Spillage of a premium cognac. His body in a cubicle. No pulse nor response. A blood alcohol five times the city's legal limit.
For all the talks, music and laughter to ensure a magical evening for Planet Express, gleaning the letter inside had allowed no such vibes to remain. That's if they had those vibes to begin with; Farnsworth had only pouted and folded up for his lack of success.
"To hell with that gala and her hoity-toity audience! I knew I should've brought a doomsday device to convince them."
"Sweet veggies of Sir Reggie, Professie, what'd yuh think would happen, coming to that affair in your lab coat & slippers? Yuh only have yuhself to blame."
Even Leela, in high spirits before, was left to certain doubts.
"You know something? 'The Admiral' should've kicked Zapp and Jackie out for their nonsense, yet he never moved an inch. I wonder if he was really pulling security duties that night."
"You'd think so, huh?" Amy deferred. "Archbury wouldn't have accepted his guests being harassed; certainly not for the way he worked the room. You don't s'pose…"
Amy's concern had kicked off a Monday of grim discussion and outlook. Even for the growing problems to have him live alone, to wind up leaving him into their world, that reading should've had him under pumps, or killed him outright.
Yet for asking around the various hospitals and graveyards, they were told that no such patient nor corpse had arrived.
If only they realised that every single word penned within had been, without question, a total lie…
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Didn't think he'd wake from an autopsy before, least going by the migraine-like hum in his head.
But as Mayfield's crusted eyes blurred awake, and dry lips smacked, he began to tell that he wasn't home, nor the MHOP, nor HQ, nor anywhere he could recognise. That and the humid air had him sweat, before he looked down and found himself naked, not a single idea on how he got there.
And especially no idea for how he was left bound to a chair by thick steel cables, his hands and legs cuffed tight through leather straps.
"It's all a mad dream, just close your eyes, count to three, and you'll be safe… One, two…"
Soon locked eyes upon a slew of beasts; all prowling, licking their chops and staring him down. Knowing it was no longer a dream, he began to devolve into gibbers and yells.
"The hell's going on?!"
"Wakey wakey, meet the snakey!"
Soon a set of hisses as the snake swayed forward; as it got to within three feet of Mayfield's face. A King Cobra, the same one to deliver the mail judging by the recognition. This time, it trailed off as it met eye-to-eye; tongue flickering, neck extended, fangs beginning to bare…
Couldn't yell nor scream before it sprang into the attack; only second spurts between its forward lunges and rear backs, biting the chair in between. Couldn't kick it away nor dodge, so Mayfield just shut his eyes and hoped it'd be a quick death.
Yet far from making off with a piece of his throat, the snake gave nary a hiss as it slid away.
Hands cut into leather, steel into body, as he again tried to rip himself free. No such breathers allowed, until he heard that voice again.
"Risey risey, here's the spidey!"
Hearing the flickers of wings, his skin colour began to drain as the Peruvian Spider-Fly hovered into view. One to make a mockery of his weak breaths and choked words, landing on his face and enjoying carte blanche.
"Nope, no way in hell, no more brave faces!"
Violent shakes of his head, a scream for help sounded but only met by the spider's raised fangs, an insidious laughter.
"Tear your throat out all you like, boy, but none you love shall hear you."
No mistaking that voice, nor of the true monster behind it, as the Spider-Fly floated away. Tan safari suit, wide-brimmed hat, tan leather belt—emblazoned with 'ZK'—and a nuclear-powered butterfly net in tow.
As 'The Admiral' shadowed his every step, the man gave a hearty laugh for how his 'new friend' had addressed him, a hand tried and truly failed at confidence.
"So you're that Zookeeper b-b-b-b-bastard who put me here?"
"Language, and indeed so! To think you're the latest in Farnsworth's growing line of delivery boys, that he'd hire you of all people…"
Zookeeper leaned towards his prisoner's face; between that breath and Leela's feet, Mayfield might've superglued his nose into her boot.
"To think it'd be you to rise that rotting corpse from the dead. Left me most impressed, even for you proving so careless."
