Sparks 18

"If it makes you happy; It can't be that bad; If it makes you happy; Then why the hell are you so sad?" - Sheryl Crow

The months bled into the other as I continued on working. It took a month for Naruto to see that I was bothered. Sasuke still stayed around, he didn't ask much of anything. Naruto was over more often than not had two cups of instant ramen in his hands for the both of us. He assuredly told me that love was like Ramen. Kept you full and warm. Cute, but a little disturbing to hear from such a young boy who hadn't had love for most of his life. I had scooped him up and held him for a time after he told me that (as long as he was willing. He whined like I had cooties, but made little attempts to escape).

There were things Naruto couldn't quite wrap his mind around. Love was one of them, but I hoped he would soon. And the other was propriety. While he acted the perfect angel around me, he wasn't that way for others.

Naruto had decided that shock and awe was a grand Ninja tool. I agreed, it was something I preferred to use to keep people off kilter. However, the way he went about it left a funny taste in one's mouth.

Iruka, Naruto's teacher, had called me in one day to speak with me. The man usually had a smile on his face - rather easy going over all (when not yelling at Naruto). However, now he looked like he was being led to the slaughter house. He was sitting behind his desk, and I sat across from him. His body language sang with nervous twitches, concern and a general upset nature. His hands were on his knees, and he looked like he was going to be sick.
"Forgive me for calling you in. I just wanted to speak with you about Naruto's behavior in class." Iruka began, rubbing his hands on his knees. He was so nervous. Why was he nervous? It had to be serious as Iruka had never called me in before.

"Ah? What has he done?" I asked. Iruka blanched. I watched him try to explain what had prompted this event.

"Naruto… he's done better after you started working with him. He's still horrible in his studies, but his ninja arts are coming along. He still can't perform many of them, but his skills in throwing and fighting have gotten better. He's not so antagonistic to the others and - and generally he's been better. However, he still displays a wild disregard for authority and won't listen when we try to get him to pay attention in class. He's started… Well - he…" Iruka stopped, and turned bright red.

"I assure you - go on. I'm not blind to Naruto's faults. Best say it as it is." I said firmly. He worked his jaw, trying to get the words out. Instead of speaking, I kept quiet - if I waited long enough Iruka would talk. And he did.

"Naruto has created his very own jutsu. His first jutsu. He calls it the Sexy technique." He said, his voice becoming more and more strained. I could see the blush rising to his cheeks.

"And what does this involve?" I could only imagine what Naruto would come up with. Truly, it was like I saw an entirely different side to him than others saw. But, few people were actually trying to befriend him and treat him well. In addition, I knew how to move around his more… mischievous side.

"He - he, ah… Well - he transforms into a woman." Iruka said, the pitch in his tone strained again. "This form is - uhm-"

"Thin and curvy, I'm assuming. He is a young boy." I said drily. He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "And this girl, she's-?"

"She's not - she doesn't…" He blushed.

"Naked." I finished flatly.

"She's - she's covered. She's covered by smoke but-" He stuttered. I let out a sigh. Naruto.

"I see the issue." I said. The people of Konoha were very - shy, in a word. They didn't really flaunt sexuality like they did at home. I don't even think I saw couples snuggling in public much. They might sit together, or lean against each other - but it was all so very tame. It was very private, very quiet - which may have been why there were so many who seemed to turn to peeping. Maybe. Naruto being love starved and craving attention? I could see why he would use such a technique, why he would focus on some beautiful woman. "I will try to speak with him another time. Tell me - when does he use it?"

"Usually while we're lecturing him." He said easily.

"And - have you considered lecturing him in another manner?" I asked. He frowned at me, and I waved it off, "I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it. At all. I'm rather certain he does. Come at a direction he doesn't expect. Stop falling for his games and pull him into one of yours."

Iruka paused, and bowed his head.

"I only say this because I can see your concern for him. It's what I do. I don't attack the behavior - it won't work. He believes himself to be justified." I explained. He let out a slow breath and rubbed his nose with one finger.

