Sparks 23

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort"

Jane Austen

Naruto was thrilled. He was getting his first C-class mission. Lucky little thing - it took me months to get a c-rank mission. But it also meant preparations for him. I had stepped over to his place to help him pack up for the next morning. Sasuke had assured me he could get ready alone - so I let him do it. He wasn't one to lie. Naruto, though, had been carrying on for the past 15 minutes about how he'd prove himself to his village. To say he was excited was an understatement. He was bouncing around his room from sheer exuberance.

"You know Tami-chan you should come with us! 'Ttebayo! I bet Kakashi-sensei wouldn't mind." He said sneakily.

"Oh?" I hummed as I peaked through his bag. So far, Naruto packed his night clothes, some scrolls and one pair of changed clothes. That wasn't going to be enough. "Do you have enough underwear?"

"Tami-chan! You can't ask that." He said with a blush.

"Too late. I did. Come - get your things." I ushered him on.

Naruto secretly got his things. I sighed and started looking through his pantry. He'd want snacks on the way. I could set up a trail mix for him.

"You didn't say anything - so? Wanna come?" He asked me after hiding his underthings away in his bag.

"I don't think it works that way, lovely." I told him. Naruto sighed loudly as I packed his bag further. He then looked back at me with a mischievous grin.

"I bet Kakashi-sensei misses working with you." He tried again. This one had the subtlety of a bull in a fine-china shop.

"I bet Kakashi-sensei misses having someone who listens." I stressed. Naruto frowned at me and I ruffled his hair. "Mind your sensei on your mission. He's near the best there is."

"Yeah right." Naruto scoffed, "Kakashi-sensei is cool and all but he's not that great."

"Oh? Based on?" I asked.

"Well he reads those dirty books all the time! And he's late! And he's always knocking me in the head."

"Did you do something to deserve it?" I asked lightly. He scoffed and looked away.

"Your sensei has been a Jounin far longer than you've been around, lovely. He's knowledgeable and trustworthy - when it's serious. Do not mistake his lackadaisical nature for carelessness. He's the best there is." I told him assuredly. Naruto pouted but then a sly look painted itself onto his face. I didn't like that one bit.

"You like Kakashi-sensei, don't you Tami-chan?" He said with a grin. My mouth dropped. That little -!

"I greatly admire-"

"You like Kakashi-sensei!"

"-and respect -"

"You do!"

"-him as a colleague and-"

"You're in looooovvveee!"

"Naruto!" I snapped, fighting the blush that threatened to take over my face. I snagged him by the nose to catch his attention. He stopped, his eyes widening. "Stop it. Now. That is between your teacher and I. Not your concern."

Naruto pouted at me until I let his nose go. He turned his face away and crossed his arms.

"Just - promise me that you'll be safe and listen to your sensei." I said.

"Fine, fine." Naruto grumbled.

With that I was able to get his things together and the next day I walked with him to the gate.

Ah.

Team seven was there, sure enough. Naruto laughed excitedly and bounced over to his team. An old man stood there drinking beer, eyeing me sideways.

Why did he look so familiar?

Painfully familiar, in fact.

I pushed the thought aside and made my way to Kakashi.

"I tried to get him to be more interested in behaving." I said softly. Kakashi only sighed. I could see just by the set in his shoulders he was getting tired of Naruto's excitement. I couldn't blame him, truly. Naruto was so very high energy.

"We'll be gone for a while." Kakashi told me. I hummed.

"Same old song and dance - new crew." I replied, "best come back in one piece, ah?"

"Or what, exactly?" He asked.

"Oh, well - you know, the usual. Terrifying threats of violence. Getting my horrifying pajamas involved." I replied. He scoffed at me. He was about to reply when - we both seemed to realize we had three distinct sets of eyes on us. Four, if the drunk client was included.

He gave me an eye smile and I stepped away.

"Stay safe, ah? No parties after ten." I said playfully. Sasuke rolled his eyes but smirked my way. Naruto was busy grinning and Sakura? She seemed far too excited…. Those kids were up to something. I didn't envy Kakashi. The familiar old man huffed and I watched them go.

It was strange, watching them leave. A little over a month ago or so ago - that had been us going. So strange to think about. I stood there for far too long before finally turning back and heading to work.

