Chapter 10

He slept for over ten hours and barely moved during this time. Catherine was extremely thankful for that. She knew he needed this more than anything else and she made a mental note to remember to make sure he is doing his naps when he is not on the medication. His mind and brain will need a rest period from all the thinking and pondering.

When Steve was fully awake Catherine said "I thought about ordering room service again. Do you want to shower first? I'll call them and while we are waiting, I can give you another shave – unless you can do it yourself again – and have a look at your hand. See if we can get rid of the bandage or not."

"Not hungry," came his short reply.

"No, this is not debatable. I let it pass yesterday, but you have to eat today. And you will drink something too," she said in a determined voice.

He looked at her like he wanted to argue, but when he saw her face, he knew he wouldn't win this.

"Okay, shower sounds good," he said instead.

When he came out of the bathroom thirty minutes later his hair was still wet, but he was shaved.

Catherine smiled at him and wanted to give him a kiss, but she didn't know if he was okay with that. He was comfortable with it during his break down, but that didn't mean he wanted her to do it again. She could imagine that he was still pissed at her. Instead she patted on the sofa and said "come on. Let me see your hand."

"It's fine. It doesn't need any bandages," he answered in a gruff voice.

'Wow, that is a perfect start to the day,' she thought. "Breakfast is coming in a minute she said. I have ordered while you were in the shower. Just a small selection. Maybe you'll get some appetite when you see it."

He nodded without much interest and sat down next to her. Five long minutes later breakfast arrived. Steve drank some coffee and nibbled on a plain toast. Catherine was annoyed, but knew she had to approach him carefully. She didn't want things to escalate again. He needed food and she was going to get it into him, she just didn't know exactly how. When Steve had finished his toast, he sat back and stared into space. Catherine was sure he had something on his mind again, but this time she decided not to ask him. And she was right. After sitting like this for five minutes, Steve said "Catherine, I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, sure. Go for it."

"Your plan…I mean…do you…do you really mean all that?"

"I don't know. I mean of course, I meant all that, but what exactly do you mean?"

"I mean the uhm…private conversations, the exercises, the diet, D…Danny, Hawaii, simply everything."

"Yes, I did. But I also said that it is your call. I want to support you in every way I can, even if I have to push you into doing some of the things from time to time. And yes, I am convinced that every part is essential for your healing process, but if you don't want to, we can figure out something different. Just, please don't do this alone."

"It's just…you know…that is a lot of work…doing all this…I mean for you and…I", he hawed.

"Steve, look at me," Catherine said. When he did, she continued "I want to help you. I know you have some issues with trusting me at the moment and you are pissed at me because of yesterday, but I love you and I will be there for you as long as you want me around. And I don't care about the workload, I just care about you! Steven J. McGarrett. So, if this is the only problem you have with my plan, there is nothing we have to talk about. If you have other questions, ask." He pondered for a moment, then he said "Danny... Does he…I mean uhm…is he really ready? He is still suffering from his injuries and he has to work on his own traumas as well. I don't want to be another burden for him."

"I think he wants to help you as much as I do and I don't think he will see that as a burden. And I still think you can help each other much more than anyone else can. And…I haven't asked him yet." Steve was caught off guard by that. "You haven't…I thought…"

"I didn't want to go behind your back. You've told me you didn't want anyone involved and I just couldn't ask Danny when I wasn't sure that you were willing to let him in. It wouldn't be fair neither for you nor him. If you decide in his favor, I will call him."

"I am not sure, Catherine. It is not that easy for me."

"I know. I totally understand that. Just let me know when you've made up your mind."

"Okay," he nodded again. "Thank you. And I want you to know that I do trust you. You promised and that is enough for me. I just know that it is going to be tough for you too. Not only seeing me like this, but also dealing with me when I am going to be a real pain in the ass. And I know this is going to happen. I wasn't myself in many cases lately and I don't think this is going to change any time soon. I don't want to be like this, but it just happens. I have no control," he said frustrated.