"So that's how you do it?" He said, looking up at me with approval in his eyes. He walked me out not long after our meeting.

"Its - it's really cool how you just swooped in and took him in like that." He said, his hands were in his pockets. "He and Sasuke - I never would have thought someone would just… help an orphan like that. It's admirable."

"Yes - well, I couldn't not do anything. For as much of a terror as Naruto can be, he certainly has a good heart. And Sasuke - well, he's certainly a charmer too." I said. Iruka smiled and bade me a good day shortly after. I hoped I was wrong about what I saw shining in his eye. I had my guesses but I didn't want to know - at all.

My talk with Naruto went okay. He didn't quite get the fuss, but he at least promised to try to not over use the technique. I did manage to see the technique myself - a very over-sexualized woman. I couldn't say I was a fan, or that I liked that he was using it - but I knew on this I couldn't fight him. I couldn't say much, after all I did flirt to distract people. Pot, kettle - same song and dance.

My work with Kakashi continued further. Our missions were steadily turning more and more into battles and fighting - some guarding duties or espionage cases. The c and b class cases weren't often too complex but tiring none-the-less. It did mean continued stress for Kakashi, although he hid it well. It wasn't often he broke down and wanted another massage. However, he would never straight out ask. Instead, he would walk in front of me and roll his shoulders like he was trying to work out a kink and sigh as if it was unbearable. At first I thought it was a new quirk to his character until I caught him glancing back at me.

"Need help there?" I asked playfully, raising my eyebrow at him.

"Maa - Tami-chan. I'm fine, I'm fine." He would tell me, trying to wave off concern. And then continue the same roll of his shoulders and the other behavior. I waited just to see if he would ever even ask, however he never did - he just stood near the chair for a beat. He would watch me until I pulled out the chair and tapped the back.

"If you're sure." He said. I rolled my eyes.

He never did fall asleep again, only leaning back and often kept his eye open the entire time. Maybe he didn't like the fact that I put him to bed? He never did say a word about it.

"Are you okay?" He asked one time, no warning - no nothing. He had pulled his whole song and dance, me amused the entire way. It was a good distraction from the book series.

"I'm fine."

"You've been distracted."

"Ah. So I have." I murmured, he was smart enough to know when I was or wasn't being honest. I hadn't been performing perfectly, but I was doing my best considering.

"Well?"

"It's fine. It's just… I thought I would be home by now, you know?" I said. It was the truth. I had high expectations. I certainly didn't think I would still be in this world. Or that I was from a book. He hummed - I thought he drifted off but he still seemed to have things on his mind.

"Trying to get rid of me?" He asked, sounding a little playful.

"Oh, of course. After all, I would hate to wear out my welcome with you. But methinks you have more hope than I. I bet you'll get your team soon enough." I assured him. Naruto started wearing orange more. It was soon. Maybe not this time, but probably next. Most of the students graduated when they were twelve.

"I doubt it." He said, his shoulder dropping. As I was already all sorts in his business I tilted his head back to look him in the eye. He stiffened only for a moment and relaxed the next.

"Mark my words. You will find another team. Guaranteed. Perhaps not this next one - but I hear fifth time's the charm." I said smiling at him. I may have had insider knowledge and all, but even with that…. That man could do near anything. He would deal with that just as well. I knew he would.

His eye crinkled at me. That was when I realized he still was hiding that other eye of his. I still didn't know the story behind it and he didn't share much. He knew all my secrets, even if he didn't know it was me - forgive me, but I rather wanted an even playing field. I just had to know.

"You - you haven't told me the tale about your - ah- other eye. I confess I'm rather curious." I said. He would either shut down or tell me. I didn't know if he thought we were close enough friends to say.

"I forget that you don't know…." He murmured. He sat back up right and gestured to the bed across from him. I followed his lead and sat down. I didn't bother trying to prompt him to talk. He would, given time.

