"Luke let me go!" He doesn't until he gets her outside. Blood is rushing through his ears. The feeling is familiar and yet foreign because this amount of rage has not been summoned in him in a long time.
"What're you doing here?" He barks. She jumps because he's never spoken to her like that. He looks angry. Oh so angry. She's never seen him angry. She's not seen him since he's been back and she's angry too. Angry about that. He's been back in town a week and he's not come to see her. She expected to be swept into his arms and hugged tight. Not this. Mind you she never expected to find him here. Today.
"They're gonna sign me-"
"Like hell they are" He'd already gathered what was going on in the building behind them. Had done a double take when he'd seen her enter a fancy meeting room. Had marched right in there and had more than a few harsh words for the man he wanted so badly to punch. The child's presence had forced him to be restrained "Sawyer you're a kid!"
"No I'm not! Rachel gets it! She wants to help me-"
"Did she contact you?" She hesitates. "Did she?" He snaps.
"She emailed me and..." The thirteen year old shrugs.
"What?" He grinds out.
"She's more interested in my music than Mum is and-"
"Do you know who you were just in a room alone with?" He bellows.
"He works for Rachel! He was just telling me about legal stuff! Why're you so mad?!" Sawyer explains defensively "You're here too! Clearly you're doing work for-"
"No I'm not. I had a meeting about something" He shakes his head. Is seething. He knew Rachel Gatina could be manipulative but this is a whole other level of insanity. One that he'd been sure not even she was capable of. "Do you know who John Knight is?"
"I just told you! He works for Rachel"
"Apparently so. He was also your Mum's agent when she was a kid. Did you know that?"
"...no"
"Right. And when she was fifteen he started being inappropriate with her and when she was seventeen he attacked her" He spouts madly. "And you were just alone in a fucking room with him!" He loses his calm. Hell he lost it fifteen minutes ago when he'd caught sight of the child before him. If her eyes weren't wide before, they definitely are now. "Shit. I shouldn't have told you that" He scrapes his hand through his hair. "Shit"
"...I'm sorry" She mumbles. He's visibly upset. There's a stinging sensation in her nose.
"No, I'm sorry. I, it's not your fault" He backtracks "This isn't your fault. You're a kid..." He takes a calming breath. "...Rachel has had a long time feud with your Mum. Surely you know that"
"I'm not Mum" Her voice is hoarse because what she's just been told is upsetting and she can't imagine her Mother ever being so vulnerable and she has questions. The main being what attacked actually means.
"No, you're not, and your Mum is the one that believes that more than anyone. These people just want you because of who your Mum is. Don't you get that? They can make a load of money out of you because of who she is! They don't care what you can do. They don't care about your art Sawyer! They don't give a shit about you" Her bottom lip wobbles. "Does your Mum think you're at school right now?"
Her head slowly bobs. "...Don't tell her"
He shakes his head. "Not happening. She has to know about this" He slouches back against the wall, takes a necessary breath. "How did you even get here?"
"...a couple of buses"
He shakes his head in disbelief because Peyton Wolf would not ever have okayed that. He knows she's rightly more than wary of her kids being a target because of who their parents are. Consequently they're perhaps more guarded than the average child and getting on public transport without anyone else would be deemed a no, no he's sure. "...are, are you ok?"
"...I...she said people took advantage of her when she was young but I, I didn't...how did he attack her?"
"Com'ere" He pulls her into a hug. "I, I think you should talk to her about it"
"No, you tell me" She mumbles.
He pauses because he doesn't know what the answer is but he can also see that her mind is racing. "He forced himself on her" He leads with. Gazes at her and tries to decipher whether she understands or not. "Do you know what I mean by that?"
"Y-yes. He, he raped her?"
"No, no. I, I stopped it"
"You stopped it" She echoes.
"Mmm but if I hadn't have been there. Yes. That's what would've happened. God you scared the shit out of me just now Sawyer. You know that?" She presses her head into his torso again and melts into his embrace. She's just witnessed a side of him she's never seen before. He was protective. He was going to protect her at all costs. He was her father. "He didn't touch you right?"
"No" She mumbles.
"You can tell me"
"I'd t-tell you. Nothing happened. He was just telling me about, about steps we'd have to take to get a contract in place because of, of my age" Lucas grits his teeth together. "...did he go to prison? For what he did to Mum?"
"...no. Come on. Let's get you home" He leads her down the street toward his car.
"...you've not come to see me"
"I've only been back a few days-"
"7 and you've seen Mum"
"Yes. I'm sorry kiddo I've just been a bit busy. People had planned some things for my Birthday and then I helped Lil move some stuff into her new place at college. I was planning on popping in to see you tonight actually"
She huffs. "I'll come over tomorrow and see you and Indie, how about that?"