The following days were so very quiet. Naruto wasn't racing through my doorway to tell me of some grand thing he wished me to see. Sasuke wasn't conveniently showing up. There were no tapping on my windows, and no masked man situated in the trees reading. For the first time - I was alone. It was… it was sobering.

I had work, of course - training, yes; and the scrolls. I had those to work though. But that last one left a sour taste in my mouth.

Come on, then. You owe Uncle. You owe it to him.

I had to get home but- but the words from that author still haunted me.

That I hadn't been happy and that's all Uncle wanted for me.

The author was a liar though. He had to be. He didn't - he couldn't know.

And yet.

I sat there on the ground wishing a sour little grump would walk through my front door to talk. Just hoping that a silver hair headache inducer would knock on my window. Or even that a whiskered little blond would race through my door to show me pictures on my camera. I knew… I knew if I left it would be worse.

I'd miss Kurenai's smiles, Guy being so very strange and even the rare instances I'd seen Asuma crack a wide grin. Now I knew my fam- friends would be back but… after I leave? It would be done. Gone.

What a tangled web I weaved for myself.

I had friends at home, an entire family - and even, even that little bit of leftover hope that my father wasn't as cruel as I thought he was; that he'd actually one day try to reconcile. And, of course the only family who ever truly believed in me.

For the first time I felt well and truly lost.

I had dug myself in this hole and - and it was down to no one but me to figure it out.

No conversation with Inoichi or Jiraiya could help me. No talk from the Hokage could help. Asking Ibiki anything would only get me laughed out of his office.

There I was on my living room floor - just as lost as I was three years ago.

Three years.

Had Uncle given up? What happened to Maya? Were they concerned? Upset?

Has father declared me dead yet? Or was I still just lost?

I wondered what would happen if I actually figured my way home. Would I actually use it? I thought about the loneliness from the past few days - it will be worse. Clearly, it would be.

But I will have my Uncle.

But what would he think?

What would Uncle think of me? If he were with me? What would he say? Do?

He was always so practical. So very smart. I missed him in ways that I - I couldn't quite express. He would have known what to do. He would have.

But me?

I hadn't a clue.

It was then, sitting on my floor that I realized who that other man was. The one team 7 was escorting. I knew him. I did.

That scene of the scared children with the old man and Kakashi fighting a Kiri-nin in bandages.

Oh

It couldn't be.

I remembered the older man - the shouting I couldn't understand. At the time I saw that little clip of the episode I'd all but rolled my eyes. Now?

Now I was borderline panicking.

From what I could recall from that snippet - Kakashi had fought one on one with that man - he looked exhausted. And not in a way I was used to. At all.

I couldn't-.

I just….

I had to calm down. I had to think rationally. It was the beginning, right? It couldn't be bad. He couldn't die. However, now I was concerned and needed to act. If I didn't, it would eat me alive.

For now, I'd ignore the scrolls. No matter… no matter what I decided, I needed at least to be able to solve that problem.

At the very least.

I could see if Ibiki might have a task in the area. Maybe a spy who needed checking up on. Or even an informant. He'd probably know my goal - he always knew. But it wouldn't matter. I could just make sure they were safe. Things would be okay after that. I could go home with no worry in the world. Although - I wasn't quite sure which home I was even talking about.

The next morning I went into work. I didn't dare ask outright. Practically a death sentence there.

Instead I looked at my progress. Maybe I could pluck something up?

We had more information on Suna than anything. From the looks of things, Konoha and Suna were off and on friends. Like mean girls in highschool arguing over the same man - they couldn't quite figure out where the other stood. A great many of them were like that. Besides the main five of course.

However, little was remarked on The Land of Waves. Truly? Very little. Mostly because it was a know-nothing town in an unspecial part of the world. There was no hidden village and it was so out of the way that it had little attention. Well, Tanigakure was near enough. Maybe. But they hadn't been a contender in the world for - thirty years. Sad, really. My idea was dying a very slow and painful death. I had nothing to barter - nothing to entice. Nothing.

Why did it have to be a little nothing village?

Kakashi would know immediately that I was there because of them. He'd know. He'd know I was worried and knowing him he'd be upset with me. Either because it meant I doubted his ability or doubted his ability to keep his team safe.

I sighed running a hand through my hair. I'd have to wait.

I hated waiting.

I didn't want to but I couldn't just leave my job and... and...go.

