In a landmark deal struck between DOOP's leaders and the Robot Elders, DOOP would dump shiploads of convicted criminals and career dodgers on Chapek-9; to be rounded up, caged, convicted, then bent before the red-hooded Elders under lights. Legacies confirmed as lesser beings, before being subject to the Ceremonial Killamajig.
A foregone conclusion to research, needless to say, on an empty stomach. And that'd say nothing of the 100-foot enforcers, sky-scraping metal blockades and heat-seeking cameras.
As Robo-Tom gazed about the main city, noting the monochrome scheme of buildings & streets, he kept rolling his eyes to prevent them going to sleep.
"Killings aside, these robots wonder why tourism sucks here?"
Robo-Leela thumbed his rib: "Hey, shh! They've got lenses and antennas everywhere, and all of them are on us."
She wasn't wrong; in the suspicious stares and tune-ins, a crowd had begun to gather around the crew, forcing Leela to take small pieces of everyone's skin with her knife. It was then they convinced and intrigued that tribal lot, had them calculating the ruthless possibilities of robots posing as humans.
In his questioning, one burly robot in particular hadn't been kind.
"What do you mean, you're not ready? Why, you'd make perfect traps for our Human Hunts; stupid sacks of meat would never see past your disguises. It'd be hilarious to see their faces upon one last betrayal, before their scum is scrubbed out." A sad sigh & shrug: "They don't build ambitious ones like they did in my day."
Back on the ship the crew stared shaking towards each other, as Leela's clone cleared her voicebox.
"Sir, even for our age we're just three prototypes, against thousands of desperate fighters. Even for our superior species, never take them lightly when they're in numbers. In fact, we came as refugees ourselves, seeking a robot who could help us take such 'revenge'. Have you spotted him around, by chance?"
She dug out an old clipping of Bender, smacking some old lady for her purse, at which point the robot backed off.
"Ahhh, my apologies. Yes, they are a persistent and resourceful lot. And only Bender's been the friend to stop them. Ever since we welcomed him through our borders, he's been personally responsible for not just improving our human traps, but for ratting out thousands to the Anti-Human Patrol."
"That's amazing, and sure sounds like him." Robo-Leela laughed. "That's our guy, for sure."
"Excuse me, what did you say?"
"Sorry, I mean he's our robot, our robot. Spent years in the human ranks, hard to switch tongues."
"Of course. You want to talk ruthless, I'd compute that you can't go wrong with him. In fact, he used his own reward money to fund a campaign for Mayor, had one debate among the candidates, and got elected in an absolute landslide! Heard nothing of his opponents since, strange enough. Daresay you can find him in his quarters down the street. Happy hunting, friends."
Back on the ship, the human crew had hissed around; Amy's palms to her mouth, Mayfield gripping his skull, and the Captain cradling her face.
"Holy shmell, did he just say…"
"Didn't pull any legs there… Bender's now Mayor."
"Oh Lord, please say we're joking here. It's Osiris-4 all over again."
From a simple snatch-and-grab to a Fort Knox gold heist, such a surprise had floored the crew in fear. Heavy security and hostile crowd aside, Bender had to have plummeted DEEP into the chasm of his human hatred, no doubt for plenty of his own reasons.
Leela leaned back, flummoxed: "Well crew, we do seem kind of boned, don't we? Why would he ever come back to our crummy planet now?"
A derisive snort from her charge: "If this is having it all here, I'd rather have nothing on Earth."
Meanwhile, the clones motioned towards that so-called sunshine in grey skies, according to Bender's constant VO. For seeing it plastered in his badges, posters and likenesses, from floor to floor, they could only shake their heads.
"And I thought General Zapp had an inflated ego," Mayfield murmured.
Greeting the guards, they got questioned, warned and led along, as eventual contact was made…
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"Bender is great! Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! Bender is great!"
Sat in a leather chair, fancy cigar in one hand and full decanter in the other, the foghorn-grey figurehead had been flexing his vocal circuits when his in-house phone started to clatter. The lout over a lord, having a good grumble, placed both things down as he answered.
"Don't you stupid peons remember my tenth Commandment? 'Thou shalt not disturb Bender during His private reflection period."
"Apologies sir, but we've three robots who wished to 'seek revenge' against their human oppressors. That I've heard, they're new lines of infiltrators, experimental grunts for the Anti-Human Patrol. Only wanted to learn how, from the best to ever do it."
"Fine, send them in. Guess the young bolts' gotta learn about the legend of me, Bender."