"It's surprising that Sasuke hasn't told you anything about the Uchiha." Kakashi began.

"Is it?" I countered with a small grin, gesturing to him. He didn't say a thing about his secrets. I officially didn't have any to share. I wish I had, but he already knew them. He shot me an amused look before heaving a big sigh.

"During the Third Great Shinobi War, my team and I - we were in the middle of a mission that went south. I - I made the wrong decision to prioritize the mission before all else, and a friend called me out. He died because of my mistake. His dying wish was for me to take his eye - to use it to protect my friends and team mates. He was an Uchiha. They have a blood-line ability." He explained. He gained a far away look as if living in the memory. "Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum."

Oh. Oh. That was -. His father's death came back to my memory with such force I felt guilty for even asking.

"How old were you?" I asked. I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have asked. How could I continue asking him things when… when I dug through his past?

Kakashi looked away, "Twelve."

That was when he was promoted to Jounin or close enough. My. A twelve year old participating in war, making split second decisions - and carrying that burden even now. By that estimation, he was probably killing people - going up against life and limb. Never mind the fact it was mere years after his father tragically took his own life.

"You're not scum." I told him firmly.

"I never-" He started but stopped himself. He turned his head away.

"Well, just in case. Friends also don't let friends talk poorly about themselves. There's a great many rules on that, Kakashi. Besides, from what I've seen - you've become rather grand."

He scoffed and looked at me critically.

"You know something don't you?" He asked, a hint of a challenge in his tone.

"Perhaps." I hedged.

"What?"

I let out a deep sigh and scooted back to sit deeper in the bed. I patted the spot next to me and nodded my head. He moved over and sat beside me. I had to be honest. Fully honest. He deserved that much. Earned that much. He was a better partner than I had ever guessed. Hoped.

"I don't know if you're aware of my need to read contracts. I don't sign anything I haven't read. Especially when it's law binding." I began, "So I started reading. And there was a part in the contract that stated how should any B-rank or above mission not be completed as expected - things could go bad."

Kakashi was staring at me with such focus - no anger, no resentment - nothing.

"I may have come across some things. I didn't - I wasn't intending on finding what I found. But I had to at least know what I was looking at. There may have been a case that happened that - that indirectly pertained to you."

"My father." He stated.

"I-indeed." I stuttered, pushing my hair behind my ear. "I - he made a hard call. I can't imagine the specifics as to why he chose what he did. It must have been serious for a man like him to do what he did. I doubt it was chosen lightly. But he did it. I don't think - personally, I don't think he deserved what happened to him. I think he made the best call he could."

I could see the tenseness in his body slowly drain as he processed the information.

"So you left the flowers." He said.

"I couldn't not do anything." I said defensively.

"How did you find out about his death?" Kakashi asked. I pulled my knees in.

"I may have poked around the hospital records. Maybe. And I may have -well." I said meekly. He could very well kill me after this. I didn't know where I even stood with a man like this. Not right now.

"Well?" He said. He didn't do much but lay down on the bed, and put his hands behind his head. He was just waiting to spring a trap, I was sure. Shouldn't he be angry?

"I apologize for the invasion of privacy - for every level. But it was Naruto's comment that people throw things at him that - well-"

"You looked at mine too, didn't you?" he said - I could hear irritation in his voice.

"I tried to focus on the year that mattered and not anything else. Just that time." I said quickly. He sat up and glared at me through his one eye.

"Anything else?"

"Owl may have had concerns about our teaming up together. Made comments about an event that you -. Something happened. Called you a nasty name. I don't believe him, though. You're not-"

"It's true." Kakashi interrupted. My jaw dropped. No, I was so sure! But - but he knew what happened and I didn't. I didn't dare ask about that one. I probably wouldn't ever bring it up again unless he did. He laid back down, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't even guess what he was thinking. I felt more like a heel than anything. I was senselessly cruel to the man who had helped me more than I could express.

"So." He turned to me, his face dark. "You went through my personal files. My father's files. Without asking. Because you were curious?"

