A/N: Okay, so maybe I lied a little about where I'd be breaking these chapters. But where I broke this scene in Unforeseen Surprises just didn't make any sense… Read on, readers, and gracious reviewers, review. (And those who've never reviewed, please take the time to leave a word or two of your thoughts!)
~Raven's secret-keeper
Chapter 2: The Healing Process
"You can stay."
Her eyes widened.
"On one condition," Cyborg added.
Nervous -
"You need to train with Raven," Robin elaborated.
"She can show you how to control your emotions and stuff..."
"...and thus control your powers as well."
Though they didn't say it, they also knew she could read people more deeply than even an ex-ward of the world's greatest detective's best observations. If Dove had ulterior motives, Raven would be the first to know.
Not that Dove noticed. "Really? I can stay?" Her eyes lit up and a glowing smile added to her bright moment. It was stunned, it was hesitant, but it was the first truly elated expression she'd worn in a long, long time.
Then her eyes closed, and she moaned weakly. She yawned again, deeper this time, and began rubbing the side of her head; her eyes went from lightly closed to tight with her pain. And a tight and high-pitched whimper escaped her throat.
Robin asked if she was okay with his brow furrowed and tone almost maternal.
"I... think so... I just fell, that's all..."
As she spoke, Raven took a small step closer. "How far from?" Her expression hazarded the smallest, vaguest hint of concern.
"Well... uh... ow!... The sky, a few feet over a building in Jump City."
"And you lived‽" Beast Boy chimed in excitedly.
"Well, yeah. I fell on the building. But it still... hurt... a lot..." Dove winced and backed away from Raven, sensing something she didn't like.
That wasn't so unfamiliar, either. "Don't be afraid, this is just... an offer to heal you."
"Heal me...?" Dove wasn't sure what to make of it - she could feel, the energies - rising, from Raven - but a bad experience with energies like that caused her to back up until she was against the wall. "How?"
"With my powers. Empathy." Then, as Dove ducked left to avoid her calmly-charged hands, she added drily, "It won't hurt."
"I'm not scared of the pain, but..." Dove lost her already frail voice to the fear rising within her.
This went a step beyond odd - maybe even a few steps beyond the craziness Dove had claimed. No one had ever resisted healing before (what was so wrong with her that she didn't want the pain gone?), and Raven had never volunteered so insistently to heal someone, and definitely never a complete stranger.
But somewhere deep down, Raven sensed that Dove wasn't as much of a stranger as they thought. Something weird was going on - that energy she glimpsed felt unnervingly familiar. Dove was from Azarath. Dove had powers unleashed by emotion. Dove had seen Azarath destroyed. And Dove knew how terrible Trigon was. Raven could sense it, all of it, when Dove told them her story; when she spoke, pain was in her voice. And yet, she fought so hard to keep it hidden...
Suddenly Raven was determined to learn more about this Dove character. "Don't worry, you'll be fine," she promised quietly, and - dare she admit it, reassuringly. The tone of cold and compassion, the voice of an empathic healer.
This shocked the Titans into yet another phase of disbelief. The ever-aloof Raven never sounded like that!
Yet the white-cloaked girl watched Raven like a frightened bird, wide-eyed and shivering with fear. Then she huddled her arms to her chest and bowed her head with that shrill and quiet whimpering.
Raven asked, "What's wrong?" in a reluctant and subtly pleading tone that no one, not even herself, recognized. To be an empath, to share Dove's pain, and then not be allowed to heal it was torture.
"I - just - Don't, please..." Dove was too afraid to speak coherently - so instead she just slowly collapsed to the ground with her knees bent against her body, eyes tightly closed and chin tucked in what looked like a desperate attempt to melt into the wall.
Raven, hands no longer glowing, knelt down and leaned closer to level with the shivering girl. "Why not?" she muttered, sensing the terrified urgency in Dove's voice. There had to be a reason...
Dove opened her tightly closed eyes a bit and said, "Just... don't... please..." And suddenly tears were rolling down her face as if her eyes had erupted with their own rain storm beneath her locked lids. She wanted to scream "stop it!" but couldn't, her throat was too choked. She was ever good at screaming, anyways.
"Dove, I can only help if you let me. You'll feel better - physically, and mentally..."
She hesitated; she could feel the other four Titans watching them intently, but tried to ignore it. Dove needed her attention more desperately right now.