"We'll deal with that too. We'll deal with everything together, okay?" He nodded again.

"And I am not pissed at you. I just can't deal with much at the moment. I am sorry I yelled at you. I know you mean well and just want the best, but I need some more time with the Danny-part."

"Yeah, sure and there is no need to be sorry. Now that we have cleared that up, do you think you can eat some more? Even if it is just some of the fruits?"

"Yeah. I can do that," he smiled. How about I eat some of the scrambled eggs too?"

They both continued their breakfast, but didn't finish everything since Catherine had ordered a lot to whet Steve's appetite. "So, do you have any plans for today? Any places we want to visit?"

"I don't feel like it today. Actually, I'd like to stay here."

"Okay. How about a movie day then? They are offering some really good ones in their on-demand service and there are also some great documentaries. "

"Sounds good to me. But before we start, would you mind…uhm…my hand…I think it needs some bandages after all." Catherine did what he had asked for and then they settled on the couch watching a documentary about sharks first before they started to watch some movies. After two-thirds of the second movie Steve fell asleep. Catherine got up and carefully pushed his upper body to the side before moving his legs on the couch. When she was about to put the pillow under his head, he drowsily blinked his eyes open and moaned due to the disruption. "Go back to sleep. Just making it a bit more comfortable." She put the pillow under his head and spread a blanket over him. Then she sat on the armchair and continued the movie they were watching, knowing that Steve wasn't really interested anyway." Five minutes after it was over Steve woke up again. He needed a second to orient himself, but when his eyes found Catherine everything fell in place again. "Hey," he said. "Sorry I fell asleep during your movie."

"It's fine. I told you to take a nap whenever you feel the need for it. Wasn't exactly a good movie anyway. I had expected something else."

"Same here. How about we watch another documentary? The first one was pretty good."

"Agree. And yes, we can do that, but first I want you to drink some water again. Or juice. We have some left from this morning. Or if you like something else, we can call room service again. Or - I wanted to go to the drugstore anyway to get some massage oil. I can go to the store next to it, if you want something special."

"No, thanks. Water and juice are just fine for me."

"Good. I go to the drugstore then and get the oil and you pick another documentary or movie to watch. Don't start without me."

When Catherine came back Steve had emptied a bottle of water and two glasses of orange juice. He had also eaten half of one of the sandwiches that were left from breakfast. The TV was ready to start the next documentary about aviation. "Thought you just wanted to buy some oil," Steve said looking at the bag Catherine brought in. "Yes, but the pharmacist told me it is better to prepare people before the actual massage when they are extremely tensed. So, I bought some other things among them a second bottle with a different oil and some thin sheets to cover you with while you are relaxing – before and after the massage."

"Now?" Steve asked.

"No, I thought we'll do it before we go to bed. Hope that it will relieve some of the tension and will help with your sleep. Thought we continued with the TV marathon. Or did you change your plans?"

"No, change. We can start if you are ready." They started to watch again. It was very interesting, but Catherine heard Steve sigh from time to time and noticed that he wasn't really into it. He was deep in thoughts again, but Catherine didn't interfere, because she knew exactly what he was thinking about and he had to make up his mind on his own. Ten minutes after the documentary had ended, Steve still sat on the sofa with his feet up, staring at the screen and he hadn't said a word yet. Catherine unpacked the bag she brought earlier and set everything up in the bedroom. She also prepared Steve's bed by putting a new and soft woolen blanket on top of his bed sheet. She put the other woolen blanket and one of the thin sheets as well as the two oil bottles on his night stand. When she got back, Steve had sat up, feet on the ground and head tilted back, eyes closed, brows furrowed. She stood and watched for only two seconds when he opened his eyes and looked at her. "I think we should call Danny." Catherine looked a bit stunned hearing him say it just like that, but she also felt a great sense of relief. "You want me to do it? Starting with explaining why I am here?"

