed out by anyone other than myself. How does she even find out about stuff like that?!
Buster: She's probably one of them internet jockeys who's pretty much glued to the screen to find all the hidden information about people. Wouldn't put it past her to have bribed people in the past just to get all the dirt on someone. But, I will grant her this, she's got a real knack for bringing out the girl in you.
Tramp: [blushes] Ooooooh...c'mon, now…
Ella: I'll admit, while it is rather unfortunate that you and Lady split apart, being one of the most iconic pairings in the history of the film industry, as well as being a childhood classic of mine, I can see what your heart truly desires. Love is love, no matter who you partner up with. I would know, my "prince" just so happens to be sitting in first class…[sighs blissfully]...besides, I meant what I said earlier, I would be more than happy to help you express your inner creativity.
Tramp: W-Well, that's nice of you to offer, but-
Buster: Ah, c'mon, we all know you could rock a dress. You'd be like the next princess in the lineup.
Bridgette: Well, I think you'd look very cute in a dress.
Ella: Oh! We could dress you up like you're ready for a royal ball, awaiting your prince as he dances with you in the center of the hall, your eyes gazing upon each other as you exchange the kiss of true love…
Tramp: [blushes] Awww, you guys...you'd really do that for me?
Buster: I'd make sure of it, sweetcheeks~ [kisses the Schnauzer on the cheek]
[static buzzing]
Tramp: To think that it took coming onto this show to get me to come out of my shell...and to once again find myself pining for the one I truly desire…[sighs blissfully]
[static buzzing]
Bridgette: I'll admit, I wasn't getting things to turn out this way for my team, but it really warms my heart to see everyone being so friendly with one another, and more so in Buster and Tramp's case. Speaking of which, Geoff, if you're watching this, miss you, sweetheart. [blows a kiss at the camera]
[static buzzing]
Ella: It's truly a magical feeling inside to be helping out those in their time of romance. It's almost like a fairytale, but real.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the plane landing on a solid layer of ice and swirling about in circles until it finally stops with a bang. It then cuts to the contestants shivering as Chris approaches them wearing a big white jacket]
Chris: [with a Swedish accent] Welcome to Sweden!
Eva: Why are you the only one wearing a jacket while the rest of us have to get turned into popsicles?!
Chris: [normal voice] Um, I worked pretty hard on that accent, it would have been nice if somebody had commented.
Buster: How about you shove that accent up your ass?! It's freezing out here!
Chris: Sweden, hello? [scoffs and walks away] Great…
Ella: Maybe we should all huddle together for warm-[gets pulled in by Eva]-oh...mmmmmmm…
Colleen: [pulls Buster close to her] Mind helping me stay warm?
Buster: I kinda do, yeah. [tries to push the collie off him, but she clings on tightly] Argh, seriously?!
Colleen: GRR, hold still, ya' nob!
Chris: The jackets are here!
[the contestants cheer at this]
Chris: In six to eight weeks!
[the contestants grumble at this]
[static buzzing]
Minerva: Ugh, stupid cheapskate host.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the contestants standing atop a snowy hill]
Chris: Before you is a mysterious pile of I-build-a tools and pieces. Your first challenge is to use Allen keys, wooden sledgehammers, and your wits to turn your piles into whatever they're supposed to be when properly assembled. Sadly, the assembly instructions were "accidentally" shredded when they were put through a shredder.
Eva: Idiot.
Chris: Anywho, first team to correctly assemble their whatcha-whosit will win a big advantage in part two of the challenge! Soooo...go!
[scene cuts to Team Mink at their pile]
Eva: We need to lay out the pieces to try to find what we're building.
Colleen: Is that code for "put out all the pieces so I can smash the ones I don't like"? [begins to tighten the Allen key before Eva stops her]
Eva: If you think I can build something without smashing it up, you're wrong, gimme that!
Colleen: Hey, let go!
Eva: We don't even know what we're building!
Colleen: You're slowing us down, again!
Minerva: [facepalms] Great…
[static buzzing]
Minerva: I'm surrounded by idiots.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Team Ultimate at their pile]
Bridgette: Alright, does anyone have any ideas as to what we could build?
Ella: Oh, I know! We could build a swan boat. It would fit that we have a royal couple on our team.
Tramp: [rubs the back of his head sheepishly] Hehe...oh, you and your ideas…
Buster: I admit, it's girly, but I suppose it makes sense since I got me a girl myself.
Tramp: Oh, you cad. You sure you'd be willing to ride something that doesn't fit your tough guy memo.
Buster: For you, I can make an exception, mon cheri.
[static buzzing]
Tramp: He's gotten so poetic as of late, I can't get it out of my system. Ooooooh, how I want more of it.