"Mum is so gonna ground me for life"
"I think she'll still let me come see you under house arrest"
"She's gonna kill me"
"Maybe" He cracks a wane smile at her then. "I'll protect you"
•••
"...I'm sorry I yelled" Peyton sighs as she sits down on the edge of the bed.
The teenager sniffles into her pillow. She'd just fled to her bedroom with her mother's not so calm greeting. Of course Peyton had followed but had taken a moment outside her daughter's bedroom to try and calm the rage bellowing inside her.
"I just, I can't believe you..." Peyton shakes her head. "Skipping school. Getting on a bus. Going behind my back and setting up that meeting-"
"She contacted me-"
"I know! I know and that is not okay and I'm going to deal with that but you know I do not get on with that woman. Why would you want to listen to anything she has to say?!"
"I thought she thought I could be an artist!" She exclaims.
"You don't think I think you can be?" Peyton's face contorts with hurt.
Sawyer sniffles again. "...I d-don't kn-know"
"I'm trying to protect you! That's all I'm doing honey!"
"I kn-know"
"Do you?! Because it doesn't really sound like you do! You are a child and I know you bloody think you're so grown up and that you're ready for so many things but you have to trust me! I do actually know a few things!"
"I'm sorry!"
"When you're ready I will help you do this for real. I promise I will. Do you think I'm just lying about that?" Sawyer doesn't say anything. "If you go into music I want you to follow your own path. I want you to have complete artistic freedom. I want it to be yours. Rachel does not care about you. You'll not be creatively involved. I'm not just saying that! I know that. And I also know she's just targeting you because you're my daughter! You want to get recognition through your own right don't you?! You don't want to be forever known as Peyton Wolf's kid. I sure as hell don't want that for you!"
"...I'm sorry Mum" Sawyer shakily expels.
Peyton's eyes are glassy. "I love you so much. You frightened me so much" She runs her hand over her daughter's flushed cheek.
"I love you too. I'm sorry" Peyton lays down beside her then. Cocoons her in her arms. "...Luke told me what John Knight did to you" Sawyer whispers after a beat. Her eyes wide.
Peyton hesitates. "...Right"
"Why didn't you tell me that?" She whispers.
"I intended to one day. I just thought you were too young to have that conversation but if it's gonna make you actually listen to me then we're having it" She decides. Her heart has felt like it's been about to break out of her chest since she'd got the call from Lucas. And not in the good kind of way. "I know you know your Grandad let me sign when I was your age. I was excited. I was just like you. I wanted to make music and do all these exciting things that I'd grown up seeing my parents do" She nods. "But it's not what you think. I was still a kid. I was working ridiculous hours. Attending parties that an underage kid should never be at" She takes Sawyer's hand. "And it wasn't fun baby. I know I've told you that a billion times but I'm not lying. None of it was fun. Me not letting you have all this yet is not me being a bitch. All I want is to protect you and when the time is right. When you are old enough and you're ready I swear to you I will be doing everything and anything I can to help all your dreams come true. I will" A tear races down the thirteen year old's cheek. "...What did Luke tell you?"
"Th-that he, he attacked you. That he touched you inappropriately and near, near-ly raped y-you" Peyton swallows. Nods. "Didn't you tell Grandad?"
Peyton sighs. "He wasn't exactly around to tell babe. It all happened so slowly." She recalls. "All these little touches that, well at the time I just thought he was friendly. He'd made a point of always looking out for me and I trusted him" She shakes her head. "But then those touches would linger and would make me feel uncomfortable but I, I thought I was being silly" She shakes her head. "It doesn't matter how minute something might seem to you, if somebody says something or touches you in anyway that makes you feel uncomfortable, however small then you need to listen to that feeling and get yourself out of that situation and talk about it with someone you trust" Peyton pauses, watches Sawyer digest her words. Lays down beside her. "One night he was dropping me back after some party and in the car he tried to kiss me" She traces the lines on Sawyer's palm. Leaves out the part where his hand had gone up her dress. Leaves out the part that she'd been terrified he was going to drive off with her. She exhales. "He held his hands up and said he was sorry, that he thought we were on the same page"
"Did you tell Luke?"
"Yeah. And Karen and Keith. I was shaking when I walked in and they were so mad. They were raging and I, I realised then what your parents are meant to be. They cared so much more about my whereabouts and ensuring my safety than my own parents ever did...they tried to get hold of Mick and talk to him about it all but he was touring in the UK and..." She shakes her head.
"He didn't get back to you?"
"You have to understand babe, your Grandad is different to who he was back then. He, he was drinking 24/7. He wasn't a bad person he was just consumed by his addiction"
Sawyer frowns.
