Never, in his entire life, had Darth Vader regretted killing someone as much as he now regretted killing the twins sixth nanny.

There were two very important reasons for this, reasons he didn't think about until the day after he'd offed her.

First, the following morning when he told the twins that whats-her-name (he'd already forgotten it) wouldn't be coming back, they'd cried for a good two hours, then intermittently throughout the day. There was nothing-nothing-he hated more than his children crying because of something he'd done.

At least that's what he thought, until he discovered the second reason to regret killing the nanny.

Apparently, Luke and Leia, his sweet, innocent, just barely turned two year olds, had hit their 'stripping' phase.

He hadn't even known such a thing existed. He didn't know how long this had been a problem, either. Had it been going on for a while and the nanny just took care of it without saying anything? Or had the twins, in an act of revenge for murdering their nanny, decided to start streaking through the condo naked as the day they'd been born?

He'd discovered the problem one morning after sitting down to work from his home office. With no nanny to watch them, he needed to be near enough to ensure his little ones were safe.

Much to the Emperor's annoyance.

He'd just posted an ad for another nanny on the holonet when Leia came running in. He looked up to admonish her for interrupting and order her to play somewhere else-but he stopped cold when he realized that the clothes he'd put on her that morning were now mysteriously missing.

"Leia, where are your clothes?" he demanded, going to pick her up. She squealed and evaded his grasp, darting back out into the hallway...where he watched in horror as his equally naked son rushed after her.

He simply stared at the doorway, aghast.

Maybe he hadn't clothed them properly? But...no, he was sure he had…

He quickly rushed to grab the kids and, while they kicked and squirmed in his arms, he forced them back into their clothes.

But the alarming behavior didn't stop.

Three more times that same day. Four more the next. Twice the day after that.

Finally, he called their doctor. Surely there was something wrong. There had to be. He was losing his patience, and not a single nanny application had been submitted and he was about to go insane…

"How may I help you, Lord Vader?" Doctor Rawley picked up mercifully quickly.

He was struggling to force Leia back into the black dress he'd picked out for her. He didn't fail to notice Luke was in the corner already trying to break free of his tunic. "Can you explain why, for Force sake, my children insist on tearing their clothes off every time I have my back turned?!...Leia, stop it right now, young lady!"

She'd thrown herself dramatically on her back and had started trying to kick him. "NO!" She shrieked, glaring at him.

If they were not his children…

Doctor Rawley hesitated, as he always seemed to do before telling the Dark Lord something he didn't wish to hear. "It's not uncommon for toddlers, once they figure out how to undress, to do it repeatedly."

His hands stilled, and he looked at the comm link in horror. "This...is...normal?!"

Admittedly, he said that a lot to Doctor Rawley.

"Yes. It could be for a variety of reasons, but it's usually a fascination with a new skill."

Why. Why hadn't he done his research before deciding to have children?! He was a Sith Lord. Count Dooku never had to deal with this. Neither had Maul, he was certain.

Why? Why him?

"What other reasons doctor?"

"Well, they may like the attention they're getting when you react…"

"Are you saying I don't give them enough attention?!"

"N-no, of course not, Lord Vader. I'm simply…"

This time Leia kicked his face-or the helmet-and with a snarl he released her completely. She immediately jumped up and bolted out, a now shirtless Luke hot on her heels.

"What. Other. Reasons?!" He growled at the comm link. The doctor was lucky that he wasn't on holovid, or he'd be dead for witnessing that.

"...Well, they might not like their clothes…"

He was so close to demanding what was wrong with the clothes provided to them, but he was certain the doctor had a logical explanation and he didn't want to hear it. It was just more proof of how ill prepared he was for fatherhood.

"What do you suggest, then?"

"Instead of putting them in the same clothes they were wearing, try putting them into a different outfit instead. And if the outfit closes from the back, that's even better." The doctor hesitated again, and Vader braced himself. "Or...let them have their naked time."

Oh, the doctor was very lucky he was not nearby. "That is a completely unacceptable answer…"

"I understand, Lord Vader. I am merely suggesting what has worked on other toddlers with the same, ah, tendencies."

Vader gritted his teeth. "That will be all." He snapped, and with a wave of his hand the call disconnected. Seconds later, he had his admiral on the line.

When he answered, he didn't even bother with greetings. Instead, he rushed straight to the issue at hand. "Admiral, you will use my funds and you will immediately go to the nearest tailor selling toddler clothes and you will buy every single item in the sizes that I will transmit to you. Spare no expense. I want all of it."

"...Y-yes, Lord Vader."

He didn't care if it made him sound like he was spoiling his children. There was no way he would allow them to run free in their name day suits. No way.

Admittedly, his reputation had taken a hit when he'd found his children and decided to keep them. It was normally not anything he couldn't make up for in battle or in dealing with his subordinates. But if his children were to be found running around without their clothes on?

He didn't think he'd recover from that.

And unfortunately, the Force seemed to want to test that theory out.

It was the following day, early in the morning. He'd attempted to dress Luke in a soft, white tunic and black pants, with Leia in an equally soft blue tunic and black pants. So far, neither of them seemed inclined to start stripping-at least not whenever he checked in on them.