Kakashi would be fine. So would Naruto. They both became Hokage later on. This happened before. They could make it. Sasuke? Well - he supposedly left the village at some point. He had to have made it through. Sakura - I didn't know. I didn't know about her at all. But I knew Kakashi well enough that he'd protect her too. He would.

So instead, I kept myself busy. I got to know my coworkers.

Shinobu was absolutely fascinated by my process. I'd been able to dodge him since the interview but now - he, another and I sat down for lunch to talk about what we did. The usual work stuff.

Mozuku was the other man. He didn't care for my tactics. He had rectangular frames and a sweet face for the job he was doing. He was rather quick witted. Both he and Shinobu were that way. They were rather fun. When not talking about torture.

"There's no finessing. No real skill. You just talked." Mozuku said with a sigh. I shrugged.

"Quite a good way to get to the bottom of things." I said.

"But you weren't there in the interview! She was... " Shinobu crossed his arms, leaning against the table. "You were forcing reactions out of me. It was like you were poking around a building to figure out what was inside."

I had to give it to him. He wasn't wrong.

"Like I said - a good way to get to the bottom of things. Ninja's don't think enough about their own reactions. They're busy being fancy." I explained. I wondered if these gentlemen would ever be interested in the mines game. Probably. Maybe.

"I'm not fancy. Just skilled." Mozuko grumbled.

"You've the ability to go into someone's mind and dig stuff up. Who would have thought you could see it on someone's face if you can go straight to the source?" I remarked.

"Could you imagine? Seriously! Think about it. If she joins us in the Honesty room and can read them when we're working? It'd cut our time in half." Shinobu pointed out.

I nearly gagged right there. I had no interest in torture.

"You do know that oftentimes people say what they think you wish to hear while being tortured, right? Pollutes the intel." I said dully. Ugh. I hated the idea.

"I guess they're not doing it right." He replied.

I pushed my food away.

It wasn't like I was hungry or anything.

Ugh.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Team 7 couldn't return soon enough. Truly - I was even beginning to miss the headaches a certain someone always seemed to cause.

Soon I continued on with my day, going through the papers and making progress. Slow, but steady progress.

I was - I was in trouble. If I missed them that much now? Well - I didn't know what I would do once I was gone for good.

That brought up another point. They'd - they'd never see me again. Kakashi might read my story but he had no idea it belonged to me. Me? The series was popular enough that I'd see it near everywhere. Posters, books, events - cosplayers?

Oh.

Oh that thought made me near sick to my stomach.

Kakashi was a fan favorite. He'd be - he'd be everywhere. Chicago had an anime convention every year. I only knew about it because Maya always went. There were times I had to pick her up. I'd have to see someone else dressed up as him.

It'd be like him but everything would be only just slightly wrong. They wouldn't have the right slouch. Their exposed eye wouldn't carry the same weight as his. Maybe the vest wasn't made of the right material. Maybe the headband didn't have the right number of scuffs and scratches. The sweater wouldn't have that right relaxed sag to it. That didn't even account for Naruto or Sasuke - or my other friends. It'd be a reminder of the world I left behind - every year.

This. This wasn't going to be easy.

Because at the end of the day it was boiling down to two men in my life.

My Uncle who I loved dearly who helped me when no one else would - who'd lost near everything. Or a man who could very well leave me like all the others had and find someone else - even if I stayed for him. We might have something of a flirtationship but… but where did that leave us? Leave me? He very well could… he could have another side to him I didn't even know. Probably did.

While I loved and adored both Naruto and Sasuke - they wouldn't even be close to the reason why I'd stay. I loved them but - but I was still selfish, they were still growing and now since they became ninja their world was expanding. My loss could and would be painful but - but they'd move on. Surely they would. It wouldn't be bad. They had each other. They had their sensei and Sakura. They would be fine.

It was.. It was a foolish idea. To think Kakashi was even remotely-.

Uncle was probably my safe bet. But, telling my heart that was a different matter entirely.

Within the coming weeks, Guy seemed to know I wasn't my usual brand of sassy. He would pop in often enough.

I was in the middle of one of my jogs when he came up, jogging backwards with his recruits with him. The little boy in green was all fired up, copying his sensei as if life itself depended on it.

He was adorable. The other two looked like they were about done with it all.

"What a youthful morning, Tami-chan! Care to join us?" He grinned.

Oh no.

Nope.

No way.

"I would, but I value living more." I replied quickly.