Peyton turns onto her side and looks into her little girl's face. Tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. "Karen and Keith tried to help me get out of my contract but I..." She sighs. "At that point I only had eight months left and well" She shrugs. "It's not like I could prove anything had happened. Every lawyer advised me to just wait out the next 8 months to avoid a load of money and my career and reputation being threatened. So I, I carried on working and just avoided being alone with him at all costs. I'd let Luke and Keith and Karen know where I was all the time" She sighs. "And then one evening I thought I had a meeting with some people at my record label. I was actually the most relaxed I'd been in months because I was under the illusion that John was away and then suddenly I found myself alone with him in an office." Sawyer's eyes are wide. "I tried to leave as soon as I realised I'd been lured there under false pretences. He wouldn't let me go though and he was soon pushing me down on a sofa. And I couldn't do anything. I fought. I fought hard but he was so much bigger and stronger. And his hand was over my mouth" She wipes away a tear that has settled on Sawyer's cheek. Considers ending it there because her daughter is clearly upset by the picture she's painting but she wants to scare her. Scare her so much so that she'll be more wary. That she won't be naive because she can't bear the thought of what could have happened today had Lucas not been there. "I was convinced I wasn't getting away. I don't want you to ever, ever feel that baby. I was so scared and angry and yet I suddenly couldn't speak or move" She leaves out the crude words that were spoken in her ear. Leaves out the part where her underwear was ripped off.
"But Luke stopped him right?"
"Yes. He'd driven me and was waiting outside. I'd promised I was gonna text and when I hadn't he knew something was up"
"...he yelled at me today"
"He was scared honey. He was just being protective"
"He got upset when he was talking about you and what happened"
"It was upsetting and I, I was in a relationship with him babe"
"He still loves you Mum... And you love him...don't you?"
Peyton swallows. "...I'll always love him for giving me you" She utters quietly. '...It's late babe. You should get some sleep. Are you hungry?"
"No Luke picked us up a sandwich from Karen's on the way back"
"Ok"
Sawyer hesitates. "...I really am sorry Mum"
"I know. You're grounded for life. You know that right?"
"Yeah. I know"
•••
She finds him in the kitchen. Watches him for a moment before making herself known.
"What're you doing?"
He startles. "I thought you'd probably been too worried to eat after I rang earlier. You must be hungry"
"You didn't need to do that"
"Didn't I? You can barely make toast"
"I feed my kids Luke"
He smiles. "Uhuh. Phoning for take out isn't cooking"
"They eat healthy ok" She moans.
"Here. Sit. Eat"
She hesitates but perches at the island as demanded. "This looks good. Thank you"
"It's just a very basic pasta salad" He bemusedly states. "I didn't have much to work with. You know you actually have to go to a store to stock the fridge up right? It doesn't just magically refill"
"Do you want a slap?" She says as she picks at the meal.
He smirks. "Always so violent...how is she?"
"Upset. Shaken. Hopefully a little scared"
"You told her everything?"
"Yeah"
"That's good, she needs to be more wary. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell her I just got so-"
"I know Luke. It's ok. Of course you had to tell her"
His face contorts because he knows that expression on her face. She drops her fork to the counter top. "Come're" She's suddenly crying. He all but lifts her off her stool and into his arms.
"I-I can't believe sh-she did th-that!"
"She's alright, you were her age once"
"But I, I thought I-I could trust her! I thought I could pro-protect her!"
"You do! You are"
"Just the thought of him being in the same building as her let alone room makes my skin crawl!"
"He didn't touch her"
"He could have! I wasn't there! If you'd not been there! God anyone touching her like that'
"No one is gonna touch her like that. I won't let them" She gazes into his face then. "I felt like I'd been catapulted back in time today..." He confesses. "It bought it all back. That helpless feeling. Like I'd let you down all over-"
"You didn't let me down Luke. God you stopped him"
"Just. It should never have gone as far as it did"
"No but that's not your fault. It was the label not protecting me"
"I'm sure he's bloody hurt a load of girls. He should be behind bars"
"I know...I didn't know he was working for Rachel" She utters. Is still in disbelief.
"Neither"
"You don't think she hired him as some vendetta against me? She knows he was my agent!"
"I don't know" He sighs. "I wouldn't actually put it past her to orchestrate some sick shit like this"
"To rape a child?!"
"No! No I mean to sign Sawyer"
"But why use him?!"
"Because she knows you didn't get on well with him. For her that'd make it all the sweeter. Signing your kid with your ex manager"
"But his reputation isn't exactly a secret at this point. Surely she's not that bloody crazy that she'd knowingly endanger young girls"
"I hope not. I mean I know she's a dick but I doubt she'd go that low if she knew all the details...I know you were so young at the time and asides from talking to the police you weren't keen on speaking out publicly but don't you think..." He trails off.