Why should I trust you? Dove wanted Raven to know that she wouldn't let her, so desperately wanted to, but she couldn't form a single word past her fear-strangled throat. All she could do was look up at Raven, blinking and trusting her tearful, traumatized eyes to convey the truth -
Suddenly they locked eye-contact - and chaos whirled into each girl's mental world - Different. Familiar. Blockade.
Dove felt a flash of something she'd never sensed - she let out a small gasp of surprise as her powers laid the telepathetic connection and sensations flooded into her, and before she could comprehend what was happening another bolt of white light screeched from her control and flipped over the couch, taking Beast Boy and Cyborg with it.
"NO - Nono, Azar, I'm sorry - " Dove cowered into a tighter ball than ever and began muttering helplessly - Then she stopped dead and whimpered, choked once and moaned.
The boys were okay - but Dove obviously wasn't. Robin prompted explanation for the hundredth time that day: "What's wrong?"
She tried to clear her throat and began coughing - gently, at first. Then she went into a coughing fit, struggling to breathe, with both hands to her mouth as if it could hold back her precious air.
"Whoa- "
"Hey- "
"Dude, are you okay?"
And despite the physical turmoil, Raven could sense - some kind of struggling - it was so hard to interpret, but whatever had Dove shivering and coughing uncontrollably was nonphysical.
"I'm gonna get her some water," Beast Boy announced.
"That's not all she needs," Raven noted quietly. Surprising the Titans beyond the horizons of their dreams, she inched so close to Dove that any closer would be touching, set her hands on her shoulder (and noticed her cloak was damp and cold; she doubted wet clothes would help her breathing problem). Voice calm, steady, and in control, she called for her attention: "Dove. Look at me. Focus."
Body rocking, gaze uneven, Dove somehow managed to hold her eyes open long enough to meet Raven's eyes -
"You need to calm down. Control your breaths. I don't know what's happening here, but panicking isn't going to help."
She felt Dove's shoulders tense beneath her fingers. Fear riled her soul. And Dove only shook her head and continued to cough her throat raw.
So she had no choice...
"What are you doing?"
Raven didn't turn to him, but she answered Robin's question as the shadow of power and the essence of her soul engulfed Raven's body, her eyes lit to life, and she guided the aura across their physical connection and took Dove's mind in the hand of her astral power.
"She's excited, afraid. Her powers want out. And however she's holding that energy back is suffocating her." Something in Dove resisted - but Raven pushed through it smoothly and refused to allow this weak and wayward energy to interrupt the process. "She obviously can't calm herself down... and I'm helping."
And, mystery of mysteries, whatever Raven was doing took effect the moment she voiced it. Slowly, gradually, Dove's chill seizures came to an end.
The whole spectacle was so intriguing Beast Boy forgot about the water in his hands.
Starfire reminded him to give Raven the glass, and Dove took it and eventually managed to hold her breath long enough to drink. After a few seconds, the coughing eased, tapered away, and soon it had stopped completely. Though she was still shivering...
Raven released her mind's hold carefully.
And Dove gasped, gulping for breath - she let herself lean weakly against Raven's body, leaving the empath torn between pushing her away and maintaining physical contact until her senses confirmed Dove was okay... and with Raven's body heat warming her chilled and less-than-insulated body, gradually the shivering stopped, too. When the convulsive quivering had stopped altogether, Dove lifted her head and whispered, barely audible and raspy, "Thanks…"
…but she barely got it out before she moaned softly and fainted in Raven's arms.
Dove woke up in a dark room on a spacious bed; barely even conscious, she felt warm and relaxed for the first time in almost two years. Calm. Placid.
…And curious. She opened her eyes… and the first thing to meet them was a window - they widened - the curtains were only half drawn; it was so big, and she'd never been near an open window… It was so enthralling to be able to see the world beyond, feeling more apart of it than she had ever been allowed. Outside, the sky was still overcast by those dark heavy clouds; a flock of seagulls pierced the expanse to take shelter at the harbor, and those birds reminded her of - of…
"SIEARA!" Dove yelped, and sat up so suddenly her back crackled. "Oh no..."
"'Sieara'? That sounds... Azarathean."
Dove gasped and turned sharply. The voice was Raven's; Dove hadn't seen her standing there.
"Yeah." A sigh. "It is," she breathed, trying to recover from the shock.
"Who's Sieara?"
"She was... my companion..." Still breathless.
"You brought someone else out of Azarath?"
"No, she's a dove." Finally, a full sentence without breathing too hard...
Raven still looked doubtful. …or just unimpressed, it was hard to tell.
