Chapter Nine: No Words.

Lily's Theme & Farewell to Dobby
Alexandre Desplat

.oHOPEo.

Author's Notes: The next chapters will be cut shorter in order to be published faster, an endeavor I hope you appreciate. I would rather have shorter chapters with a shorter wait than longer chapters with a longer wait. Better for my conscience.

Thanks: Kyoki no Megami, MunchyKool, dragonsdaughter1, Sam0728, Guest, and Padaloki, follows, and favorites!

Warnings: death and discussion of after-death, detailed/graphic description of a child's death, vague hints at childhood abuse that may or may not be true, overall melancholy and unpleasantness. Ah, and unprecedented amounts of sass.

.oHOPEo.

The darkness was as rich and soft as velvet, and it swaddled her in its folds like the arms of a doting mother. Anna did not know which way was up or which way was down, and neither did she know whether she was vertical or horizontal. No surface existed to support her. Anna simply…Was. And in this strange place, she was the only thing that Was.

She lifted one leg experimentally. Nothing changed. She hugged both of her knees close to her chest. Nothing still. She flung her arms to every side, feeling for something, anything, and feeling only nothing. Her fingers carded through her hair and found that it did not pool beneath her as it would if she were lying down. Rather, her hair billowed upwards, as though she floated underwater. Anna stamped out an errant ember of panic at that train of thought, determining that if she was truly underwater, she wouldn't be breathing.

She sighed loudly, attempting to fill the space. She tested out a few spoken hellos, a few shouts, and even a breathlessly sung verse, but no echo came running back to greet her.

"Why am I here?" Anna demanded. "Where is 'here' anyway?"

No response. No answers. She grew tense.

Why why why, what is this place, where is this place, how did I get he-

Oh.

…Oh.

That's right.

She sifted through her memories and winced inwardly. I died. She probed shakily at her painless chest, searching for seeping blood or a gash or a scar, something to mark the injury that had slain her. Again, her search concluded in a fruitless frustration. Her chest was unmarred and swathed in a sheath of smooth silken fabric.

Anna gathered her certainties into a list of what she currently knew.

1. I am dead.

2. I am alone in a void.

3. I am slowly going stir crazy.

4. I have a strong sense of déjà vu.

5. I think I might have left the oven on at home.

She sighed and condensed her uncertainties as well.

1. I have no idea how long I've been dead.

2. I have no idea how long I'm going to be in this void.

3. What if I did leave the oven on and my house is burning down right now?

4. I actually don't know if I'm alone. What if there are other dead people watching me and I just can't see them? That's kind of creepy.

5. What if this really is death what if I stay like this forever I can't handle this I'll lose my mind –

6. Seconds minutes hours years how much time how long have I been dead where where

Calm. Just…calm.

Anna took cleansing breath in and forcefully sedated the overwrought panic in her mind by taking a step away from the problem. Look at it from a detached and vaguely amused perspective.

If this was what death was like, they really needed to liven things up around here.

"Hey," she called, as loud as possible without shouting, "if this is death, I want a refund. Or at least an exchange."

The first sound that did not belong to Anna rolled over her like spring rain. Laughter, wry, but laughter nonetheless, came from everywhere and nowhere all at once. The darkness began to peel away, chased off like a flock of silent ravens. Gentle gray light washed over the panorama with all the brazenness of a tiptoeing ballerina.

The light revealed that, indeed, Anna's feet were not quite acquainted with the ground. Instead, she drifted horizontally, like a marionette on intangible strings. Not more than ten feet below her stretched the ground. The terrain was constructed of a beautifully black and reflective material. It reached from horizon to horizon infinitely.

Anna saw rather than felt her body moving downward until her feet were flush with the ground. When her soles made impact with the surface, ripples scurried across the surface. Her reflection blinked up at her after the distortion faded. She was immaculate, skin shiny and clean with not a hair out of place. She was clad in a pearlescent sheath of gray silk that left little to the imagination. And a stab wound no longer graced the curved planes of her chest.

She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling somewhat exposed by the thin material.

A glowing ball of ultramarine flames burst into life before her. The writhing corona sucked away the remaining darkness of the sky, forming a distinctly feminine silhouette of smoke and shadows. The fire glowed in the cavity where her heart should have been, and the indentations that should have been eyes instead flickered with miniature versions of the fiery heart.

