Anyone out there? Please, let me know if you like it!
You'll never know if you don't try. It became Rey's mantra, running through her head all morning after she left Chewie. She decided against running the training course due to her lack of sleep, but she did head out and update a few things on it that would make it a bit easier for her small band of young students to manage. She stopped for breakfast and enjoyed the quiet that permeated the base; other than the skeleton crew still on duty, most of the members had the morning off to recover from the party the night before. She went back to her quarters to grab one of the Sacred texts to spend some time reading; the books held little help for her in training her students, but they did hold insight on past Jedi temples and training areas, and intriguing stories of the Jedi of old. When mid-day came, she left to get something to eat at the mess hall, and found herself searching for Poe among the people that were finally starting to get back to business.
He was probably still in his quarters on the top floor of the command center, she thought. She didn't know when Poe had left the gathering last night. He could have been there until the wee hours of the morning. Possibly even invited one of those cute girls that watched him all the time up to his place for a drink. Or more. She shook her head, rolling her eyes at her own jealously. Poe wasn't like that! He wasn't into one-night stands. At least, she didn't think so. What did she really know about him, anyway, other than that he was an awesome pilot and an empathetic leader?
Around mid-afternoon, Hudstall, their Kiffar mechanic, walked by her and noticed she looked a little lost. "No classes today?" he asked her.
She shook her head. "They have the next couple of days off, " she told him.
"Well, we're working on trying to replace the hyperdrive motivator on that old VCX-100 of Todd's if you want to help."
Rey liked that idea. She hadn't had anything mechanical to tinker with for a while. Now that the Falcon wasn't seeing any action, the ship had been behaving herself, and Rey's X-wing (which had formerly belonged to Luke Skywalker) had been messed with enough lately. She followed Hudstall toward the new hanger on the outskirts of the base.
She was just finishing replacing the caps on the motivator's intake valve when she heard his voice.
"Hey, I found this sitting on top of Natche's speeder this morning," Poe said. Rey straightened up and turned toward him. He was handing Hudstall what looked like a gasket from an engine. Poe glanced at her, but did not acknowledge her.
"Hey, I've been looking for that!" Hudstall happily took the gasket.
Poe seemed discomfited as he released the part, still not looking at Rey.
"Hey!" Rey said brightly. Maybe a little too brightly.
Poe just nodded in her general direction, but still would not look at her. He turned and started walking away.
Rey stood in shock for a moment, but that shock quickly turned to anger. "Now wait just a moment!" she told him, setting the tools she had been using down and following him. "Don't you dare ignore me after what happened last night!"
Immediately, Rey realized the error of her words, as every head from every being working in that hanger suddenly turned her way. She felt her face heat, but kept her eyes on the man in front of her. Poe had stopped in his tracks at her words, his back stiff. She saw him take a deep breath, and his shoulders sank along with his head. He turned and walked toward her, head still down, shaking it slowly, and she thought she saw a bit of color on his cheeks.
Still without looking at her face, he gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her along with him toward the entrance of the hanger. Every eye in the place followed them. Softly, through his apparently clenched teeth, he muttered, "I can't believe you just said that."
She stayed quiet while he led her outside and toward a rolling scaffolding parked next to the hanger. When he stopped and let her go, she moved in front of him and faced him. "I'm sorry," she said truthfully. "I wasn't thinking how that would sound or how many people would hear it."
Again, Poe sighed heavily, his expression dark. Still, he wouldn't look at her.
"Look," she started, desperate to get his full attention. "I know I'm not experienced and I'm probably not that good at it, especially with what you're used to, but I didn't think it was so horrible that you have to ignore me. If it was that bad, let's just forget it happened and move on, okay?"
Poe's eyes had not only lifted to look at her but had widened in stunned disbelief as she spoke. "What did you just say?" he demanded.
"Which part?" Rey said with a bit of a grin.
Poe's eyes narrowed. "Are you kidding with me?"
"It got you to look at me, didn't it?" she said. "But no, I'm not kidding. If you are really that upset about what happened last night, let's just forget it." Her heart ached to say the words. "I don't want to lose your friendship over it."
Poe crossed his arms over his chest and stepped back a bit. "First of all, I don't care how 'experienced' you are, what happened last night was not only good, it was amazing. So amazing, I don't think I can forget about it. Second, I don't want to lose your friendship either, which is why I don't know where to go from here."
Amazing? He thought it had been amazing? Rey couldn't help but do a little happy dance inside her head at those words. However, the rest of his explanation had her a bit confused. She reached up to her left and grabbed a bar on the scaffolding next to her. "Well, we could keep going forward and see what happens," she said tentatively.