"No. I have to do that myself. But…I'd like you to lay out your plan afterwards."

"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to leave the room as long as you talk to him?"

"No! No, stay. Please."

Steve took out his phone, took two deep breaths and dialed Danny's number. While he waited for the call to connect, he was nervously tapping his feet. Finally, after ten rings Danny answered the phone. "Hey, babe. How's Jersey? You are still there, are you?" Steve didn't answer. "Steve, you there? Hello?"

"Yes, yes Danny. It's me," Steve answered a bit hoarsely.

"Hey, buddy. You okay? You didn't get sick, did you?"

"No. No. Everything is fine. Jersey is nice. Don't worry. It's just…I need to tell you something and…" another deep breath "I need to ask you something. But first I need to know how you are."

"So, something bad happened and you don't want to tell me. Please Steve, just tell me. I need to know."

"No, nothing bad happened. I just want to know how you are. You are still my friend, remember? My Danno. I love you. But I neglected you the last few days. So, I have to know."

"I am good, Steve. Chest and shoulders still feel sore, but I don't need the cane anymore and my face looks much better too. You want to tell me now?"

"You know…when I've said I have to do this alone I meant it. It was my plan and I didn't want to hurt you with that. I…I…"

"Hey, I know. I was sad, still am by the way, but I understand buddy. Don't worry. Like you've said. We have phones."

"Yeah, but that is not it. I…It's."

"Damn it, Steven. Say it."

"Catherine is here. She…"

"I know."

"What? How? I mean…" he threw an angry look at Catherine who couldn't hear Danny's side of the conversation and didn't understand why he looked at her like that.

"Cole told me."

"Cole?" now he looked apologetically at Catherine. "Yeah, of course. Damn it. I should have known. I am sorry Danny. I should have thought about that and have called you earlier."

"No, it is okay. I was angry at first – and hurt – badly -, but since you didn't invite her explicitly and Cole told me how all this came off, I could live with it. And now I even think it was a good idea. I felt much better knowing someone has an eye on you."

"Yeah. It was good. And she is also the reason why I need to ask you something. You…you don't have to decide it right away and if…if you say no it is no problem. Really. I won't be mad. I…"

"Steve!" What is wrong with you? Can't you just talk like a normal person?"

"I am sorry, Danny. It is just that…that it is not easy for me to… ask that. It is about my problems. You know…dealing with everything that had happened lately…or not just lately…maybe more like the last…I don't know…40 years or so." His face displayed a bitter sweet smile. Danny couldn't see that, but he now knew that Steve was dead serious and he already regretted saying "like a normal person" although he hoped Steve didn't get it the wrong way.

"Okay, Steve. I am listening. You can ask me anything. You know that, right. BFFs you remember?"

"Yeah, I do... You know, when I had left, I have told you I need to do this alone. But these last few days it became apparent that I had been wrong. I can't do it alone. I need help – a lot of it. I am more messed up than I thought." A dry laugh escaped him. "If it wasn't for Catherine…" he didn't finish the sentence. "She…she thinks I need your help and I am…I am not sure yet, but I need every help I can get. Really. I don't know what to think or do. I just…" he started to sound desperate and Danny could hear – and feel – that he was about to lose it.

"Yes, Steven. Whatever it is you need. I am in, okay. Don't worry. We'll get this under control."

"No, Danny. No. Just don't say yes without knowing the details. Please. You have to think about it. You need to heal too. And…and I don't want to drag you into something you don't want or can't do or…"

"Steve! Babe, I want to and there is nothing that can stop me from it, okay?"

"You sure?" Steve asked in a low voice.

"Yes, Steven I am. Just tell me what you need. And where. I'll do everything and I'll go anywhere."

"I…I…no, Catherine is going to tell you the details. It's…it's her plan and I think it is a good one, but…and…I…I just hand you over."

He stood up and went to the bedroom. Catherine took the phone out of his trembling hand and said "Hey, Danny."