Insides curdling and rising up his oesophagus, Mayfield choked it down and met his eyes.
"Doubt it Reggie, I…"
A slap across the face: "It's Reginald, you impudent little lout! Now let's try again."
"Owww, alright Reginald! But hold a moment, what did you mean by proving so careless?"
A waddle around that chair: "For all his genius, Farnsworth was too cheap to set up private servers. Was only a matter of logging in myself, and keeping an eye out as your feet sullied my golden world. I figured you weren't there by chance, that you were snooping for more than just tickets."
"That's why you tied me here?" Mayfield kept trying to escape. "I only wanted to check out your guard, his roar out my TV drove the curiosity."
"Oh dear Gods boy! If that was all, you'd have been fine. No, you're here because I've finally found it all connect together. Never cared a jot at first, but that was before I talked to some friends, before I browsed the news, before I tracked the stocks…"
"Meaning what?"
"You've proven quite the miracle worker during your time there, haven't you?"
"The hell I have, pal. Sure wasn't a solo effort, not by any stretch."
"I know the ones you work for; if our personal history's a benchmark, you give yourself too little credit. In fact, I'm feeling generous enough to educate you, since you gave me quite the nostalgic ride for coming over."
"Oh no, no no no no no… Not the origin monologue!"
"Arnold Drake Statute on Superheroic Battles, so I'm afraid so… Be against the law if I didn't."
"As a supervillain, since when would you give a rancid rodent's arse about the law?"
"The reason I succeed is because I know which laws to break… That statute's not one of them."
"DAMN YOU, HERMES!"
Couldn't count upon a clock, but as Zookeeper got ready to drone on, Mayfield began to learn about the man behind that mound of flesh. Had heard about him growing up poor, but never knew how such poverty truly began…
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As a young child, his parents just left him for some planetary expedition; took his cries for some worker to dump his starved, filthy self at Cookieville. Would remain on a fight's losing side, life or otherwise, for years.
That was before the animal spirits began to awaken, before he made his first dollar…
Stalking a military veteran, small change in a hat. Moment he heard him about to 'write their name', he snatched that prey & ran. Had helped him eat meals beyond soup broth for a week, and by pretending to be lost, he learned how to conserve himself.
From there, he grew into the hustler's code. Adoption was now for suckers, sitters rather than chasers.
Soon grew his reputation and girth from the years of stalking and hunting old folks, young children and the disabled. Though at first he had suffered mockery for his growth, he left them in sat-upon fear, suffocating while he'd monologue his secrets. Years of 'real world' training, and a growing bag of dirty tricks.
Warden Vogel would be forced to kick him out, where following the decade's perfect record of crimes, came the decade of zoo-keeping and market studies to lay low. Wound up becoming one of the wealthiest citizens of New New York, a success beyond anybody's wildest dreams.
That was before he heard of the Quantum Gemerald, stopping by the Natural Museum of History. Suddenly, all he wanted was that comeback tour, and couldn't imagine an easier job to pull given the animals on display.
Enter the New Justice Team, and his perfect record stained by having to escape without the loot.
For the first time in decades, he'd been beaten; mused that if they could do so once, they'd do it again. Done over and over, they'd leave him back to the nothing he had always despised.
Once the sewer mutants got wind and spread their exploits, he finally had the information he needed. Called those heroes to make an offer; the lives of 100 citizens, or the Quantum Gemerald. How they did so he didn't care, but true to his word he released them upon the trade.
That had been that, or so everyone believed. But the stain never left, the doubts always lingered…
Just knew that Leela would come back bearing a grudge, so had to stop her from getting confused, make her crawl back into the Orphanarium she came from… Hence the Spider-Fly lure, the split-up of the crew, and a reassurance that none would ever come for him again.
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Mayfield's head had dropped as the story kept going; whether from shaken disbelief or nodding off, Archbury soon mouthed an order, got a growl in reply, and grinned as he saw his prisoner's hand be pressed upon.