She blinks. Nods "...I should. Why haven't I spoken out about it more?"
"Because it happened a long time ago and I think it probably affected you a lot more than you let on at the time" He gruffly notes. "Always so strong"
She gives him a wane look then and wipes at her eyes. "Don't think I'm the definition of that right now Luke..."
"More so than ever" He disputes.
"Why were you even there in the first place today?" She changes the subject. He sighs. Was waiting for her to ask that question. She frowns. "...are you gonna sign with Gatina Records?"
"No. Of course not" He shakes his head wildly. "Haley wants to get out though, more so than ever now her and Nate are working on things. I just wanted, thought that maybe I could persuade her"
Peyton's frown doesn't let up. "Persuade her how?"
"I dunno. She's made it known numerous times that she wants me to work with a couple of people. I thought if I could do just one favour..." She's silent. "I would've talked to you-"
"A favour? You're seriously gonna call it that?" She shakes her head. Scowls. Turns away from him.
"Peyton-"
"You're gonna pimp yourself out-"
"No!" He exclaims. Grasps her upper arms and twists her back to him. "Bloody hell, really? I love Hales but I've got a bit more integrity than that. I was just gonna have a chat with her"
"Your chats with her usually don't involve a lotta talking"
"It was a mistake ok? I'm not going there again" She wraps her arms tighter around herself.
"I just don't get it! You know how much she's hurt me over the years. Her going out of her way to stab me in the back is a given but you-"
"It wasn't about you ok! I was in a bad place and she was...there" He grimaces at his own confession.
"...I know it's none of my business" She resolves. "...it just..." She sighs. "It doesn't matter...sorry"
"No I get it ok? I know that it was just about pissing you off for her. But I wasn't trying to hurt you. It wasn't my intention for the whole bloody world to know" He hums. "It's in the past. I know I can be a dick but I wasn't gonna jump into bed with her. You think I'd do that to yo-Lindsey" He catches himself.
"...no. I know you wouldn't do that to Lindsey" She murmurs after a beat. "Sorry...I'm just..."
"Upset and angry about people trying to take advantage of your daughter? Of course you are" He draws her back into his arms. "It's alright" Rubs her back. "She's alright"
"Thank you" She mumbles into his chest. "For looking out for her"
"You don't need to thank me for that. Always. Come on. Sit. Eat" He directs her back onto the stool. "...thank you"
"Your thanking me for sitting down on a stool you're literally pushing me onto?"
He laughs. "No. Not that. My Birthday gift" He squints at her.
"Oh my god stop already. You've said thank you a billion times!"
"Because I'm still in shock!"
"It was just a little thing" She bats her hand.
"First edition of The Great Gatsby is not a bloody little thing"
"I know it's your favourite" She softly answers.
"And you left it on the front porch!"
"I didn't want to disturb you"
He rolls his eyes. "I dread to think how much that was-"
"Luke" she looks at him sternly. "Stop. I'm glad you love it"
"More than"
"Good..." she takes a bite of her dinner. "...I don't know how to deal with this. If I call the police what're they gonna do? Charge them for sending an email? You know she was gonna be coached in how to get emancipated. That's the only way they'd be able to sign her without my consent! That's manipulation and..." She shakes her head. "I could actually wring Rachel's neck"
"How about Brooke?"
"Brooke?"
"Uhuh, your best friend happens to have a magazine that has a huge audience. Wouldn't she be up for publishing anything you write? You could write a piece about Knight" He mutters through gritted teeth. "Tell the world"
"...that's actually not an awful idea"
He laughs. "Why thanks. I've been known to have the odd few" She smiles back. "How is Cruella de Ville? Shouldn't she have had the little puppies by now?"
Peyton's eyes narrow. "You know she hates it when you call her that"
"She works in fashion. Fitting no?" Her look isn't impressed. "No? Come on it's funny! She's not here is she?"
"As if you've not said that to her face a million times. She's not a villain Luke"
"Sometimes in my world" He grumbles.
"You just need to be nicer to her"
"I am nice!"
"Sure you are"
"Well she makes it hard sometimes"
"Don't claim that you're a saint Lucas Scott"
"I'm not. I'm not. I just don't get her level of hatred for me sometimes"
"She doesn't hate you...she's just...protective of me" She decides.
"I'm not some blood sucking daemon out to get you!"
Peyton arches her brow. "You're not?"
"Funny. You didn't answer me"
"No. She's not due for another month. I'll let her know you were enquiring after her wellbeing though"
"God don't do that. I don't want her to think I care"
Peyton grins. "See I think you both secretly enjoy being horrible to each other. Are you secretly in love with my best friend Lucas Scott?"
