Chapter 1

Gaia's Interlude : Toska

posted on January 13, 2018

"Toska - noun /ˈtō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness. "

"No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom."

-Vladimir Nabokov

Looking outside, I wondered what I should do next. My little indentured servant- I mean, apprentice still needed to learn to use her deity abilities but she wouldn't with me here and at the rate we're going, she never will. I slumped my shoulders when I remembered all the times I've tried and oh boy, did I try.

I told her we'd be going on a picnic so the first phase of the plan is done .

Breathing labored as she followed me, Xeno gasped something out. "Gaia, where exactly are we going?"

Nonchalantly looking at her, I wondered when she'd finally start levitating. In a few minutes she should-Oh, who am I kidding? It'll take a miracle never mind a few years to even get her to actually start using her abilities. Out of every person I could've!-Relax Gaia, I loosened my tense muscles as I thought, that's the reason why you're walking in the middle of the woods in the first place. "We're going for a picnic."

"I,"she puffed up and huffed,"get that, but where?"

Rolling my eyes, I answered unnecessarily. "In the woods" Finally, some peace and quiet. Oh, and look, we're right beside where the cave should be. Stopping, I turned at just the right moment to push her into the cave. Phase two, done!

"Gaia!-AAAAAAHHHHH"

C'mon, you can do it, Xeno! Use your powers!

When that didn't work, I decided that maybe she needed more incentive.

"What are we doing here?" Phase one, done!

"It's for more incentive." I slapped her back and gave her a thumbs up to encourage her as she fell towards the spiked bottom of the pit. Phase two, done!

"GAI-AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

Hm, perhaps she needs even more incentive.

Cautiously looking around, Xeno didn't look like she was taking chances this time. "Which one of your schemes is this, Gaia?"

Phase one where I take Xeno to a suspicious plain is done! Now, the next part of the plan is for me to wait.

She stepped forward, scanning the plain as she went when she stepped on the pitfall trap with snakes at the bottom. Phase two, done!

"GA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH"

When even that didn't work, I thought maybe a bit more incentive would help.

Alright, so phase one, where I make a desert, is done! Phew! Even if I can't sweat, that made me feel like my sweat glands were crying. Materializing a smoothie out of thin air, I prepared to enact phase 2. Pulling at the non-existent air in front of me, a portal with rock arches surrounding it appeared. Using it, I pulled my unsuspecting victi-apprentice through.

Leaving the scene of the crime, I prepared for the long wait to be done.

The thing is, you can't teach someone to survive without you when they know you'll save them at the last moment.

A bear large enough that he had to bend when he exited the cave came out. "Goddess, what shall we do? She fainted"

"Leave her be, she'll wake up soon enough. By the way, as thanks for the favor would you like some turkey?"

I couldn't not save her, I wasn't cruel enough for that.

I pulled her up just before the spike hit her, hoping even until the last moment that she would've caught herself.

I kept hoping though.

Peering into the snake pit, I shouted down into the deep dark hole. "Did it work?"

"Sssssorry Goddesssssss, I'm afraid it didn't." Was the reply that echoed up.

I hoped enough for a million people.

I watched as she fell, too hungry to move and too dehydrated to even shout. No Gaia, you just have to wait for her to use her powers! Seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks, I couldn't take it anymore and quickly brought her home.

The worst thing was that I couldn't foist her off into someone else's crue- I mean, loving hands because of the contract.

I turned around, continuing to wonder as I wandered the halls of my home. The problem with Xeno wasn't that she didn't learn all she could, she did. It was just that she didn't use anything she learned outside of our lessons if she could help it. A good parallel is when a student is taught how to get x and the moment they don't need it anymore they forget it. Except in her case, she doesn't even have the decency to wait until she doesn't need it anymore to discard the lesson. Maybe though, that's all she needs, a true practical test for all she's learned, not just one for defense.

Yeah, a practical test like that sounds good! Something challenging enough that it will force her to use everything I've ever taught her. Something that would burn the memory of all her lessons deep into her soul. Something like, something like- Ah! I can't think of a- I spotted a portrait on the wall to my right and immediately felt the expression my apprentice liked to call my "scheming grin" invade my features.

The portrait was a gorgeous rendition of a map of one of my domains. A place that was more water than land and was dotted with islands. Islands filled with normal people and islands filled with people powerful enough to rival some of the lesser deities. The place was perfect! Smiling, I nearly started to celebrate when I realized the problem with my plan. For it to work I needed to leave her alone in one of my domains. One of my domains with the aforementioned people who could rival gods or goddesses.

Xeno knew all she needed to become a true goddess though, she just needed more practice. Something I've already given her time to do, but I know she hasn't done so, not if she could help it anyway. Whenever I forced her, all I ended up doing is saving her because I'm too scared despite knowing that I need to stop. Perhaps it would be better then, to leave her in one of my domains without guidance and give her the job of minister for a time. I wouldn't watch her because I'd end up saving her and I can't afford to coddle her, she'll be a goddess with her own domain soon enough and that means she'll have enemies crueler than even I one day.

Turning, the proof that my worries weren't unfounded stared me in the face from an alcove. I froze as I scanned his features for a moment. Kind eyes, a perpetual quirk at the edges of his lips and a baby face that would make even Cupid tease him. Unbidden, a whisper meant only for his ears passed my lips. "Hopefully she'll do better than you."