It was early Tuesday afternoon when Frankie's flight landed in Melbourne airport, she made her way to the carpark and deposited her bags in the boot before jumping into the drivers seat and sending a quick message to Bridget to let her know that she had arrived home safely, after waiting for a few minutes and not receiving a reply, she concluded that the psychologist must be busy at work and headed for home for a quick shower and to do some more work.
Sitting at her desk, she loaded up her laptop and began working her way through her 'to do' list, easily marking things off as she lost herself in her work. Things with Bea's case were progressing well and she was pleased with all of the results she had so far, but knew there was still a long way to go before she was in any position to file her case and await a court hearing.
She was currently working through the section of her case relating to Jacs Holt, trying desperately to find a way to minimise what Bea had done. She had received the incident reports from Vera just that morning and after reading through them, she knew that getting Bea's murder charge reduced was going to be a momentous task, the reports were pretty damning, detailing how Bea had approached several members of staff reporting that Jacs Holt was threatening her daughters life, then Debbie had passed away and Bea had told practically anyone that would listen that Jacs was responsible for it. On paper, there was no doubt that Bea had gone to find Jacs with intent for pay back.
Frankie leaned back from her computer with a sigh of frustration and decided it was time to make another coffee, returning back to her desk twenty minutes later with clearer eyes and a fresher mind. She grabbed a piece of paper and began formulating a time line of everything she knew. Once that was complete, she changed pens, from blue to red, and began writing notes of things that she felt she needed to discover about the case, questions that she needed answers to and ideas of where to find the answers.
With a frustrated sigh she sat back in her chair again and began to read over her notes, looking for some inspiration on where to start. She glanced at the clock, now seeing that it was 1.30, it would take her about twenty minutes to drive to the prison, she decided that she wanted to head there and go through some interviews with some inmates, see if she could get some further facts, and if she interviewed them correctly, she should be able to use the evidence to formulate a character assassination on the former top dog. Frankie had been unlucky enough to have plenty of her own run in's with the twisted old bitch, but being the legal representative, she knew that she would not be able to submit her own testimony, and so she would need to rely on the other women to do it for her.
She grabbed another sheet of paper and began writing down names of the women she wanted to interview, and their link to Jacs Holt. She scribbled down the names of her friends first, knowing that they would best be able to paint a picture of the woman who had ruled with a iron clad fist, her friends would have no issues detailing as much dirt as possible. She then wrote down the names of the women who had been in Jacs crew, she knew that they would be able to shed more light on the behind the scenes of Jacs, but they were more likely to be unresponsive and would not want to talk to the former inmate that had been responsible for removing their crew from the top of the prison hierarchy. All she could do was try. She shut down her laptop and stored it in the safe, grabbing her Dictaphone and notepad, she decided that there was no time like the present.
She pulled up in the prison carpark with a sigh, she actually hated being near the place, it always brought back so many reminders of the person that she used to be, but with a shake of her head, she grabbed her belongings and made way for the visitors entrance, informing the unknown guard on duty that she was here to interview several women in relation to a case she was working on and has permission from the governor herself to be there. The guard found her name on the list of professionals, and realising that she was an ex inmate, decided to check with the governor about the unscheduled visit.
"Miss Doyle, the governor has requested that I get someone to escort you to her office before you begin visiting any inmates" The young man announced, nodding to Officer Miles who had just joined them.
"Frankie, good to see you again, you're here more now than you were when you were locked up" Officer Miles grinned and Frankie couldn't help but laugh as she began to follow the woman into the corridors she knew so well. The chatted easily as they walked, Smiles filling her in on all the latest gossip from her old stomping ground.
"Frankie Doyle to see you Governor" Officer Miles announced after knocking on the wooden door and being granted entry. She thanked the officer before walking confidently into the room and relaxing into the chair in front of Vera's desk, she smirked when she saw the governors attire, recognising one of Bridget's work tops.
"Looking good Vera, you don't look anywhere near as wrecked as I expected" Frankie winked.
"Yes, well luckily my hang overs don't last very long, I cant say the same for Bridget though, when I saw her half an hour ago she still looked like she was about to drop dead any moment" Vera grinned cheekily. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company today? How did you go on your little holiday?" Vera asked seriously.
"Holiday was good, I got everything I needed to do done, I'm now just waiting for a decision" Frankie answered cryptically. "I just wanted to interview a few of the women with regards to Jacs Holt. I wanted to speak to you too about setting up some interviews with the officers and yourself too. I want to paint a picture for the jury of the kind of person Jacs was, the fear that she induced with her manipulation and bullying" Frankie offered.