[static buzzing]
Buster: Heh, man, I am good.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Eva and Colleen "sword-fighting" with the large tools as Minerva watches with an unamused expression. Meanwhile, Loopy takes the time to assemble the team's boat]
Eva: Stop acting like you're hot s**t when you're not!
Colleen: Maybe get rid of that ugly unibrow, then people might consider you actually nice to look at!
Eva: RRRAAAH!
Colleen: GAARRRRH!
Minerva: Excuse me, but would the two of you kindly KNOCK IT OFF?!
[Ding, Ding!]
Chris: Time for a song!
[the members of Team Mink give a collective groan as the music starts]
Eva: They're way ahead, so we've got to go!
Minerva: We've got to build something to sail, something we can row-ow!
Colleen: It doesn't have to be a boat!
Loopy: As long as it stays afloat!
Colleen, Eva, Loopy, and Minerva: So that we can take first place!
Buster and Tramp: It's almost ready, to set sail!
Bridgette: Just hammering in the final nail!
Colleen, Eva, and Minerva: Ohh, ohh, ohh!
Ella: We really did this fast!
Buster and Tramp: Soon we'll be back in first class!
Bridgette, Buster, Ella, Tramp: Because we'll take first place!
Colleen, Eva, Loopy, and Minerva: We'll take first place!
Bridgette, Buster, Ella, and Tramp: We're gonna say "in your face!"
Colleen, Eva, Loopy, and Minerva: Because we'll take first place!
Colleen: Aaaa-eee-yeah-eee-yeah!
Colleen and Minerva: We'll take first place!
Eva: Eee-yeah-eee-yeah-eee-yeah-eee-yeah!
Chris: Nice! Team Ultimate takes the lead! And while your boat does look very...sissy, you did finish it before Team Mink could finish theirs, so here's your reward for finishing first.
Buster: [looks in the bag, only to find rocks] And this is a reward how?
Chris: It'll all make sense in due time. As for Team Mink, I see you went for a more traditional approach. Nice Viking style might I add.
Eva: Hey, thanks for covering while we were...ahem, occupied.
Loopy: Ah, well, it only felt natural to do my part on 'ze team.
Chris: Now, drag your ship to open water and sail north until you find Chef to receive your next instructions.
Buster: I'll pull from the bow. You comfortable with that?
Tramp: If you're doing it, then I'm doing it.
Bridgette: We'll push from the back in that case.
[the males get to the bow of the ship and while the females go to the stern. Bridgette begins to push when she slips on the ice]
Bridgette: Whoa!
Ella: Oh, my! Bridgette, are you alright?
Bridgette: Yeah, I'm fine. You know, it's ironic, water is kinda my chill zone when it comes to coordination so that the fact that I'm slipping on essentially solid water feels weird.
Ella: Well, maybe if you were in it, you would have better luck.
Bridgette: If I were in, I'd catch pneumonia.
[the two girls chuckle at this]
Buster: [off-screen] A little extra oomph back there would be appreciated!
[scene cuts to Team Mink dragging their boat across the ice; Eva and Loopy pulling from the bow while Colleen and Minerva push from the stern]
Chris: While the two teams head out to sea like the brave Vikings from the past, the question that remains on everyone's head; which ship will prevail in triumph in the name of honor and victory and which ship will sink far below into the frigid waters? Find out when we return on Total...Drama...Encore!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
[scene shows Team Ultimate arriving into port as they step off the ship to find Chef waiting for them with a Viking hat]
Bridgette: So, what's the hat for?
Chef: This hat right here is gon' go to whoever you all decide as captain.
Buster: Ladies, if it's not too much trouble, allow me to take on the role of leader of this vessel.
Tramp: Well, I've no objections to that, so long as you make me second-in-command.
Buster: [as he puts on the hat] So long as I get to see you in the captain's quarters later on, I agree with that, tck-tck~
Tramp: Oh~
Ella: I suppose that makes the two of us privateers. How exciting.
Chris: Let's not forget the most important part of the vessel, [as a crane lowers a cannon onto the ship] the weaponry!
Buster: So the little rocks are actually flints.
Chris: Bingo, dingoes...nuts, I shoulda said that last time in Australia. And to fire out of the cannon; Chef's famous Swedish meatballs. To win the challenge and travel first-class; sail north to capture the red flag way over yonder. Oooooor, use your meatballs to sink the enemy's ship. Good luck, Captain Buster!
Buster: Noted, now move out, troops!
[as Team Ultimate's ship leaves the dock, Team Mink's ship arrives]
[static buzzing]
Buster: Captain Buster...I like it, I like it a lot.