There was no way in any dimension would I ever get into a jog with him. I'd end up killing myself. I could match him for a time, but his endurance far out won mine. He, like Naruto, was an energizer bunny.

The teen with the buns in her hair stifled a giggle, while the Hyuga rolled his pale eyes.

"Who is this Sensei?" The little boy in green asked. He spoke so very strangely, very carefully.

"This was my rival's partner before he acquired his team." Guy said with pride. He looked like he was about to start crying. I cringed.

"Oh yes! This is the one who can see what lies beneath in ninja." The boy in green said, a light shining in his eye.

"So you know Guy-sensei's old rival?" The girl with buns asked in wonder.

Old rival?

They were in another competition days before Kakashi left. Something about hand-stand push-ups.

"I hope so - I worked with him for around two years." I replied. She blushed while the Hyuga smirked.

"Walker Tami at your service." I said lightly. We were still running. I couldn't believe this was my life, but… but it was.

"I am Rock Lee!" Lee introduced himself, nearly all sparkly just like his sensei. My. It really was like Guy had a son. I wonder if they were related somehow.

Hmm.

Although that would conflict with the man-crush he had.

"I'm Tenten." Ms. Hair Buns said. She was just so cute.
"Hyuga Neji." The Hyuga said.

"Your team is, ah, so very… youthful?" I hedged, not quite sure how to put it into words. His team was far more fluid. I could tell that they worked together rather smoothly. Neiji seemed like he'd be the cog to disrupt it but from the looks of things… He was humoring Guy and the team. He likely had a special place for them somewhere in that heart of his. Even after working with them for only a year.

I hoped Team 7 would get there. They needed… they needed a lot more time. More training. More attention. I had faith Kakashi could. He just needed time.

Guy grinned at me widely as if I finally was accepted into the Academy of Youth and I could see even Lee shared that fire. My face dropped.

Grand.

"Yosh! Let's go!" Guy commanded and raced off with Lee tailing right behind him. Neiji scowled and Tenten forced a laugh.

"They're at it again." She said warily.

"Good luck. I don't quite envy you." I said lightly. The two of them raced off with only a parting glance at me.

Naruto was so very excited, 'ttebayo! He couldn't wait to return to tell Tami about their mission. She was going to be so impressed! He did great. Even Kakashi-sensei thought so! They learned a new skill and he was able to do well. Tami would be so proud of him! Between him and Sasuke, they were able to take care of that Haku-guy… until things got really serious and Haku jumped in front of Kakashi-sensei's chidori. He guessed he was pretty cool - Tami had been right about how good Kakashi-sensei could be. It was heartbreaking, though - Haku had saved Zabuza. That Zabuza was so sure ninja were just tools - just to be used and discarded. Naruto could never live like that. Ever. If he was Hokage - that'd be the first thing he'd change. It was nice that Kakashi-sensei agreed. But he wished that Haku could have seen that Zabuza did care about him - before he died.

Because he did. He really did.

Kind of like how he was seeing Tami and his sensei. Maybe they did care about each other? Or maybe not. They were friendly, though. Maybe that counted?

When Sukea came around, Tami didn't seem to like that. She wouldn't let him use the camera even though she promised he could whenever he wanted. It was strange.

He could see his sensei walking in front of them - his nose in that book again. Icha Icha Paradise. Naruto then remembered what Tami had been talking about; how Kakashi-sensei was an awesome Jounin and worthy of their respect. He also remembered her reaction when he teased her about her potential crush. Naruto grinned. Maybe it would work. At least for a time. Maybe if it didn't work out with Kakashi-sensei she'd come to her senses and date Iruka-sensei. That would be good. Then they could adopt him and he'd have a family.

It was a good solid plan.

He didn't think Kakashi-sensei would make a good dad. He hit Naruto in the head too often. And he was always late.

"Hey! Hey! Sasuke-kun, listen." Naruto whispered, getting his team mates attention. "I think you're right."

"Yeah?" Sasuke asked, glancing over to him.

"Yeah. I teased Tami-chan before we left. I think she likes Kakashi-sensei." Naruto hissed quietly.

"Dobe." Sasuke muttered with a sigh.

"They totally looked close at dinner that one time. He was early. And when we left they looked like they were flirting." Sakura whispered back.

"I think we should try somethin'." Naruto said quietly, he shot a glance up at Kakashi who was still ahead of them.

"Like what? You can't really do anything. It's Kakashi-sensei's business." Sakura said.