"Very well, do you know which of the women you want to talk to? I can set you up in one of the interview rooms and have one of the officers bring them through to you" Vera smiled warmly as Frankie pulled a piece of paper out with a list of several names, at the bottom of it was a list of the officers she would want to speak with also.
"I see your prepared, I will get onto this and get Liz to come first and get the officer to work his way down the list, I will need to post a guard outside of the room at all times, its for your protection, especially with some of the names further down the list, I'm sure some of these women have some old scores they would like to settle, and frankly, Bridge would kill me if I let anything happen to you" Vera smiled.
"That's fine, no problems here... I will just press the panic button if there is any major problems" Frankie offered thankful for all the help Vera was providing her. "You know, your really making this case easier for me, I cant tell you how difficult it would be to have to do all of this without the help you have given me"
"Don't mention it, we both know how sadistic Ferguson is, and I know Bea needs all the help she can get to stand a chance of ever being released, your doing a good job... as your ex governor I want to tell you how proud I am of you" Vera offered.
"Thanks, it really means a lot... I should go and get started with these interviews if I stand any chance of getting through them all today" Frankie said, Vera nodded and called for Officer Miles to return, informing her to wait outside of the interview room and bring down the list of inmates that Frankie had listed, she tore off the list of officers from the bottom and promised to speak to each of them and see if she could get them to agree to being interviewed. With a final wave, Frankie made her way to the interview room and began setting up as Officer Miles went to fetch Liz. Before Liz entered, Frankie heard the two women walking towards the room, chatting easily. She set the Dictaphone off before Liz entered the room and spoke into it, announcing the date, time and the content on the tape.
"Tuesday, 16th September, 2.11pm. Frankie Doyle interviewing inmates at Wentworth Correctional Facility with regards to Jacs Holt" She set the Dictaphone in the middle of the table and smiled when Liz entered the room, Officer Miles nodded, informing Frankie that she would be stood just outside if needed, then closed the door behind her.
"Frankie love, how are you doing, you look well" Liz beamed as she took a seat opposite Frankie and looked questioningly at the Dictaphone then back up to Frankie.
"Liz, I'm very well thankyou. I'm here today in a professional capacity to interview you regarding the deceased inmate Jacqueline Holt, if you consent to me continuing with this interview and to recording it using the Dictaphone, please state your full name for reference" Frankie smiled warmly.
"Sure love, its Elizabeth June Birdsworth, how can I help" Liz grinned back, pleased to see Frankie looking so healthy and acting very professional.
"Liz, can you tell me what you know about Jacs Holt" Frankie started.
"Jacs Holt... well she was a right piece of work, she was top dog for several years, ruling the prison with fear and threats. She hurt several of the women, had no issues with drugs being brought in and passed around. She was responsible for the murder of Bea Smith's daughter too, she did it so that she could mess with Bea's head. She threatened her for a long time about it, Bea was terrified that she wasn't on the outside to protect young Debbie... Jacs got her son Braydon Holt to hot shot Debbie, and Debbie passed away from an overdose, at first Jacs denied that she had anything to do with it, but she admitted it to Bea eventually. She was a cruel, sick and twisted woman" Liz sighed, her heart heavy thinking about poor Debbie.
"And can you tell me of any occasions where you personally experienced this rule of fear that you mentioned in your previous answer" Frankie asked, her slight nod and smile reassuring Liz that she was doing well.
"Oh yes, I can tell you lots of times that I had run in's with her. First there was the time that she pushed the hand of one of the women under a steam press, she got two of her henchmen to hold the woman down and force her hand out as she pulled the steam press down and burnt the woman's hand, the woman had to go to the infirmary and had 1st degree burns for several months" Liz watched as Frankie unconsciously ran her hand over where she had been burnt, the scarring was very minimal now, but if you looked closely enough, the evidence was still there, and would be there for the rest of her life.
"And why do you think that she did this?" Frankie asked, trying not to let the emotion be obvious in her voice.
"Because she felt threatened, she didn't want anyone getting in the way of the power that she held over the women. She wanted to make a point that anyone who seemed to go against her, she would punish severely. That's why she picked on Bea, she could see that Bea was a threat to her reign and wanted to wipe her out before Bea realised it for herself" Liz frowned, she hadn't thought about any of this for a long time.
"And what did she do exactly to fend Bea Smith off?" Frankie asked, already knowing the answer.
"She organised to have Bea beat up by her crew, it was a pretty bad beating too. She had Bea's daughter killed after she told her son to get into the young girls mind and make her think he loved her. She isolated Bea and threatened her safety and her daughters safety regularly, made Bea's life hell, made her live in fear, not just for herself but for her daughter too" Liz answered, following Frankie's prompts.
"Very well, and how did Bea respond to these threats?"