So, he went back to his work. Namely, checking the pitiful amount of applicants for the nanny position. Apparently, his reputation for killing nannies had spread, and there were very few who wished to work for him. Yet another reason he regretted killing so many, he decided as he glared at the screen.

It was as he was contemplating his rotten luck that he felt it-the presence of his master.

Coming straight for his front door.

He looked up, and though his skin was already pale beneath the suit, he was sure his face whitened further.

He didn't even need to ask why the Emperor had bothered to visit him at his home. It was so rare these days for him to leave the palace or the senate. Never, in the last few years, had he bothered dropping by either his home on Coruscant or on Mustafar.

But now? Now he wanted to see what it was that was preventing Vader from leaving the planet to carry out his duties across the galaxy.

Or, rather, he was coming to confirm why.

Hurriedly, he stood, making sure his mental shields were strengthened as he stormed for the front door. The Emperor would not knock. What Vader owned, he owned...at least in his eyes. So, quickly, Vader dropped by the twin's bedroom and checked in on them.

Mercifully, they were still clothed and playing with the toy ships and stormtroopers he'd given them for their birthday.

"Do not remove your clothes." He warned, pointing a finger at them.

Both of them blinked at him, and he sent the warning through their Force bond. He didn't know what good it would do. They were still so young, and who knew how much they understood? He couldn't exactly express to them why it was imperative that they keep their clothes on while the Emperor of the galaxy was visiting.

He just had to hope they'd understand at least until he could bore the Emperor enough to get him to leave.

As he predicted, the front door hissed open just as he reached it. In stepped the hooded, haunched figure of the Emperor. "Ah. Lord Vader. Just who I wanted to see."

Obviously. Vader wanted to say, but instead he knelt in front of the man. "I sensed your arrival, Master. How may I serve you?"

Please tell me. Now. So you can leave. Is what he wanted to say, but he kept that carefully shielded from him.

But the Emperor seemed to know he was in a hurry anyway, because he took his time taking in the condo at his leisure. "You keep your home clean, considering that you have two little ones running around. Probably with filthy fingers."

"They are well behaved." The answer was automatic, even if it was currently a lie.

"If they are so well behaved, then why have you not found yourself a new nanny? I need you out enforcing my will upon the galaxy, not babysitting."

Though on the surface the Emperor sounded like an old friend asking him about his troubles, he could detect the disdain hiding beneath his grandfatherly demeanor.

"It would seem it is less about my children's behavior and more about my reputation for," he paused, deciding how to word it, "how I choose to reward failure."

The Emperor scoffed, and finally made a gesture with his hand, allowing Vader to rise. "I will see if I can speed the process up."

He didn't love the idea of the Emperor having anything to do with his children, but he was smart enough not to protest. He'd have to find some way to undermine the order.

"I trust your work has…" The Emperor began, but another noise behind him had Vader tuning his master out.

The sound of bare feet pitter pattering across the room…

Please don't be naked, please don't be naked, please don't be naked…

He didn't dare turn around, even as the Emperor broke off, his golden eyes narrowing at wherever his children had disappeared to.

There was silence, only broken by the sound of his respirator.

"Lord Vader."

"Yes, Master?"

Oh Force. Force. This couldn't be happening.

"Did I just...see...two children running through your home...naked?"

It was happening.

He stood there, absolutely still, willing to be back on Mustafar, swallowed up by the lava so he wouldn't have to face what was currently happening, completely out of his control.

He didn't know what to say. The Emperor, a master of the Sith, was far less likely to be understanding about children than he ever was.

So he said the first thing that came to mind.

"No."

The Emperor raised a wrinkled, deformed brow. "Oh?" To Vader's horror, he realized that his Master felt his misery and was currently reveling in it. "So your children aren't currently streaking through your home?"

There went his reputation.

"No."

"I see." Oh yes, there was definitely dark pleasure in his master's voice. "Well. It would seem that Luke and Leia need a firm, guiding hand in their lives at the moment. Maybe you should take a few more days to work from home."

Translation: This is what you get for taking them in. Suffer the tarnishing of your reputation. You brought this on yourself.

"That is most wise, my Master." He forced out.

"Good." The Emperor turned, ready to leave, but before he did, he glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, and Lord Vader?"

Please just leave. "Yes, my Master?"

A sinister smile revealed rotting teeth. "Do get your children under control. Before I am forced to step in myself."

And as Vader watched the man leave, only to listen to his children run through the house still naked...something in him broke.

His reputation was gone. Shredded. All that was left was him in his stupid life support suit and his two naked children running around the house.

"Who dat?" Luke asked from behind him.

Vader looked up at the ceiling, cursing the Force for it's decision to continue to torture him. "The Emperor." Then, he looked down at his son.

Still naked.

Luke frowned. "Daddy mad?"

Mad? He was beyond that. Well beyond it.

And yet...he didn't have the energy.

"I'm going to meditate." He announced. He didn't know if Luke understood it. Probably not. "Be nice to your sister."

As he walked away, a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered, Doctor Rawley was right. This once, allow them to have their naked time.

He'd deal with their insubordination later. For now, he would retreat, gather his strength…

And ponder on how he'd gone from a feared apprentice of the Sith to an exhausted father with unclothed twins in less than a week.

Requested by Masterjinzu on Tumblr! Oh, this one was so much fun to write! Vader really needed to go to parenting classes or something.