Chapter 22

Danny waited in the car for Steve to come out of the doctor's office. When he finally did, Danny could tell by Steve's posture that something was off. 'That didn't go very well,' he thought to himself, but he put a smile on his face when Steve opened the door and said "Hey buddy, how did it go?"

"What do you think?" Steve retorted and regretted it the moment it had left his mouth. "I am sorry, Danny. I didn't mean to say it like this. It didn't go very well and I don't want to talk about it right now."

"That's okay. I know what you mean. He can be pretty insistent if he wants to know something. He is always sensing when there is more to it than you've told him. But it is okay. Don't worry. You'll get used to it."

"Don't know if I am going back."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I just said. Please Danny, not now."

After all these years Danny knew when to press and when to leave it alone. There was no point in trying to find out more at the moment – it would get Steve even more agitated than he already was. The thirty-minute drive to the house was spent in silence. When they arrived, Steve got out of the car and went into the house holding the door open for Danny, but he still didn't show any signs of talking. Instead he went upstairs without a word leaving his friend standing in the living room wondering even more about what had happened between the two men.

Steve went straight for the bathroom. He took two Tylenol for his increasing headache and then a hot and long shower to try to get rid of the tension in his muscles. He then sat at the edge of the bed and thought about the latest event. After an hour he knew he wouldn't make any decisions today, stood up and headed down to the kitchen to pour himself an orange juice. He would have preferred a beer, but with the new medication to come he didn't want to risk anything. He went to the beach where Danny was already sitting in one of the chairs nursing a beer and cuddling Eddie. When the dog saw Steve coming his tail wagged and he barged once like he wanted to say hello, but he didn't get up, feeling comfortable with what Danny was doing. Steve sat down and took a sip of his juice.

"I am sorry, Danny. But I had to think." He told him everything that had happened at the end of the session.

"And now? What have you decided?"

"Nothing yet. I still don't know what to do."

"But he told you the reason why he had asked this question and it sounds pretty plausible to me."

"Yes…at least somehow. But what if I tell him things differently than you did? I don't want him to think I am lying to him. I really want the help Danny – I need it – and I am trying to be honest in every way possible. But if he thinks I am not telling the truth he won't trust me and I think it would be as bad as me not trusting him."

"But wasn't that exactly what he wanted? To hear your versions? How you feel?"

"Hmm…yes…maybe I am just too skeptical of him. I don't know Danny. I need to sleep on it."

"Do that. And I don't want to influence or manipulate your decision, but I do trust him. He had helped me a lot over all these years. In many ways and in every part of my life."

"I know. I think that's why you recommended him, but you know I have some trust issues when it comes to psychologists and I just don't want to be taken for a fool."

"I totally understand that and I don't expect him to do that. But like he said, it is about you and not anyone else. Take your time and think about it. It is your decision."

"I will, thank you Danny."

"Any time." He looked at his watch and said. "Oh, wow. I didn't keep an eye on the time. Catherine is coming back in a few minutes. She told me she would bring some take out for all of us. I think we should go back to the house to help her bring in the groceries."

They stood up and walked back. A minute later Catherine arrived. They helped her carrying the bags in and then they sat down and ate before they put all the goods into their places.

When they were done Steve told them both about Amtrazapan. Although Dr. Jensen had marked the side effects Catherine wanted to read the whole package insert. She wasn't exactly pleased with what she read, but hoped it would work this time without any of the side effects.

They enjoyed the rest of the evening sitting on the lanai drinking either freshly pressed orange juice or ginger ale with some ice in it. It was a mild evening and they all enjoyed it. It was nearly midnight when they finally decided to call it a day. They were all tired and Steve forgot to take his new medication before going to sleep. Thankfully Catherine was able to wake him enough to take the pill before he was fast asleep. He put the glass down on the nightstand and as soon as his head hit the pillow he was in the land of dreams.

They had five hours of sleep when Steve started to get uneasy. Catherine thought it was a nightmare and talked to him like she had done the last few nights. "Steve, hey, wake up. It's a nightmare, you are safe." He had woken up before her though, feeling like he just had run a marathon – soaked in sweat and his heart was pounding like it wanted to come out of his chest. "I am awake," came the answer. He finally pushed his blanket aside and stood up. "Steve, you okay?" Catherine asked. "Yeah, I am good. Just sweating. I need to shower and change my clothes." He didn't tell her about his pounding heart. He knew it was "just" from the medication so it wasn't a big deal for him and he didn't want her to worry about it. He came out of the shower and dried himself with a towel. His heart was still pounding like a steam hammer and he also started to sweat again. When he was finished putting on fresh shorts and a T-Shirt, he suddenly also felt dog-tired. 'Damn, this really feels like I just did a few rounds of circuit training without a break. Maybe I should take that break now.' He slid down the wall and sat on the floor with his back to wall right next to the door of the shower and closed his eyes. 'Just for a minute.' After a few seconds and without really noticing he tilted to his side and fell asleep on the bathmat.