"At first she asked for help from some of the other women, when she couldn't get any help she went to the Governors office and asked for the Governor to help, when the Governor couldn't, she began thinking that it was all in her head, and that's when Debbie was murdered. She took it really hard, no mother should have to bury their daughter, she wasn't even allowed to go and say goodbye to Debbie, she wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral and actually bury her, it was cruel. Jacs had orchestrated the whole thing to be some sadistic mind game, not only had she taken away the most important thing to Bea, but she watched on with satisfaction that Bea was unable to go and say goodbye, she even offered Bea her condolences at the wake we held for Debbie, messing with her mind still as she was grieving, playing a game that Bea had no chance of winning at the time her entire world had collapsed" Liz offered honestly.
"And how did this Bea handle it?"
"She really didn't, the poor woman was devastated, as you can imagine, the docs tried to put her on sedatives, but that didn't help, eventually she was taken off the sedatives and began to heal, it was hard for her, you could see it in her eyes just how broken she was, she would never be the same after it, she still isn't the same, Debbie's death killed something inside of her too... I'm not too sure of how it happened or the details of exactly what happened, but Bea was charged with the murder of Jacs Holt after she was found in Jacs cell covered in blood, Jacs had been stabbed in the neck and had died, but as far as I am aware there was never any witnesses or footage that could show what actually happened in that cell, and Bea never talks about it, I think the whole experience just messed her up"
"Thankyou for that description Liz, is there anything else you would like to offer on the subject before I have officer Miles return you to your unit?" Frankie asked, smiling confidently to show Liz that she had done a good job.
"Not really, just that... look no one blames Bea for what she did, I don't know exactly what went down so I cant really comment on what may or may not have happened, but Jacs Holt was a sick woman, she was manipulative and cruel. It was no secret that her husband had just been released from prison and was patrolling around with his hot piece on the side for everyone to see. After that happened, and some of the women started commenting about it in front of her, Jacs seemed to lose the plot a little, there are rumours going around that her husband, Vinnie, that he wanted a divorce from her and the day that she died, he had just told her that he was dumping her for a younger model. Jacs always kept a mask on her face, she was very good at hiding and acting, but you could see it in her eyes that she was starting to come undone. For the first time in her sentence, she wasn't in control of every woman and she was starting to lose her power, she had not long before gotten into a fight with another inmate who caused some serious injuries to her, and not being a young woman, you could see she was struggling to get over the injuries... what I'm saying is, I really wouldn't be surprised if she had planned for Bea to be in her cell and stabbed herself in the neck just to frame Bea and make sure that she was blamed for it" Liz said, her voice lowering almost conspiritually.
"And why would she kill herself? She still had her son to live for, she didn't have that many years left on her sentence, she would be able to get out and start again eventually, that is if her husband had asked for a divorce" Frankie asked, trying to stay as objective as possible.
"See that's it... Jacs was never the mastermind of the operation... her husband was, so if he left her, then so would all his contacts. Jacs ruled because everyone knew that she could get them on the inside, and she had plenty of contacts on the outside to do her dirty work for her... if she lost her network of criminals that were running around in the outside world, she was finished. To a woman like Jacs Holt, power is everything, and without power there was no point. She had lost everything in her eyes, her husband, her power, her image, her strength, her contacts... she had nothing left to live for but her son, Jacs Holt was a bloody lunatic, she probably put herself before her son, so no, she didn't have anything left to really live for. And you said about her being released, she still had about three years left of her sentence... if she had remained inside for three years with no power, the women would have chewed her up and spat her out, almost every women in here, and some of the officers, had a cross to bear with her, she had manipulated and bullied every single person, regardless of which side of the bars they were on, and you mark my words, she knew that people would be coming after her for revenge... that's why I think she did it to herself, or at the very least provoked and pushed Bea into doing it, I wasn't there so I cant say which way it was, but I have never had a doubt in my mind that Jacs was responsible for what happened that day and Bea was just the pawn in her game" Liz confided.
"Thankyou for answering all my questions Liz, I think that's everything I have to ask you for now. Do you have anything else to add?" Frankie smiled to cover the pain in her gut, this had seemed like a good idea an hour ago, but now she was here, going through with it, it was all just too close to the bone for her.
"No love, I think that's everything, but if you have any further questions, you just come and find me ok?" Liz smiled as she stood up, she patted Frankie on the shoulder, sensing her unease and made her way to the door for Officer Miles to take her back to the unit.
"Interview with Liz Birdsworth, concluded at 2.36pm Tuesday, 16th September" Frankie grimaced as she scribbled down a few notes and waited for her next woman to be brought to the room, Doreen was next, she left the tape recorder running so that she would have evidence to support that she hadn't coached any of the women into what she wanted them to say, should anyone try to accuse her.
