"Red, you're calling late, do you need Gidge?" Frankie asked into her mobile as she sat working in her home office.
"Nah I called for you" Bea whispered, trying not to wake the finally resting blonde that had fallen into an emotionally exhausted sleep, finally.
"Hows blondie?" Frankie asked sadly, guessing the reason for Bea's whispering.
"Pretty messed up. She has so many feelings going on right now she doesn't know which to listen to first… I was ringing to see if you could do me a favor…. Allies mum… Alice… she visited Allie today, I was hoping you could run a check on her…. I'm not saying I don't trust her, I just don't want this to be some sick ploy from her mother… I just want to know that Allie is devastated for the truth" Bea admitted.
"Of course.. Leave it with me and I will let you know what I find tomorrow…I'm coming in anyway to do some case work for a woman on A block so was going to swing in and check on Allie anyway" Frankie smiled sadly, she hated that her friend was hurting so bad.
"Thanks Frankie… send the invoice through and I'll sign it off ok?" Bea smiled.
"No invoice needed, I'm watching my family's back. Make sure you tell blondie I sent my love and hugs ok" Frankie asked, noticing her fiance enter the room questioningly. Frankie mouthed that it was Bea and Bridget motioned to be handed the phone.
"Bea hey… hows she going?" Bridget asked.
"She has finally cried herself to sleep, I dunno how long for though" Bea mused.
"You're doing a good job, just keep her occupied and make sure she feels loved. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and go over some bereavement tasks and exercises I hope will help her" Bridget informed as she pulled Frankie into a hug and held her in place.
"That sounds like a plan, thanks Bridge, I really appreciate it and I know Allie does too, even if she can't show it at the moment" Bea whispered, glancing over her shoulder to check that her lover was still asleep.
"Don't mention it Bea, Frankie's family is my family" Bridget smiled warmly.
"Listen I had better go and try to sleep while I can, I have a feeling it's going to be a restless night. Tell Frankie I said thanks for her help, and I will see you both at some point tomorrow. Night Bridge" Bea whispered, pressing the end button and turning off the phone before stashing it in her hiding place again.
She climbed carefully into the bed, pulling herself close to Allie and kissing her shoulder tenderly.
"Bea?" Allie croaked, her voice full of emotion and thick with the fog of sleepiness.
"Shhh baby, I'm just coming to bed, snuggle up and get some rest" Bea ordered softly as she took advantage of Allie rousing and pulled the younger woman tightly into her.
"Thank you baby" Allie whispered sadly.
"Hey, you have nothing to thank me for beautiful. I just want you to be ok, and I will be right here, right by your side helping you in any way you need ok" Bea mumered.
"Thank you for that... but that wasn't why I was thanking you before" Allie confessed sadly.
"Ok... I'm lost then, why were you thanking me?" Bea rose up to gaze over Allie's shoulder, who for the first time that night rolled onto her back and exposed her face, Bea gasped at the dark circles already forming beneath her red puffy eyes, she looked so broken, so vulnerable.
"When I walked in there and saw my Mum, I freaked out, all I wanted to do was turn around and storm away and never see her again" Allie admitted shyly.
"That's understandable sweetheart, she caused you a lot of hurt that you haven't been able to deal with. A lot of people would have had the same reaction... what made you stay and hear her out?" Bea asked as she allowed the fingers of her left hand to soothe Allie's face lovingly.
"You... I had this thought... well that here my Mum was, sitting in front of me asking me for the opportunity to have her apology heard, and all I wanted to do was throw it in her face and tell her to fuck off. And that was actually incredibly selfish of me, because at least my Mum got the opportunity to sit in that chair and ask to be heard. At least I got the opportunity to decide to listen to it... I just kept thinking how much you would do for that same chance... the chance to sit down with Debbie and tell her how sorry you were for what you think was your fault, how you would do anything to be able to look into Deb's eyes and beg her for forgiveness and tell her how much you loved her, and if I just got up and refused my mum the chance to do that, then it was like... it just felt like it was pissing all over that opportunity and being a spoilt little brat, I didn't want to be selfish like that...so I gave her the chance that she only got because of you" Allie confessed. She watched as Bea's eyes filled with tears as she sighed loudly.