"We could set them up on a date." Naruto offered.

"He's always late." Sakura and Sasuke said drily.

"There's a festival coming up! Maybe we could talk Kakashi-sensei into-" Naruto began but saw their sensei was gone.

"Into what?" Kakashi asked, standing behind them. His book was still open, but he was standing very close to their little gathering. Who knew how long he'd been there.

The trio laughed nervously.

"What'dya mean Kakashi-sensei? Nothin's going on." Naruto said.

"Yeah! Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about." Sakura backed him up. Sasuke didn't reply, instead huffed and looked away.

Their sensei did that weird eye-smile and patted Naruto on the shoulder. He then walked out in front once more, leading them back to Konoha.

"Good going, Naruto. I think he knows." Sasuke grumbled.

"What's so wrong about that?" Naruto asked. He folded his arms behind his back. Wouldn't that just make it easier?

Team 7 returned late Sunday night. Kakashi knew he'd have to go and make his mission report and head home. He was glad his team did so well. They did him proud. The only one now who he was concerned about was Sakura. But she was smart - she'd catch up. He was sure they were ready for the Chunin exams already. Their team work needed some shining up, but they worked well under pressure. Very well. He might have to schedule some training sessions but other than that… they were good. They together took on a Mercenary Ninja who had a kekkei genkai. Sakura showed that she could stay on task and not falter.

He was so very proud.

Kakashi would have gone to a certain someone and told them of their return but it was late. He could see her the next day. He was looking forward to it.

He had tried the Icha Icha route. He couldn't tell her all the romantic things the book said to. He couldn't even get out the words.

Anytime he tried to call her sweetheart or honey bear or even darling he froze. He didn't know how she used pet names so easily. She looked at him like he was insane when he tried to place a raincoat over her shoulders (Icha Icha Paradise chapter 1, page 7) and when he tried to feed her (Icha Icha Fantasy chapter 3, page 22).

It was back to the drawing board for him. He had to figure out something. But from what his cute little students thought - he had hope. He already thought he might, considering - but the fact that they saw it too?

That made his day. He had feared that maybe he was only seeing what he wanted. But she did say he looked handsome! She didn't know it was him. She was so angry, so defensive on his behalf. She was so cute when riled up.

He'd wait to see her the next day. Maybe he could surprise her at work.

He didn't like that she was now working at the Intelligence Division- he couldn't stop that from happening. Kakashi was happy to hear she wasn't directly with the T&I. That was a small win, but he counted it nonetheless.

So he went home and headed to bed. He laid down and tried not to let his mind wander. To the events of the mission in the land of the waves. So many things he had to relive and think about again. A little boy watching his father figure die before his eyes? Someone jumping in front of his chidori. The only thing that was thankfully missing was the death of an Uchiha. It nearly happened. It was... maybe he should take Tami up on that offer to talk. He didn't ever want to talk about it - think about it even. And he didn't want to burden her with his stuff. He didn't want to be a drag. But she had been so kind to him with the other things. Even with things no one else seemed to understand. Maybe?

Maybe she wouldn't look at him like everyone else did.

Monday morning I did my usual routine before work. When I went in I figured it'd be work as usual. I was still hoping that Team 7 was safe - wherever they were. I'm sure they were, but I couldn't help but be concerned.

I went back to work. Thus far, I had found and dragged in four cork boards on wheels for the four major hidden villages.

Suna's was near done - having the most to work with on them. I had gotten colored twine to pin up to figure out their normal operation methods. Then of course, Iwa, Kumo, Kiri each had their own boards. I hadn't really touched Kumo's board yet. I couldn't quite bring myself to. I was about to move over to working on Iwa's board when I heard my chair roll across the floor.

I froze.

Seriously? Who would-

I turned and saw who would.

Of course.

Kakashi sat there in my chair, staring down at the boxes. He already had some of the paperwork in his hand. I sighed audibly and moved over to the Iwa board. Only he would let me know he was back in the most irritating way possible. I tried not to be happy about seeing him there. I tried. It was a hard battle, and I was rather sure I lost it.

"So the Intelligence Division?" He asked.

"Oh yes, I somehow fooled them into thinking me smart. Don't tell them. I'm rather sure they'll find out on their own." I said quickly, picking up another paper. He chuckled quietly to himself. That sounded rather nice, if I was honest. I focused on the papers in front of me while he snuck up behind me. The only reason I knew it was because I could see his reflection in the shine of the metal around the cork boards. I could have moved on but I chose not to. I instead readjusted the twine.