[static buzzing]
Colleen and Eva: [pointing at each other] No way is she captain!
Chris: Well, someone's gotta wear the hat.
Minerva: Alright then, seeing as Loopy was the only one to do any actual work, I nominate him as captain.
Loopy: Que? Oh, well, I thank you for 'zis promotion. [puts on the hat]
Colleen: We need matches to light the cannon!
Chris: I'm sure you'll think of something...buh-bye.
[scene cuts to Team Mink sailing out towards the flag]
Minerva: Great, we'll never catch up with them, just look how far away they are!
Colleen: Not until we get brutal, battle stations, now!
[Colleen loads one of the meatballs into the cannon as Eva rubs two sticks together and forms a flame, lighting the cannon and causing it to fire a hole into Team Ultimate's ship]
Bridgette: We're under attack!
Buster: Not on my watch, fire back and make it count!
[Tramp loads one of the meatballs into the cannon as Bridgette rubs two flintstones together and ignites a flame, lighting the cannon and causing it to fire a hole into Team Mink's ship]
Chris: [watching the scene with a pair of binoculars] Hehe, man, how I love my job.
Colleen: C'mon, another shot should take 'em out! Aim for the mast!
Loopy: Hold on, I am 'ze cap-
Colleen: No one asked!
[Eva loads one of the meatballs into the cannon as Minerva rubs two flintstones together and ignites a flame, lighting the cannon and causing it to fire a direct hit into Team Ultimate's mast, knocking it down into the water]
Ella: We've lost the main sail!
Tramp: They're now in an open shot to pass us!
Minerva: [as her team's ship passes Team Ultimate's] Sayonara! Guess you guys aren't as ultimate as your name suggests it!
Buster: [with a dark scowl on his face] So that's how you wanna play it, huh? [loads one of the meatballs into the cannon] Well, two can play at that game!
[Buster aims the cannon precisely to where his target requires. He rubs the flintstones together and the cannon fires, sending the black hard meatball into the rear of Team Mink's ship as they're about to grab hold of the flag. The impact creates a devastating hole in the ship's stern as it sinks to the bottom, leaving the members of Team Mink all wet and cold]
Chris: [as he arrives on a seadoo] Well, I've heard the old saying that the captain is supposed to go down with his ship, and I guess that you all did the same thing. Team Ultimate wins the challenge! Team Mink, I'll be seeing you at elimination tonight. [chuckles]
[scene cuts to the interior of the plane as Loopy and Minerva are seen talking in the cargo hold]
Minerva: So, I hear that you wanted to talk to me about something, if I'm correct in assuming.
Loopy: Well...yes...now, you're a very beautiful lady-
Minerva: Oh, why thank you for noticing.
Loopy: Yes...as I was saying, surely you've noticed something...after all, Colleen knows how to get everyone wrapped around her finger what with how she flashes about her beauty, it might even cause some people to think that she is more beautiful than you…
Minerva: [her face drops into what appears to be a look of thoughtfulness...and maybe apprehension] Well...um...I suppose you have a point there...if you'll just excuse me, I'm...gonna go powder my nose...yeah…[walks away looking slightly awkward]
Loopy: [once the mink is out of sight, he breathes a sigh of relief] I hope 'zis works…
[static buzzing]
Minerva: I really hate to admit it, but Loopy does have a valid point. If I let Colleen get too far ahead in the game, no doubt that she's gonna eventually try to find a way to get rid of me so that she'll be the only pretty gal on the show. Well, it's safe to say that I'm not about to let that happen.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to black, at the Elimination Ceremony]
Chris: Ah, the elimination room. This is where one of you will be tossed into the darkness to plummet out of my life and possibly to the end of your own. Now, onto the votes!
[static buzzing]
Eva: [stamps Colleen's passport with a deep scowl]
[static buzzing]
Colleen: [stamps Eva's passport]
[static buzzing]
Loopy: [stamps one of the passports]
[static buzzing]
Minerva: [looks between Colleen and Eva's passports]
[static buzzing]
Chris: I have the results right here and the following players are safe: Loopy [catches the bag]...and Minerva [catches the bag]. And the final bag goes to…
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Eva!
Eva: [catches the bag]
Colleen: WHAT?! How did I get the bloody boot over her?!
Minerva: [looks away innocently]
Colleen: [catches the parachute and turns back to her former teammates] I don't know what you made you think that I deserved to-[gets pulled back by Chef and is thrown out of the plane]-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris: Aaah, the sweet sound of terror from falling at 30,000 feet. What other kinds of terrors will our competitors face in the next location we end up? Find out next time on Total...Drama...Encore!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]