Chapter 39

Danny's plan had been a relief for Steve's mind. The anxiety he had felt and the thoughts that had attacked him time and again over the last few weeks lessened day by day until both were gone after another week. That helped him to feel better – mentally and physically. He had gained back his full weight, the vitamin deficiency was gone and he had started to train regularly again, although not as much and long as he had done before his ordeal had started to take effect on him.

Dr. Jensen had already told him about a few grounding techniques and Steve brought that and his "Danny-issues" into group therapy.

A retired Sergeant Major told Steve that he has had the same problem after his son – who was a police officer – had been involved in a shooting that almost got him killed. After his son's return to work the Ex-Army-Ranger hasn't been able to sleep anymore. He has had a lot of bad dreams during the night and anxiety attacks during the day. But there were two techniques that had helped him to overcome his issues.

"I sniffed some strong peppermint. You can use something else of course – it just has to smell strong. It's very hard to focus on anything else then. The other thing was a piece of ice. Just grip it. It's very difficult to direct your attention away from the extreme coldness. What is also important is to keep your eyes open and take in your surroundings and to get aware of everything that is going on around you. Both are good techniques, but I stayed with the peppermint, because you can carry it with you anytime. Having ice within reach isn't so easy. Your SEAL training might stand in your way though, because I know you've learned to not get yourself distracted with smell or sound or anything else. But I am sure you can learn to let get yourself distracted as well.

A friend of mine who lived near the ocean concentrated on the crashing of the waves, but not everyone is so lucky to live at such a place."

Steve smiled at that while the sergeant – who didn't know where Steve lives – continued.

"And you can't take that with you either. I'd really recommend the peppermint. And you should start to train now with something you are worrying about, but which isn't that scary. The more you are into it the better it is going to help you."

Steve tried. And it worked. For the minor problems. Then he took it to the next level and used it at the one-on-one talks, whenever he felt a particularly critical phase or a breakdown coming.

That led to less crying, less upset, less yelling and less breakdowns. He still had nightmares, but less frequent and less severe than before. Catherine got them more and more under control. Meanwhile she was even more sensitive to the signs than she had already been in the beginning. And since she touched and talked to him earlier, he caught the contact and the words way before he was caught up in is dreams which made it easier for him to get out of it.

Since the last "Danny-dream" two months ago, Steve had just two more dreams Catherine couldn't stop. But none of them were as scary as the ones he has had in Jersey or after his return to Hawaii and the way back to reality was much shorter than before as well.

All this had – little by little – resulted into a much better general condition and quality of life for Steve – and as a chain of reasoning for his two friends too.

That meant they could enjoy Grace's and Charlie's visit. Nothing dramatically happened during that time. Steve felt happy most of the time and he showed it to everyone. He was much more active than the whole last two years, he was joking and laughing and his smile reached his eyes.

When Grace and Charlie left to spend some time with their mother, Steve hugged them tight and told them that he loved them and that they were always welcome – at any time and even if their father wasn't present.

After Rachel had picked them up, Steve hugged Danny even tighter than his children and said "Thank you Danno for bringing them here. I needed that. Thank you for letting me be part of your family."

Danny hugged him back as tight and said "Steve, you are my family too."

And then the inevitable happened: Danny returned to work.

Steve was relaxed the day before, but he started to stall as soon as it came to going to bed. When he finally did, he couldn't fall asleep – despite Jacobsen, despite smelling peppermint and listening to the waves – which had gotten a grounding technique for him as well. So, he sought comfort in Catherine's presence and closeness. It was the first time in all those months – at least that he could remember – that he snuggled up to her. Waking her in the process made him regret it instantly, but when she turned around to hug him back and kiss him, he felt exactly the comfort and reassurance he had been looking for and he had needed to feel safe and to remove the tension in his body to finally fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

When he got up, Danny had already left for work. Danny had suggested – only to Catherine though – to call Steve during the day, but she had convinced him to ditch the idea. The sooner Steve would realize that he couldn't control where Danny was and what he was doing the sooner he would be able to live with the situation. Just to be on the safe side she barely left Steve of her sight for the first two weeks. She could feel and see some more tension on him than the last few weeks, but the "peppermint-thing" like Steve was calling it seemed to work and as time goes by, she saw him use it less and less.