He laughs then. Snorts. "That's possibly the most absurd thing you've ever suggested"
"She's beautiful!"
"Sure. She's not you though is she?" Her smile dwindles. So does his. "...I should go"
"Mmm" She agrees. Awkwardness engulfs them. "...thanks again Luke. For today"
He shakes his head. "Anytime. Always"
•••
A certain kind of normality is established. With him working back at Red Bedroom their lives inevitably become more intertwined.
He doesn't enjoy being in Felix Taggero's presence but it is what it is and it's a small price to pay to see her.
He's not surprised when his relationship with her becomes an issue in his romantic relationship with Lindsey. Sort of always knew it was only a matter of time.
He sighs. He's standing in her office.
"What's wrong?"
"Me and Lindsey got in a fight"
She swallows. "I'm sorry...what was it about?"
He gives her a wane look, a small smile on his lips. "What they're always about"
"They" Her brow furrows.
"Any argument I have with any girl that isn't you" He clarifies. "It's always about you and how my relationship with you isn't normal" She looks down. Lips twitch as she tries to respond accordingly. "Apparently it's weird how much I stop by yours. I think now that you've split up with Jake you feel like more of a threat to her"
Her eyes dart up. "I'm not a threat"
"Aren't you?"
She startles at his reply. "I'd never try and break up your relationship" she looks hurt.
"I know. You can't break something up that isn't really there to begin with"
"What?"
"You can't help how I feel anymore than you can help how you feel"
She blinks. There's a knot in her stomach. She opens and closes her mouth. Wasn't prepared for this conversation. Not today "...how did your fight end?" She's suddenly gone into autopilot. Her mouth is saying words and it feels like they're coming from someone else's mouth.
He squints at her because her response hadn't been the one he'd been anticipated. "She stormed off. It's been coming for a while" He admits. "It had to end sooner or later"
"You should go after her"
"...I should?"
No She shouts in her head but her mouth is not cooperating "Yes" Her eyes are glassy.
"Peyton-"
"Felix is gonna be here in a sec. He wants to take me to some bar he loves over on-"
"What?" He cuts in, jaw jutting out. "You're going on a date with Felix Taggero?"
"No it's..." She scrapes her hand through her hair. She doesn't know what it is or what she's doing seemingly. "It's just a drink" she mutters.
"Peyton he's an ass. You said so yourself! He just wants to get you into bed"
"You don't have to say it like I'm utterly repulsive-"
"I don't want you-"
"You should go after Lindsey" she bleats again because this is all getting too much.
He stares at her hard for a long minute. "...why're you so bloody scared of having this conversation with me?!" He breathes out eventually.
She wraps her arms around herself. Doesn't answer. She is scared. Scared about a billion things.
He shakes his head in frustration. "Fine. Have a lovely evening" His well wishes are anything but sincere and then he's storming out of her office. The door shudders in his wake and the tears are quick to cascade down her cheeks. It's not lost on her that every encounter she's had with him over the last month has had her ending up here; she's an emotional wreck. She's no longer got a marriage to hide her feelings behind and it's only now that it's finished that she's truly aware of how much she had been hiding. She'd kidded herself at moments that her relationship with Jake Jagielski was what she'd always wanted. Needed. It was easy to latch onto the good days. To forget the bad. Especially when he'd been so very invested in her. Had wanted her oh so badly. Her guilt is suddenly unbearable and her feelings are suddenly impossible to keep at bay because she doesn't have anyone to keep in line for anymore.
"Peyton"
She blinks. Furiously wipes at her cheeks. "Hales" Her hand settles on her heart. "How long you been there?" She wonders because the brunette is halfway across her office and she'd not even heard the door open.
"I just came in. Sorry I didn't mean to make you jump"
"No, I, I'm away with the fairies"
Haley looks at her sympathetically. "...I just saw Luke" Peyton swallows. Nods. "...what're you doing?"
Peyton purses her lips together. The lump in the back of her throat is back. "I don't know!" She chokes out after a beat. "I don't know what I'm doing!"
Haley crosses the space between them and is quick to wrap her arms around them.
It's not lost on either of them that this is foreign. They'd been friends. Good friends once upon a time but that friendship had been put under a lot of strain over the years.
"Why, why're you being nice to me" Peyton mumbles into her shoulder.
Haley smiles as she eases back. "I might have given you a hard time every now and again but I still care about you...He loves you. He's always loved you. You know he has"
"It's me though Hales" she mutters. "I make bad things happen"
Haley gives her a despairing look then. "You know that is in no way true"
"He got better-"
"For you-"
"Ok but what if once he has me he..." Peyton shakes her head. "I know you've thought I'm a bitch-"
"No-"
"I need him to be ok"
"Because you love him" Haley deduces.