"You know babe, you're right, I would do absolutely anything in the world for that opportunity... but knowing that you took that step and allowed your mum the opportunity, despite how things ended with you both... and you did it with Debbie in mind, that just makes me so proud, and I think Debs would have been proud too. Almost like her death had some kind of meaning... like it was worth something, and wasn't just a waste of her prospect. Thank you for sharing that with me" Bea leant forward and kissed Allie's lips softly, pulling back only enough for them to breathe comfortably.
"How are you feeling now?" Bea asked.
"You really don't want to know the answer to that" Allie looked away ashamed.
"I do babe, I want you to feel like you can talk to me, trust me, safe in the knowledge that whatever it is, I'm going to be right here by your side no matter what" Bea pulled Allie's face softly back towards her, their eyes meeting in the middle in an intense stare.
"I feel like I really need to go and score a hit and numb myself from all of this, I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to resist, especially when the nurse is forcing them on me, I can't explain just how much effort it took to refuse them when all I wanted to do was take them and let that numbness wash over me. It scared me how much I'm craving going to that space where nothing hurts anymore, how easily it would be for me to just throw everything away again. I'm scared Bea, im scared that I'm going to mess this up and fuck up again, and I know that you will want nothing to do with me if I'm back on drugs, and my mum wouldn't want anything to do with me, and I would just be letting myself down so much... but there's just this hunger inside me that is so loud and all it wants is a hit, a quick fix to make it all go away" Allie confessed.
"Honey, you listen to me... I hate drugs, you know that and I know that... hell everyone knows that. Because of drugs I lost my little girl, and I don't want anyone I know taking that shit, least of all someone I love so much. But I also understand that you're a recovering addict, this is something that your going to be battling with for your entire life and although I will be pissed, if you slip up I'm not going to just abandon you and give up on you, I will be right there to kick your arse and help you clean up again, it's important to me that you know that. There is a world of difference between a slip up, and going back on the drugs full time. Bridge mentioned she's going to come and see you tomorrow and talk over some bereavement techniques, I think you should speak to her about this craving, be honest with her and let her help you, whatever it is she thinks you need to do, you do it to help yourself. Fuck me, fuck your mum, do it for yourself because baby, you deserve to be healthy and happy and not on drugs. I have seen you when you have been off your face, and trust me, your not a nice person when your high, you deserve better than that, and you are doing so well, it's been over a year since you willingly took something now. But if you're going to stay clean you need to do it for you, because one day your mum will be gone, and I will be gone, and I need to know that your not going to just write yourself off and head down a dark and dangerous path" Bea confessed, she watched as Allie nodded her agreement.
"You're right, I'll speak to Bridge tomorrow about it, ask her if there is anyway I can get signed up to a support group and get assigned a sponsor whilst im sorting all this stuff out. You know, last time I got clean... I did it for you, because you came to me with your big brown eyes pleading me to get my shit together. You told me that you had found out the truth about me not being a part of trying to kill you, but you couldn't make it up to me while I was off my face. You're the only reason I got my shit together that day, and the way you spent the next few days looking after me while I got all that shit out of my system... you were incredible babe, but you're right, I need to do this for myself first and foremost, it's the only way I can ensure that I don't have anymore relapses. I don't want to go back to being that junkie street whore... ever, I want to get my shit really together and start focussing on what's ahead and not needing to worry so much about what is going to push me over the edge next" Allie informed Bea with a small smile which only grew as she saw the pride in Bea's eyes.
"I love you Alliecat, your strength just continues to amaze me every single day. I really don't know what I did to deserve such a beautiful, strong and thoughtful girlfriend" Bea placed a tender kiss on the tip of Allies nose, before snuggling into her.
"Now come on, tomorrow is going to be another long day and you need your rest" Bea announced, closing her eyes and willing sleep to come.
