Notes: -This plot popped up in my mind while I was watching The Morning Show (tv show with Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carell...);

-English isn't my first language.

-They are waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-Rachel?

-I'm so sorry.

(She boards the plane.)

Rachel just couldn't stay. The relationship between her and Ross has always been very complicated. They have tried rapprochements before, even lived together but always ended up fighting. Paris was her big dream at the time and she couldn't give it up to go back to an unstable and predictable situation. Ross was the love of her life, but because of the circumstances, she was willing to overcome that feeling and move on and she hoped he would do the same.

When she landed in Paris and arrived at her new apartment, Rachel was still upset about how it all ended with Ross but at the same time she was dazzled and looking forward to the new life that awaited her. As soon as she got the chance, she decided to call her best friend, Monica.

-Hello?

-Mon? It's Rachel!

-Rachel, oh my god! How was your trip? How are you? Have you arrived at your apartment? How is Paris? Are you enjoying it? And that restaurant I told you about? Did you see it already?

Rachel laughed at the excess of questions but already knew her friend pretty well to ask her to calm down.

They talked for a few minutes until Jack started to cry and they needed to end the call. The conversation between them revolved solely around Rachel's (and Monica's) expectations for Paris and about newcomers Erica and Jack. Rachel wished she had asked about Ross but gave up thinking that this was a time to think only on happy things, after all, The City of Lights was waiting for her.

As the first few months went by, Rachel kept in touch by phone almost daily with Monica and Phoebe. With the boys she used to talk less, about once a week, but in compensation it was calls that could last for hours, especially when Joey started to whine and complain that everything was different with her in Paris, with Chandler becoming a boring aka Ross with "this whole story of responsibility, maturity and blah blah blah"after he became a father and etc.

Her relationship with Ross was good too, they became friends over time, or at least they managed to overcome the awkward phone silences that occurred in the first few weeks. Deep down, however, Rachel still felt that her love for Ross was still there, and in some moments of their phone conversations, his tone of voice made her think that he also felt the same way. She tried, however, to clear her mind of such assumptions and continue to struggle to overcome it, since they now lived different lives.

For the first few months, therefore, Rachel's relationship with her friends remained richly present. She even went to New York regularly to leave Emma with Ross. She and her daughter used to spend three to five days there, during which time Rachel worked remotely.

At the end of the first year, however, the work started to take a lot of time from Rachel because, for being new to the company, she was trying to establish her place and show her capacity. She went on to hire a babysitter just to accompany Emma during some flights to and from NY-Paris and, in this way, personal meetings with her friends decreased.

The five friends, however, understood the situation and sought to make the most of it when Rachel was able to come (although the "make the most of it" of them was to go for coffee and talk for hours at the coffeehouse. But that was more than enough for everyone - especially for Gunther , who, due to the cups of coffee he was going to personally deliver to Rachel and the nervousness that led him to drop some of those cups on her new clothes, seemed to still keep his crush pretty firm).

Things started to change over the second year. Rachel rarely came to NY, and when she did, she spent most of her time in professional computer conversations, barely paying attention to what her friends said. Thanks to her hard work and dedication she had been promoted and, according to her, her new position did not give her much free time.

Telephone conversations were not much different. Everyone, except Monica, said that Rachel was acting differently, as if she was bothered by their calls and rushing the conversation.

Monica, on the other hand, sought to comfort her friends by saying that Rachel was just stressed out with work and that she still loved everyone equally and always used herself as an example, remembering how exhausted she was at times due to the pressure of the restaurant and that she could take her nervousness out on others - especially Chandler, who was the one who used to listen her complaints the most. However, Monica said those things only in order to comfort her friends because, in reality, she was the first one to notice her friend's growing distance. No one knew Rachel better than Monica, not even Ross. It was Monica who heard the outbursts, the secrets and basically everything else about Rachel, it was she whom Rachel trusted for mostly everything. That was why she easily noticed, with pain in her heart, when her friend's phone calls to her and to the others it became, on Rachel's part, no longer a pleasure but a routine. Rachel woke up, went to work, came home and called Monica and the others. She had no desire to call, she had an obligation. Over time, Monica assumed she was right about this as Rachel's calls decreased more and more: five times a week, four times a week, twice a week, once every two weeks ... Monica could even understand that, after all it can be very tiring to talk to anyone after an exhausting day of work. The problem is that Rachel started to show that she was always exhausted when talking to them: short phrases, few questions about Erica and Jack (while before she and Monica used to spend endless moments exchanging experiences about motherhood), a veiled impatience with Joey's silly complaints … Monica even felt in some moments of the conversations between them a certain tone of sarcasm tending to arrogance on the part of Rach, but in this case, she preferred to ignore it and assume that it was only in her mind.

The scenario worsened at the end of the second year. Rachel stopped definitely coming to come to NY to leave Emma, who was now always accompanied by her nanny. As for the calls, those on her part became more difficult. It was almost always the five, especially Monica, who sought her out. As the time went by, came the moment that everyone feared but that, by the way things were going, they had already waited for: the awkward silences.

Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and even Ross no longer believed it was all work stress. Ross said that, according to Emma, Rachel was very happy and with new friends. Phoebe, for her part, always said the same thing: "I told you she would turn into French bitch". Joey was heartbroken talking to the four corners of the earth that they had lost Rachel. And Chandler, well, he always had some sarcastic comment about the situation. Despite that, none of the four had a grudge or anger, of course they still loved her, she was still Rachel. However, there was a clear sense of disappointment among them. As the time went by, they simply stopped phone calling her.