The figure chuckled, revealing that she had been the source of laughter before. "I dearly wish that refunds could be made available. Alas, it's rather above my payroll," she chimed in quite possibly the loveliest voice to have ever befallen Anna's ears. It rang like silver bells, sweet and high and trilling, and something in it itched at Anna's memory. She should recognize the voice, but her thumb couldn't find the proper place.

Like recognizing an actor in a movie; you know exactly who they are, but you can't match up the name to the face. Then you look it up, and it's so obvious that you facepalm hard enough to simultaneously concave your face and break your hand.

"No refunds? That's a shame," Anna remarked, peering about anxiously. "You're the only person – well, shadow person – that I see around here. Aren't you in charge?" She cocked her head to the side. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I am no one you haven't met before. You may call me Blue." The trill now dripped in wistfulness. "As for being in charge, that is a complicated affair, and neither here nor there."

"Ah. Cryptic. Speaking of here…" Anna tapped her fingertips together, unsure that she wanted to hear the answer to her next question. "Where, exactly, is here?"

"This is purgatory, kid." A different voice spoke from behind Anna. This one was no less beautiful, albeit more abrasive. Anna turned to see another shadow figure, also female. The only difference between her and blue was the color of the flames. Whereas Blue's were, well, blue, this one's burned a fierce, harsh xanthous. And she was perhaps more sassy, if the cocked angle of her hip was a clue to go by. "We have to explain this to you every time you come here, I'd think you'd have figured it out by now. She's Blue, I'm Yellow, and this is Purgatory."

"Purgatory?" Anna spluttered. "And every time? What do you mean, every time?" A beat of silence. "Purgatory? Isn't purgatory supposed to be a void that you float around in forever as a punishment? What the hell did I do to deserve that?"

"When you got here you were wearing a mint dress with a waist belt and a white lacy cardigan, for starters," Yellow said dryly. "All of the above is last season. It's like you were trying to make yourself look bad."

The sass was strong in this one.

Before Anna could retort, Blue diffused the tensing atmosphere as smoothly as hot butter through a knife. Wait, no, that wasn't right. Anna's tangled brain grew more hopelessly snarled by the moment. "Do not fret, Anastasia. This – purgatory – is merely a sojourn into the space between life and death, not a punishment. This is simply a rest stop, a halfway mark, if you will. Don't let my friend," she emphasized, glaring reproachfully at Yellow, "frighten you."

Yellow snorted, waving her hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, I've heard this all before: I am a terrible person, if I were nicer I'd have more friends, if I keep making faces my face will get stuck that way…I know. Can we get on with the proceedings?"

"What's the magic word?" Anna taunted.

She felt her heart leap into her throat as Yellow turned ever-so-slowly. As it turned out, even eyes made of fire could be explicitly expressive. Yellow's pronounced murder. "Please," she hissed, dragging out the 's' with a snake-like inflection that made Anna's blood turn to ice. The sluggish blood in her veins weighed her down as Yellow reached out with a delicately shaped hand and placed her smoky finger in the center of Anna's forehead.

"Remember."

A jagged, picayune barb lanced behind Anna's eyes, making her cry out in surprise. The feeling couldn't relate to what Loki had done to her earlier, but it also felt no less invasive. As it seared through brain, the barb cleared a cloud that she hadn't even been aware of, a cloud that obscured precious memories inside.

Loki – quinjet – blood – death – déjà vu – I've been here before – four – FOUR – I know what happens next – NOT AGAIN –

She opened her eyes. Blue and Yellow were gone. Cracks raced across the surface below her, skittering along with a tremendous racket. The ebony ground groaned and shattered, sending shards flying through the air. Anna saw herself reflected in the shards thousands of times over, and suddenly she understood: the sheet of black had been her mind, and now it was broken; the shards whirled faster through the air, gathering and condensing into a howling vortex that sucked her up.

Anna thrashed and struggled to no avail. The vortex continued to drag her upwards through its core. High above, a yawning void threatened to swallow her whole. Her fingers twisted into fists and she screamed until she tasted blood in her mouth because it was the only thing she could do.

