Hello :)
Super short chapter as I am getting in the wave of writing among the busyness that is life.

I mainly updated so you all know I am alive and haven't given up on this story ;)

Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh my heart it breaks, every step that I take
But I'm hoping at the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine

Tauriel left Erebor with rapid footsteps in search of Thranduil. The dwarves requested his presence but all she could do is voice their wishes as she did not possess the energy to convince him to attend the funeral.

Her eyes were fixed ahead of her and her pace was unyielding. She regained the last ounces of her strength to keep her head held high and she tightened her clenched fists to prevent her tears from falling. Every step hurt her in every sense of the word. But she kept on going.

Step after step her body begged for her to stop when at last her wounds won over her. She stopped right at the entrance of the bridge that led into Dale. She collapsed but managed to catch her fall as she leaned on some rocks. She sniffed as she moved her hair out of her face and behind her ears. She could almost feel his hands doing just that as he had done times before. It was ghostly... as if the wind carried his touch.

She quickly moved her attention away from lingering thoughts as she had finally allowed herself a moment of rest. She sat down on the cold but comfortable rock and tried to swim out of the shock trance she knew she was still in. Her eyes surveyed the damage that surrounded her. Death, destruction, smoke, and darkness enveloped her sights as well as distant cries deafened her ears.

"No one wins a war" she said as a fiery rage shook her body as she clutched her fists closed. Did she dare and curse her survival?

She nodded as tears welled up in her eyes once again.

"You are so foolish" she hissed at herself as the wish of her death flashed in her eyes for many seconds. She wished she could have followed him. She wished she was among the ones fallen as long as it meant sparing her eyes from looking at so much gore and death.

"Come back to me" Tauriel whispered to herself as her mind raced from one thought to another. What she said out loud was random and even more so strange as she realized she was talking to herself. She felt like screaming, as if she needed to release the rage she felt. It was burning her, making her every breath harder to take then the last.

She breathed in rapidly as sounds got louder and images flashed in her mind. Blade, orc, him… in that order. Blade, orc and him… and she… she did not save him.

Her fault.

"Tauriel" she heard a voice call to her but her mind was almost blurry and shaking… and perhaps she felt as if something inside of her wanted to cry and scream for days to come. Her name sounded almost magical in that voice… that stupidly magnificent voice.

"Tauriel"

There it was again, but a different voice, and then her eyes opened because she finally gathered up her courage to do so. She was hesitant, as for fear of looking at those brown eyes. Thankfully, it was the wizard and he was standing there looking at her with a curious and worried gaze.

"Hello" he greeted with a soft smile and Tauriel had to turn away from such softness.

"I was about to summon Thranduil" she announced as she rose and out of respect, bowed. Gandalf took a few steps closer to her and sighed as she took a small step back.

"Your heart holds great misery" he whispered. Her defense immediately surfaced and she shook her head, held her head high, and took a deep breath.

"No. I am fine" she shot, and Gandalf noticed the venom hint in her voice. "There has been many casualties, we are all experiencing misery"

Gandalf smiled at her and came closer. "You are allowed to mourn"

Tauriel bit her lip and shook her head. "This is the reason why love should be forbidden"

Gandalf watched her fight back tears that threatened to fall. Her will to look strong slowly faded yet she held on to it as tight as she held on to that runestone.

"Love is not a curse Tauriel" he whispered with a tone that gave Tauriel goosebumps and almost made her believe such epic lie.

She shook her head and smiled, something that did not give any light to her eyes. Gandalf closed his as her darkness and grief clouded him as well.

"Yes it is" she said as her voice was carried off by the wind which no longer caused her to shiver. Every wave of pain was already doing that, cold winter wind was the least of her problems.

"I will summon Thranduil" Gandalf proposed. "And you shall go find a tent and rest"

Tauriel's cold eyes flickered over to his and he saw her give him the smallest of nods.

"I can rest inside there" Tauriel said pointing at one standing tower inside Dale. Gandalf turned to the look at the tower, relieved that she had agreed to rest. The tower looked empty but far. That was not appropriate for a wounded and grief stricken elf.

"How about a closer one?" he asked.

"No" was all she said as she began to walk away. Her fiery hair behind her left a path of sadness.

"Tauriel" he called and he saw how it took her several steps to finally stop and turn around. She did so slowly.

"Kili isn't gone. He will remain with us for ever. His love for you was real, everything was"

Tauriel's eyes steeled and no tears resurfaced.

"Don't say his name in my presence" she begged as she turned around and continued her path along the bridge. Every step took great effort yet she did not want to stop. Her eyes remained dry and the runestone was hidden away in her pocket.

"Don't speak to me" she murmured with fire in her voice, but it was not to the saddened wizard who was strolling quietly behind her.

Notes:

Thank you for reading :)