Doreen entered the cell a few minutes later, smiling as she approached the table and sat down opposite Frankie, prepared for the questions coming her way.
The remainder of the interviews went well over the next hour and a half, she had managed to interview Liz, Boomer and Doreen, as well as a few other women who had been somewhat impartial to the clash of the two crews, she was awaiting one of the inmates that had been on Jacs side, when officer Miles entered with Bea Smith, Frankie smiled in confusion.
"Bea Smith, you weren't on my list of people to interview today" Frankie smiled as she nodded at the Dictaphone still recording, letting the older woman know that she needed to watch what she said.
"I caught wind that you were here asking questions about Jacs Holt, and thought I should come and be interviewed, I haven't remembered everything and some things are a little hazy, but a few things have come back and I thought it may be wise for me to come and catch you up on what I know so far" Bea offered as she pulled up the chair opposite Frankie with a smile, showing that she was up to the task.
"Very well, thankyou for taking the time to speak with me, Firstly I have to ask what has been said around the units, you mentioned you have caught wind that I was here asking questions, I need to be certain that you haven't been conspiring with the other inmates and coaching them on what you want them to say" Frankie asked, the concern thick and evident in her voice.
"Not at all Frankie, Liz just told me that you were asking about Jacs Holt and that it was connected to my case, but wouldn't tell me anything about what questions you were asking or why, regardless of how many times I asked her, she's tight lipped on the topic" Bea said honestly.
"Right, well I'm not going to ask you any of the questions which I have asked the other women, What I would like you to do is tell me in your own words and your own time what it is you remember, try to detail as much as you can, and speak only from your own memories, please do not provide me with any conjecture or conspiracy, or repeat any information which you have been provided to aid your recovery, I want to hear just what you actually remember, but before that can you please state your full name for the record to confirm that you consent to this interview and that you are aware that it is being recorded and anything you say may be used against you in a court of law" Frankie sat back and motioned for Bea to start.
"My name is Beatrice Alice Smith and I consent, Well the first thing I really remember about Jacs Holt is when I first arrived in Wentworth, Liz Birdsworth was my peer worker and introduced me to the rules and unspoken rules about the prison. She gave me a rundown of the hierarchy inside the prison, who to be cautious of, who to stay away from, who was ok to be friendly with, and who was the boss... She told me that Jacs Holt was in charge, and if I didn't want to get on the wrong side of her, to do as she asked, and to keep my head down... I didn't fully understand what she meant at the time, but I was terrified of the implication. Jacs was this middle aged woman, probably in her late fifties, and she was immaculately kept, I didn't meet her for the first few days because she was locked up in the slot, something to do with being caught dealing drugs... but when she was released, the whole atmosphere inside the prison changed, suddenly going into the canteen felt like there was no air in there, I just waited every second of being in there for some kind of fight to erupt. That first dinner time after Jacs was released form the slot, was when she noticed me for the first time. She basically blackmailed me to sit at her table with her..." Bea paused to take a deep breath and closed her eyes as she tried to recall the memory.
"How did she blackmail you to sit with her, did she verbally threaten you?" Frankie asked, trying too lead Bea into detailing as much information as she could.
"No nothing like that, she was much smarter than that, it was like a silent warning, like she told me to sit at her table, and pulled out the chair, that was the offer, but her eyes challenged me to deny her order. It was clear that I had no choice, I had to sit there, despite wanting to sit with my friends from my unit, I knew from Liz's warning that to keep my head down and out of trouble I just had to do as I was told, so I made to sit there... before I could sit though, she ordered me to make her a cup of tea, and I did. She was looking at my friends pointedly, challenging them to argue with her over me, but they knew the score, they knew it was too dangerous to argue with her while she was sat amongst her crew, and I don't blame them, it was my fight not theirs..." Bea looked into Frankie's eyes, hoping to convey the message that she held no ill will to the Brunette, when Frankie nodded Bea continued, taking a few deep breaths.
"So I bring her this cup of tea, and without even looking, she tells me that its too cold, so I went to make her another one, this time the cup was too full, so I made another and it was too dark, this went on god knows how many times, her crew found it hilarious as she belittled me, she didn't even look at the cup, it was almost like it was a scripted act that she had used many times before just to belittle me, to control me, to show me that she was in charge and I had to do everything I could. My friends decided enough was enough and made their way over to help me, but it was no use... eventually I had enough and told her to make her own tea and left the canteen"
"What happened next?"
"I'm really not sure, I don't remember anything happening after that incident and I haven't asked, I don't really discuss with the other women my memories returning, my partner, psychologist and legal team are the only ones aware of it" Bea admitted to a shocked Frankie.
"And why is it that you have chosen not to share your ongoing recovery with your friends and fellow inmates" Frankie asked genuinely.