In those eyes, Mayfield felt his soul burn away. In his ears, the sound of sugar glass crisping round the chamber. In his hand, a dawn of horror as muscles and bone became powder. All he could do was scream, roar and howl in fresh tears, his nerves and fibres red-hot in response.
"A thousand career chips in trade-off, if I could…"
And far from the foppish mocking in his voice, The Zookeeper gave a calm, pensive and dangerous tone from his lips.
"Do I have your attention now?"
"The fuck did you do to me?!"
Another squeeze, another scream: "Language! And I'm sorry, I don't accept sleeping through my stories. So I'll ask again, do I have your attention?"
Chest racking as he cried, Mayfield couldn't even nod or shake before Zookeeper slapped his face.
"Stop crying, boy, stop your nonsense! I've got a few questions, important ones. Refuse or answer wrong, and I'll have my guard discipline you. And I can guarantee, he's got more reasons than the gold ring I stole, to enjoy doing so. Do we understand each other?"
More than the apartments or accusing parlour, Mayfield saw this situation grow incredibly grim. Obvious that they lacked mercy, and so he let the interrogation begin upon a final nod.
"So, background first. Had been a year or so since I cleaved your company and your heroes apart. Lo and behold, you come along, and not only are Planet Express back, but now I face the real risk of The New Justice Team's return. A risk of losing everything I've spent decades building…"
The Zookeeper waddled around that chair again, while 'The Admiral' crossed their arms, hands full of Mayfield's blood.
"So answer me this, how did you help them do it?"
"A healthy, balanced diet and regular exercise, just like anyone else!"
"There goes your one chance. Remember who's bound and who's not. It's your peril, if you treat me like an idiot now… Especially when I have quite the proof."
Soon as Zookeeper slipped his hand into a pocket and pulled out Mayfield's miracle cream, the kid could only shut his eyes and shake his head. Great pain aside, he had no promises nor guarantees that Zookeeper would spare them if he chose to save himself. After all, he had reneged on such gentleman agreements before.
"Very well, what do you want to know?"
"Why, where you hid these, of course. And do be quick about it, I have prior engagements."
"You sure you haven't found any in that chasm-wide crack of yours?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, wrong answer."
In frightful speed and force, 'The Admiral' roared as he slammed a fist down over Mayfield's right hand. More bones and muscle obliterated, more screams and weeps, more tears to pitter-patter down his skin or over the floor.
"Are you that stupid as to mock me from where you're sitting? Now let me axe you again, where have you hidden these creams?"
Face warping often from what had been done, it took a concentrated effort to speak…
"Reginald, why are you after those? The city had already made crooks of the New Justice Team, before you made it all personal. Don't you get it, once you got that Gemerald, it was already over, you won!"
An amused chuckle: "Did you not get my story? I've bled the creed since Cookieville; better to have too much than not enough. If you're going to win, go for decisive over decision. Indeed, if you have to…"
He voiced to 'The Admiral', who stomped on Mayfield's left foot: "CRUSH the competition!"
More laughter amidst further screams, as he wiped a tear or two of his own.
"Oh I kill myself with my jokes. You'll be next if you keep hiding and dodging."
"You never needed to do this anymore; what else is there, damn you? Before you stole her dearest friends, you think the heroes would've refused a bribe? Five or ten mill apiece? No dint in your account, and they'd be set for life!"
A malevolent glint in those greedy eyes, to go with an order of destroying Mayfield's right foot. True to Zookeeper's prediction, Mayfield couldn't scream for having torn his throat, as his hands and feet kept wasting away.
"Oh sure I could've bribed them, but when you want their world, galaxy & universe, such temporary measures become worthless."
Zookeeper leaned in once more, that plague-like breath now making the kid swoon.
"Now I've had it with your stalling for time. You have 32 teeth, you're trying for none. Whether I have you torn from sinew to sinew, or have you fed rotten leftovers, or slice off your fingers with blunt razor blades, I will get my answers… Get the picture?"
Nose-to-nose with a lifetime champion of crimes and torture, Mayfield could only falter and surrender against those intents, knowing he meant them. Upon such a declaration, The Zookeeper had backed himself and his guard off.