I sat up straighter and looked away. I was a coward. I should have faced him head on but I couldn't. "I did."

He glowered at me for a long minute before turning away in silence.

"I understand that you're upset with me. Whatever it takes to - well, I'll make it right." I swore. He heaved another sigh, and turned to me.

"Walker - I'm not angry at you." He said firmly.

"You should be. It's a gross violation of privacy." I said.

"Tami. Do you want me to be angry or not?"

"No, but -"

"I already knew you knew something. I just didn't know how deep you went or how much. In fact, I wondered about the flowers. No one would have put them there - besides me." He said. Well, that took the wind out of my sails.

"Ah."

"I'm not happy you did it. Actually, it's irritating, but neither of us thought we would be partnered together. Have you looked into my past since?" He asked. Finally he sat up and stared at me closely.

"No - it would be… Honestly, I try not to get involved." I admitted.

"Good." He said. Finally he pulled out his Icha Icha book and started to read it. I must have been dismissed. Slowly I went to remove myself from his bed to go to sit on mine. I doubted he wanted me around.

"You don't have to leave." He said quietly. I turned to look at him. His nose was still deep in his book. I didn't know what to think.

"Are your shoulders still-?"

"Maa- I'm fine." He said. I stuck my tongue out at him. His eye crinkled but he didn't say anything else. It was nice to know he didn't completely hate me. I was sure he would. I stayed there for a moment, just relaxing before finally leaving to get ready for the night.

The rest of the mission was fine; again, simple. Mostly due to Kakashi's skill, and our combined ingenuity. The strategies he came up with last second were astounding. I could see how Kakashi was so well respected, even with his obvious quirks. Truly, he was the prime example of the bunny-eared lawyer trope. He was able to be humored because he was simply that good. Once upon a time I thought it was the kindness of others that Kakashi took advantage of - instead, I was starting to believe it was something different.

Much different.

He was different.

Well, until dinner time came. We were getting our food at a restaurant - the moment the check came he whined.

"Tami-chan, you're so sweet. Telling me the truth about how horrible you were, going through my private files. My personal past. If only there were a way to make it up to me." He sighed regretfully.

My jaw dropped. Seriously?

"You must be joking." I said flatly.

"After all, you broke my trust. I really trusted you, Tami-chan. I just don't know if I can cope." He carried on. Ugh! I knew he was being manipulative, but it was working. The guilt that I had partnered with knowing he didn't know anything about me (officially, mind). It all twisted in my gut. Maybe I gave him too much credit? Probably.

"You're going to be impossible, aren't you?" I hissed, accusatory.

He sent me an eye-smile.

"You know I offered to make us square." I continued, pulling out my wallet. His eye smile didn't even budge.

"How can you? You don't remember anything." He said.

"Yes, well…" I drifted off, and continued to count out money for the tab. He was lucky he was in the right. I would have gotten even, but… but there wasn't much use. Somehow, for some reason - I didn't want to.

When the mission was done and we arrived back in Konoha, he didn't disappear like usual. We reported the case complete, and he patted me on the shoulder before leaving. I didn't quite understand why that meant something to me, but it did. I'll probably never know where I stand with him. He kept it a mystery.

Between the silence, from cases, Naruto's boisterous cheer and Sasuke's calm - the book series haunted me. It wouldn't let me go. It was like - well, like the white whale from Moby Dick. It was there, mocking me with it's failure to answer for itself.

At some point I had to decide what to do about the book about me. I tried to ignore it, but it sat there on my nightstand, mocking me. I should do something about it. Probably. Maybe. But I didn't want to. It was scary, seeing my whole life in the contents of a book. Who could I even talk to about that? Who would even know-.

Inoichi.

He would know. He had to know what it was like. He had to. He saw my memories. He saw what Maya and I thought. He would be the only one. Ibiki wasn't the kind to care. The Hokage had far more important things to take care of. Far more. Jiraiya? Who knew where he was.