"It just feels like too much pressure, its not that I don't trust them with the information, I know they would be happy for me and supportive, i just... I don't want the added pressure of people asking me constantly what I do and don't remember, I don't want to be put in the position of people trying to alter my memories and force their opinions upon me, so I am currently keeping a journal, as suggested by my psychologist, Bridget Westfall, in which I document times and dates of my memories, what I have remembered, how I feel about it... that kind of thing. And then I discuss these memories with Miss Westfall and she helps me walk through them and piece them all together so they make sense and aren't a jumbled mess, we have been writing a time line, and every session we have, if I have had any further memories, we add them to the time line so that I can follow the progress, it has been a great help" Bea smiled.
"So the only inmate you discuss them with is your partner, Allie Novak?" Frankie prompted her to continue.
"That's right, Allie wasn't in here at the time, so when I discuss it with her and she gives me her opinions or asks questions, I know that she isn't pushing her own agenda on me, or trying to twist the memories to fit a sinister motive, she just listens and soothes me when I break down because of something that hurts, or scares me" Bea confessed almost shyly.
"That's understandable Bea, so what other memories do you have of Jacs Holt" Frankie nodded to Bea, making sure that the new brunette knew that she was proud of how well she was doing.
"The next thing I can remember, which from the time line we worked out was about a week after the first incidence, was Jacs Holt ordering me to her cell, I was petrified, I was certain I was going to get bashed" Bea broke off as she lost herself in the memory and the feelings she had felt at the time.
"And what did Jacs want with you?"
"She wanted me to cut her hair... I was a hairdresser before being locked up on remand, I think so was playing mind games with me, telling me subtly that she knew all about me, how else would she have known I was a hairdresser, I certainly hadn't told her, I was too petrified to talk to her, well I suppose I could have told her but just don't was remember, but I genuinely terrified of the woman, so cant imagine sitting down with her over a cup of tea and having a lovely discussion about the outside world with her... anyway as I was cutting her hair, she starts talking about my daughter Debbie, and drops in these little hints here and there that have me confused as to how she could know such things... as I was leaving she outright tells me that she knows where Debs lives and what school she goes to and makes some comment that it would be a shame if she was hit by a car... I just remember my heart being in my mouth, I was so scared for my little girl, and as I looked into Jacs eyes I could tell the threat was real, that this woman standing before me could make it happen, and would if I didn't comply with her" Bea frowned and wiped away the tears stinging her eyes.
"So what did you do?" Frankie asked sympathetically.
"Well I did the only thing I could do, I kissed arse. I did what she wanted me to do, whatever she asked. I took her in some lotion to her arthritis, sucked up to her and tried to get her on side. It didn't matter what she made me do, as long as I kept my little girl safe... obviously it just wasn't enough because she followed through on her promise and had my little angel killed" Bea whimpered much to Frankie's shock, she hadn't realised just how much of Bea's memories had returned, and she could see the mental anguish in her friends eyes, but now wasn't the time to be friend Frankie, right now she needed to be Lawyer Frankie, and so she pushed down the urge to wrap her friends in her arms and instead leaned across the table and held the older woman's hand, squeezing it tightly in support.
"So how did we get from you doing everything Jacs told you to do, to Jacs Holt lying dead in her cell with you being the only witness as to what happened" Frankie asked sadly.
"I'm not too sure how it escalated, I'm sure there are more memories I'm still waiting to return. But I do remember that day in the cell. I had my suspicions that Jacs was responsible for Debs death, and I had found out that Jacs son, Braydon Holt had been hanging around with Debs, now Debs was a good kid, focussed on her school work, and her friends. She grew up watching her dad kick the shit out of her mum on a weekly basis, and although I tried to hide what was going on, she knew, of course she knew.. I can remember so vividly now the look in her eyes when she would catch me cleaning up the mess from a beating, or patching myself up. There was one time she came home from a sleep over with some friends and I had put thick makeup on to cover the fresh bruises on my face from where Harry had lost the plot because I hadn't asked his permission before telling Debs she could sleep at her friends house, he was furious, told me that I had no right to make those decisions, he was the only one that could decide that and he just lost it... you know he would normally stick to beating me where the bruises couldn't be seen, or where I could cover them up... but this night, he was furious and he just lost complete control, he grabbed me by the back of my neck and slammed my face into the kitchen countertop, knocking me out cold... when I came around the house was dark and I was home alone... anyway Debs got home the next day and saw straight through the makeup to the bruise that covered the left side of my face, and her eyes just filled with tears, she begged me that day, begged me to leave him, said that we could just pack some bags and take off before he got home and we would never have to see him again, god i wished I had listened to her, she would still be alive right now, my little girl would still be with me and living a happy life, instead she's a pile of ashes in the ground and its all my damned fault because i wasn't able to protect her" Bea broke down with huge sobs coursing through her body, without a second thought, Frankie rushed around the table and wrapped her arms around Bea, forgetting about where they were and why they were there.