Peyton sniffles. "...of course I love him" It's a whispered admission.
Haley smiles. "You guys have your shot now. Don't throw it away because you're scared of all the things that could or couldn't happen...are you really going on a date with Felix Taggero?"
Peyton rolls her eyes. "I wasn't calling it that. It's just a drink-"
"Peyton-"
"He's with Lindsey!"
"He's been hiding with Lindsey and it sounds like she's just come to that conclusion! Thank god a lot sooner than Jake did. One word from you and he's yours!" Peyton licks her lips. "Sweetie I get why you're scared"
"No you don't" Peyton shrinks. "...he's going to wind up hating me and it's going to kill me"
"He's been mad at you plenty. Not once has he ever hated you. You could do anything at all and he'll never hate you. Just like he can do anything at all and you'll never hate him...I was scared to go back to Nathan after what I did but I didn't want to end up like you two. Living our lives parallel. Loving each other from arms length. Being incomplete. You've both been through so much shit. You deserve a happy ending. Both of you"
"...I know you think I walked away easily before but Haley I..." Her eyes become glassy. "It's the hardest thing I've ever...I don't know that I can again..."
"You know there was this girl that once told me something that's always stuck with me" Haley murmurs. "Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away, every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just life"
Peyton smiles sadly. "Those aren't actually my words"
"No?"
"No. Something Mum said to me once in a rare moment of her actually playing Mum"
"It's quite good" Haley smiles. "And sane for a neglectful bitch"
A small laugh passes Peyton's lip. "Yeah"
"You seen her lately?"
"...no. Not since before Indie was born"
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be. Better off without her"
"Yes. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt...yours and Luke's song isn't over. You can't live your life hiding from it because you're scared it might end. You know Keith said something to me once. Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes"
"Look at you throwing all the words of wisdom at me"
Haley grins. "From other people. I know you loved him just as much as me. And he loved you. Luke mentioned that he'd told you to end it with him shortly before he died"
"...yeah"
"And I get it more now. That need to follow his advice. But his advice was desperation. If he could see you both now he'd be wanting to bash your heads together just like every other person in this town! You're so strong. You just need to be brave and make the leap. I believe in true love, I believe in love at first sight, I believe love conquers all. That doesn't mean there's not gonna be hard days, difficult things to deal with because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that that person loves you back, it makes everything so much easier and Luke, he's that for you. Has always been that for you. Don't let it pass you by"
•••
"I love you" He says nothing. His eyes are wide. To say he's surprised is an understatement. She's just as shocked by her admission because lord knows she's kept those three little words under lock and key from him for a long time. "I-"
"What. Are. You. Doing?" He grinds out. He doesn't know why anger is flooding through him. Not when this is what he's been dreaming of. But he's spent the last few hours feeling frustrated by their earlier encounter and frustration inevitably led to anger. He'd been angry before she even came a knocking.
"I just-"
"You told me I should go after Lindsay"
"I know what I said but-"
"What's actually wrong with you?"
"What?"
"What do you mean what Peyton?! Christ! You married another man. You had kids with another man. You've told me constantly that I need to move on and I finally fucking do and then you, you split with him and I thought you'd done it for me! And then I realised you hadn't ended it at all! It had nothing to do with me what so ever! And even though that's the case I've still spent the last six weeks waiting for you to come and tell me you're ready to give this a fucking shot but no! And then today I put it out there and your response is that you're going on a fucking date with some ass!"
"No it wasn't a-"
"You lost faith in me a long fucking time ago and you still-"
"No" She cuts in sternly. "It's not about faith. I felt like I didn't have a choice back then! You didn't give me a choice!"
"Addiction isn't a choice it's an illness"
"I know that. I know but I couldn't go on living like that! You have absolutely no idea what it was like for me! What you were like!"
"I got better for you Peyton! For you"
"I know you did!...I don't want to argue. I love you. I'm sorry about earlier! I'm just scared Luke!...but I, I thought you should know. Do with it what you will. I can see you'd rather I go..." He doesn't object and she turns hurriedly making her way down the steps.
"Peyton" She doesn't get far. He ensnares her wrist and jerks her back around and then his mouth is on hers.
She doesn't hesitate. Doesn't pull away. She kisses him. He all but drags her back into the house. Blindly slams the door and her back hits the hard surface a second later. She yelps into his mouth.
His hands are everywhere all at once.
"Wait-"
"If you tell me to stop I'm gonna lose my shit" He gruffly exhales.
"I just, did you go after Lindsey?" Her eyes are wide. "I-"
"No. It's finished. Ok? I've been in here losing my shit about you...with Felix" He growls into her mouth.
"I didn't go. Nothing happened" She feels the need to erase the crease on his forehead. Feels the need to make that clear.
"It hasn't?"