So Dove elaborated, and fondly. "Sieara was my best friend since... as long as I can remember. She's never been separated from me for any longer than a few minutes before, and if she ever flew off, it was just to find food -"
She suddenly froze and broke off - wind was howling at the window…
What Raven sensed was barely half the discomfort that had crowded Dove's mind when she first stumbled through their doors. "Are you alright?" she asked, only slightly concerned.
"Yeah," Dove replied, only half convincingly.
Then thunder galloped through the sky on the heels of its brother lightning, and Dove screamed shortly (but so loudly Raven flinched) and huddled against the empath, whimpering and shaking with onset fear.
Raven wasn't sure how to react to this; it was all she could do to tense and hold Dove back. "What's wrong?"
"I-I don't kn-kn-know," Dove replied with pure honesty.
"Take a breath - "
There was a knock on the door, Dove stiffened, and Raven tossed her a glance of pity before she got up to answer it.
It was Robin. "Are you two okay?"
"We're fine."
"Who screamed?"
Quick of him to notice. "Dove. I think it was the thunder. But she should be okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
Neither mentioned it, but both knew instinctively that she'd tell the team if anything happened. Robin nodded. "Good to see you awake, Dove."
She nodded mechanically, eyes locked on the window.
"I guess now's not a good time for the grand tour."
Raven shook her head.
"Talk to you later, then?"
"I'll keep you posted."
She shut the door and sat down next to the nervous newcomer.
"It's... It's just thunder, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's a sound."
"I know," Dove whimpered back, "and that it's just clouds colliding, but I can't help... being terrified..." She moaned and pressed herself closer to Raven as another but smaller clap was heard.
The older empath tensed yet again, and, remembering that Dove had lost control after growing too anxious before, reminded her to calm down.
"I've been trying since... since - I don't know, but I've already been trying to calm down."
"You don't have to get defensive. And you won't be in trouble if something unexpected happens. Trust me, we're used to it."
Dove looked up at Raven, her indigo eyes wide and her face pale. "But it's beyond average fear. Whenever I try to calm down, the fear overwhelms me. Just like this. And I can't meditate-" She halted, suddenly wondering how Raven would react to that…
"Meditate?" The similarities never ceased. But, maybe those words meant something else… Prayer meditation, trance state, sacred thought…?
Why did she seem so surprised? "Um, yeah..." Dove blinked, debated, reached back in her memory for an explanation - and remembered that Raven was supposed to meditate for emotional control and stability and she realized that she had no reason to fear this. Maybe she could even help. "I have troubles..."
"As in?"
"I have... unpleasant... flashbacks, and I can't keep my emotions under control long enough to be calm to meditate."
So it was grounding meditation after all. "You don't always have to be calm to meditate. You meditate to be calm."
Dove blinked.
Well, it was a common enough practice on Azarath… "Clear your mind. Try not to think. If a thought enters your mind, cut it off, and let it go."
Dove backed away from Raven and crossed her legs. Rested her palms on her knees, followed the instructions… but she tightened her eyes and told Raven, "It's not working!" Another boom echoed across the skies. Dove swallowed nervously.
"What about chanting? A mantra?"
"My mother told me you use Azarath Metrion Zinthos, and it works for me - I mean, when I'm not-" Dove moaned.
"Try it. It might help."
Dove sighed. "Last time I tried meditating during a storm, I failed completely. I just have trouble meditating."
Raven hoped her calm could counter that hint of frustration in Dove's voice. "At least try for now. I know the circumstances are less than perfect, but these are the times when you will need to meditate most."
Dove sighed and slowly chanted, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos." The words were so promising. But she only chanted it once more before a crack of lightning lit up the room, even through her closed eyelids, and thunder's explosion sent shivers cascading down her spine. She broke out in a cold sweat.
"I can't handle the fear," Dove gasped swiftly.
"Dove-"
Before Raven could finish Dove grasped her head in her hands and began groaning defeat -
"Dove-!"
- as slowly but surely cold static was building in the air - and palpable -
"Dove, calm down."
- just before that colorless, formless power fled Dove's control and flickered dangerously close to the walls.
"I-I-I'm so sorry, but I can't," she whispered softly.
"You have to. How powerful are your powers again?"
"I don't know! I've never used them to the full extent before."
"Dove, the fear - your energies - You might destroy the entire tower!"
"I-"
Raven sent out her own bolt of black energy and it collided with Dove's white lightning before she ripped out its power, and both vanished in a flash of blinding white.
Dove shuddered violently as the energy was torn from her by that chill electric shadow - so dark, she'd never felt her energies touch anything that dark… "I'm so sorry..."