Catherine had fallen asleep again shortly after Steve had started his shower. When she awoke again after about 90 minutes he wasn't in his bed. He had left the door ajar and she could see the light behind the door. She thought that he was back in the bathroom, but she had a strange feeling that something was off and she usually could trust her gut feeling. She touched his sheet, but didn't feel any warmth. She knew Steve liked to take long showers recently, but if his bed felt already cold it must have been a really long one. She couldn't hear the water running and started to get concerned, especially since she couldn't hear any kind of sound out of the bathroom either. She stood up, but stopped outside the door calling his name. "Steve? Everything okay in there?" No answer. "I am coming in." She opened the door and almost fainted when she saw him lying on the floor, curled up and eyes closed. Although this didn't exactly look like a position to land after a fall, she first thought he had slipped and hurt himself. She covered the short distance in a second and checked him over. She couldn't find any injuries and his breathing was deep and even. But his skin was damp and his heart was pounding so hard that she could almost see it beating behind his ribs.

"Steve, come on. Wake up. You need to go back in bed." He didn't react at first so she tried it again and again until he finally opened his eyes and looked groggily at her. "m tired. Let me sleep." He closed his eyes again. "I know you are. And it is okay to sleep, but not in the bathroom and not on the floor and bathmat. Get up." He didn't open his eyes again, so Catherine gently shook one of his shoulders and called his name again to get his attention. That worked, he opened his eyes, but they were still kind of glazed over like he wasn't really there. "Steve! You need to get up. Come on!" She pulled at his arm, but he didn't even attempt to help her. She knew she wouldn't get him out of there in the next few hours, that is why she decided to wake Danny. She went downstairs and carefully knocked on the door frame. When Danny started to stir, she called his name in a low voice. "What? I just went to bed." When Catherine called him a little louder, he realized where he was and who was calling.

"Catherine!" He sat upright and jumped out of the bed. "What happened?"

"Danny. Calm down. Nothing happened or better nothing dramatic happened and I am sorry I woke you, but I need your help."

Catherine explained the situation to him on the way up. When they entered the bathroom, Danny looked at his friend and said "If it weren't so sad it would be hilarious and I'd take a pic of it." He knelt beside his friend, shook his shoulder and called "Hey, big guy. Come on. No sleeping here. Get up."

Danny got the same reaction as Catherine earlier, first nothing and then after some shaking and talking Steve opened his eyes, looked like he didn't even know where he was, mumbled "leave me alone", pulled his arm out of Danny's hand and closed his eyes again.

Danny was a little surprised of that response, but he didn't quit trying to rouse Steve. He continued to shake and talk to him, the shaking got harder, the talking louder each time, until – finally – Steve opened his eyes and actually looked at his partner. He didn't remember hitting his head somewhere and it didn't even hurt, so a concussion was out of question. That would have been a reason to wake him, but since he didn't feel anything close to it and because he was so damn tired, he got a little annoyed. "What is going on? Why don't you let me sleep?"

"We want to let you sleep, but we would rather see you doing it in your bed than on the bathroom floor. Now get up before you fall asleep again." Each of his friends grabbed one of his arms and they pulled him up. Steve swayed for a short moment, but then he was steady again. They both more or less carried their friend to the bedroom and lowered him down. Steve immediately turned to his side, curled up again and was asleep before any of them were able to tell him that they wanted to change his shirt again. They did it anyway. Catherine dried his torso and arms with a towel before they put the new one on while Danny was holding him upright to make the shirt-exchange easier. Steve didn't even stir. He was totally oblivious to the world around him.

Danny and Catherine decided to call Dr. Jensen right away and leave a message instead of waiting till he opens his office. They didn't go back to sleep, because they hoped for a quick call-back. They made some strong coffee and sat down on the couch. Despite the coffee they both started to dose of and when the phone rang, they almost jumped out of their skin.

Danny was closer to the phone and took the call. He explained what had happened during the night to the psychologist.

"That is not good. It means we need to change the medication again. How is he now?"

"He was still asleep, but also still sweating and his heart pounding heavily when we had checked last."

"I hope it will subside in the next hour or two, but I can't promise anything. If he gets up you should monitor him closely. Eighty-five percent of the people who have suffered from the drowsiness had literal bouts of sleepiness for 12 to 20 hours after the taking of Amtrazapan."

"What do you mean by bouts?"

"That means he might feel good, but then he will suddenly feel like he needs to lie down somewhere in order to sleep. And usually the patients do just that. So, make sure he isn't on stairs or anything. And he isn't allowed to drive for the next twenty-four hours."