"You're plotting out all their past activity." He murmured. He was standing right behind me. He reached out to move the pinned paper to get a better idea of what I was doing.

"It's hard to know where you're going if you don't know where you've been." I said softly. He hummed. I turned to see him better.

"Would it be okay if I came by tonight?" He asked.
"Of course. Any time. I do have to hear about your adventure."

I could see a small uptick in the corner of his eye - another smile. He was about to leave. I could see it in the way he was trying to step back and away. I placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention once more and he froze.

"You… You do know you've an open invite, right?" I asked. I used my other hand to push my hair from my face. Suddenly I felt rather shy. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal. "Anytime you need to come by - feel free. I never quite said it because I thought you…"

It was only because he was waiting that I finished the thought. "Well, you just - I thought you had fun popping by whenever you wanted. I didn't want to take that away."

He hummed and stepped away.

"Tami-chan, have you read me at all? Since we stopped working together?" He asked.

"No, of course not. I figured you'd rather I didn't." I said as I turned fully to him. He looked away and for a second there I thought he would be leaving. Instead he turned back to me with a calculating look.

"That favor you owe me. I want you to read me." He said.

"Now?" I asked.

"No. Tonight."

I worked my jaw, trying to figure out what to say to that. What was going on in that mind of his?

"If you really wish it." I said softly.

He gave me one of his eye-smiles before vanishing.

Before the night came I checked in with Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasuke first. He was doing well - he told me about the mission, about the struggles they had. He even mentioned how the Kiri kage had been exceptionally cruel as they had found out. I found out he had quite the battle against this Haku.

"It was hard but… but we were able to make it." Sasuke admitted to me. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair. He didn't mind too much this time.

It wasn't until I talked to Naruto that I got a better, more fuller picture. Sasuke had tried to sacrifice himself to keep Naruto safe. Just when I thought I understood those boys, they changed things up. I of course cuddled them as much as they would allow. Sasuke was a little bit more lenient with me than usual but Naruto declared that he was an elite Ninja now who needed no such affection. Of course when I tried to leave he nearly tackled me. He also showed me a little toy he was planning on giving to Kakashi. A little doll that looked exactly like Kakashi did. I grinned.

"D'you think he'll like it?" Naruto asked. Thinking on how his pack of Ninken wore a stylized scarecrow on the back of their jackets I had no doubt.

"I bet you he'd love it." I said assuredly.

Naruto lit right up. I bid Naruto a good night and headed home. When I arrived I got to work getting ready - I put away the scrolls that were laying around. I didn't want to really see them while I was talking to Kakashi. For all I knew - this was something serious. Or maybe not. I never knew with him. He didn't keep me waiting for long. Strangely he knocked at my door. I went over to answer it to find him standing there with his hands in his pockets. Even stranger, he wasn't wearing his flak jacket.

"Yo." He greeted.

"Howdy-hey." I said back. He quirked his brow at me and I let him in. I offered him drinks and we sat in the living room on the couch. We were close - our knees nearly touching.

"I missed you." I said honestly, "It was a little strange watching you all leave."
"Yeah." He agreed, leaning into his seat. He was staring into his cup, turning it as if it was fascinating. "It was a little weird."

At least I wasn't the only one who thought that.

"Did you hear what happened?"

"I nearly got the whole play-by-play via Naruto. His first big case made quite the impression on him."

"And Sasuke-kun?"

"I heard you ran into an exceptional amount of trouble." I replied. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah."
"Sasuke's back - he's in one piece. You did splendid." I said simply. He hummed and looked up at me gratefully.

"Do you - do you remember offering that talk?" Kakashi asked after a moment.

"I do." I agreed. He was worrying the back of his neck for a moment before forcing his hand back down.

"I think I'd like to." He said so softly I nearly missed it. I moved in just a touch closer and got myself comfy on the couch.

"The floor is yours."

It took him time to tell me about this horror he experienced. I had thought that Jiraiya telling me his love of Tsunade was hard. This one… This painted a whole new picture in my mind of who Kakashi was. Probably not in the way he expected either.

It was so very clear to me Maya had been right. His life had been so very tragic.

He didn't often look at me while he explained what happened in the battle with Haku and Zabuza. How Haku had jumped in front of his Chidori to protect Zabuza. He glanced up and watched me carefully.

