I don't own Mulan, but I enjoyed the animated film when it came out.

Please let me know what you think.

What if I became a Man?

Mulan was almost ashamed of herself for sobbing like a little girl, huddled in the forelegs of the Great Stone Dragon guardian; when she had been a child, and she had been told off for taking food out of the kitchen, or for not doing her chores, or something really bad, then she would often come out here to cry her sorrows while she felt safe in the Great Stone Dragon's protection.

It surprised her the old habit hadn't died, and she still felt some safety.

She had just had one of the worst days of her life. It was bad enough she'd dishonoured the family with the disaster at the Matchmaker, although truthfully if the arrogant woman had bothered to listen to her and she had seen the cricket - why her grandmother had felt the insect would bring good luck and fortune to her, Mulan had no idea - it wouldn't have happened.

Yes, the notes she had written onto her wrist were a risk, but Mulan had needed all the help she could get; it wasn't her fault she was a free-spirit, a clumsy but well-meaning girl who was incapable of following rules and traditions, especially ones she believed were wrong, but unfortunately with the hand wrapped around her family in the shape of honour, Mulan had no choice but to try to conform to some traditions even if she disagreed with them.

Her father, despite his traditionalist attitude, had comforted her after the meeting… only for the terrible news the Huns had invaded China to arrive, and like everyone else, Mulan had been horrified, but even worse her father had been called to fight.

Mulan knew it made sense; with the new war against the Huns, the army would need all the help they could get, and since her father was once a legendary father which had always impressed and delighted her father, especially since he had often shown his armour which he kept in a wardrobe, all polished and ready for service for China again.

But her father couldn't fight. He was no longer a young, strong, and fit man anymore. He was old, he had a terrible limp which prevented him from walking properly, never mind walking; the way he had collapsed when he had carried out those katas in the room with the old sword proved that to her. If he went into battle, Mulan knew without a doubt that he would die. She had tried to interfere, but it had backfired on her and now her father was angry with her for dishonouring him and the family.

Even after the way he had comforted her after the mess with the Matchmaker after the meeting had gone so badly, her father's angry shout as she once more tried to raise the point she was so sure her mother and grandmother wished to say but couldn't because they were so indoctrinated by the very society they lived in would hurt…

"I will die doing what's right… I know my place, it is time you learned yours."

Mulan had always known she had frustrated her parents with her behaviour, but they had always accepted it… and yet they were not afraid to remind her of her limits and the line… and she knew she had crossed it, and in the worst way possible.

But she knew her father was right. With the family in danger, it was her father's duty to take up arms to protect them all. As her father's daughter, Mulan knew she had to accept it. In any case, she wanted the Huns gone as much as everyone else. As a small girl, her parents and her grandmother had terrified her with stories of the Huns, and it was until she had grown older those stories had taken on a different dimension of terror; the Huns had raided, pillaged, and plundered the land of China, but they had murdered and raped hundreds of women, even girls no older than eleven years old, using their strength and brutality to build their empire. That was why the Great Wall had been built, to protect those same people. Like everyone else who had heard the news of the Hun invasion Mulan had wondered how they had got over the Great Wall, but unlike everyone else Mulan knew that even with the wall standing in their way, the Huns would only need to spend a little effort working out the best way of getting across.

Everyone believed it was impossible for someone to get over the Great Wall, but Mulan knew nothing was impossible. Look at the Great Wall itself as an example; few people believed it possible. A massive wall surrounding the border between China and the Hun Empire, going over mountains and hills and plains of varying levels built with slave labour (thinking of that made Mulan wince; she didn't like thinking about the hordes of dead, exhausted people who had been driven to build the wall, and condemned to hold it up with their mortal remains), but the Wall had been built. And if it could be built, then it stood to reason someone could get over it.

Mulan wondered what the Huns were doing right now. Were they already butchering their way through the country? Were they pillaging and burning every village in their path? Or were they consolidating and making their plans for the invasion? She didn't know. But she did know now the call up for troops, old and new, had gone out, news of attacks and disappearances would be making their way to every town, every village, and every city in China. It wouldn't take long, and she shivered and it had nothing to do with the cold night air, made even chillier by the rain.

Mulan lifted her head, shifting herself into a more comfortable position; she was no longer a small girl, and able to fit into the gap, and she had to shift herself around, although she was pleased her figure was petite enough to do the job. As she moved, she caught sight of her reflection in a puddle.