She rocked the older woman softly in her embrace, her left arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders and her right arm stroking her hair, her cheek pressed tightly against the brunette curls.
"Shhh Bea, come on its ok" Frankie soothed over and over as the once strong woman whimpered in her arms.
"It's my fault she's gone Frankie, its my fault and I never even got to say goodbye to her, I never got to tell her how sorry I am and how much I loved her and now she's gone and I can never bring her back" Bea sobbed into Frankie's arms.
"Hey, Red, pull it together... Debs knew how much you loved her, and she knew that you would do absolutely anything to protect her, you cant blame yourself for this, its fucked up, but it isnt your fault. You need to let go of this blame and guilt your holding over yourself" Frankie soothed as she pulled Bea's face into her hands and looked deeply into her eyes, trying to convey the importance of her message.
"I will never forgive myself Frankie, I should have been there to protect her, instead im the reason that she is dead, I failed her" Bea whimpered as the tears rolled unashamedly down her cheeks.
"Listen to me Bea, It was not your fault, and Debbie wouldn't want you blaming yourself, she would want you to be brave and to only remember the good times, to remember the smiles and the laughter, remember how much you loved her and how much she looked up to you, you need to focus on those things, because that's what Debbie would want, she wouldn't want you feeling like this, she wouldn't want you blaming yourself" Frankie stated, she pulled Bea back into her embrace and began rocking her again as the woman sobbed. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly txt Bridget, telling her she needed her urgently in interview room 1 and that it was an emergency, putting her phone away she sighed sadly as she returned to stroking Bea's hair and listened to the sobs filling the room.
Bridget sat at her desk typing up a report on her recent session with Boomer, after the break though from announcing her pregnancy, Boomer had surprised her by turning up at another open slot, it had taken some effort to get her talking that day, but eventually she opened up and started spilling her guts about how scared she was that she was going to fail as a mother, and how she was stupid to think that she would be able to raise a child.
It had been a long hour, her head still pounding softly as she soothed Boomer and assured her that all prospective mothers had the same fears at some point. She had managed to get Boomer talking about her past, her own childhood, and what she had learnt from it that she would use as experience to be a mother.
It had been a tough session, but a successful one, and for the first time Bridget thought she may actually be able to break through to Boomer in the same way she had with Frankie and help her change her attitudes and aggression so that she was able to reform and break free form the prison cycle and begin building a life for herself and the tiny life she was carrying.
She picked up her phone when it vibrated, noticing two messages from Frankie, the first announcing her arrival home to Melbourne, which made her smile knowing her partner was once again in the same state, but when she read the second message that her partner was here in the prison and needed her help urgently, her stomach rose to her mouth, without even locking her computer, she dashed from her office and ran towards the interview rooms, announcing to Officer Miles that she was needed in the interview room and brushing past the petite blonde officer as she tried to restrain her from entering, as she rushed in the room and slammed the door behind her into the shocked officers face, she met the sight of her partner wrapped around a brunette prisoner sobbing in her arms, she knew from the curls that the prisoner was Bea Smith.
She moved closer to the two women and Frankie noticed her and offered a sad smile before nodding her head to warn her partner that they were being recorded at that exact moment, Bridget nodded her understanding and knelt down on the floor next to the inmate.
"Bea, what is it, what happened?" Bridget asked, shocked at the trembling wreck before her, she had been having sessions with Bea everyday for months now, and she had never her seen her in this state, the inmate normally holding herself together as they worked through Bea's memory loss.
"She asked me to interview her about Jacs Holt, and she was recollecting some memories about Debbie and how Jacs had killed her and she just broke down Miss Westfall" Frankie announced, knowing that everything which was being recorded could go a long way in expressing Bea's anguish to the jurors, and wanting Bridget to handle things professionally for the recorder. Upon hearing Frankie use her official title instead of one of their pet names, she understood Frankie's thought train, she mused that it sounded heartless, but in the long run, it was best for Bea that they handle this the right way, if they could show the people judging Bea that there was a lot more to her than a hardened criminal, it would change the way they looked at all the evidence and could provide Bea with the opportunity to get out of there one day and make a life for herself.
"Bea, can you tell me what is going on right now?" Bridget asked softly, she heard Bea try to whimper a few things, but her words were caught in her sobs and she was starting to hyperventilate.