"No"
"I'd accepted that you were Jake's not that it's okay but someone else..." his forehead rocks against hers.
"No one since Jake" She clarifies. She instantly regrets it. She doesn't want him thinking about her with Jake. "Sorry" She mutters. His thumbs are rubbing her cheeks. He gazes into her eyes. "...it had everything to do with you" she whispers after a beat. He doesn't need her to clarify what. Knows she's talking about the break down of her marriage. "Of course it was" Her voice wavers with her confession. "...he knew I loved you in a, a way that I've never-'
He kisses her again. Can't not. Doesn't need her to say anymore. It's enough. It's confirmation of what he's always known deep down.
His tongue is swirling around hers in a familiar dance and yet there's an urgency and possessiveness that is foreign. It's 13 years of frustration.
"God I want you" He grunts into her mouth. She's panting
"I want you too" She emphasises, fingers fiddling with his shirt.
"He's insane you know? Who'd cheat on you?"
"It's the first sensible thing he's done. I don't want to talk about Jake" She stops watching her fiddling hands then. Looks up into his face. "Have you really doubted that I love you?"
"Peyton you said I do to someone else, if that doesn't say I've moved on, what does?"
She closes her eyes and nods. She doesn't know what to say to that. There's so many things she could say but she doesn't want to argue. She didn't come here to argue.
"Sorry" He mutters. "We were kissing. I'd like to get back to the kissing" He nods decisively.
She smiles. "You can get back to the kissing. I was enjoying the kissing"
He smiles. "You were?"
"Mhmm" She bites her lip and nods.
"First I want this off" He looks at her seriously as his fingers begin to unbutton her flannel shirt. "I still hate these things"
"Babe" She halts his endeavours. "You've just never grasped the concept that you only have to undo two and I can do this" She pulls it over her head. "See. It's real easy. We need to get you up to speed with the art of undressing"
"I'm quite competent thank you very much"
"Oh really?'
He emphasises his statement by unclasping her bra with one hand. Smirks at her surprised expression. "Really"
"Wait" She stops him from pulling the silk fabric away from her chest.
He pauses. Hands hovering in mid air. "...what's wrong?"
"I just...I don't want to do this if you're going to hate me in the morning Luke" She whispers, her hands clutching her bra to her chest.
"Hate you" He snorts. "That's physically impossible"
"...I've given you lots of reasons to hate me" She murmurs. "I know that-"
"Shh" He cups her cheeks. "I might hate you if you don't move your fucking hands right now" He's joking. Well kind of.
Her brow kinks. "How could I possibly refuse when you're asking so nicely" She dryly murmurs.
"Thirteen years Peyton. You're fucking lucky I'm being patient enough to have this ridiculous conversation right now"
Her face softens. She drops her hands. Peels away the silk fabric from her chest. Lets her bra drop to the floor.
He swallows thickly. Licks his lips. Takes a step back. And another. And another.
"Er where're you going?"
"I just want...I need to look at you"
"From all the way over there?"
"If I'm near you I'll have to touch you and then...I just want to memorise you for a sec"
She's bemused for a moment. Puts her hands on her hips. Her confidence soon lapses. "Ok this is quickly becoming awkward for me. Have I changed awfully?"
His eyes avert to her face. "Sweetheart you're perfect"
She snorts. "Well that's a lie"
"Get over here"
"So fucking bossy aren't you" She walks over to him.
"Mhmm. It's a first that you're actually doing as you're told"
"Don't get use to it babe" She puts her hands on his shoulders, feet either side of his. His hands find her backside, jerks her forward until his hot breath is on her navel.
She inhales sharply as he presses a sweet kiss to her creamy flesh. He smiles as her belly sucks in. Smiles as her hands disappear into his hair. She soon gives up standing. Her legs giving way. He easily supports her weight. His tongue trails up the centre of her torso as she slides down to sit in his lap, his lips ending up on her right breast.
"Fuck" She can feel a heat rising in her cheeks.
"Potty mouth"
"Jesus don't stop"
"Now who's being bossy?" He smirks but happily returns his lips to where she wants them.
She rocks her head back. Closes her eyes. Feels like she's suddenly being awoken. Feels like she's breathing properly for the first time in years. Feels more alive than she has in forever.
A silent tear escapes.
His right hand toys with the button at her waist. Eventually slips it free. His fingers waste no time in easing into her jeans. Cup against the silky fabric that's concealing her. She gasps. Her head drops forwards to gaze into his eyes.
"Are you crying?" The thumb of his free hand trails over her cheek.
"I just" she presses her forehead to his. "...I missed you" She kisses him then. Slides her tongue into his mouth. Her fingers splay out on his cheeks. One soon getting lost in the back of his hair. He'd once teased her for how fiercely she'd clutch onto his face like she was trying to devour him. She'd retort that maybe she was.