"I love you Bea" Allie whispered.
"I love you too Alliecat, and im so proud of you" Bea whispered back, pulling the younger woman even closer.
"How are you feeling today?" Bridget asked the young blonde who walked with purpose into her office, taking a seat confidently and making herself comfortable, Bridget couldn't help but smile at the turn around of the woman in front of her.
"I've been better, yesterday was a pretty big day, lots of surprises, and not all of them good. But I had a tough evening and night fighting some inner demons and am proud to say that I came through on the other side" Allie confessed, throwing a smile of thanks at Bridget for all the help she gave the woman yesterday.
"Well that sounds intriguing... which inner demons?" Bridget asked calmly, wondering if Allie would share or would lock down.
"Drugs" Allie stated simply. "I went through a night of hell with cravings, spent most of the night emotionally beating myself up, telling myself that either I'm worthless and should just give in and get a fix or that I'm a fucked up idiot and need to ignore myself and not get a fix... I didn't get a fix by the way" Allie said, making it clear to her friend and psychologist that she hadn't let herself down.
"Well that's great news, you must be very proud of yourself for making it through the night. How do you feel now? Is there still a part of you that wants to find a hit?" Bridget asked evenly.
"Honestly... I think there will always be a part of me that wants to find a hit, I just have to hope that over time that voice gets quieter. I was hoping to talk to you about organizing attending a support group, maybe get a sponsor? I know these next few weeks and months are going to be crazy, so I think I need to preempt how it's going to affect me and put some strategies in place" Allie smiled warmly.
"Well that's fantastic that you're thinking this through, leave it with me and I will have a chat to Vera and see what we can and can't do. I'm proud of you Allie, this can't be easy" Bridget knew from past patients that this was the easy part, when the shit hits the fan is when the going gets tough.
"It's not. But I don't want to be the person I was when I landed in here, I have too much to lose now, Bea and my own self respect are joint top of that list"
"What did you find?" Bea asked nervously before the interview room door even had chance to close. Frankie quirked her eyebrow In amusement as she slid a Starbuck's coffee at the inmate now sat opposite her.
"Morning Bea, its nice to see you too" Frankie laughed, seeing the worry etching her friends face she got down to business and put the woman out of her misery.
"Squeaky clean. Everything she said checks out. I looked over the document Allie sent home with Gidge too. It's a last will of rights. Allie's mum is leaving everything to her. There are some decisions Allie needs to think over and a form to fill in that needs signing by her and her sexy lawyer once she has decided. Things like what she wants doing with the estate and inheritance money and stuff while she won't be on the outside to handle it all herself. If she lets me know what she wants I will organize everything on the outside so on her release she is set. It's pretty standard stuff, no demands or anything. Just that upon her mother's death everything is to be handed to Allie… I looked over the assets too… Allie will be inheriting a substantial amount, I want to put her in touch with one of Gidge's friends who is a financial planner, he's pretty old school, but from what Gidge has told me he is damn good at his job. With Allie being locked up for the next ten years and unable to use her inheritance, I thought it may be wise for her to let the money generate so when she gets out she has no worries about anything" Frankie smiled when Bea nodded thankfully.
"I'm just glad that she's not playing Allie" Bea confessed, the relief evident on her face.
"Me too, but everything looks legit. Gidge is gonna have Allie brought through after her session this morning so I can go through everything with her, try and get it out of the way so she doesn't need to worry about it. Did you want our little investigation kept a secret?" Frankie asked cautiously.
"No there are no secrets between us. If she gets pissed at me I will deal with it, eventually she will realize it was done with the best intentions" Bea sighed, wondering how upset Allie would get with her.
"Frankie can I steal a word?" Vera asked as she let herself into the interview room to find Frankie sat alone, signing and dating some paperwork from the huge pile sat beside her.
"Of course.. and what do I owe the pleasure of company of my favorite governor?" Frankie smiled, accepting the coffee Vera had brought her and motioned to the unoccupied chair opposite her.