"You really don't have much control, do you?"
Dove only sobbed.
Raven felt Dove's remorse empathically, as if it was her own, and she sighed. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You can't control your powers. It's… more common than you think."
Dove swallowed and blinked sorrowfully at Raven, who put up a semispherical force field to shield the world from Dove's unintentional attack. Dove's fear was strong - and so were the energies it unleashed. But Raven's will was far stronger, her shield more stable, and any spark that dared strike outward was neutralized and grounded the instant it met her dome.
For half a moment Dove bowed her head in shame - then thunder erupted again and she flinched, felt another spasm of energies flee her soul, and Raven began trying to reason her through the irrational fear with her teeth grit in concentration and her thoughts so focused her voice came out strictly commanding.
The effect was less than reassuring.
It wasn't until Dove had exhausted herself to a panting burn that her indoor electric storm came to an end; her energies were too drained to let loose another spark. And soon the storm outside had ended, too, with hesitant sunrays filtering in through the window.
Raven let the shield drop.
Tears still flowing but sobs subsided, head bowed and exhaustion so deep she had to support herself with her arms, Dove leaned towards Raven's body and whimpered.
"It's over," Raven told her quietly.
"I know..."
"You okay?" Not that she looked it.
Dove shrugged. "Tired..." She was so exhausted she couldn't hold her eyes open - they slipped down, and then she locked them closed, tears escaping her half-hearted confinement, and she didn't even have the heart to wipe them away.
"What is it?"
Dove couldn't answer anything but the truth. "I'm not sure." She sobbed and sat up, feeling anxiety, confusion, and Raven could sense depression and trauma, deep-set but soon rising to the surface. Her deep-blue eyes reached into Raven's, they always seemed to be pleading - and Raven noticed that Dove's eyes looked as if they had two layers, deep dark blue influenced by a red sheen, like looking at the clear midnight sky through a red-stained window. Weird…
Dove hung her head, breaking the gaze, and suddenly choked, "I miss Azarath!" She began sobbing.
Raven was more than sympathetic. She remembered when she had first left that inter-dimensional world. The only place she had ever known… Though she could never quite agree with some of its philosophies, the memory of Azarath would always hold a special place in her heart.
"I can't even go back!"
"I know," Raven sighed, once more remembering the feeling of having the land of her birth destroyed before her eyes. She felt a sweeping wave of hatred for the demon, but she pushed it aside before -
"You saw Azarath... being destroyed?"
Great. More telepathy. "Right..." Raven avoided the specifics. If Dove asked too many questions...
"How?"
She met Dove's confused gaze. "What do you mean?
"I thought you left before Azarath was - Didn't you- ?"
"I went back."
Dove blinked in utter confusion - wasn't that against the rules? "Why?"
"Let's just say I was... struggling to avoid something."
Dove blinked, hesitated - then nodded.
"I... I'm surprised you aren't asking me more." Few people knew of Raven's boundaries. Even fewer in Azarath respected them.
And Dove's soft reply left her uncharacteristically startled: "I know what it's like to need to keep a secret."
Silence.
Then Dove's eyes teared up all over again, and a fresh wave of sobs crashed down and left her emotional emanations in tatters.
Raven asked what it was now.
"I-I can't help b-b-but remember when I first left - I m-mean before I left - After the v-v-vision - and my mother..." Dove lost control of her voice at that point.
…Wow, she hadn't been here for twelve hours and already her ratio of crying to smiles was about ten-to-one. Raven was concerned for the girl - she wondered what had upset her so badly, wondered if she could help, but decided she shouldn't invade Dove's privacy. It was awkward for her to talk about emotions, anyways.
After a few minutes, Dove, too drained and starved to deal with emotional outbursts, let herself fall with her back against the mattress. The sobbing ceased. But ten minutes later Raven still sensed emotional pain. And… hunger pain? "It's almost dinner time. Do you want something to eat?"
Dove shook her head. "I'm not hungry." A yawn betrayed that sleep was really more what she needed…
"Maybe you should get some rest."
"Yeah..."
Raven stood to leave - then Dove spoke up and her words gave her pause. "Wait... Thanks."
"For what?"
"Just... For being there. Not rejecting me, not saying my fears were silly, accepting my lack of control, not pushing me away..." Her voice trailed off.
"You're- welcome."