A noise sounds in the back of her throat when he moves abruptly, shifting them so she's laying back on the sofa. She blinks up at him. Smiles.
"Hi" He husks.
"Hi"
"I need these off you" He says of her jeans.
"Oh?" She slides her hands up him and tugs his t-shirt up. "My turn first"
He abides and helps her hoist his top off. She bites her lip as he's quick to go about tugging her jeans down and underwear down. Huffs about how ridiculously tight they are whilst doing so.
She smiles because he's grumbling and looks genuinely irritated by her clothing and it's familiar and has her rolling her eyes.
Once he's freed her limbs he sits back on his feet and stares at her naked form.
"What're you doing?" She reaches for his belt. He shifts back out of reach earning him a pout.
"Just taking a moment to check I'm not dreaming"
"You will be in a minute if you don't get on with it"
"Don't hurry me"
"I'm fucking going out of my mind here Luke" She declares.
"Yeah"' He smirks.
"Well don't look so god damn happy about it"
"Why not?" He unbuckles his own belt. "Maybe you're feeling a little bit of what I've felt"
Her frustrated expression morphs into sadness as she watches him stand and drop his own pants and boxers in one. "I've wanted you. I've wanted you so much I can scarcely breathe sometimes and every time you turn up at something with a new girl I have to wonder if she'll be the one that you'll love more than you ever loved me"
"Well" He hovers back over her. "You'll be pleased to hear that anytime I've fucked another girl its you I'm fucking imagining" He drawls.
Her brow furrows. "You do?" She pants.
"Of course I fucking do"
"What do you imagine?"
"I imagine these" His hands greedily wander up and down her thighs. "How it feels to be between these" She locks her legs around him then and she bites her lip in an effort to disguise her smile at the expression that forms on his lips.
"Like this?"
"Fuck yes" He catches her eye. "Are you laughing at me?"
"Only a little"
"And what exactly is oh so funny?"
"Oh I dunno. You acting like I'm some unattainable being-"
"You fucking have been!" He exclaims. "Look but don't touch"
"It's not as though you've been celibate babe. We've just covered that. I think you've got by just fine-"
"I said I imagined they were you. How could they ever live up to you though?"
Her amusement is long gone. "Don't put me on a pedestal-"
"It's too late for that. I put you there a long time ago-"
"Yeah a long time ago! I've had two kids since we last did this. It might not live up to whatever you've been fantasising-"
"Enough. Why're we talking again?"
"You're the one that started it with all your dilly dallying"
"Dilly dallying?"
"Uhuh" She gasps when he settles on her. He smirks.
"Do I need-"
"No. On pill. Just get-" He abruptly rocks into her. She whimpers. Her eyes widen. She'd not been anticipating it. "...Christ Luke"
"What?" He pants into her mouth.
"You know what" She murmurs, blinded by his rough intrusion.
"I thought you were oh so impatient for me. Fuck you're perfect. You're actually perfect" He moans. "Are you alright?"
"Mmm. Just don't move a sec"
"Did I hurt you?"
"No, no. I just, I want..." She wants to memorise it. Remember this. Them. "I missed you" She whispers, her eyes glassy again. She trails her foot up the back of his calf. "I missed you"
"Not as much as I missed you" He strokes her hair back from her face.
"I'm so sorry"
"Sweetheart I got us into this mess. Don't think I don't carry that with me everyday"
"I love you"
"God it's so nice hearing you say that. I love you" He rubs her thigh. "You're so fucking beautiful"
"You still think so?"
He squeezes her ass in answer making a whimper sound from her lips. "God yes"
He grunts as she arches her back coaxing him to move.
He dips his tongue into her mouth then and their disjointed conversation ends as need takes over.
And she's reminded that this only feels like this with him. Is reminded of how he seems to know her body better than she does herself. And it soon arises tears in her again.
"You gotta stop crying" He breathes into her mouth.
"Sorry. I promise I'm happy."
"Yeah?"
"Yes" She gasps. "How do you know how to...fuck" She utters incoherently.
He smiles. "How to?"
"...just me"
"I've always known you" He husks.
"I'm so glad you've always known me"
He nuzzles his nose against hers. Gazes into her green eyes. Drowns in them. Always had been a little stunned by their intensity. He'd often wondered if anyone else felt like they were seeing right into her soul when she looked at them like this. She's never looked at anyone else like she's looking at him now though.
"I'm not losing you again" He pants and pins her wrists down with a sudden need to possess her completely. "Never"
"You never...did Luke"
"Never?" He grunts.
She shudders. She's falling. Falling hard. Clutches his face to hers, her mouth agape. "...Never"