"The board just called me in for a meeting. Channel 9 received amazing ratings from the documentary and their Facebook page has been flooded from viewers who basically want more. The team at 9 have put forward a proposition for a 10 part series, each episode an hour long. The focus will be on the running of Wentworth and how the women adjust on the inside. The board are pushing ahead and want Bea to be involved as they think people on the outside love her story and want to know more about her… what are your thoughts? I don't want to involve Bea in this if it's going to harm her case in the long run" Vera relaxed back into the chair, watching Frankie for any signs.
"I think it's a good idea, it will show a side of her and the other women that isn't prompted, nor scripted. It could actually help her case. Does the board have rights to refuse footage they don't deem suitable?" Frankie asked, feeling the excitement rising in her.
"Yes, it's the same deal as last time, they will have the final say on what's released" Vera confirmed with a nod.
"In that case it's up to Bea. I will be getting all my client list to sign a disclaimer that provides me the right to view the final cut and request any scenes to be cut, to protect their chances of appeal. But obviously I'm trying to focus on the women who deserve to get out, so that is practically a moot point, if they aren't behaving they shouldn't be up for parole" Frankie grinned cheekily causing Vera to laugh.
"Who are you and what did you do with the inmate Doyle" Vera laughed, receiving a finger from Frankie.
"I'm a reformed woman Vera, in case you had forgotten. I don't approve of foul play. My name and career are on the line if I don't play by the rules" Frankie smirked cheekily.
"Of course" Vera grinned. "So I was planning on running it by the women after lunch, which is in about 20 minutes. Would you like to come down and do it with me so you can discuss your disclaimer at the same time?" Vera offered, watching as Frankie nodded and began clearing away the never ending stack of paperwork into her satchel.
"Ladies" Vera yelled over the buzz of the canteen to be heard, the second she entered with Frankie, every woman in the canteen erupted into excited chatter, wondering what was coming next. Finally the voices died down enough for Vera to continue.
"After the roaring success of the hour long documentary that H1 and some staff participated in, channel 9 and the prison board have struck a deal to do a ten part series and H unit has been requested to be the focus of the documentary" Vera grinned when all of the women cheered excitedly.
"Now it goes without saying that anyone deemed to be a risk will be removed from the experience, we will not be putting up with anybody using this opportunity to push their own agendas. Anyone who doesn't want to participate is well within their rights, and will be temporarily rehoused on another unit whilst filming is being completed. Anyone who wants to participate will need to sign a disclaimer, and will be advised to monitor what they say and do. People all over the country will be watching this show, including those who may be responsible for deciding your parole chances" Vera warned.
"For anybody on my client list, I would like you to sign a different disclaimer which will allow me the opportunity to pre watch the footage and ensure that your parole or court judgements won't be jeopardized by the footage that will be broadcast, however with that said… anyone who is seen to be doing anything unsavory will be released from our contract and will be asked to find new legal representation. I am here to help those who are willing to turn a new leaf on the outside, not get anyone out regardless of whether they are worthy of release. I won't help anyone who is abusing the system or other inmates" Frankie added, receiving a few snide comments that she was a turncoat.
"Ok Ladies, that's all… have a think about it, we will need final decisions by the end of next week. If you sign the disclaimer there is no changing your mind later. This is serious and we want to portray a realistic view of what life is like inside a women's correctional center"
"Do you want me involved?" Bea asked quietly as she rushed to catch up to Frankie and Vera.
"I think it could help the case, the whole point of the PR operation was to show the outside world that you're not a monster and are fit to be around the general public, this is a perfect way of doing that… but it's only if your comfortable with it. It will be completely unscripted so you may be asked difficult questions that you don't want to answer. Alternatively you may be put in a bad position which could damage your case instead of help it. But I will support your decision Red, it's your choice" Frankie stated. Bea nodded her approval of the answer.
"I'll do it. I will do anything to have a chance to get out of this place one day, and if that mean playing puppet for the show, I will do it" Bea agreed, a nod of determination.