Monica, however, did not easily give up on having a relationship with her friend. She was Rachel, her best friend. She couldn't understand the reason behind the emotional detachment. She understood that friendships can break up over time, especially when there is a continental physical distance, but they were friends since the age of six, lived together, matured together, shared profound experiences together. They were Rachel and Monica. This could not happen between them.

However, quick and superficial conversations, the never returning calls and, the now undeniable, slight arrogance in her speech (which somewhat resembled their high school years) gradually built a wall between them. Monica lost her desire to talk to her friend, but simply because she no longer recognized her. She was not her Rachel, the one who liked to vent about from a silly argument with Ross or a new crush at work till her insecurities as a mother, the one who would tell gossip from the new office as if it were the most important subjects ever while Monica would rolled over her eyes not interested, the one who would laugh and cry for any reason. No, it wasn't Rachel anymore. So, like the others, she also stopped calling.

Nine years later:

"Rachel Green" She says automatically when answering her office phone

"Rachel, it's Taylor. Can you come to my office?"

"Sure. I'm on my way."

"Yes, Mr. Taylor?" - says when entering her boss's office

"Ok, Rachel. Here's the thing: That possible international association that I mentioned to you a few months ago will finally get off the ground. At least that's what I expect. There will be a meeting next week with representatives of the American company and, as Peter is already busy with the issue of shipments, I need you to go represent us, or rather, represent me at that meeting. "

"Absolutely, of course I will."

"Great because your flight to New York is already booked and leaves next Wednesday." he says, delivering her the reservation.

"Wait, is the meeting going to be in New York?"

"Yes. Why? Is there a problem?"

"No" she replies after a deep breath "Is that... I haven't been there... for ...many years"

"I see." Her boss responds not caring about. "You can take the opportunity to go with your daughter, since she is already going to visit her father, right?"

"Yes, yes. I will prepare my stuff." Rachel says in a distant way and leaves the room without taking her eyes off the paper in her hands. She didn't know if she was ready for this. Not after everything that happened.

At first, everything was a dream. She was delighted with the "City of Lights'': culture, art, sights, gastronomy and, of course, fashion. Working in Paris was simply a dream and it became even more pleasurable while remembering how difficult it had been to make the transition between stopping being a waitress to start working (really, not counting separating lots of hangers) in the fashion area. At first she was happy. Well, she is still happy nowadays, but in a more comfortable way. The point, and she knows it although the pride that has developed in her personality doesn't like to admit, is that in the old days she was her old (and greatest) self.

It is difficult to say precisely when things started to change, when she started to change. It only happened.

At the beginning, she got along very well with all her co-workers. But soon after, promotions began. With all her dedication and hardwork, she was gradually able to rise more and more in the company and win the sympathy of her superiors. However, this entailed greater responsibilities so that she felt compelled to put her career as her main focus. It was at this time that she remembers becoming more distant from her former friends: Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey and Chandler. Their calls were fast, she didn't return the ones that were missed and she was always stressed. All of this because of the pressure she was feeling to meet her bosses' growing expectations about her. She imagined that her friends would understand her situation. But not. With the exception of Monica, the others became cold with her. Joey, for example, if at first he practically used to cry on the phone, begging her to come back "because nothing was the same", he started to say things like "it's okay", "it's difficult but it will work" and that was all.

Around this scenario of seeking to live up to expectations, Rachel felt the need for emotional support. Her coworkers with whom she started her journey at the company were no longer in contact with her, first because of their different work environments (since they were in lower positions) and second because now she was with the bosses and they were not longer comfortable around her (how to badmouth your bosses around their friend?). So it was only left to her to hang out with her superiors, but among them there was nothing but a huge ego dispute and a search for status. And she got used to it, she got used to the arrogance and self-centeredness of the place and, although she didn't want to, she absorbed these characteristics for herself.

Monica was the only one who continued to keep in touch with her until the end of her second year in Paris. But soon she stopped calling. Rachel never knew why. Monica was the one who knew her the best in the world so she should know that if Rachel was acting distant it would be because of work and nothing more. Rachel would never hurt her on purpose, or any of them.

As soon as her friend also abandoned her, Rachel found herself alone in life and saw her career as a way to make up for her loneliness. She would like to go back in time, not for her former friends - because in her mind she believed that she had done nothing wrong so that they would cease contact with her - but for Emma. They both have a good relationship, her daughter loves her, but when Rachel looks at her kid she feels that she wasn't as present as she would like to be in the life of the girl, now with 10 years old.

She came to have a serious relationship for more than three years, but it ended when he claimed that she only cared about work and nothing else. She was too proud to admit that he was right and much more proud to change for him. Therefore she assumed it was better for both to follow their own path. Since then, the deepest relationship she has is with Peter, her co-worker who arrived at the company at the same time as her and grew at the same pace as her, so much so that today they share the same position. They have a strong friendship, Rachel feels that he is the only one who understands her. They have slept together once or twice, although she knows it was wrong, since he was already married for years. However, he is the only shoulder she has to to cry on in her moments of weakness. "Weakness" because that is how she now considers these moments, since when indifference almost completely replaced her emotional side that was characteristic of yore.

No, she was no longer Rachel.

And she wouldn't want her friends (yes, despite everything, they were and always will be her friends, even if she never sees them again) to see the new version of herself.

She types in the phone number.

"Hi, Peter?"

"Hey, Rach. What's up?"

She explained the whole situation of the meeting in New York.

"[...] I don't want to... I... I just can't see them again"

"Well, okay. I'm going to hurry up with the shipments and tell Taylor that I'm available to travel. He won't mind, he'll probably think that I want to steal your position in the company. "

Rachel tries to force a laugh but fails.

"Thank you, Peter." she says with a clear sadness in her voice.

"No problem. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? "

No, she was not going back to New York. This is her life now. She was alone.

"Sure."