It took some courage for me to go and find him. A couple days of wondering if I should even do so. I took the book with me and met up with him at his shop.

His wife, Noriko was there.

"Ah - pardon, but is your husband in. I need - I need some advice and I think-" I drifted off, trying to put together a cohesive sentence.

"He's away at the moment. I can leave a message with him." Noriko said - her voice was always clear, beautiful and very well put together. I slid the book over to her.

"Let him - let him see this. I think - there might be more to my mystery we aren't aware of." I said. Noriko took the book in her hand and looked it over. She only shot me a curious look - clearly not understanding. She instead nodded and took it to the back.

It took another couple of days for Inoichi to contact me for tea. A day after that we met up and I could barely look him in the eye. He had brought the book but that was all.

"So." He began, "You left a book and no explanation."

"Did you read it?" I asked.

"No. I didn't." He said firmly, I could see that he didn't understand what I was getting at. I reached over and flipped the book over to the back. I lifted it up to put it by my side.

"Do tell, does she look familiar?" I asked quietly. He stared at the character on the back for a moment before his face fell.

"Come." He bid me. We left in a hurry with the book in tow. He led me to a private location - a sealed off room complete with special jutsus and various other things he did. It took nearly five minutes for him to complete it. He finally sat down before me, looking like he aged ten years.

"This is - what is this?"

"It's a series - on my life. Names - places are different but everything else -it's me. My story." I said. "I'm - I'm a book."

Inoichi sent me a grim smile. "Feels great, doesn't it?"

"My - I don't - I've no idea what to do with this. If this is anything to be believed I - I died.

"You didn't die." He said firmly.

"But it -"

"You didn't die. I would have known. Your memories would have been patched together or missing. You were summoned. We saw the beginning. We saw the end. Nothing was missing." He said again.

"Yes, but -" I continued but he cut me off again.

"Tami. You're letting this unravel you?" He asked challengingly. I looked away.

"I.. I, ah. I will say it's been interesting."

"And you know that I would know how you felt." He said.

"Exactly." I replied. I leaned back, pulling myself together again. "You're rather good at this…"

"I have a wife and a daughter. And I've been in your mind."

"Please don't remind me." I said - it was one of the few things I actively avoided thinking about. I had been doing pretty good. I could talk around it but.. I rather hated the reminder.

Inoichi sat back in his chair, evaluating me. I took the time to collect myself again.

"I don't - I mean, I'm a book." I said, I could barely keep my voice steady.

"At least you're the main character from the looks of it." Inoichi said, sliding the book over to him. "I always thought I was interesting enough for a story. Or at least my precious daughter is. She's blossoming into a beautiful young woman."

"Mm." I hummed. Ino was - ah, we didn't get along well.

"What's brought you to me?" He asked.

"You never wavered. At all. You didn't even flinch with the information I had - that you're a.. A-" I couldn't finish the thought. I didn't even think of any of them as just an Anime character. That died the moment I saw Kakashi as another human - smart and incredibly - well, incredible.

"A cartoon? Anime? Manga?" He listed off, a small smile on his face.

"Ah… yes - that." I agreed.

"Does it matter?" He asked.

I went to respond but couldn't get a word out. I didn't even know.

"Does it? Think about it. Does this change anything even in the slightest? You still have family waiting for you. You have a home you've built here. For all you know, this could be a coincidence."

"I read the series. It follows conversations, friendships, my entire life." I said.

"Okay. So you're in a book. So what? What does it change?" He asked. I turned away, processing the question.

"Nothing, but-"

"But nothing. It doesn't change anything important." He said firmly.

"Right. Right. I-I, ah… I probably shouldn't go see the author ah?" I asked. I felt like a five year old, asking a parent what I should do.

"No, I would go if you can. You might find some answers." He said. I nodded, although I didn't know what to think myself. I felt a little unraveled, just like he said. I didn't know what to do.

"Jiraiya is returning soon. Maybe you could talk to him about it?"