"That wasn't the first time I killed someone that way." He said softly.

That was when I learned about Rin.

She sounded sweet, like a cool sunshiny day. She, like so many around Kakashi, ran into some horrible events. Just like Kakashi seemed to.

Kiri nin had kidnapped her, and forced a tailed beast sealed inside her. It was a ploy to destroy Konoha from within. Unable to take her own life - she used Kakashi to complete the task. She asked him to - which he denied, and then she ensured it was a death by his hand.

Kakashi wouldn't look at me after that. His head was hung low and his eyes were firmly fixed on his mug.

This was why he was called the "friend killer". It wasn't even right. It wasn't even accurate! He wasn't. At all.

If Rin was there in person I'd have some very choice words for her. Preferably of the cutting and cruel nature. The fact that she used the man she said she cared for as a way to kill herself - it rubbed me the wrong way. The guilt he was under for an action she had done? Near inexcusable, in my books. However it was wrong to speak ill of the dead and her death clearly took a toll on him.

Best not. For his sake, I wouldn't taint the memory of his friend. Even if I did want to go yell at her.

Instead, I focused on the man who had lost so very much. I had a feeling I knew who Rin was. That photo frame in his room - I had bet that was them. The team member who had given him his left eye while dying, the little girl who was KIA and the Jounin who looked vaguely familiar. If I were a betting woman - I would bet my scrolls that even that Jounin had passed sometime since. I hadn't seen him save for that photo.

He lost so many all ready.

Kakashi still didn't look up. I couldn't help myself - I just reacted.

I ran my fingers through his hair to get his attention. It was probably too familiar - far too familiar for him. How long has it been since someone just… actually touched him without intending to harm him? Guy, maybe. But was that it? Was that all?

"I - I wouldn't call that your fault. At all." I said softly.

"She died by my hand." He grumbled.

"Maybe." I said, moving in closer. "But were you aiming for her?"
"No - but I promised."
I sighed and gently turned his chin so he could see me. He looked so very sad. He'd watched his entire team die in front of him. His father. I didn't know about the Jounin but…. All Kakashi knew was battle and death. The fact that he was even as together as he was - it was astounding. A war at twelve. I stroked his cheek gently with the pad of my thumb. It was the only bit of skin he had exposed there. I wanted to touch him, not a mask.

"It's not your fault. You've been in… you've been in impossible situations, one right after another. It wasn't your fault." I said.

"That's nice but I should have… I should have done more." He said; he looked away but didn't move from my grasp.

"Just because you're a genius doesn't mean you're infallible. And it doesn't mean you can do everything." I said quietly. I studied him for a moment. He just looked so - so very sad. So very broken. It wasn't something I could solve for him. It wasn't something I could just talk away for him. But I could be there for him.

"Strange question, but when's the last time you were just held?" I asked lightly.

I must be crazy for thinking about what I was about to do. Especially considering.

He must have thought the same thing from the look he sent me. I bet he hadn't actually been cared for - for a long time. From how distant he was, from how quiet and introverted he could be….

I had to be stupid to consider this.

I leaned forward, wrapped my arms tight around his middle and put my head on his chest. He stiffened like I knew he would. He didn't care for physical contact, at least from what I figured.

"I know - I know you don't like this but… twenty seconds is all I ask. It's not much but it's all I can do. You deserve more but…" I said. He was so very warm. I could hear his heart beating - it was calming in a way. I hoped this was calming for him too. That's what I was concerned about.

It took him a few seconds to relax. A second later he brought his hand up to my hair, resting his hand there.

"Are you.. Are you reading me now?" He asked.

"Not actively." I admitted. I didn't know if I'd like what I did. I did agree to do so, though.

"What do you see?" He asked, his hand slipping through my hair. My face burned - I didn't quite expect that. It felt so very nice for him to treat me this way… as if he really did care. Maybe he did? Maybe he could.

"I see someone who doesn't quite see how truly good they are. The fact that you're as together as you are with all this… you've gone through so much." I said quietly. "You've been carrying this.. This guilt for so long. I've wondered why and… And it makes sense."

It was far past twenty seconds. But I didn't want to move. From the way he scooted down to be closer, he didn't quite mind either. I was practically laying on him now while he was just sprawled out

I didn't quite know where that left us. This was.. This was dangerous for my plans.

