'Sawyer you're still awake' Peyton murmurs, migrating further into her oldest daughter's room. She'd expected to find Sawyer fast asleep. 'It's really late babe'

'You're up still' The thirteen year old sullenly responds.

'Uhuh but perks of being a parent means you officially don't have a bedtime' Peyton quips with a smile as she sinks onto the edge of the bed. She shivers. She'd changed into sleep shorts and a t-shirt with the expectation that she'd soon be snuggled up in bed having assumed both her children would be in the land of nod. Her hand creeps over Sawyer's duvet covered leg. She squeezes the spot she's long since learnt will entice a squeal from her daughter. Predictably, despite the bedding the thirteen year old yelps.

'Mum!'

'There's that smile' Peyton jubilantly chimes.

'I'm not five. When are you going to quit doing that?!'

'Never' Peyton smirks and whips the turquoise duvet back, crawling up the bed and wrapping herself around the discontented teenager 'I'm bloody freezing' She whines as she pulls the covers back up over the both of them.

'I was nice and warm until you came along' Sawyer grumbles at her mother's not so welcome hug.

'I kept you warm in my belly for nine months, the least you can do is let me share your covers' Peyton drawls back. 'Mm, you are warm' She kisses the stiff teenager's shoulder and is then eying her suspiciously. ' ...seriously, why're you still up honey? I said goodnight ages ago'

'Indie was crying about Jenny'

Peyton is quick to sit back up. 'She was?'

'It's okay, I handled it, she's asleep now' Sawyer adds as she rolls onto her back and notes her Mother's concerned expression.

'Why didn't you come and get me?'

'I was going to but you and Dad were arguing'

'Oh...' Peyton cringes. 'You heard that then?...We're alright baby' She lays down again and cocoons herself back around her child. 'It's been a tough week for all of us hasn't it? And well, me and your Dad, we just disagree about some things sometimes'

'...Like Lucas' Sawyer challenges.

Peyton is taken aback, her brow furrows as she worriedly wonders how long her daughter was stood eavesdropping outside their door.

She opens her mouth but the thirteen year old has questions that she wants answers to. 'You and Luke use to date right? Before Daddy?'

Peyton swallows. 'What makes you think that?'

'I googled it' The inquisitive teenager answers.

'You googled it' Peyton repeats.

'I knew you did a record together before I was born so I googled that and then on wikipedia in the personal life bit it said you and Lucas were romantically linked' She recites.

Peyton blinks, stunned into silence at her daughter's detective work.

'So you dated right?' Sawyer impatiently probes her for a response.

The flustered mother forces a teasing smile. 'You know google doesn't hold the answers to everything right baby? And just because it's written online doesn't mean it's fact. In fact I'd go as far as saying ninety percent of anything written about me is fiction'

'You two didn't date then?' Sawyer isn't fooled nor amused by her mother's attempts of diverting her attention. She's not a little girl that can be distracted anymore.

'Well we did use to date but I'm sure google has told you a load of crap that isn't true honey. I don't like you googling me. If you have questions why not ask the real girl? She is your Mum you know. I think she knows more about herself than wikipedia can tell you'

'Did you love him?' Sawyer wastes no time in asking the one question that no one but her mother can answer.

Peyton wonders if her cheeks are as red as they feel. She'd not been prepared for this interrogation, not that she thinks she could ever really be all that prepared for these questions. 'Well, yes, you know how fond I am of Luke, we've been good friends for a long time'

'I'm not talking about now' Sawyer frowns in frustration. 'When you were together back then were you in love?'

Peyton swallows in an effort to hydrate her dry mouth.

'Mum?'

'Yes, yes we loved each other'

'Why did you split up then?'

Peyton pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth for a moment. It's a loaded question that has a loaded answer that she's not willing to share, not right now. 'All sorts of reasons really...things don't always work out when you're young. You grow up and change and sometimes you just, you no longer work as a couple...we weren't to be. I was meant to be with your Dad' She tries her best to explain her relationship with Lucas in a way that she hopes might stop Sawyer's invasive questions.

'But Dad thinks Luke still loves you'

'You shouldn't listen to other peoples conversations Sawyer' Peyton stresses.

'Why? Cause you might have to talk about stuff you don't want to?'

Her brow shoots up at her daughter's cocky response. 'Because it's rude' She sternly corrects. 'Your Dad and Lucas haven't ever gotten along. Things are always messy when you've been romantically involved with someone. It's complicated and when you're older you'll understand'

Sawyer scowls. 'This is why I didn't just ask you because you're not going to actually tell me anything are you?!'

'That's not true honey. I am talking to you'

'You're treating me like a baby'

'You're far from a baby. You're growing up too bloody fast' Peyton complains. 'Whats got you asking all these questions about Luke?' She wonders fretfully.

'He was in rehab too' She ignores Peyton's question.

'Yes...He's an alcoholic, you know that'

'That means he's addicted to drinking right?'

'Right. He has an addiction that he works really, really hard to keep on top of. He's been sober for a long, long time now because he sets himself rules and attends his meetings... Is this about Jenny?' She's trying to read her daughter's mind, trying to work out what's triggered all this. 'Luke got sober and Jenny will get clean too babe. Me and your Dad are making sure of it. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be really hard for all of us to get her through this but we will. She's tough.'

'You're leaving us' Sawyer blurts then. 'You're leaving us and going off with Luke! How is that all of us getting through it together?!'

