They eventually let go and their hands -and heart- feel cold at the loss of contact. They never touch and when they do, even if it's merely seconds or in that case minutes, the moment remains afloat for days. And for the two of them, those days are punctuated by numerous moments of day dreaming about the "what ifs". These have happened over the course of the last decade, but this time it feels more natural and intimate. Harvey has changed and allows himself to be more vulnerable in Donna's presence, more human.
Harvey's plan finally works and he picks up Mike at the prison exit. He had brought Rachel and seeing the young couple finally being able to be close, brings a large smile on Harvey's face. He does not have a lot of loving couples among his friends, so seeing his best friend being so happy makes him a bit jealous. With the amount of time that he spends at work, he doesn't really have time to think about relationships, but recently he has started to secretly wish he had a special someone to come home to, to share victories and someone who can love him unconditionally like that.
The firm struggles, they have new tenants, everyone works hard to keep the place running, Louis finds love in his life, Donna breaks up with Mitchell and days go by very fast. And they never have the chance to go out.
Harvey and Louis are surprised one evening when Jessica announces that she is stepping down. They both accept her decision when Donna walks in.
The three name partners toast one last time to Pearson Specter Litt and each take a sip of their scotch. As Donna approaches, Harvey takes a sip and shares his drink. She places her lips where his have been and the liquor tastes better than it usually does. It feels normal for everyone that they would share the same glass, they must do that often, they think. She's been part of so many successes and she's played an important part of the firm's survival recently. It's an acknowledgement that she's more than a legal secretary, she's Donna, and that thought makes Harvey smile from the corner of his mouth.
Donna later walks in Harvey's office who is standing by the window, looking outside, obviously troubled by Jessica's departure. She steps in tentatively to gauge how bad he's doing.
« Are you going to be okay? » she says softly.
« She was my mentor. But yeah, I'm gonna be okay. »
Her shoulders move towards the door to give him some space, but she wants to be near him and comfort him, so she asks.
« Do you want to be alone? »
He closes his eyes and smiles, « No. » but it sounds like Of course not. He wants her by his side to celebrate victories and needs her even more in difficult situations. She's glad that he is not angry at Jessica; she is affected as well and doesn't want to be alone either. She's also pleased that he is letting her in on what he is going through and allowing her to share his sadness with her.
She steps in slowly beside him. He can feel her approaching to his right and his heart starts pounding. Then it's fluid and natural, without saying anything, their hands are attracted like magnets coming together. They hold hands and stay there looking at the skyscrapers around them, as they try to be at peace with Jessica's decision to leave. Their touch is a reassurance that they will get through this other curve ball that's directed their way. Harvey's body slightly leans towards Donna, shoulders touching, to feel her warmth and just feel close to her and to smell her light vanilla perfume that is so her. This moment feels electric, the connection is intoxicating and obviously very sad at the same time, it's really a mix of emotions.
Neither of them wants to break the spell. They stay like this in silence for minutes, until Donna lets go of his hand and says, « Goodnight, Harvey. We'll figure everything out tomorrow, alright. »
He turns towards her, his eyes red, « Thank you, Donna. Goodnight. »
The next morning, Harvey wakes up in shock from a dream. In his dream he was sitting in bed and Donna had brought him a cup of coffee, wearing only his dress shirt from the night before, exposing her long legs and exposing how intimate their night must have been like. And it seemed so real when they smiled, looked into each other's eyes. He felt everything as they kissed with so much affection and tenderness and what felt like profound love. That dream took an unexpected turn when she had told him that « once this happens, I don't work for you anymore. »
Still in shock from that dream, he goes to get prepared for work, shaves and looks at himself in the mirror. Wow man, keep it together, you can't be with her or you'll risk messing up and lose her forever.
When Harvey later lashed out at Louis, Harvey is standing in Jessica's old office, now empty.
« They're all leaving, Donna. First Jessica and now Mike. They're family. And family's not supposed to... » he can't finish his sentence as his throat tightens.
« Harvey... You always talk like we're your only family, we're not. You have another one and you need to reconcile with them. »
« Donna I am not gonna go-»
« Enough is enough. You need to go make things right with your mother, because as long as you keep her at arms length, you're going to keep looking to us to fill that void and I'm not sure that any of us can. »
Harvey knows that she is right. This woman really gets him like no one else, not even his therapist, and she is even willing to help him fix himself. But at the same time. he can't help but think that being with Donna could fill that void and he could skip making things right with his mother...
He fixes his relationship with his mom.
When he's back in the office, Donna's send him a sincere look, « How did it go?»
« It went well. » he smiles like he has not smiled in a while. Maybe it's the fact that he his wearing a casual shirt, but he looks so at peace. He emanates happiness, Donna almost blushes as she feels warmth build inside her core.
« I'm glad. » she says just above a whisper.
« As a matter of fact, I need your help with something. »
« Anything. »
« I have a photograph to replace the duck painting, can you do your magic and make it happen? »
« Okay, sure, and while I take care of that, you need to go apologize to Louis. »
« I will. » he says with that soft tone that he keeps only for her.