Jiraiya. I could. He was a writer. Maybe he would know the author personally. It might be what I needed. And, I did need to talk to him about that Album.

"Maybe. " I murmured.

"Don't let this be what makes you fall apart." Inoichi advised.

"Right. Right. I won't I-. Thank you, Inoichi." I said. He nodded to me, and got up. He undid whatever jutsus he had over the door and we left shortly after.

"I'll have Jiraiya look you up as soon as he arrives." He told me.

It didn't even take a week for Jiraiya to climb through my window without warning.

"Welcome. It's nice you invited yourself in." I said. Thank goodness I was in the kitchen and I didn't just happen upon him.

"It's good to see you again too." He said with a grin. I crossed my arms and turned to him. Jiraiya looked the same but far merrier. He didn't carry himself as low any more and there was a bounce to him. He looked good, albeit the same physically speaking. Love looked good on him.

"You should put seals up if you don't want intruders." He said after settling in. I waved off the concern. I wasn't interested in finding out how to even do that. What care had I? I wasn't all that interesting to be attacked in the middle of the night. All I had to worry about was Owl, Kakashi and Jiraiya.

"Did you speak with Inoichi?" I asked. Jiraiya grumbled, scratching his chin and neck.

"Said you needed to find an author?"

"Yes. I hoped you would know about it." I handed him the book, the neck cover facing up.

Jiraiya. He saw the character, me, and froze.

"I'm assuming you recognize her, ah?" I said lightly.

"Well, now… that's interesting." He rubbed his chin, looking the book over. "Wasn't that the crazy outfit you wore?"

"It was a costume." I defended.

"You looked insane." He told me. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, well, it happens. He knew…. He knew. The author..." I rubbed my arms, trying to not get too upset. Like Inoichi said, it didn't matter. Not at all.

Jiraiya watched me.

"I have a little bit of free time. I guess I can pencil you in." He sighed exaggeratedly.

"I mean, you are my manager." I said dryly. He froze again and started nervously laughing.

"How did you even?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"They record everyone. At the end of the night, you left early and they asked me about an album." He explained.

"Ah? So you signed me."

"Maybe."

"The residuals?"

"Well, I may have-" He cut himself off with a laugh.

"You can have whatever they first promised you but I want the residuals." I said, "O' dear manager."

He scowled at me.

"You signed me without my knowledge or say so. I have a case. You know I do." I continued.

"Fine." He grumbled. After I left this world, I would be routing those residuals to Naruto himself. Sasuke was well off, but Naruto wasn't.

I sighed, pushing my hair from my face. I tried to ignore the

"Can - can you.." I stuttered, "Jiraiya, this… Honestly, this - how did you handle this."

He huffed and sat on my counter. "Just because you think I'm a cartoon doesn't mean I am."

I hummed.

"You sure you're up for this?" Jiraiya asked.

"If I wait any longer, I won't." I said firmly. He sighed and rubbed his chin.

"We'll go tomorrow morning. Early. You're lucky. I know the author - he's a fan of my work." Jiraiya said with a grin.

Well.

He was in the middle of climbing out my window again when he turned to me. "I'll meet you at 7am at the gate."

I nodded quietly. He was about to leave when I called out to him one more time. "Jiraiya… Thank you."

He paused there between the sil and watched me for a second. He smiled at me once more before taking off.

Jiraiya was - well, he was always strange. I probably wasn't as kind as he deserved, considering he was planning on helping me. He very well could have just told me off . He didn't. I owed him more than just respect. For this? Much more. Far much more.

I did my rounds. I only told Naruto and Sasuke I was going to be out with a friend. I did pop by Kakashi's. He had holed himself away, hiding out in his home. I figured I'd do him proud and knock on his window.

So I sat there like Spiderman, and knocked out shave and a haircut on his window pane. He didn't knock back, but climbed over and slid the window open. His bed was right on the other side of the window. I never thought he was the type to want natural light for reading. But, he seemed to excel in surprising me.

"Yes?" He asked. He was eying me with a touch of amusement.