Hanging up, he scratched a quick note of making 'The Legends of Bender Rodriguez' mandatory reading, then got right back to his singalong. Didn't even notice the three 'robots' walking in, until Leela snuck up to whisper some words.
"Who are you trying to convince of your greatness? Certainly not us, I hope."
Bender flailed his arms in panic as Leela re-joined her crew, as he realised the reunion and sent a glare to scald their flesh. A gaze that didn't move even a millimetre, as he began to dial some numbers.
"Excuse me, guards?"
The crew returned his stare, while Bender made his demands clear.
"Cancel my appearances, leave me in peace… I'm having a family reunion."
Hung up, as the original crew kept staring each other down; in all their oval, circle and square eyes a stew of resentment and abandonment. Something had to give between those cooks, and it would be the Mayor's rather pointed greeting.
"Of all beings to see me… The traitors in infiltrators, the crew who deserve to bite my shiny metal ass the most."
"Of all the robots to be Mayor, had to be the one who ditched his crown and killed his friends to achieve this new life." Leela snapped.
"You're full of crap Leela, and what can I say, I like making my dumps memorable and devastating.
Like I should worry; today I'm the greatest Mayor to bless this planet!"
Leela's head looked to blow, as she showed her wiring: "Because this is all that's left of us; for the twelve months of constant failures we endured just to find you…"
"SHUT THE HELL UP! You can't think me that stupid; for Mom's sake you traded my magnificence for this one-armed chump!"
He pointed at Mayfield, who riled himself into clenching fists: "Bender, chump though I may be…"
In moments, the Mayor extended an arm and grabbed Mayfield's chin. "That's MAYOR RODRIGUEZ to you, cue ball! You'll never have the right to call me that."
Though his eyes dilated, at least Mayfield remembered worse: "Oh spare me, 'Mayor'. Why don't you ask Leela how my burn scar came about? Or how I lost my arm in the first place? For your millions of calculations a second, I thought you'd be smart enough to question things."
Bender pushed him away: "Did I say I was a GOOD calculator? And by the way, you read my Ten Commandments boy? One: 'Thou shalt only speak saintly of me, Bender.' So I'd suggest you watch your mouth around here."
"I've got your number one commandment, pal," Mayfield flashed his finger. "What are you gonna do, smite me? Just so we're clear, I don't follow commandments."
"You'll shut your mouth when the Killamajig has you bleed from it."
"Think I'm afraid of you?" Both had advanced forward, in growls and spits. "I fear a far bigger fish; that's why we came hoping you'd help us fight him."
"Dream on, skin tube. I'm not going anywhere, and there's no bigger fish in these seas than me, Bender. Now if you're…"
"Tell that to the one you ran from." Their heads had met, and Bender's pupils began to slit. "Oh I'm sorry, were they why you turned Fools Gold, fled for your life?
A sudden headbutt sent Mayfield sprawling, and Leela and Amy scrambling to stand in front.
"You dare mention that name? I'm gonna have such fun taking the rest of you apart…"
Leela backed Bender off, as Mayfield laid there: "I'm sure you switch off every night deluding that life's perfect, but do you really think you have it all here?"
"Who are you trying to convince, fat eye? From nothing I've become the richest, most recognised robot on this world! You can't offer me a damn thing to go back."
Amy gave a smirk of sorts: "That might be where you're wrong, Mayor. Give us a moment though."
Mayor Rodriguez could only groan and roll his pupils, while the crew whispered both before him and on the ship. One eye or two, none could argue that on the surface, he had it all.
But for the ladies' knowledge and stories, and Mayfield's memory, they knew one way to reprogram him. Virtually like his early stint in taking up Robotology, they were going to 'split' the best friend they knew from the indignant Mayor in his place. Remind him of Earth's 31 flavours to Chapek-9's vanilla life, all he ever cherished before it was taken away.
Mayfield began the reminiscing, by first shrugging his shoulder.
"Well guys, guess we're screwed here. Save for the transport, I doubt WE could offer anything for His Highness to return… But Earth itself; what do you think ladies?"
They scanned about the room, as Leela nodded and paced: "Seems a shame to just sit here and do the same thing every day, live this clockwork life. Why Amy, surely you remember our friend; the lovely booze he drank, all the suckers he victimised, the marathon TV sessions he'd have…"
"All those and the lady-bots too, Captain."
Mayfield made a mock curtsy of sorts: "Your most honourable worshipful distinguished Majesty, please grant me the privilege… Was it true that you could make the worst human alcoholic out like a pathetic sobriety story?"