"Ok Bea, I need you to try not to talk for a few minutes and just focus on your breathing ok? I'm going to walk through it with you, and were just going to breath, nice and easy ok, breath in... and breath out, come on do it with me, in... and out" Bridget coached her, she smiled at Frankie as she noticed her following her instructions as well, she laid a hand on Bea's leg, hoping the touch would bring her some comfort. She continued guiding Bea to breath as she watched the woman start to gain control of herself and calm down.
"How are you feeling now?" Bridget finally asked when Bea's breathing was almost normal and her sobs had reduced to just a few every couple of minutes.
"Like I want to throw up" Bea offered with a sad smile, still wrapped securely in Frankie's arms as the ex inmate rocked their bodies ever so slightly and rubbed her hand in gentle circles over Bea's back.
"Here, lets just pop this bucket here just in case, and if you feel like your going to actually be sick, you just do it in there and we will worry about the mess later ok?" Bridget asked and waited for Bea to acknowledge as she placed the bin on the floor at Bea's feet.
"Do you want to tell me about what happened?" Bridget's hand returned to Bea's leg, rubbing it slightly and soothing her friend.
"I was, I heard that Frankie was here interviewing some of the women about Jacs Holt, and I thought it would be a good idea to come and fill her in on the things I remember now about it... and we were talking about Debbie and I just..." Bea trailed off with a sob.
"It's ok Bea, its good to let these feelings out, its completely natural for you to experience the pain your feeling, Debbie may have passed away a long time ago now, but as your memories return, it's a fresh experience for you, like you are reliving it all over again. It's a good thing for you to cry about it, it shows that your not bottling all that hurt and anger up, that your processing it and dealing with it, your doing really well, ok?" Bridget asked, smiling softly as Bea nodded, still staying safe in Frankie's arms, but turning her head slightly so that she could see Bridget who smiled warmly at her.
"I'm proud of you Bea... you know the Bea a year ago... she would have just swallowed down all this pain, she would have used it as a defence tool, let it fester inside her and chew her up. You're not allowing this pain to consume you, your dealing with it, and Debbie would be incredibly proud of you, you know that right?" Bridget asked, she knew the answer from the torment in Bea's eyes.
"What makes you think Debbie wouldn't be proud Bea?"
"How could she... her mum is a tired old woman who is locked away in prison for the murder of two people, I've had to fight everyday to stay alive, I've done things that I am so ashamed of, how could she be proud of that? How could she look at me with the love and adoration that she used to, I should be thankful that she's not here to see me like this, she would be disgusted with what I have turned into" Bea sobbed as she felt Frankie's embrace tighten and their rocking began to speed up slightly.
"Is that how you see yourself? As something disgusting? Something to not be proud of?" Bridget asked, she had heard Bea express her dislike and disappointment at herself in their sessions, but Bea had never used such strong words with such conviction.
"How could I not look at myself like that, and its true, I deserve to rot in this place because of the things I have done, I have the blood of three people on my hands" Bea cried.
"Three?" Bridget asked.
"Jacs, Braydon... and Debbie, her death was my fault... if I hadn't have gotten locked up, Jacs and Braydon would never have known she existed, she would still be alive right now" Bea sobbed.
"Bea, you are not responsible for Debbie's death ok, you cant control what others do, you cant control what others think, or their motives or agenda's. The only person you can control is you. And as for this whole self sabotaging... Bea you are on the road to recovery, you have been through a lot in the last two years, more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime, and your working your way through that tunnel and there is light at the other end, I promise you that light is there. What you are going through right now is a breakdown of everything that you are, and together we are going to build you back up into a person you can be proud of, to the person that Debbie will be proud of. But in order to do that, you have to go through these steps now, you have to acknowledge all the mistakes you have made, you have to deal with them and work through them, and you have to forgive yourself so that you can move on and allow yourself to be happy and be the person that you want to be, does that make sense?"
Bea's sobs had almost stopped as she listened to Bridget's words, they made total sense to her, everything she was saying, and she so desperately wanted to be a better person, to be a person she could be proud of, that Debbie could be proud of, and that Allie would be proud of. She needed to do this, not just for herself, but for Debbie and Allie to. She nodded her head as she pulled away from Frankie's embrace slightly, drawing some strength from Bridget's words, she smiled as she felt Frankie softly kiss the top of her head supportively before the ex inmate returned to her side of the table.
"I think we should call it a day for now Bea, its evident that you are going through a traumatic time, and perhaps aren't ready yet to be dealing with this line of questioning, we can come back to it in a few days, or when your ready, ok?" Frankie stated calmly, nodding at the tape recorder to remind Bea that their conversation wasn't private.
"Sure, I'm sorry for making a fool of myself" Bea laughed softly as she rolled her eyes.