She wished there was something she could do, anything to save her father…. But looking at herself now… Mulan could honestly say she was angry with herself for not being the child needed to do it. In China, only another man could take her father's place, and she had been born a girl, but there was nothing her parents could do about it.

Sighing in depression even though she mentally cursed fate for making her into a girl instead of a boy, Mulan looked up and caught sight of the light in the house, coming from her parents' bedroom. Mulan watched as the silhouettes of her parents had a conversation. She saw her mother bow her head, clearly upset about the current situation, while her father tenderly lifted her chin so she would look up. Mulan wondered if her outburst at dinner had made her mother brave enough to voice the same argument, but she wasn't going to hope that was the case since it was clear her father's mind was made up; he was going to fight regardless of what anyone said, and indeed what his body did.

Idly Mulan wondered if her father would be dishonoured if his body fell apart, but she killed the thought as soon as it entered her mind. That wasn't the only thought in her head; she was thinking about what would have happened if there was someone who could take her father's place, if she were a man instead of a girl…

She watched as her mother turned and walked away from her father who blew out the flame, but since Mulan had no idea what had been said despite it ending badly.

But her mind was still thinking about there being a young man, young and strong in mind and body who was capable of taking her father's place in the army….

And then it struck her.

What if I became a man?

She knew she couldn't magically shift her body so she had…. That thing men had, and she couldn't remove her bust, but she could dress up as a man. How hard could it be? The only problems would be disguising her voice without sounding completely effeminate. But it was possible. And that suit of armour in her father's wardrobe looked like it could fit, seeing as her and her father were similar in height and body type.

Mulan narrowed her eyes in determination, and she leapt off the statue. Marching determinedly towards the family temple, she made a solemn prayer to give her the strength to do this, and no-one would discover her deception. Mulan stayed in the prayer for a good few minutes before she turned and made her way back to the house. As she got through the house, Mulan slowed her stride and she fumbled with the ornate lotus-flower comb and pulled it out delicately. As silently as she could, thankful her feet weren't imprisoned like they had been all day thanks to the meeting with the Matchmaker, Mulan crept into her parents room, thanking the ancestors they were both asleep. She had no trouble finding the orders that unpleasant man who'd announced the Huns had invaded had handed over to her father, and she picked up the scroll and exchanged it with the comb.

But she paused just as she was about to walk away; they looked so peaceful, and her heart broke with the thought of what they'd go through when they realised what she had done, but she couldn't stop. She smiled down at them, although she was sure it was a grimace. She ran out of the room, heading straight for the wardrobe where the armour was. She saw her father's sword resting against the wall. She picked the sword up and sat down on the floor in front of the window. Mulan unsheathed the sword and studied the reflection of her face before she brought the blade up.

Mulan closed her eyes, hating herself for this but it was the only way for her deception to work. She cut her hair and when she was left with a shorter style she stood up, leaving the mess behind without seeing much point in hiding it; when her father found the orders were gone and replaced with the comb, and discovered the armour was gone as well, what difference did it make if there was hair left behind?

After tying her hair back into a queue and tying it with a green band, she walked to the wardrobe and opened it up.

Mulan took a breath and she stripped her clothes off before she began putting on the armour. It took a little longer than she would have wanted to put it on, there were several layers, and she needed time to figure it out, but thankfully it only took a few minutes of trial and error before she had it right. Once she was finished, she picked up her sword and walked out towards the stable. As soon as her horse Khan saw her, Mulan realised she should have expected him to rear up in fright when he saw her, and it took her a few minutes to get him to settle down and see it was her; she only hoped the neighbours hadn't heard anything, never mind her parents. The last thing she wanted was to be discovered before she started, but she was delighted the disguise had worked if Khan freaked out like this.

Once the horse was settled down, Mulan took the horse out by his reins, she paused on the threshold of the entrance, and she looked back at the house sadly. She turned back to the horse, seeing Khan was looking at the house sadly as well, and she smiled at him.

"I'm sorry I've got you into this, Khan," she whispered.

The horse butted her arm as if to say I want to help, and I will be there for you.

She smiled gratefully and hugged his snout before she pulled back and jumped onto his back. The horse reared up onto his back legs and kicked the doors open, and Khan charged away. As she felt the wind and the rain of the night, Mulan hoped she returned to her home and made some degree of peace with her parents.

But for now she was charging of to war.