"You can read me whenever you want." He told me.

"You sure? I might know all your little sordid secrets." I said. I figured he'd banter with me. Instead he lifted my chin to look me in the eye.

"Tell me what do you see now?" He asked. I shyly looked away but he waited for me to look at him again.

"Well, we're rather close and that - that means some things. But - but, it could be nothing." I stuttered.

"Nothing." He hummed lightly, stroking my face with the back of his hand.

"Your eye is dilated; there's a handful of meanings there. Considering, it could be-"

"Could be?" He asked.

"A-attraction. Love, even." I replied. I didn't really think it could be drug use - he didn't use them. I didn't even think I saw him drink.

"What do you know…" He replied lazily.

"But I'm sure -" I began.

"You know we've been like this for nearly ten miutes now." He said. I turned bright red and neary went to move but his arm tightened around me. I hadn't even realized it was there.

"Stay." He said. Instead of commenting on it further he readjusted us both to lounging on the couch. With that he buried his nose in the crook of my neck and breathed in.

"Can I stay the night?" He asked.

"If you'd like." I murmured. I didn't have it in me to say no. Kakashi hummed and curled his body around mine.

We lay there for the rest of the night. I didn't quite know who fell asleep first - him or me.

But I did know that this spelled trouble for myself and my Uncle. If this was - if this was what he was acting as; if it was what he was hinting at… I didn't know if I could leave. Even if he chose someone else down the line.

I may have taken the liberty to play with his hair. It was so pretty. I didn't quite know when I fell asleep, but I did.

The next morning I was still in his arms. I sighed, nuzzling him in my sleepy state. I could hear him grumble in his sleep. It was… it was a great way to wake up. I had missed him horribly, but I never would have guessed that this was where I was led the day before. I ran my hand across his jaw, just enjoying the peace and quiet. Not thinking, not worrying - nothing.

"Tami-chan! My eternal rival is missing! Something is wrong!" I heard from my kitchen. Kakashi groaned below me, burrowing himself further into the couch and tried to bring me with him. I was going to have to get a lock on my window. I looked up and saw Guy come out of the kitchen to see me laying there. He froze, looking at the scene before him.

"... Tami-chan, who's that?" Guy asked. Kakashi's face was still hidden against me. He groaned lowly, looking up to meet Guy's gaze

"Ah! Good work Tami-chan you've found him!" Guy grinned, his smile sparkling.

"Guy, please. It's far too early." I whined.

"But-but, my competition!" Guy stuttered.

"Maa," Kakashi groaned and burrowed back against me.

"Guy, I'm sure he'll come find you. If you could please?" I asked.

It took some finessing but Guy finally relented. Thankfully. He was grand but… it was far too early for his brand of cheer.

"Please tell me that was a one time thing, that he just doesn't show up like that." I commented, my fingers running through his hair.

"I guess I can't tell you." He grumbled in a groggy tone. He untangled himself from me. Surprisingly he leaned in and pressed his masked mouth against my forehead.

I could feel the blush making itself known on my face.

"I don't kiss masks." I said suddenly. Why did I even say that?

He was adjusting his clothing when he turned to me. Humor was dancing in his eyes.

"I'll keep that in mind." He said. I glanced away and cleared my throat, feeling so very unbalanced. He got ready quietly. Before he left he turned to me one last time.

"Thank you, Tami-chan. I'll see you soon." He said.

With that I watched him go.

Did that… had that all just happened?

I glanced at my clock.

6:45 am

Oh no - work!

I had no time to dwell. I had to get ready!

An:/ so I honestly wanted to have her go with on the mission... But it didn't work out. Probably for the best, after all. No reason for her to really be there :p so in Konoha she stayed.

I hoped you guys enjoyed it. :3 I figured Kakashi wouldn't be as clueless to doubt her interest in him much, especially if he heard his cute little team taking about it too. So with that, and taking a different approach where he wasn't quite so flirty - it helped him a lot. :P

Thank you so much for the reviews! I love reading them; they're so much fun :3

Welcome and thank you to everyone who followed and favorited. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy the ride! It's coming closer!

Also, also- forgive me if I get the -chan, -kun and -san wrong. I'm trying to do right by the source, but... ;_; yeah. I'm trying you guys T_T Tami usually doesn't because she's not used to it, Sasuke didn't because it's part of his character and the rest... Sorry if it's inconsistent!