Chapter 12

Two hours after he had gone upstairs, Steve came down again. Danny and Catherine sat outside drinking their second beer. "Hey, look who is back. Perfect timing. Catherine and I just thought about making some eggs with sausage and toast. I can make you a coffee too. Just bought grass-feed butter yesterday."

"I just take the coffee and no butter please."

"What about food? I thought we agreed on that part of the deal."

"We ate on the plane. I am not hungry."

"Steve! We talked about nutritious food. A bagel with whatever kind of filling that was, isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"But the sandwiches at the hotel were? Maybe you should write a plan about what is on the list and what is not," he said with suppressed anger.

"Hey, keep your shirt on," Danny said. "We are just trying to keep you away from malnourishment. Don't need that on your list too. How about I slice some fruits. You can eat them instead if you don't want anything else."

"Okay. Fine," Steve gave in. "Sorry, I didn't want to say it like that. It came out the wrong way. I am just not hungry at the moment and just the thought of food is making me sick. But I think I can manage the fruits."

Danny and Catherine both stood up to prepare the food, but Danny said that he would do it, she could stay outside and enjoy the sun, then he went to the kitchen.

"Did the nap help?"

"Yeah, sort of. At least I can keep my eyes open again. But I am still confused. No, that is not the right word. I am…I don't know. There is so much going on in my head, I don't even know how to sort it out. What, where, if, who. Doesn't make sense, huh?"

"Not exactly, but I think I know what you mean. How about you talk to Danny after we have eaten? Just clear some things. Just the two of you. I think that will help."

"Yeah, I hope. Hope he can understand some of it."

"I am sure of that. Now, can I have a kiss – or a hug if you prefer that?"

"You can have both – if you want." They both embraced and kissed each other. When Danny came back a minute later, they were still hugging each other. "I can come back later," he said with a smile on his face. "Can't guarantee there is any food left then though."

"No, just stay here. Put the plates on the table. It looks too good to be eaten by just one person," Catherine said. Danny had made a big platter with scrambled eggs, sausage and tomatoes as well as a smaller one with sliced pineapples, melons, oranges, kiwis and bananas. He went back in and brought some coffee, toast, three plates, mugs, flat- and silverware. "Okay then, sit down and enjoy," he said. They all did and started to eat. After a few minutes they started a conversation about Jersey. Catherine and Steve told Danny which places they had seen, what they had liked very much or not so much and Steve showed Danny the remaining pictures he had made. It was a comfortable conversation with fun and laughter. When they had finished the meal, they sat in silence for a while, then Steve said "I need to talk to you Danny."

They went to the beach and sat down on the same chairs they had used not even a week ago. Steve looked out on the ocean, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he looked at Danny and said "I am sorry Danny," he started. When Danny was about to interrupt him, he said "No, please. I have to say this. It is important to me and I hope for you too." Danny waved him to continue. "I am sorry," he started again. "I am truly sorry for getting you hurt and almost killed, for hurting you myself, for leaving, for telling you I needed to be alone but letting Catherine stay, for not calling you the last few days and for being such a bad friend. You are the best friend I've ever had. You went everywhere for me and you did everything for me. You came to my rescue, you arranged that other people came to my rescue, you made sure I'd come back again to my home and my friends, you saved my life more than once in many different ways and you even gave me a part of your body. And all I did was treating you like shit. I know I can't undo what I did, but if there is anything and I mean ANYTHING I can do to make up for it, say it. I want to be your BFF again. I love you Danny and I can't lose you" with his last sentence his voice broke and he looked pleadingly at Danny.

Danny was speechless at first and he carefully considered what to answer.

"Steve…we still are BFFs and ever will be. That's what the last "F" is for. I know you didn't mean to hurt me and I know you needed to leave to clear your mind and consider your options, to think everything through. That means you did something for yourself and that is – as far as I know – the first time you didn't put each and every one first. Don't know why you think you need to apologize for that. As far as Catherine is concerned it did hurt at first – a lot actually, but later on I was just glad you weren't on your own. That means the things you actually did are forgiven. Getting me hurt is total crap. You are not responsible for things other people did or will do. It was Daiju Mei's fault. She wanted to hurt me to hurt you. Yes, she wanted revenge for her dead husband who got killed by you. But you had no choice. It was killed or be killed – or enduring a third round of torture. If you want to blame someone take your mother. I know that hurts too – but she was the one who started the war and also had the chance to end it, but didn't. Don't take that on you. Can you do that?" Steve didn't know what to say and just stared at Danny for a moment.

"I know I am not myself lately and I want to change that, but I have to fix things between us first. When I had left, you've said you blame me for a lot of things and now everything is fine? I can't really believe that. I need to…"

"Steve! Stop! Now! We are even. We are good. And yes, I blame you for a lot of things. For putting your life on the line for each and every one without thinking about the consequences and giving me a heart attack every time you do that, for not taking care of yourself, for not asking me for help, for your reckless driving, for not letting me drive my own car, for loving this island and letting you into my heart in the first place. But I don't blame you for getting me hurt by a crazy woman or any other person who had threatened us. As much as you want it, there are things you can't control and if they are happening, they are not your fault. But no matter what is going to happen, you will always, always be my super SEAL."

Unlike almost a week ago Danny made Steve stand up. When he did, Danny pulled him into a tight hug and said, "I love you too."