"That means he will fall asleep on us time and again today?"

"As I said it is possible, but not inevitable."

"That means he might as well wake up and that's just it."

"That is possible as well. There are a lot of things that might happen after this side effect."

"And THAT isn't exactly helpful."

"Yes, I know and I am sorry, but I have to be honest with you and that means I can't tell what is going to happen. You have to just wait and see."

"Okay. And then what? You try a new one and a new one and a new one until something works out? I don't want to offend you, but if you hadn't noticed he is already on the edge. He can't take much more and experiencing some kind of side effects every other night isn't exactly what I had expected. I thought it would help him getting through the nights a little easier. At the moment I think it just makes it worse. I mean it is different, but still not exactly a peaceful night. For none of us."

"Yes, I can imagine that. But at the moment we can really just try until we find something that his body can tolerate without any side effects or we can stop trying and he has to go on without medication. It is up to him. I don't force him to anything. Speaking of which. You need to talk to him if he wants to try the new one tomorrow evening – then he must come here to get it – nothing else – or if he wants to wait till Monday. It would be nice if you can inform me about that."

"I will."

What really happened was that the pounding heart and the sweating stopped an hour later, but the drowsiness lasted the whole day. Every time Steve woke up and someone was with him, he just looked groggily at them and his eyes drifted shut again ten minutes later - at the latest. When neither Danny or Catherine were there, he felt disoriented and tried to figure out where he was. But thinking took too much effort and he fell asleep as well. The upside was that he didn't get any nightmares at all. But both his friends were unsatisfied with the situation and didn't like seeing him like this.

When Steve finally woke up enough to make it out of bed it was already dark again and Catherine was fast asleep. He felt a little lightheaded, but he was hungry and above all thirsty and went down to the kitchen anyway. He downed a bottle of water before looking for something to eat. He made himself two sandwiches and went outside taking a bottle of orange juice, a glass and the sandwiches with him. He didn't remember what had happened the night before, but was sure that he had suffered from some side effects. 'Thankfully I didn't have to vomit again – at least it doesn't feel like I did,' he thought to himself. He just remembered bits and pieces, but everything was just fuzzy and nothing really concrete. When he was full, he got up to bring the dishes inside. Danny was standing in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water when Steve entered.

"God, Steve! Do you want to give me a heart attack?" Danny cried out. "What were you doing out there?... No…no…don't tell me you went for a swim."

Steve looked questioning at Danny. "No, I didn't. I just had a sandwich and some juice." He showed his friend the glass and the plate.

"Is that okay?"

"Of course, it is. Sorry, I just haven't expected you here. And I mean now that I know that I am not going to die I can think again and seeing that you are not even wet I think my earlier fear was unnecessary."

"Why exactly would it have been bad if I had gone for a swim?"

"You mean apart from the fact that it is dark outside which means it is pitch dark out on the ocean, that it is after midnight and normal people are usually sleeping at this time of the night and neither Catherine nor I had known where you had gone?"

"You have a point with the last one, but I didn't go for a swim, so you can relax…and I most likely had been back before one of you had even noticed I was gone."

"Most likely…if you had been back…"

"What is that supposed to mean? You think I'd lose orientation in the dark or you think I'd do something else?"

"Not on purpose. But…you…you…do you remember anything from last night – and today?"

Steve's face reddened with embarrassment. "Oh, god. What did I do?"

"Sleeping."

"What?"

"You did nothing but sleeping for I guess twenty-four hours. I mean you were awake a few times, but not for long. And since we didn't know how long this would last, I just was a bit shocked to see you coming from outside thinking you had gone for a swim. Getting a bout of sleepiness in the middle of the ocean wouldn't have been the best thing for you."

"Yeah, I can imagine that now. Sorry, I really didn't want to scare you. And I remember waking up, but most of the time I didn't even know where I was, I just felt too tired and some kind of dazed too. I don't think I would have had the strength to even reach the beach, not to mention going for a swim."

"Yeah, but that is the problem – you don't think you would have had the strength, but you'll never know what you are capable of when you think you are in danger and need to get out."

"Yeah, you have a point there too. Sorry, Danny – again."

"It's okay now. You didn't know what was going on. We are good. Don't worry."

"You talked to Dr. Jensen?"

"Yeah, I did. Let's talk about that in the morning. I need some more sleep. I just came here to drink something."

"Yeah, do that. I am going back outside. I think I slept enough for now." He smiled sadly at Danny.

"If you want some company, I can stay with you."

"No, it's okay. I just need some fresh air and it is a really warm night. Go to sleep. You need it. You are still in recovery, Danny."

"I am, but that doesn't mean I can sit outside for an hour or two with my best friend."

"Thanks, Danny. I appreciate that very much. But, no, go to bed. Sleep tight."