"No!" Poe said without hesitation. "That's not going to happen."
Chagrin flooded her. "Why not?" she demanded, her grip tightening on the bar. "You said it was amazing. Doesn't that mean it's worth seeing if we can build a relationship? Something real?"
Poe shook his head, again not looking at her.
Gritting her teeth, Rey raised her voice and asked again, "Why not?"
"I'm too old for you, first of all," Poe told her in a rush.
Rey grimaced. She knew exactly how much older Poe was than her, but that wasn't anything she was worried about. "Poe, my life experience more than makes up for thirteen years age difference," she told him with confidence. "Try again."
He frowned at her, but conceded. "Yeah, you're probably right." He tried again. "We're too different. We fight all the time."
Rey grinned. "You might want to talk to Chewie about his opinion on that matter," she told him. "He says that we remind him of Han and Leia."
"Well, that's not exactly reassuring," he argued. "They spent the last eight years of their marriage apart, didn't they?"
"Extenuating circumstances," Rey argued back. "They never stopped loving each other during that entire time." This time, Rey folded her arms across her chest. "Try again."
Poe looked at her, and she was pleased to see a familiar glint in his eye. He was enjoying this as much as she was. "Finn won't approve," he said in a firm voice.
"Why do you think that?" Rey asked him. "He loves us both and I think he would be happy to see us happy."
"And what if we don't make each other happy?" he countered. "What if we just make each other crazy…"
"We already do," Rey interrupted.
"… and things don't work out and then Finn ends up in the middle?"
The fact that his mind had gone exactly where hers had made her heart swell. Maybe it was meant to be. So, she used the phrase she had been repeating to herself all day. "We'll never know if we don't try."
She saw a small smile appear on Poe's lips, but it was short lived. The teasing glint in his eyes suddenly died and his expression turned serious once again. "What about Ben?"
Rey felt herself pull back. The question was unexpected but not unwarranted. She unfolded her arms and reached up to grab the scaffolding again, as if she needed it for support. "Ben will always be a part of me, " she told him seriously. "He's a part of the Force, now, and I can't deny that I hope to someday connect with him again through the Force." She leaned toward him. "However, he is gone. He is not a part of my life. I can't stop living just because he's not; he would have died for nothing, if I did that." She let go of the scaffolding and stepped close to Poe, bringing her hands up to touch his chest. "I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to love. Until last night, I didn't think I could have that last part, but you have made me feel I could have all of that and more. Will you give us a chance?"
Poe stared at her, his dark eyes full of emotion now. "I want to, Rey," he said softly. "But I'm scared." He continued at her look of bewilderment. "You make me feel things so powerfully, I'm not sure how to explain it. All I know is that kind of power is frightening, and I really don't know how I'll be able to recover if I get too deep only to have it all fall apart." He shook his head. "I'm not making any sense," he growled.
"I get it," Rey told him. "I do." She toyed with the front of his jacket. "I feel that way, too. I think everyone is afraid to love that much and then lose it." She looked him in the eye. "I'm scared, too. So scared that I didn't sleep at all last night thinking about this. About you. But, if it works, it will be so worth it."
They were both silent for a while, then Poe nodded decisively. "Okay, do you know the meadow next to the creek on the south side, just off base?" He noticed the look of bemusement on her face. "Of course, you do. Everyone does," he continued. "Meet me there tonight just before sunset. I'll bring some food and we'll… have dinner."
Rey's eyes brightened. "You mean a date?" she asked. "You're asking me on a picnic date?"
He shrugged. "Well, we gotta start somewhere," he told her.
She grinned. "I'll be there," she told him. She made a motion to step back, but before she could do so, Poe, who hadn't touched her once since he had led her out of the hanger, grabbed her hips with both hands.
"Don't be late," he said seriously. "I might chicken out if you don't show up on time."
She laughed, and as she did so she leaned into him. He mirrored her and met her mouth with his. It was a gentler kiss than the night before, but no less extraordinary. Rey was the first to step back this time, recognizing they were in an open area in daylight. Of course, after what she had said in the hanger, she was sure the rumors were already spreading through the entire base. She could hear it now: 'Did you know Rey is sleeping with the General?' She smiled at him. "Before sunset?"
He nodded. "Before sunset." With a look of happy anticipation on his face, Poe turned and headed back toward the Command Center.
With a grin of her own, Rey headed back into the hanger, not caring what the beings inside might think of her smile.