"Proud? Thought you'd rather like this." I said.

"You still need to work on your chakra reserves. And your strength." He said easily - my, did he have a running tab on me?

"Mm - should I ever need humbling, you're the one to call first." I said. Kakashi sent me an eye smile.

"Is that why…?" He asked. I looked away and pushed my hair from my face.

"I-I ah… I've a lead for my mysterious past. I'm heading out for a bit with Jiraiya tomorrow morning." I told him, it was the closest to the truth as I could get. Something flashed across his face far quicker than I could even tell - and once more he was unreadable.

"That's good." He said evenly.

"I - ah, yes." I murmured.

"Do you think-? Is it big?"

"No - no. It could be nothing. It's probably nothing. But If I don't look ..."I drifted off, and looked away.

"Of course. Best case scenario: if you find them, will you be back? " He asked.

"Yes, yes.. I-I ah, already promised Naruto and Sasuke I would. I'd have to at least say goodbye." I said.

"What about -" He stopped himself before he could finish. Instead he pulled back the smallest amount.

"Of course. I couldn't not say goodbye. I'll have to find out about your team. It is tomorrow, isn't it?" I asked.

He sighed, and leaned against his wall. He didn't like to be reminded of the Genin's he would be overseeing.

"You're looking forward to that more than me." He accused dully. My jaw dropped.
"Wha-? I - no. No, not at all." I said. His head tilted curiously.

"Oh?"

"I mean - I… I know you're wanting them to work together. I hope you find the right team." I told him. "By-the-by, I may be going to see that author of the books you leant me. If you'd like, I could see if I can get an autograph."

Kakashi froze for a moment before snagging the first book and handing it over to me.

"Here. Don't bend it." He said to me.

"I absolutely won't." I promised.

Neither of us seemed to know how to say goodbye at that point.

The next day came far too soon.

The trip to the author's home far too fast.

And I still didn't feel any kind of ready for it.

His name was Shoma. He was a thin, frail looking man - older. He welcomed Jiraiya like an old friend, and I with veiled curiosity. Part of me had hoped - I had hoped that it might have been a family member of mine. Someone I knew, no matter how small the chance. It wasn't. I had never seen him before at all.

We sat on his couch with tea. His home was so very cosy - like a little cottage.

"Jiraiya! I'm so glad to see you again. I hear your next book will be released soon! I look forward to reading it." He said in a light tone.

"Yeah. I have a few copies. I can get you on the list." Jiraiya said easily. He was sprawled out, clearly far more relaxed. "Gotta say - you have a new fan. A little late, though from what I hear."

"Oh! You like my work?" Shoma asked me, a smile ready on his face. I tried my best not to fidget.

"It was quite the read. Very thrilling." I said lightly.

"I'm glad to hear it. It's so sad that the series had to end, but… my muse disappeared. Suddenly she was gone." He sighed.

"Oh?"

"Yes. The main character - she was gone. Vanished. But the other's - well. It was strange." He murmured, mostly to himself. I paused, trying to process what he had said.

"I've always wondered. If there's another universe out there. Another place - another time. If we could only just glimpse into it. They always seemed so real. The places were like nothing -." He stopped himself.

I chose that moment to bury myself in my tea. Nope. Not the conversion I wanted.

"I'll miss her. She was a fun one. Terribly unhappy, but fun." Shoma said. Jiraiya darted a glance at me. I worked my jaw, trying to respond.

"She wasn't unhappy, she- she had her Uncle and that annoying Cousin of hers. Her friends. A great job..." I brought up quickly.

"Happy women don't act like she did. They don't use terms of endearment to keep people distant. They don't mock or tease people. They don't challenge others to kill them. She did that - book three. That's what caused Ryota to teach her to fight. She kept jumping into harm's way, as if to challenge death itself. She finally lost." He said. I thought he was done but he carried on, "She didn't even really care about her acting career - it was to keep her Uncle happy while she worked with him. He hated that she chose his profession. All her Uncle wanted was for her to be happy."