When Harvey comes back to his desk, he and Donna observe the new frame. They smile as this picture reminds him of the last happy memory he has of his family, he's happy about having them back in his life.
But as Donna pointed out, he also has a family in New York. Jessica left, he's not in good terms with Mike, there is Louis who of course will always worship him, but above all, there is Donna. Donna means more than family. She's been part of a greater part of his adult life through ups and downs, through the loss of his father and part of his successes.
She's everything. An assistant, a friend, a best friend. Is that what she is? There is no title that can define her, but there is one that he means for her to be, his girlfriend. In fact, he loves her more than his own family and he needs her to know how his life is finally whole again thanks to her. He hopes she feels the same way, he knows that she loves him too, but making a move would still be taking a huge risk. Even though he wants to dare to move all in and it's the last piece missing to his puzzle, he goes home.
Mike knocks and lets him know that he's finally going to marry Rachel and he wants him to be his best man.
« Now all we gotta do is make sure that you don't skip out on this one. »
« Yeah, it's funny. We also need to make sure that you don't *coughs* Donna at the wedding. » they laugh at the insinuation.
At the same time, Rachel has invited Donna over and is asking her the same.
After Mike leaves, Harvey's mind can't stop thinking about his favorite redhead, so he texts Donna.
H: Congratulations on still being maid of honor.
Harvey's message makes her smile.
D: The same goes for you! Congrats as well mister best man.
H: Are you still at Rachel's?
D: On my way home, why?
H: I don't know, I felt like going for a walk.
D: A walk, really? That's what you like to do at night?
H: Well, if you care to join me, yes.
D: Um, okay Harvey, be downstairs in 10.
He opens the cab door as she arrives.
« Hey...» he smiles shyly.
« Hey... » she mirrors.
She continues, « You know, we have never gone for a walk before unless we had just finished dinner or went out for drinks and needed fresh air to sober up. »
« True. There is a first for everything, right. »
« Sure. » She smiles and looks at him briefly and discreetly from head to toes. She does not get to see him often in a simple casual shirt and he looks somewhat younger and he really does seem to have a weight lifted off his shoulders, and it suits him well, he looks handsome and good thing it's dark, because she blushes as she enjoys the moment.
They walk slowly and don't chat much, until Harvey says, « Donna. Thanks for pushing me to go make things right with my mom. I don't say it enough, but it means a lot to know that you always have my interest at heart. »
« It's my pleasure, Harvey, really. » she blushes again, he is never so thankful towards her. He says thanks, of course, and sometimes shows that he really means it by giving her a seductive smile, but he does not really express it with words.
The streets are not very busy that night and they walk slowly, chatting about their friends finally getting married. He is looking forward to celebrating this event with his friends but mostly to celebrate them with her by his side.
« So, any idea on what dress you are going to wear. »
« Not yet, I will get something new for sure. » She then gives him a skeptical look.
« What? » he asks.
« You. Asking about what I am going to wear. »
« Well, since we'll be going together, we need to coordinate out outfits. »
« Going together? »
He closes his eyes and stops. She stops and turns to face him.
« I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. » He takes her hand.
« Donna. There's something special between us. It's more than being colleagues or friends. There's the way we smile widely when we say "hi" in the morning, when you leave a cup of coffee on my desk just because you know that I have a big day in front of me, post-it notes that makes me smile, complicit winks, gazes that neither of us wants to let go of... it's how you just ask how my day is going and really care about my answer. It's a constant feeling of absence when you are not around, and the anticipation that builds up when I am just about to see you after turning the corner. It's when I mess up my tie on purpose just so that each time you'll walk to me and fix it and I'll feel close to you. It's the way you challenge me to be better and call me an idiot to my face. It's those late texts, just because we think about each other and our minds are connected 24/7. It's ordering me one extra spring roll, just so that you can later steal it from me to make me smile. It's when I see you across a room full of people and my breath is taken away by how radiant and beautiful you are. It's when you are close, -he takes a step closer- too close and my mind goes numb because it hurts to not being allowed to touch you.
« Harvey... »
His right hands leave hers to place a strand of hair behind her ear, while his left thumb catches a lone tear falling on her cheek.
« What I'm trying to say is... I am ready to let those worlds collide. All those moments, they aren't just special, that's the meaning of love to me. Every minute of every day there is love between us, Donna. And I can't pretend that's not true anymore. »
She nods and holds his gaze. It's the green light he was hoping for. He sinks his lips on hers and it's tentative and passionate and it feels like more than just a kiss, it's a deep connection of two souls and they have to hold on to each other because their legs are threatening to crumble. She has her hands on the short hair back of his head and he holds her waist. They eventually break the kiss to get some air in their lungs before they faint.
With a boyish smile, he finally asks, « So... will you be my date for the wedding? »
Fin
Thanks for reading! I was initially happy with the first chapter as a standalone, but ideas kept popping in my mind. While writing, I tried to add little extra scenes to the actual storyline. And that final moment seemed to fit in the story. I'm not a writer, but I hope you liked it. It would mean the world if you took time to review. That's what keeps us thinking about stories!
Djou