Author's note. Had some problems with uploading this chapter. There were a lot of other letters and signs in between my original text. Hope I have removed everything and I didn't delete anything important.

Chapter 18

"Danny, Catherine – can I call you Catherine?"
"Yes, of course."
""Have a seat. I made a quick evaluation of Commander McGarrett. We haven't decided anything yet. He informed me that you've assured him of your continued support through it all. He agreed to discuss my conclusions and the further course of action with you."
"Does that mean you take over his case?" Danny asked.
"That is the commander's decision, but before any of you commit yourself to anything, I would like to lay out my plan and I want you to take some time afterwards to think it through. This is a serious subject and nothing to decide in seconds."
They all nodded and said "okay", almost in unison.
"From what I have heard and seen in these last minutes I can for sure say that you, commander McGarrett, are suffering from PTSD. Unfortunately, it wasn't because of recent events. It had developed over a long period of time and because it was undetected it went untreated. With the trauma of your mother's (first) death, the family problems that – most likely – had cropped up after that, your experiences during your military career, especially as a SEAL and a team leader for a task force it was only a matter of time to reach this point. The "recent" events – Joe's death, your mom's death and you, Danny, getting hurt - were just the last steps to finally bring you to his limit. It might be the rapid succession of them, but you would have come here anyway. That has nothing to do with weakness as you, commander, had put it. This is human and totally normal for someone who had lived a life like yours. I would be more concerned if you hadn't experienced any nightmares or sleeping problems.
"Now, for your treatment I would like to go an unusual and new approach – which means I've never done that before." He paused a few seconds, but none of those present said anything, so he went on.
"I think it is best for you if you continue the way you've already started. You said, that you trusted your two friends here and felt save with them, so I see no reason to change that. Catherine, the plan you've worked out is great and if you two are able to really execute it – and I mean every day, not just two or three times a week – we should work with it. And I say we, because I need to see you too, commander. We will start with once a week and re-evaluate from time to time, bringing it down to a month, then every other month. I'd like to go more into detail with one or the other thing you've told me and I am sure we will get into some other subjects as well. On occasions you can bring Danny or Catherine along, but we will have a lot of one-on-one talks, especially in the beginning. I will also include a course of tablets. Due to your existing problems with medication it will most likely take some time until we have the right adjustment. We need to see what kind and amount of medication is good for you. It doesn't make any sense to make you feel even more tired or groggy or nauseous and I don't want to dope you either. We also need to make sure that it doesn't interfere with your anti-rejection pills. I…"
"And the radiation poisoning," Danny interrupted. Both, Dr. Jensen and Catherine were taken aback by that statement and looked first at Danny and then at Steve. Steve sighed and looked at his feet, so Danny took the liberty of explaining what had happened and what that meant.
"Okay, thank you Danny. Commander, I assume you don't take any medication to slow the effects."
"No, I don't need to. I had a prescription at the beginning, but it was just to reduce the nausea and the dizzy spells I experienced. We reduced the meds step by step and since there weren't any problems without them, I stopped taking them completely. There will be long-term effects, but we don't know about the extent yet. I have a check-up every three month, but so far everything is fine."
"Okay. Thanks commander. Please keep me informed about that."
"I will."
"Good, so back to the medication. I suggest we will start with anti-anxiety. They will help you to relax both physically and mentally. I hope it will make you sleep better – which means with less severe nightmares - it won't erase them completely though - which will hopefully lead back to a better stamina. But we have to be careful. I will be honest with you. There are a lot of side effects with anti-anxiety medication, but we will keep the doses low and you will take them just every other day. It would be best if you start doing that on the days you have talk-sessions. This way we might be able to minimize your triggers. I am sorry, there are a lot of ifs at the moment, but I can't guarantee anything right now.
We'll figure that out together, but as I said we will need some time for that. What I will need from you as soon as possible – which means today or tomorrow - is a urine as well as a blood sample in order to do a complete blood count test as well as a drug and alcohol test.
Now I want you all to think about it – thoroughly. I even recommend to consult with each other and then I'll expect your answer tomorrow. Do you have any questions before you do that?"
"What about the samples? I want to give them to you today."
"Yeah, sure. We can do that in the next room. Do you want to come with me or do you want to talk with your friends first?"

"We can do it now. I want to get it over with. We can talk on the way home."

"While Dr. Jensen took the blood sample Steve asked "When can we start with the medication?"
"As soon as I have the results from both your samples. Given your question, you already made up your mind?"
Yes, I did. That's why I came here and nothing had changed that."
"Commander, I have always been up-front and usually don't beat around the bush. That is why I am telling you: I don't know if you trust me with this or if you are just too desperate to think about everything, but whatever it is, please don't pin all your hope on the meds. The real work are the conversations. The meds are just there to assist you, to bring you some kind of relief with several things. Don't get me wrong, I will do everything to find the right dosage for you and I am convinced we'll get you through this, especially with your support system. But the meds are secondary here and I want you to keep that in mind."
"Now I have to thank you for your honesty. I appreciate that very much and I hope you can keep it this way – and I hope I can do too. I do trust you, because I know what you did for Danny so far – and I thank you for that too. Knowing he has someone to talk to who he trusts makes me feel better.
I know I have a lot of work to do myself. I know the medication is just a small part in all of this and I don't see them as a cure-all, but I am pretty sure I'll need them to stop me from breaking altogether – and hopefully for Danny and Catherine to worry a bit less. So, yes, I do pin a lot of hope on them, but I also know the risks and that it might be harder to find something for me, because of my medical issues. I am also aware that they might not work at all. But I need positive thinking here as well. So, back to the task at hand. I want this and I want to start as soon as possible."
"Very well. I think your results will be back tomorrow afternoon when I mark it as "urgent" and then we'll talk about everything else. How about we'll meet tomorrow same time as today?"
"Sounds good to me."
"Assuming that your friends will be in too, please bring them back tomorrow as well."
"The ride back home was spent in silence. They stopped to get some takeout on the way and ate in silence as well at home.
"What do you think, Steve?" Danny asked.
"I already told Dr. Jensen I am in. How about you?"
We are in too," they answered at the same time. "We just thought you needed some time to think it through. It is still your health we are talking about: I mean we don't want to scare you more than you already are, but knowing your history with any kind of medication, we didn't think it was that easy for you to agree to that," Catherine said.
"Thank you. I hope can give something back some day. I've already arranged to meet again with Dr. Jensen tomorrow late afternoon. If he has my test results back. And he would like to have you there as well."
"We'll be there."
"Thank you. I appreciate that very much. If you don't mind, I'd like to go to bed now. It was a tough day."
"Don't fall asleep. I know it is late, but you still have a massage left. And I want to do that today. Tomorrow is a busy day again and I think it will help you relax for the night."
"Okay. I'll go upstairs. Don't take too long. I am really tired."
"Yeah, I've noticed. Go ahead. I'll be right behind you."