"Booze is how I'm SUPPOSED to function, you brown-nosing idiot! Though yes, I do toast to such brilliance often. In the old days, I could down a dozen shots AND whiskey bottles without so much as a crash. Those stupid barbecue guests; they never had a clue for how I put the 'booze' in bamboozle."
"Ah, good times indeed," Leela smiled, clapping a knee. "Why, I remember him loving booze so much, he offered himself as a keg so we could brew our own. A true labour of love; was our intention to take seats on the couch, click on the TV, and toast to his lovely little ale. Amy, do you by any chance remember?"
"Not really, no. Think I was mostly in the background."
"Come on, didn't I tell you? It was Something-brau, but the name escapes me."
"Lifter, Pusher, Puller?"
"No, that can't be right. But useless memories to us now."
Commands and sudden zaps, ones to leave Mayor Rodriguez shifting in his seat. He wouldn't deny missing such days, but he wouldn't accept that Osiris-4 ploy being played again. Back then he had nothing else but his reputation; to desecrate that was to cripple him.
"Your blessed grace, I beg you entertain me this…" Mayfield continued. "Didn't you once live for those crimes to panic hearts and scramble minds? I could've sworn you lived and breathed the dishonest life."
"Must I skin you alive to teach you how to suck up? Though yes, I could've stolen purses, rigged card games and assaulted senior homes all before breakfast. I'll admit to being rusty since arriving here, but through my rap sheet on Earth, my proudest legacy has already been sealed."
Leela clapped her head: "Oh yeah, of course! Boy, did our friend ever turn crime into an art form. Had it down so cold he could've become the Picasso of pickpockets or Beethoven of bank robbers. Hell, didn't care for merits or awards, just cared to master their craft, no matter the victim or reason. Ah, but his name's only a shadow in my mind now…"
"Hang on Captain, I think I know!" Amy jumped. "B was his first letter, R was the last… Oh, it's Blender isn't it? For how he blended in the shadows?"
"You'd have saved a lot of bail money if that were the case… Guess that's more memories we oughta delete."
As they kept using commands and zaps to 'dump' those old files, it had true to plan humidified Bender into a growing boil. Mayfield cleared his throat again, aware of the storm coming to stir.
"Ah Mayor Rodriguez, but it does me great honours to hear of your mastermind abilities… Especially when it came to your schemes & scams; how did you run so many at once? Must've been a source of great pride given all the businesses, side hustles, and con jobs, huh?"
"Of course it was, damn you! The 'accidental' murders, the 'Honest Bender' fronts, the confidence tricks and betrayals… As I counted my cash and checked my rap sheet, I glowed inside for fooling all those gullible morons. Never challenged, always satisfied."
"For the most devious bastard before this kid here,"—Leela smiled towards Mayfield—"we never knew a more on-the-ball, on-pulse opportunist. For all the on-site dating, orphan peddling and other hustles, he was never short of ways to screw anyone over. To think he'd just vanish, instead of plumping up that parsec-long record."
"It's the sad truth, Captain," Amy nodded with solemnity. "Once remembered that nice vanity plate he wore to emphasise such facts."
On and on the stories and memories were 'zapped' from their minds, no recycle bin to save them. The way they kept flouting and whipping that first Commandment of his, Bender had begun to go apoplectic.
The interplanetary war where he housed a bomb? Kicked soldiers out of holes to save himself, instead.
His losing but brave effort against the Destructor? Threw the fight in his pink tutu, got booed to oblivion.
Adopting all those kids just for the stipends? He cut his losses by selling them as meat.
Bender could only continue to grit teeth and grind his gears. They were rewriting history right in front of his face, right before the feats were nuked for good. Every robot he knew had been re-programmed to believe and idolise him, but not the new upstarts it seemed.
Began leaving imprints into his wooden desk, the moment Mayfield's lip curled into a sneer.
"Most of all Mayor, and how do I put this… Isn't this rather small bolts compared to your previous reigns? Weren't you seriously the Pharaoh of an entire Egyptian-style planet, at one point?"
The entire crew there and on ship gave a nasty grin… Boy did they look forward to ripping that up.
"Who are you to question my greatness, boy?" Bender slammed his fists on the desk. "It took a whole night of ingenious planning, sneaking and mapping, where one wrong move would've let us go free. Once I took over, I made them build the biggest statue of me, Bender. The ultimate shrine to my eternal legacy, where the universe could see an entire PLANET under my feet!"