I shook. I didn't know if it was his incredibly frank analysis of me or something else I couldn't name. I stood up and left.

I made my way out, holding myself as I went. He was wrong. There was no way he had any right to say that. Normally I would have said something, but - but - I couldn't. I was happy at home. I was. I had been. Why wouldn't I have been?

He was a liar.

An absolute liar.

Uncle loved that I worked with him. Didn't he? Hadn't he? He was proud of me - I thought. But he - he did hate it when I went off alone without him. I did that often enough. Perhaps. Maybe. And he was furious when I told him that I would still continue to pursue detective work even if he said no. It felt like only a minute later that Jiraiya was standing there before me.

"You okay?" Jiraiya asked. I had bet so set on thinking of my Uncle, I could almost hear him over Jiraiya. "You okay, Tams?"

"I'm fine." I said firmly.

""You don't look-"

"I'm fine." I continued.

Jiraiya fell quiet, watching me quietly. He didn't speak for a long moment.

"Do you want to go?" He asked.

"I - I," I stuttered, yes, I wanted to but couldn't yet. "Could you - could you get an autograph? I promised Kakashi."

I produced the book from my pouch and handed it to him.

Jiraiya's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought you two hated each other. Last time I was in Konoha you were glaring at each other."

"We were partnered together. I'm working with him now, and - well. It is what it is." I said. Jiraiya grunted.

"And how's that going?"

"Truly? Well. He's a good sort." I said.

He grunted, and snagged the book. I don't know how he got the autograph but he did. Shoma did step back out and see us off.

"I apologize if I-" He paused, not able to finish the thought.

"You've nothing to be forgiven over. You've done nothing wrong. Forgive me for storming out. I've just been - off for a time. Thank you. For everything." I said, but my tone was lifeless-flat. I might grossly disagree with him but he was a sweet old man. He saw us when he could have said no.

I held myself together long enough to get home and hide in the bathroom for a few hours. I would never admit to the breakdown that occurred.

Ever.

It wasn't until the next day that I went to find Kakashi. He was in a tree somewhere. It took time tracking him down. I climbed it, choosing to forgo the tree-walking. His nose was deep in another Icha Icha book and he only glanced at me. I handed him his other book and he took it silently.

"I hope you had better luck?" I asked.

"Maa," He grumbled, "They refused to break the rules to look after each other. One of them was willing to sacrifice himself and forced the group to go along with it. They had potential but..."

"Ah." I said, I glanced at him. "That's - well. Like I said. Fifth-times the charm."

"What about you?" He asked. He put down his book to watch me.

"It was a bust. Nothing." I said.

"I'm sorry. Were you able to learn anything at least."
"Well - no. You're not the only one to be able to humble me it seems." I said humorously. He scoffed and went back to his book.

"Another year?" he asked lightly. There was something warm in his eye.

"Mm. Another, it seems." I agreed.

I didn't know what to even think anymore. But at least he was a stable point in my life - even with all the crazy things going on.

AN/: So here we are! The scene with Kakashi learning about her going through his past - I didn't know how he would react with that. He could be incredibly angry or not at all. (I mean, if I was a ninja working with a woman who went through files for a living for information - AND I'm super smart like he is? He probably called it way before now) It was hard to figure that out. I don't know if I got it right.
Also - a hint into Tami's psyche. She's control driven, if it hasn't been made apparent. If she can't control it she ignores it or covers it up. Which, either means she deals with it immediately or doesn't even realize it's happening. Much like how she's feeling now about someone specific. ;)
And! Mystery revealed :3 There was a possibility of it being someone else, someone in her family say… her Cousin Charles. However, it didn't work well with the plot and there were too many questions on how he would even end up there. Which would have also been heartbreaking for her, because he would have been older and she would have thought it was her Uncle standing there.

Thank you guys- so much for the reviews, follows and favorites. Love you all, and hope you remain safe and healthy in this time :3