Before the void consumed her, she heard a voice above the din. Clearly. Too clearly. The voice had to be in her head.

"No one cheats death and comes out unscathed, Anastasia Hellfire." Yellow. Yellow was speaking to her. "There is always a price, as you have well learned. And this time, your burden is to wear marks as a reminder of death and how you have escaped this day."

At this, four shards broke off from the inner wall of the twister and sliced across her shoulder. They were blazing hot.

Her cry of pain was swallowed up by the wind.

In a matter of moments, so was she.

.oFATEo.

The deed having been done, Yellow went home to a fidgety Blue. She dropped her disguise as she came through the door. After a moment's consideration, Blue did, too.

"I wish you wouldn't do that, Blue," she snapped, spitting out the moniker in the most venomous way that she could manage. "The Norns are going to kill us, you know that, right? We're not supposed to pick favorites."

Blue folded her hands in her lap nervously. "I know," she murmured demurely. "But she's not a favorite, per se. You know that. The Norns know that. We're simply making sure that she can fulfill her destiny as the tapestry says."

"Tapestry this, tapestry that; I'm tired of this bloody tapestry!" Yellow flailed her hands about in angry gestures. "We're letting a piece of woven fabric dictate our actions!"

Blue shot up, eyes snapping with anger. "It is a prophecy, and it is mine. Have my prophecies ever led us astray?"

"No, but – "

"Then calm down, Yellow." Blue's tone softened. "And quit watching so many pirate movies. Your inner pirate is showing."

Yellow grinned. "Captain Jack Sparrow is my spirit animal."

.oHOPEo.

She felt like she was trapped in the bottom bulb of an hourglass and every memory that fell on her was yet another grain of sand that contributed to the suffocating weight – and –there was no – escape –

Blowing out a big number six that's been stuck haphazardly in a cake as a blur of ecstatic faces look on and then holding up six fingers in triumph because turning six is a big milestone –

No stop –

A trip to the beach, the rare shy sun shining and the seagulls making seagull noises which always sound like crying but why should they cry when today is so happy and look Mommy and Daddy are kissing –

Please stop –

There's been an accident and Mommy's been hurt – please tell me Mommy's okay – she is but there's always a price and Mommy will never be the same –

Don't –

A whistle noise in the air before impact and then only pain –

NO –

Where is she it's my job to protect her – no, this can't be – tendrils of brown hair turn black with the water's weight and undulate across the surface like so many strands of seaweed – frothing water – bloated body – fingers purple – lips swollen – eyes glassy –

I will die a thousand deaths – JUST MAKE THIS GO AWAY –

Cut – throat – blood on the floor –

Searing heat –

A fire eats all – life as it was –is over and gone –

The streets are cold at night and I am good at staying warm yet the cold creeps into my bones all the same –

A dark alleyway on a dark night and a glint of a knife –

Hungry – so empty inside – hollow – bleak –

The last memory was the heaviest and it hit her like a boulder –

Wake up – have to escape – car driving fast – FEAR – snow outside can't see – have to stop the car – jerk the wheel – FIGHT – screeching loud noises – not on the road anymore – careening – NO CONTROL – snow too thick – CRASH – no seat belts – a feeling like flying; freedom? – landing on an upturned root – skewered run through pinned like a broken butterfly on a board – blood everywhere melting the snow – in the silence I can hear my heart beat – and I can hear my heart stop – dark but then – waking up? – I was DeAd – now I'm aLiVe–

Lost – and alone –

I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

Death death death –

There is always a price –

But what price are you willing to pay?

She chokes under the weight and as she chokes she falls – down down down – and then –

.oHOPEo.

In the bowels of a floating fortress in the sky, Anastasia Hellfire's eyes flared wide open as she sucked in a desperate breath.

.oHOPEo.

Note: as much as I would love to explore what some of you suggested, an Anna/Loki adventure through the Underworld/Niflheim/Afterlife, I unfortunately had other plans already set. Makes me sad, though. That could have been fun.

Another Note: I've been dying to use "picayune" for I don't know how long.

Note Number Three: I debated taking out the scene with just Blue and Yellow but decided to leave it; right decision?

Final Note: I realize this chapter was probably really, really confusing. All will be explained in due time, my dears.