"Oh Lord, THAT slice of life?" Leela rolled her eye. "Under those metal cups as we carted them everywhere, we broke ourselves pushing tons of stone, suffered untold lashings, and witnessed dozens of people just collapse & die. Only for him to declare it was 'too exact', and to start over. Statue's words still ring in my head today…"
A faked deep voice of "Remember me! Remember me!" had Bender ready to rip his quarters apart, the worst of all seven sins on display.
"But alas, to escape our servitude and the planet, we had to blow it to absolute pieces. Been a problem to cross my mind since… Remember who, exactly?"
One more command and zap, before Bender yelled and hurled his half-drunk bottle towards their heads, forcing them to duck before it shattered against the wall. Tinkles of crystal glass rained upon them, as Bender rolled back his metal sleeves and eyed them off in nuclear-sized evil intent.
"That's… it. You make up a guise of 'revenge' to waltz into my private quarters, only to turn against ME, BENDER, for some stupid desertion I did over a year ago? Did that deserve my greatest feats being wiped forever? You're all pending for a bending you filthy bastards, so listen up… You've got one chance to leave on your feet, or I'll have my guards bring me your exact weight in STAPLES!"
Leela got to a knee in mock deference: "You're right, 'Mayor Rodriguez', it's been rather rude of us to interrupt your 'executive' time. Should've been clear from the start who we'd been talking to."
The crew turned heel and walked; about to open the door when Mayfield addressed the ladies.
"You and Fry were right all along, Captain. We HAVE done better without him, and Fry was all for ditching his tin arse ages ago. To think it might've been his shining heroics to save him back then…"
Bender's antenna perked up: "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute… What'd you say there, cue-ball?"
They all turned around: "We're taking our chance to leave, thank you. There's nothing to discuss."
"Slow down and scratch that, smart-ass! Answer me, or I'll put you all on trial."
Mayfield gave a beckoning finger: "Kill me, I don't care. But did you think I'd risk life and limb, if I knew I'd lose my job to you? You don't think I'd have stopped these guys, or tried to politick? Simple fact is, our Captain here gave me a lifeline, and after months losing pieces of me to find out why, I made the promise to her to rediscover her old crew and repay that second chance. Perhaps you should hear us out."
"If it's about Fry, make it quick. Otherwise, cram a hair cream in it."
"My hair's by choice, so you cram it. As for Fry, we've got the evidence and words. My Captain's got a copy of the livestream, if you care to listen. Course, you may not like what you hear."
"Just play the damn thing!"
Right at the end of those five minutes or so, Bender betrayed his share of greasy tears for hearing the other Captain cut ties. First friend he ever made, who freed him from building suicide booths, and that was how he repaid him…
"Pick your choice carefully, pal. You got a taste for how well we've 'dumped' dead weight; either accept that you fucked up and take this one chance, or remain here, your nickel-and-dime ass doomed to die alone. We'll give you a couple…"
A communication ping had begun to sound on Leela's wrist device, soon muffled by the roaring whoosh of ship engines.
"You… new message… 4:55pm."
No mistaking the D-grade Tarzan impersonator to leave the original crew horrified; Zapp Brannigan. Leela was soon tipped off by a certain buzz in her foot; once she unsheathed his gifted laser gun and inspected it, she almost needed help to stay standing.
"Ohhhhh, hell no…"
All his whiny pleading to keep a gift for 'good luck'; turned out to contain an insidious location tracker. Now, in complete defiance of DOOP negotiations and alliances, he'd been busy preparing to deploy armed soldiers onto the streets.
"Oh Leela, my perky princess! I come by victory yodel to rescue you from this forsaken planet… Come to me so we may shutdown these robots, shut up our mouths, and shut off our lights!"
Amy too began to deflate: "I take it we're not in for any good news, anyone?"
"Got it in one Amy… General George of the Bungle has gone and started a war, and those robots think we caused it! They're gathering outside as we speak."
"That stupid son-of-a-BITCH!" Mayfield growled, before he breathed. "Well Mayor Rodriguez, we were gonna spare a week or so, but now we gotta make tracks. What's it going to be?"
The thick wooden doors began to creak, the holes shot inside had them threaten to burst. Mooks were nothing if not fast, perhaps especially so for putting saboteurs down.
As the crew ducked behind the desk and planned for their first real taste of war in some time, they were relieved to get Bender's answer as the doors were left in splinters.
"Alright damn it, fine. To think I deluded myself into serving others, when I should've served myself."