'I'm not leaving you! My Mum left me. I've told you before- she upped and left when I was fifteen. You know your Grandad isn't always the easiest man and lord knows he put her through hell and back but she just, she left. And I've seen her a handful of times since. I would never, never do that to you or your sister. Never. I have to work that's all this is-'

'Dad doesn't want you to go. Jenny needs you. We all need you and you're going to go on stupid tour with stupid Lucas'

'Hey' she grabs the thirteen year old's hands. 'I'm not leaving you' She proclaims fiercely. 'I'll never leave you. I'll only be gone a few days at a time and I'll fly you out to see me when I can. I swear. Jenny not being well, that effects the label babe. It has ramifications for lots of people's jobs. I can't just walk away from this. We've got bills to pay and-'

'It's fine. I get it.' Sawyer yanks her hands away and focuses on glaring at the ceiling above. 'You've always put your music before us' She scathingly remarks and her words are echoed words that she's heard her dad scream at her mother on more than one heated occasion.

'Do you really think that?' Peyton's whisper has Sawyer's eyes skittering away from the ceiling, nervously assessing the still figure beside her. Their matching green eyes lock. Peyton's fierce. Sawyer's worried. 'Since the day you surprised me and I realised you were coming into this world you've been at the heart of every decision I've made. Every one. Don't you know that?'

Her mother's anguish is more poignant than her anger. It make's Sawyer's stomach clench. And despite her resentment and confusion over her recent findings she still feels guilt.

'Music is a part of who I am, it's always been that way and I, I don't think it's wrong for me to want something for myself but at the end of the day there is no choice when it comes to you and Indie or music. You two are my world. You two come first. Always'

'You didn't plan to have me. You didn't want me' Sawyer mutters.

Peyton watches her, sees her daughter flailing before her. She's at that tricky age. There are flashes of maturity that sometimes have her fooling her parents into thinking she's more grown up than she is, so much so that moments of emotional instability always takes Peyton a little off guard. Moments like now that emphasise how she's still very much a child.

'Well no, I was 22 and touring and a baby wasn't really what I was thinking about at that point' Peyton shares. 'But god you were never not wanted; you were the best surprise I've ever had'

'If I was a surprise to you, Dad must have been shocked' She stares at her Peyton. Wonders if she stares hard enough if she might just be able to see the secrets her mother hides.

'Your Dad wanted you Sawyer. He was amazing at reassuring me and looking after me'

'Is that why you kept me? Because he wanted you to?'

'What?! No! Sawyer I wanted you! How could I not want you?! You're me and him'

Am I? She doesn't say it out loud. Can't bring herself to ask the question she really wants to. She doesn't know why. Maybe it's because her world already seems to be in complete turmoil with everything going on with her big sister. She's not sure she can handle throwing her family into further disarray.

'I held you back from your music'

'Babe that's so not true. Sure, you might have slowed me down from time to time but I needed that. When I had you I was at the height of my career and I was working non stop. It wasn't healthy. I refocused my whole life because of you but only for the better... Me touring now isn't me running way from you, it's so not that. The last thing I want to do right now is go anywhere. I know you understand why. We've got so much riding on this label baby'

Silence.

'You don't want to go?'

'Of course I don't'

'But you love touring and singing'

'Yeah but as much as you seem to think otherwise, not as much as you...Music is just in me...You've got it in you too you know' Peyton strokes her cheek. 'Every time you sing I see your eyes light up and you feel alive in a way you can't really explain right?'

Sawyer doesn't answer.

'I want you to grow up not feeling like you've got to choose between music and the people you love. You can have both. You can be whatever you want, do whatever makes you happy. It's so important that you have hobbies and interests as well as people. You need that to make you feel good about yourself. If you ever decide to have kids that, that doesn't mean you can't still do all the things you're dreaming of, it never has to be a choice, you know what I'm saying?'

'If that's true why aren't I allowed to sing?'

'You are!'

'Not like you'

'Sawyer you're thirteen! You're not ready for a career!'

'I am too! You sung at stuff when you were my age-'

'And it was hard! I don't want that for you. I wasn't ready for all that. We've talked about this- right now you need to be a kid' She affectionately tucks a golden lock behind her daughter's ear. 'Look at your sister, she wasn't ready for this and she's older than you...My Mum and Dad did a lame job of protecting me. I won't let the same happen to you. It's my job to look after you and whether you like it or not I'm going to do that until my last breath, so right now you're going to have to face just being a kid'

'You don't know what it's like for me'

'I know this age sucks baby. I've been where you are. I've not forgotten what it's like to be thirteen. It can be confusing and shitty but you've got your whole life ahead of you! You've got so many exciting things ahead of you and I'm going to be here every step of the way. This isn't forever. This will be six months tops and it won't be like last time babe. I've already made Julian promise me that. This tour will run on my schedule which means it's being created around you and Indie. I'll be here all the time and you can skype me anytime, all the time...please just try and give this a chance before you're mad at me, hm?'

Sawyer sighs heavily but abruptly curls onto her side, edging closer to her Mother. 'Sing to me'

A small smile is quick to grace Peyton's lips at Sawyer's request because it's not a verbal ok but it's an ok nonetheless. She runs her fingers soothingly over Sawyer's forehead and begins to hum the lullaby she'd written long ago for her new baby that isn't a baby anymore. Only as the familiar tune sends the thirteen year old off to sleep, she can't help but be haunted by her own words. Because it was a lullaby for her little girl yes, but it was also about her little girl's father. It's about the father she wished Lucas Scott had been capable of being to his child. It's about a family she'd dreamed up at seventeen. A family she'd foreseen herself one day having with him. But dreams rarely worked out that way. Not in her world anyway.