"Bea there is no apology necessary, as Miss Westfall said, you have been through a rollercoaster in the past two years and because of your memory loss, it is all hitting you at the same time, it is understandable that you would struggle with it all, but for today you have done enough, thankyou for your time. Perhaps it may be wise if you accompanied Miss Westfall to her office where you could have a impromptu session, I think it may help if you continued to discuss this with your psychologist" Frankie said, hoping that Bridget would understand that she was asking her to take Bea aside for a bit to get herself together before facing the other women. Bridget nodded her understanding and professionally asked Bea to come with her, she threw a loving smile and wink at Frankie as she exited the room, listening as her partner concluded the interview for the benefit of the tape and announced the departure of her friend and partner before calling for Miss Miles to escort her next interviewee to her.
At just after five thirty, Frankie announced the conclusion to the interviews for the day, turned off the Dictaphone and began packing her belongings back into her brief case, with a heavy sigh, she thanked Miss Miles for all her help today and asked to be escorted to Bridget's office, without questioning it, she led the way, it was obvious that the two women were in a relationship, anyone could see the way they looked at each other, and Linda Miles couldn't help but think it was actually quite nice, the psychologist obviously had a good effect on the brunette woman, she was a role model for reformed prisoners, she had been out almost a year now, she had kept her nose clean, gotten a good job, carried on with her studies, and was working to help the other women in the prison, who cared who she went to bed with.
"Long day babe?" Bridget asked as Frankie entered the office looking like she was mentally drained, she smiled to Linda, who waved at her with a nod and left the prison guest in the psychologists care.
"You could say that... Bea had a break down. Kim spent 45 minutes flirting with me until I gave up trying to prise any information from her and kicked her out, seriously she needs to take the hint that I am not at all interested" Frankie grinned and raised her eyebrows cheekily as she saw the flash of jealousy in Bridget's eyes having heard how Frankie had spent almost on hour alone with her ex who was clearly still in love with her and trying to get back in her pants. "Then Tina Mercado comes in, and the second she sees me sat behind the desk... she just flips and tries to attack me, thank fuck Smiles was there to grab a hold of her and frog march the bitch to the slot... then she brings in juice, who spends 20 minutes trying to grill me, asking me questions about you and our sex life, and when I kept deflecting and trying to turn the conversation back to the interview, she starts telling me in great detail all the things she wants to do to you, Smiles had to frog march her out and to the slot too before I kicked her fat arse" Frankie admitted, sheepishly grinning at Bridget who didn't look all too happy about Frankie's admission to loosing her cool.
"Then to top it all of, one of Jacs old crew, Jenny, you know Jenny... the one with the ginger hair, mid forties, been inside for forever and every time she is let out she ends up back inside within the month... well she spent the whole time spouting shit about how she saw exactly what happened and Bea charged Jacs into her cell in a fit of fury and started beating the crap out of her before stabbing her in the neck and watching her as she bled out with a sick smile on her face... I mean I was able to discredit everything she had said, which pissed her off, but its not going to help Bea's case if that part of the interview gets playing in court. I mean Jesus... the lengths people go to just to get a bit of self satisfied payback, its crazy, I am so glad that i get to go home from this hell hole" Frankie sighed.
"That's what you need to focus on baby, you get to go home, your just a visitor now, and all those bitches that gave you a hard time, they don't get to go home, and while your cuddled up to your incredibly hot and loving girlfriend in our comfy big bed after making love all evening, they are laid on their own, in their cramped bed, in their cold cell, staring at the same four walls for the next however long" Bridget smiled as she approached Frankie and rubbed her arm lovingly.
"your right, as usual... you should be a psych or something Gidge, you have a real knack for it" Frankie grinned as Bridget laughed.
"So making love all evening, is that what you have planned?" Frankie asked, her trademark flirtatious smirk firmly in place as the worries of the day washed away.
"That's the main thing you took from my little motivational speech? In future I'm going to just say 'sex' and save myself the effort" Bridget grinned, wrapping her arms around Frankie's neck and kissing her for the first time in 48 hours.
"You can save yourself that word too and just show me if you like" Frankie grinned, leaning in to kiss Bridget teasingly, knowing that her girlfriend would be craving her as much as she was.
"Oh for god sake you two, get a room will you" Vera grinned as she walked into the office unannounced, not expecting to find Frankie perched on Bridget's desk, with Bridget practically straddling her as they were lost in a kiss that was definitely not fit for the work place.
"We had one until we were interrupted" Bridget winked as she pulled away and began grabbing her things to leave.
"Now about this offer you made last night, is it still on the table" Frankie smirked as she watched Vera blush and blanch in horror, the second she realised that Frankie was joking and was not in fact seriously asking her to join them in the bedroom, she threw her the birdie, rolled her eyes and walked away, knowing the other two women would follow her.