"Couple months ago, I had my first delivery, a situation to steal my breath and almost my life. Lower back and lungs were shattered or burst, and I laid in that cabin a pissed-off, ready to perish delivery boy."
"I'm guessing it's my turn for a monologue of sorts, isn't it?"
"It's so we understand each other. I'll try to cut the crap out."
Every last detail he could remember had come out; the discovery, the initial rush, the attempts at hiding, the continued success… Right before Zookeeper rolled his eyes.
"I grow tired of this blathering… Admiral, break a…"
"Rein your mustangs in, I'm getting there! So you know what I talk about, what raised me from the grave and evolved me beyond humanity, at least for a while. One miracle had to beget another, and…"
"Let me guess, the addiction to power and money had kicked in?"
"It was about the money, at first. Soon I realised that, for the Captain who saved my life, I wanted to pay back that debt. Having a supply full, that I could always rely upon, seemed like the way to achieve such a goal."
"So you took her offer even for how hopeless their situation looked? Is that what I'm hearing?"
"Look arsehole, what choice did I have? I found myself in this city, literally centuries out of time, all covered in alcoholic vomit. Every time I sought help, I met only threats, aggression and violence. While true that I had my arse kicked, that lady to do so would be the one who took me in. In fact, gave me the courage to seek living on the premises."
From the corner of his eye, he saw 'The Admiral' tilt his head, perhaps in a curiosity of sorts.
"Can't have been glamorous, I doubt the building was anything liveable."
"Between Cookieville and HQ, where would you go? I had clean food & water, a clean couch, lovely hot showers and a place to store my things. That second chance was my first miracle, and you'll find at least one of them lying about there."
"Indeed, that will be quite useful… Please, continue."
"Two weeks into the job, I was accused of stealing my boss's 'policies', and far from letting me declare innocence, she beat me with anything not nailed down. Vowed never to work there again, even left the city for good. Found myself an apartment where I could watch them burn at the time… You're bound to find my stash there."
Upon his confession, a small alarm had him shut his eyes and cower. Only cracking a laugh, Zookeeper just gave light slaps on the cheek, and changed his tone again.
"No need to fear, dear boy, that's my favourite TV show in about five minutes. Let's take a break from this cooperation; I'm sure we both could use it. Admiral, take him to your quarters, and Mayfield, the minute you lie again, your body will never be found. Got it?"
Grunting as he ripped the steel cables apart, 'Admiral' carried his new guest over his shoulders, right out the chamber.
Right, take a left, straight down… For each sandbagged impact, Mayfield could only leave a trail of tears behind, and chances were it wouldn't be long before it was all over.
"Lost my career, my dreams, my body and my miracles… Does it matter anymore?"
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Some gracious host 'Admiral' proved to be; the kid could only scream "Ow!" as he got tossed onto the spare bed, as that right-hand man laid in his own and refused to speak.
Seconds were minutes, and minutes hours, as Mayfield's eyes remained awake from pain. Had thought of holding a makeshift prayer just to score points, at least before he heard those small sniffles. Sudden gulping noises, and soon full-blown tears.
At least besides his own, from those minced hands and feet…
Could've been tempted to scream "Shut up!" if not for the WHOMP to hit him. A feeling of 'Wait, Hold One Moment Please', as it were.
Using his buttocks and back to sit up, he felt his eyes deceive him.
Where his torturer once laid, a ginger-haired man about his own age, curled up in a foetal position. Nowhere in sight, that black-and-gold monster to possess him. In fact, in its place was the blue-and-white getup of Captain Yesterday himself.
"I'll be dead set buggered… Of all the people he could've stolen."
'The Admiral' so comprehensively feared by all was indeed Fry, and as further proof, Mayfield had glimpsed pictures of his colleagues in the guy's hands. The tears would stain and blur their faces, already well-warped from all that water.
But before he could open his mouth, the newest Captain had opened his, and he looked ready to open up a whole new interrogation of his own…