There was another awkward silence, Dove watching mutely as Raven tried to process the depth of her gratitude. It was nice, but… unfamiliar. Of all the people she'd protected, of every soul she'd saved, precious few ever thought to thank her. That was a hero's life. But Dove here was showing such appreciation just for talking to her. It was… confusing. "You look like you haven't eaten in a while. Are you sure - ?"
"Yes. I'm in pain and just not hungry." In fact, she felt a little sick with nerves. Her stomach ached with hunger, but she had no appetite - she was lost, confused, homesick, and so afraid…
"Is it your head?"
"Um, partly," Dove replied softly - then she shot up and stared at Raven with that wide-eyed dove-in-the-headlights fear. "Please, don't," she pleaded, her voice soft and afraid.
But Raven could feel Dove's pain every bit as truly as Dove could - she couldn't ignore it. There was a desperate, hopeless fear in Dove that unlocked a secret sympathy in Raven. She was hurt, and she needed help. That spoke to the healer and the hero. Of course, Raven still held her at a distance… but she couldn't just dismiss her pain away. The compassionate empath in her simply wouldn't allow it. "Can you trust me-?" Too late, Raven realized how unlikely it was. Besides them being total strangers, she was infamously feared in Azarath -
But Dove startled her with a quiet, sighing reply of, "Yes... Go on..."
Raven nodded, more than a little surprised. This girl can't have come from Azarath - but, her psychic senses all told her Dove's story was true… "It'll be easier if you relax."
Dove still tensed as Raven's hands lit to life with that shimmering white-blue aura, and they reached for her head - carefully, seeming to understand her pain, and unintrusively, as if Raven understood her fear. Dove had closed her eyes tightly, but half opened them against when she recognized that feeling - only, it was deeper, different from what she felt with her mother, but it was still… a connection? Then it was an odd, tingling sensation touching energy to every area that was hurting - even where she was sore and aching - then a warm numbness for an instant, and then… nothing.
The hands withdrew.
Dove could only look up at Raven, bewildered. That was amazing!
"How - I - Thank you." Then she recollected herself, only to turn away blushing. "Sorry, I... overreacted... I just... a bad experience, and I - sorry..." She apologized three more times, stammering and feeling silly and immature, before Raven finally spoke up and silenced her.
"You still don't need to apologize."
Dove lifted her eyes, but - she couldn't meet her gaze.
"Once more, you can't control it. So you had a bad experience. Maybe you just need help dealing with it. Processing the impact of the past… I can train you in that mental discipline. As with your powers, I'll help you gain that control." Dove's shoulders dropped. "And… if the day when you can control your powers takes years to come, then at least you have a safe, warm home."
Dove was pretty convinced that day would never come… but - a HOME? Dove had to fight hard against the urge to smile and rejoice and celebrate the idea. She didn't need the disappointment. "People in the city told me about the Titans. I know what they do, why you're all living together… You're brave - you're heroes, protectors... warriors… Everything I'm not."
"Why do you think we accepted you?"
"I'm dangerous if I don't learn control. But once you teach me…" She had already resigned herself to being discharged the moment she mastered her skills.
Raven told her, "There's more to it."
Dove's eyes flickered her way.
"You need us." And as Raven elaborated, her voice was slowly, slowly softening, losing its wary and aloof edge in favor of a more gentle reassurance. She seemed encouraged by Dove's hesitant hope. "The Teen Titans team isn't just a group of heroes - it's a haven for superpowered teens, including them so they have a safe place to be - a place to feel safe. They have support here - from people who understand them. A way to use their powers for good. Even... a family… If you have nowhere else to go, this can be your home."
That… actually sounded kind of amazing. The only family she had ever known was her mother. Dove looked up at the mystic Titan… and for the first time in far too long, she smiled. Really, really smiled.
"Thank you so much... For everything." Dove brought her arms around Raven -
Who tensed for a moment, shocked - Dove pulled back and said quickly, "Oh - I didn't mean to scare you, I-I - "
"Never mind," Raven said. Dove would learn quickly enough that living here didn't mean hugging Raven was okay. Boundaries would be set. Dove just… didn't seem strong enough to handle such fierce rejection yet. For now there was nothing she needed more than support and security.
Dove rested her head trustingly on Raven's shoulder, and she let her arms fall. She made a small noise of comfort, sighed… utterly exhausted… and blissful sleep finally drew its blanket over her eyes.
Relief did tend to ease the mind, and easing the mind eased sleep. Good. Dove needed it…
Raven carefully set her head on the pillow and covered her with the blanket. And with one last wary, sympathetic glance, she headed into the kitchen with quite an interesting story to not quite tell.