"Hey, Catherine. Tell me you've got him."

"I do. I assume you said yes?"

"Of course, I did. You expect me not to?"

"I didn't say that. Actually, I was really confident you would agree. But I couldn't hear your side of the conversation so I just inferred your answer from Steve's parts. So, like Steve told you, I made a plan how we can help him and if you want, I am going to tell you the details now. If you have something to add or think some of it won't work, please tell me. But please, let me finish first."

She presented her plan to Danny who didn't say anything during the whole talk. When she had finished, he still didn't say anything. "Danny, you there?"

"Yeah, sure. I…wow. I like the sound of your plan. You've put a lot of thought into it. What did Steve say? Did he agree?"

"Yes, mostly. Otherwise we wouldn't talk now. I promised him that I wouldn't do anything he didn't agree to. He wasn't sure about you and Hawaii, though. Not because he didn't want you in, but, you know, guilt and being a burden and putting people in danger. But this afternoon he told me that we need to call you. That's what we did. He still hasn't said anything about flying home though. I think he'll need some more time for that. These are big decisions Danny and it is hard for him. Dealing with his situation and making decisions regarding asking people for help is a tough thing to do – especially at the moment. It wasn't easy before, but now…How about I'll call you again tomorrow. If he doesn't want to go home, maybe we can talk him into letting you coming here. If that is okay with you, that is."

"No worries. I meant what I said. I'll do everything and I'll go anywhere. Just keep me posted. And Catherine? Take good care of him, okay? And tell him I love him."

"Will do. All of it."

After disconnecting the call Catherine went to the bedroom. Steve was lying on her side of the bed, left arm over his eyes and right hand high on his chest. When Catherine entered, he asked "How did it go?"

"He is in. He told me to tell you that he loves you. So, there is no way back now," she smiled at him. "Hey, you did good. I know it was hard for you. But you did it. Come on, let's get some dinner and something to drink."

"If you don't mind, I'd stay here. Don't want to go far."

"Then let us go downstairs. You need to see something else than our room today."

They changed into some decent clothes and went to the dining room. Catherine ordered a Trenton tomato pie and a Coke, Steve just a salad with chicken stripes and ginger ale. They didn't rush it, but they didn't need a lot of time either. Catherine was aware that they had done practically nothing today, but she also knew that all the thinking and the call to Danny had taken a toll on Steve again. Back in their room Catherine talked Steve into the massage session. He changed into just shorts and put a fresh T-Shirt on the nightstand. He lay down on the bed with his stomach on the new blanket Catherine has had placed earlier. Catherine carefully applied some oil all over his back. "It's going to get warm in a few minutes. I want you to try and relax. I'll cover you with a thin sheet now, so you don't get cold. I'll be back in twenty minutes."

She took a shower and checked her messages on the phone. Twenty minutes later she was back.

"Hey, you good?"

"Hmm," he mumbled.

"Good. I take the sheet away now."

She took the other oil and gently massaged his neck, back and shoulders for a few minutes. Although she barely applied pressure, she felt him tense up when she reached some very tender spots. "That's it for now. We have to start slowly. Don't want you to get even more sore. I'll cover you with the sheet again and I'll also put a woolen blanket over it and tuck you in. That way you'll stay warm for a while. It's going to help your muscles. Just stay the way you are and continue to relax. I'll back in fifteen."

As promised, she came back fifteen minutes later. She pulled back the blanket and the sheet. "That's it. You are good to go – so to speak. Wasn't much yet, but I hope it felt good at least."

"Yeah, it did. Thank you."

"Now put your shirt on, then we'll call it a day and got to sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open."

Catherine crawled into her bed as well and they lay face to face now. When Steve felt the mattress move, he opened his eyes again and looked at Catherine smiling. She smiled back. When he kept looking at her like that, she chuckled and asked "What?"

"I love you Catherine Rollins."

"I love you too." Then she gave him a soft kiss on his lips again and this time he kissed back.